Comments by ricktheturtle

Well shailynn, if you can really get your rick on you would see that even San Jose guy can become cool by upping his rickness level. Thus, san_jose_guyRICK(tm) would indeed be cool (not so sure about the zebra that posts as san_jose_gay - even rickness cannot save a zebra). Aah...yup

My rickvice: buy a really stylish suit and own your clubbing activities. Say the following to your SO: “hey sweetie, Imma going out to rick around. I may be bringin’ a stripper back here at the end of the evening. We’ll probably want to do it turtlestyle in every room of the house. Ahh...yup.” The “aah...yup” really helps. Try it some time. Aah...yup!

Did skifredo just admit he votes Democratic? I mean really, this rick could give a shit less about Republican or Democrat, but it is pretty fucking obvious to this rick that skifredo is a whiny lil’ bitch... So let’s write out the syllogism: Skifredo claims that whiny little bitches vote for Democrats. Skifredo is a whiny little bitch. Therefore, Skifredo votes for Democrats. Discuss... aah... yup.

Bsa69-ape, I was going to ask whether she liked to do it 🐢 style but then I read more and it was clear that she no longer danced and you have a 24-year old son. No disrespect but that doesn’t titillate this rick. Gimme them mid-20s sexy female hairless apes for some good turtle lovin’ Aah...yup

Damn, I thought ricktheporcupinefish’s but might have bumped this thread. But it turns out the spelling is wrong. Aaaah..yup

Did this rick miss something from the last council meeting? Perhaps I was just too damn loaded, but I get the impression that a certain poster that claims to have a Ph.D. in EVIL has been evil in a bathroom stall? DE, remember the fundamental principle of rick morality: it is ok to be an asshole as long as you’re not 100% a dick. Embrace that principle. Live it. Love it. RICK IT!!!! Aah...yup

Muddy, if you want to keep your mail order bride happy you can just let her have a side piece willing to give it to her all TURTLESTYLE! I’m willing to help out. If the girls gettin’ it turtlestyle she might be willing to stay with you indefinitely. But I’m only willing to help if she’s an actual hottie. No uggo mail order brides for this turtle. Aah...yup

Relax Willy-ape. Skifredo’s story is just that: a story. And not a particularly plausible story. It is by now firmly established that skifredo is actually a homeless crab stealing WiFi from the Starbucks he lives behind. As for the person who brags about having a small dong, all I can say is would you trust anything said by a guy who says he has a small dong? Just tell you SO that you’re a turtle and that turtles are horny creatures. Do it like this “So Mrs. Turtle, Imma go turtle ‘round with some sexy female hairless apes. Aah...yup” The “Aah...yup” is key. Aah...yup.

So gamma-ape, was “Nothing to do with nothing or politics or COVID” an intentional double negative? If so, good job trying to blow the minds of your fellow hairless apes. Aah...yup

I’m not going to criticize skifredo for being a conservative because we ricks are sort of conservative. I am going to criticize skifredo for repeatedly whining about his personal bête noire in a way that brings politics into the front room. People come here to discuss strip clubs and get good rickvice, not to listen to Fredos whine like the little bitches they are. Aah...yup

Skifredo, you seriously need to calm down. Given your spelling and grammar you’ll be in danger of deportation to Retardistan if basic English language skills are ever made a requirement for American citizenship. I suspect you can do better and are simply unable to spell or even make sense because you are just so filled with anger. I thought marijuana was supposed to mellow you apes out. Maybe you should smoke more. Just some solid rickvice for a Fredo in need. Don’t say the ricks aren’t generous. Aah... yup.

Relax rick my friend, all I was illustrating was the worst case scenario. But you make a good point. To truly achieve ricktopia we’ll need to wait for the pandemic with a 10%-fatality rate. But also easily transmissible and very mild in many hairless apes. That will ensure a much higher infection rate. Oh well, here’s rooting for a better plague next year. Aah... yup.

As usual, my fellow rick has the correct perspective. Just avoid the cheapest hairless ape whores. Juice-ape, have you considered taking a trip to focus on sex with bonobos? They are quite non-judgements so I’m certain they’ll accept you. Trust me, you’ll get a ton of free erotic bonobo action that you’ll love. Aah... yup

Of course, I’m not advocating that all apes get the disease. There are some seriously cool bonobos and orangutans in the world. Nothing like going to a bar with a bonobo wingman my friends. I’m only advocating a culling of the hairless ape herds. Aah... yup.

Testify rick my friend. CC-ape needs to simply contemplate the worst case scenario. Let’s say all apes on the planet get the new coronavirus. 2% fatality rate? Pshaw... that’s a little over 150 million hairless apes. You’re telling me that would be a disaster? Too damn many of you frickin apes on this planet anyway. Moreover, the young and the hot are more likely to survive. Higher proportion of hot and sexy female hairless apes sounds like a rick utopia - or ricktopia, if you will. Of course, CC-ape is a weakling so he’d probably perish anyway. Good riddance. Aah... yup

You apes and your parochial worries. Wah wah there is a horrible disease that is killing us and disrupting supply chains wah wah. You damn dirty apes have been killing pangolins to make ineffective boner pills. Well the pangolins are getting their revenge now. So what are you getting now? A bunch of stupid apes without boners who are frickin dying. What goes around comes around! Aah...yup

Like my fellow ricks, I prefer realism. Deep and fully realized character studies of sexy testudines that wear suits, make bank, drive fast cars while drinking a nice cocktail 🍸 and - most importantly - bang the living shit out of female hairless ape strippers. You know - Oscar fare. Aah...yup

Marty, just sit back and learn from the ricks. Learn the dugan system...he is the smartest hairless ape on the planet. And only 1% less badass than rickthechinaman. You may think that is an insult but rickthechinaman is extremely badass. Dugan and the chinaman are both hyper-intelligent and uberbadass apes. Take what they say to heart. Aah...yup

I’m a turtle. I shit where I want to shit. If I’m feeling especially cheeky I call attention to myself by saying “hey ape...my name is rick and I’m taking a shit...yes, I know there is an empty stall but I felt like shitting on the floor...come clean it up or my lion bud will go wildebeest on your ass.” And the hairless ape cleans it up. Works every time. Aah...yup

You’re a good ape twentyfive. There are times when I read posts by the stupidest apes on this board (you know who they are) and think “apes are pretty stupid but this requires some other explanation, be it a trolling female zebra or a half-boiled crab or something else stupider than an ape...” But then I realize that hairless apes with brain damage due to the after effects of eating nothing but KFC for a year can explain everything. You apes are clearly unable to live your lives properly and you will soon welcome the benevolent dictatorship of the ricks Aah...yup

Seriously VH Kicker, you need to mellow. The ricks like to make fun of skibum because...because...well, because he deserves it...but you’re taking things a bit far. You need to relax because the level of anger you’re displaying is not going to end well. All I’m saying is: visualize how skibumesque your posts are now and how skibumesque they will be in a year. You may swap in “deplorable” for “progressive” but you’re starting sound just like him. Is that what you want? What you need is the zen of rick. You will never be a true rick because ricks are remarkable, but you can still learn the wisdom of the barnacle. Aah...yup

You apes disgust me...aah...yup

San Jose Ape, we ricks are not driving Ubers, we are running Uber! And Lyft too. It’s a rick shell corporation. I’m an expert in shell corporations. Aah...yup!

Only a stupid creature would care about big government vs small government vs no government. All that matters is wildebeest and predators! As a rick I am a predator. Skibum aka fred clearly has a myopic view of the world. Probably the damage to his eyes when he was partially boiled. I do give the guy props for managing to escape the boiling pot, but no badass crab would allow apes to throw him into a boiling pot. And badassery is a prerequisite for rickness. All skibum has is fredness Aah...yup!

^^^ So says a post-boil fredthecrab. Aah...yup.