Comments by rickthecoconutcrab (page 2)

Little known fact: the brains behind Pickens was a barnacle rickthebarnacle! Crustacean power! Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

Well sorry, I thought you might be an intelligent creature like a cat but you are clearly some sort of stupid creature that insults his betters. Perhaps a Dungeness crab that got partially boiled. Or, even worse, a hairless ape pretending to be a cat. Regardless, you’re going to get a claw to the nuts from a certain badass giant crab! Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

General, are you a Felis catus? You picture suggests you are. If you are, do you shit in a sandbox? My bud petethecat does, but he likes to stand toward the side and shit on the floor so his hairless ape slave has to clean it up. You should try that! Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

I would like to pinch Jenny’s nipples if I could time travel to the 90s. And put a sock in her mouth. Maybe a claw up her pussy too. But the sock in her mouth is non-negotiable. Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

Other than the soft spot in his heart for pangolins, rickthedeity is 110% badass! I know what you’re thinking: nothing can be 110% badass. Wrong! Maximum badass percentage for an ape is 90% (that would be rickthechinaman, rickdugan is 89% badass). Lions, tigers, bears, and giant crabs can be up to 99% badass. Barnacles can be 100% badass. The real God: he tops out as 110%! Now you know! Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

Cashguy, the lion has told you God’s plan: being a badass! The problem is that you think God cares about you. Typical ape arrogance! God most doesn’t care. There is only one area where God’s heart is moved. I have it on good authority that God has a soft spot in his heart for pangolins and Tasmanian tigers and you damn dirty apes wiped one of those species. You want to get in God’s good graces? Tithe 10% of your income by supporting pangolin conservation! Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

Did they give the kid a crab claw to the testicle? If not I don’t see the issue. If they did that’s one more infertile hairless ape and fewer hairless apes is a good thing! Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

“scuttle off” Do you apes know how hard using an iPad with claws is? You sped need to design better electronics! Crab lives matter! Ape lives don’t matter! Unless they are rick apes. Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

You’re right cat man. I guess that cats named herb must be almost as smart as those named rick If you don’t want a dance from a female hairless ape just say “scuttle of you ugly ape. I want to defile a hottie!” Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

Testify, rick my friend. Some people take names and kick asses. ricks just kick asses. Act like a douche on the ricks’ watch and you’re some sort of ass whooping. If it’s me you lose a testicle to a giant crab claw! Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

Besides, I don’t get why anybody cares about “handicapped parking”. You know what crabs do when another crab gets injured and can’t walk as far or as fast as other crabs? We eat him. You apes should learn from us! Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

Testify rick my friend. Dumbasses gonna dumbass. If a dumbass gets shot and another dumbass goes to jail then good riddance! Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

The ricks = classy stuff like Rolex, Swarovski, and business cards that say “chemical engineer” Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

Nisan guy, I scoff at your misplaced confidence in your ability to protect your family with a gun. If a well-trained group of ninjas attacked your family you’d be toast. On the other hand, I would be able to give each of those ninjas a crab claw to the balls and incapacitate them all. No need for a gun. The difference between you and me: my name is rick, I wear a suit, I tell girls I’m a chemical engineer, and I’m a badass giant crab. You’re just a damn dirty ape! Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

My only advice regarding islands: if you’re a sexy hairless ape aviatrix and you crash on an island run by giant suit-wearing crabs you should definitely have sex with as many crabs as you can. I promise that they’ll help you more than my ancestors helped Amelia Earhart! You know you can trust any crab that wears a suit. Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

A very ricklike comment Mr. Smith I nominate that Smith guy to be an honorary rick! What kind of animal is he? Probably something reasonably badass like a Tasmanian Devil. Just keep your devil face cancer away from me and we are all good Mr. Smith Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

How can you possibly remember names? We ricks simply call female hairless ape whores by numbers. You show up wearing your suit and just go “hey whore number one, come here and let me insert my claw in your vagina”. Then she scuttles over and let’s you defile her! Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

Also, a public service announcement: don’t click on shadowcat links. I have it on good authority that viewing some of those links if more painful than a crab claw to your nuts. I did the experiment on Dougster. As punishment for his crimes against rickkind we tied him to a chair, forced his eyes open Clockwork Orange style, and showed him shadowcat links. After 10 minutes he was screaming “have some mercy and just crush my balls with your claws!” I decided to just continue the shadowcat link torture. I didn’t want to touch Dougster’s balls. Would you? Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

As long as the puppy wears a suit and becomes a badass he will be welcomed by the council. But no licking your own balls during the meetings please. We have to maintain a certain decorum. Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

I’m considering moving from Hawaiʻi to Florida. Based on your description of Miami drivers it seems they tolerate various sea creatures behind the wheel. Good to know! Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

GACA, I volunteer my services as marriage counselor. We can have an all ricks on deck gangbang of your wife and she’ll forget about any of your issues! Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

I like to scuttle over dancers tits! Good times! Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

Is your wife hot? If so, she is probably getting it on with various and sundry ricks all of the time. Assuming your wife is hot, ask yourself the following: Is there a shark wearing a suit in your bathtub? If so, he might be ricktheshark. Is there a lion shaped ass print on your couch? If so, rickthelion was watching your TV after he assfucked your wife with his BSLC. Do you own a boat? If you do, does your wife spend an inordinate amount of time swimming near a barnacle wearing a suit that is attached to your boat? If so, you are providing a home for the wisest crustacean of all, rickthebarnacle! Do you find discarded drunk driving citations all over the house? If so, rickdugan (aka rickthehairlessape) is doing unspeakable things to your wife. Here is some advice from the second wisest crustacean in the world (moi): embrace the ricks. If we find your wife hot enough to defile you should be flattered. And believe me, she is enjoying the unspeakable things we do to her! Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

Know your place bulldog. Dogs lick their own ass and balls and worship their hairless ape masters. And some ball-licking ape worshipper thinks he can talk back to a rick? Not happening on my watch. Speak up again dog and you’ll get a claw to the testicles. Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

Jack, when you're a rick you learn to be assertive and get what you want. Go back wearing a nice suit and she'll notice you. Trust me, I've hung out a lot with jackthecrab. He's a nice guy. But when he sees a sexy bikini babe on the beach he goes up to her and politely asks whether he can scuttle across her tits. As a rick I just scuttle right across any tits I want to scuttle across! As soon as a sexy babe sees a crab in a suit those tits come right out. Then we do it crabby style! Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!