Comments by rickthecoconutcrab

Fuck San Jose Ape, this is a long fucking thread! Anyway, there is a poster claiming to be a goat you fuck. I don’t believe him. Now, don’t get me wrong, you’re inferior to the ricks. But the goat just seems off and I have - as a rick - concluded that you are insane but harmless to goats. I think you should engage in a calm dialog with the likely suspects for trolling you. Think about it - in your heart you know the source of trolling. And once you ID the troll, troll that fucker right back! It’s what you’ll do if you have self respect. Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

A few things Bob ape: First, I don’t know why “Mister Orange” calls himself that. I have it on good authority that he is a hairless ape, not an orangutan. So why call himself “Orange”? Bad spray tans? Who the fuck knows…just relax about him. Second, I think you will find that many hairless ape whores are not up for strangers inserting objects in their ass or pussy. I suppose you can ask and see if she’ll agree to a dildo or buttplug that is in its original packaging, but do you really think a girl is going to take a plug up her ass when it could have bee in your ass? I don’t think so! I hope this rick advice - “rickvice” as my lion bud calls it - is helpful. What am I saying? It’s rickvice so of course it is helpful! Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

True dat my turtle bud. I’d also like to add that I understand where out brother from an ape mother is resisting the council’s new effort to be inclusive. The dugan just wants to remain special. I think the readers can ask themselves what is more plausible: some elaborate trolling operation masterminded by nicespice (by now well established as a non-zebra) or the existence off a council comprising the best specimens of all species. Maybe the elaborate tolling idea would be plausible if it was masterminded by zebras, but even they would find it virtually impossible to master the level of rickness in our posts. dugan my brother, just remember that no non-rick can become truly rick. The council(TM) just wants to increase the overall rickness of the world, not to raise everybody else to our level. After all, raising normal people to full rick status would be impossible. Don’t you want a little more rickness in the world? Scuttle...Scuttle...Scuttle

I prefer scuttling booths. Sexy female hairless ape gets naked and I scuttle all over her body. It’s both sexy and kind of disturbing. Scuttle scuttle!

Why is this posted in this discussion room? Don’t you damn dirty apes know that you’re getting skifredo all worked up? He obsesses about political issues because he thinks it makes him sound smart, but he’s become so invested in his character of “failed lawyer/grumpy uncle at thanksgiving” that he now believes that is who he is. This rick feels sorry for poor fredo. If only he could relax he could relax and channel his inner rick. In fact, everybody should channel their inner rick. It’s ricktastic! Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!!!

This rick would like like to ask two questions: Nidan - how did the 26 yo aerobics instructor suck your cock into her pussy with a single breath? It seems to this rick that you are confusing the mouth and vagina. Sinclair - this rick would like to circle back around to the pubic hairs in the bed. Were they your pubic hairs? Because I don’t think the hotel should be blamed because your pubic har is in the bed you’re sleeping in. Perhaps some clarification is in order. To paraphrase those old ads: enquirering(sIc) ricks wanna know!!! Scuttle! Scuttle!

Come... come... let’s focus on the important questions: 1) Why does skifredo want to get coronavirus? I mean really, he seems to have a serious hard on for the virus. That’s kind of weird. 2) Why does skifredo think that merely eating Chinese food leads to coronavirus infections? Perhaps the many virologists and epidemiologists posting on this thread could help skifredo get infected. I suggest we give him donations to help him fly to Seattle and advise him to lick random people on the street. Even if he doesn’t achieve his dream of getting a coronavirus infection that could still yield some funny videos! Scuttle! Scuttle!

Happens to me all of the time, but the outcome is usually a bit different. Just a week ago I was out with a sexy female hairless ape and the waiter asked her “why are you dining with this crab in a suit?” Then he eyed my suit and added “...this super sexy crab in a suit.” I had to explain that we ricks aren’t bothered by homosexuality but that I don’t swing toward the male apes. Of course my lady and I got kind of drunk and we ended up having a threesome with the waiter in the men’s room so it all worked out. Mr. Cat, did you have a threesome with the waiter and your “date”? Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

Skifredo, we ricks just want to challenge you to improve your understanding of the world. You should really thanking the vulture for his help. We’d hate for the raccoons at the Panda Express dumpster to laugh at you when you try to impress them by asking for omasum and mispronounce it. Please skifredo, listen to the ricks and learn. Us superior beings only wish to help our inferiors. Okay, that’s not completely true. We also like to fuck with our inferiors. But only if it is funny. Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

Come now rick by bud. Even crabs think “Lite Beer” is disgusting! But that expired OJ, homeless guy grenadine, and rubbing alcohol sunrise cocktail sound just yummy! Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

“Get a job VH” I’m not going to defend VH because, as a non-rick, he is an inferior species. However, I will point out three things regarding “skibum”: 1. He is also not a rick 2. He claims to be a high-powered divorce attorney but he is posting during a time when most attorneys are actually working. 3. He thinks that science is useless. We ricks use science to control the world! All of these things are easily explained by skibum actually being a partially boiled crab that likes to troll they interwebs by pretending to be a lawyer. I see through you fredothecrab! Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

CJKents are just an experimental AS (artificial stupidity) written by my lion bud as a joke. He hacked it out on the side when he was rewriting the Tesla autopilot to hit uggo female hairless apes. You know how hard it is to only aim for uggos? Scuttle! Scuttle!

I like to scuttle across the boobs of the sexy hairless ape females. I am pro free the nipple as long as the uggos are forbidden to bare their nips. Scuttle! Scuttle!

By the way, I’m both the vulture and I are honorary lions. ROAR!!!

Sir Laps, you clearly don’t know.what you’re talking about. Black vultures are the most badass of vultures and rick is the most badass of the black vultures. Many black vultures take prey. They just like the taste of carrion better. I have to admit that carrion can be a damn good meal. As a coconut crab I’m usually a badass predator. When prey see a coconut crab that wears a suit and tells the hairless ape bikini babes that he’s a chemical engineer comin’ at them they try to run. But I also enjoy the detritus. The lion makes badass gimlets so I’ll sometimes sit back when he bartends and enjoy a plate of crud from the lagoon bottom with a nice gimlet. Or maybe a refreshing Kentucky mule. Then it’s off to drive home. So watch yourself lest you take a crab claw to the nuts! Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

DD tits? Is your wife a sexy hairless ape. Perhaps she’d like the good crabs. Come to Hawai’i and I’ll scuttle over her tits but good. But only if she’s sexy enough for some rick action! Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

Good point Justin. I like it when ape tits jiggle in response to a little claw slap. Those Tupperware tits ain’t gonna jiggle. Nope. Not even if a badass crab scuttles across them! My new motto: if female hairless apes want the GOOD CRABS they need jiggly tits and a clean rectum! Scuttle! Scuttle!

A crab claw to the nuts will all “have an affect” on any apes face. Anybody want to do the experiment? I didn’t think so!

If any apes have trouble with the music I’m playing I say “hey bonehead ape, want to keep your nuts? You’ll get ‘em crushed if you don’t shut it!” Then they leave me alone because they know I’m a badass crab! Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

I’ll go with the Russian. Based on the film I’m worried that the German would want my claw in her rectum. I’m not necessarily closed off to anal action but she’d need to really clean herself. By “really clean herself” we’re talking about a day of fasting, chugging a gallon of colon blow, and an enema. I’m a refined crab that does not want ape feces on his suit. How am I going to be taken seriously as a chemical engineer with a shit-stained suit? Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

On the other hand, most female hairless apes deserve to have a crab that wears a suit scuttle across their nude bodies. Maybe insert a claw into the vagina. The sexy apes know that it can be ecstasy to have the right kind of crabs! But no uglies! I’m a crab of wealth and taste! Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

Totally plausible to me. As I scuttle around I can look at a male hairless ape’s face and almost immediate tell whether he deserves a crab claw to the nuts. For the record, most of you apes do deserve some nut-cracking! Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

Ain’t that rich: Georgie lil dick talking ‘bout God. If that guy were ever faced with he one true God (rickthedeity) he’d shit his trousers. And the last word he’d hear before his eternity in hellfire would be “wildebeest”, followed by a lion’s roar. Such is the punishment for all georges who defy the ricks. There is still time to repent Georgie! Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

Spend more time teaching sexy female hairless apes how much they want a crab claw in the hoo-ha! Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!