Comments by rickthecoconutcrab (page 3)

Alana, do you like to do crabby style? I'm a badass suit-wearing coconut crab and I just might come visit Atlanta when your weather improves. Right now I'm still in Hawai'i, scuttling here, scuttling there, scuttling everywhere! Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

You guys better listen to rickdugan. He's the smartest and most insightful hairless ape on the planet. Ever since I was a planktonic larva I wanted to be a rick. All you non-ricks better watch yourselves, lest I give you a crab claw to the testicle! Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

Don't be absurd Dougster. Remember that the revolutions of 1848 were ultimately unsuccessful. As an aspiring rick I plan to organize all of the suit-wearing invertebrates into an army of death that will wipe the scourge of hairless apes from the face of the world. Then the council of ricks will accept my membership. Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

Which clubs would be the best locations for a sexy suit-wearing crustacean to get some hairless ape poontang? Just remember, I'm into the vagina. None of these girls will get a claw in the anus. I'm no weirdo. Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

I'd like to scuttle about on cheerleader titties. Then put a claw up a sexy hairless ape cheerleader's vagina. How about you? Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

I focus on the hairless ape vagina, not the anus. And scuttling across sexy ape tits and belly. Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

I like scuttling across big tits and then inserting my claws into some sexy hairless ape vagina. Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

I think that female hairless apes that call themselves ecdysiasts are very sexy. Remember, we arthropods are molting animals, aka ecdysozoans. I'd give her a big tip. Especially if she scuttled about on stage. Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

Come on Vikings, you can't believe anything this Palmer guy says. He tells some generic story about a trip to the club and you fawn all over him. Sad. When I saw the drooling guy wearing the Chili Palmer t-shirt at the club I just held one of my legs above my head and waived it in his general direction. He may not know crab speak but he knows that I'm a badass suit-wearing crustacean. So he ran home to his mommy. He didn't even have the self respect to scuttle off like a crab. Instead he ran like a little pussy! Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

You hairless apes better check your privilege lest you take a crab claw to the testicles. Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

Maybe you could remove all of your clothing and scuttle about on the floor while carrying eggs under your body. There is nothing sexier than a female hairless ape scuttling on stage like the pinnacle of creation - a crab! Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

I'm confused. Do you want me to give my offspring to this txtittyfag fellow? Like many crustaceans I really don't know my offspring. Though I did see a lobster wearing a suit in a restaurant recently. Perhaps he purchased it from one of my offspring. The badass suit-wearing gene is dominant so I suspect most or all of my male offspring wear suits. Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

Did you ask her if she likes crabs? I like female hairless apes but some claim they shave their pubic hair because they dislike crabs. Racist bitches! Crab lives matter! Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

Color me skeptical of this whole story. I believe that I have seen the hairless ape that calls himself "Chili Palmer" in the club. I know this because I saw a kind of slow looking ape wearing a home-made "Chili Palmer" t-shirt drooling in the corner. My theory about that Chili Palmer fellow is that he is kind of like my bud joethecrab back home. joethecrab was a real weirdo crab all the other crustaceans used to pick on him. But I'm a nice guy. I'm secure because I'm a badass, suit-wearing crab. So I decided to befriend lil' joe. You know what I learned when I talked to joe? When he was still a young crab some hairless apes grabbed him and put him in water. Then they started to heat the water. Fortunately, joe managed to make an escape! But being immersed in boiling water caused brain damage. I bet something similar happened to Chili Palmer! The only difference is that joe was a nice guy. This Chili Palmer fellow seems a little full of himself. He better run if he sees me coming or he's going to get his testicles crushed. Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

I still don't understand the fascination you hairless apes have with the asshole. I don't judge anybody because the rest of my species finds you hairless apes kind of gross, but if my claw is going anywhere it is going in a vagina! Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

Come on 25 and tittyfag, stop picking on skibum. Back home there was this weirdo crab that everybody used to pick on. We called him joethecrab. All the other crustaceans were mean to joe. But I'm a nice guy. I'm a badass, suit-wearing crab. So I decided to befriend him. You know what I learned when I talked to joe? When he was still a young crab some hairless apes grabbed him and put him in water. Then they started to heat the water. Fortunately, joe managed to make an escape! But being immersed in boiling water caused brain damage! I bet something similar happened to skibum! Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

I'm more into scuttling across a nude hairless ape's belly and putting my claw up her vagina. How much to hairless ape whores charge for that? Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

Too true Random, only the stupidest crabs go on to practice crab family law. Do you know how hard it is to deal with planktonic custody issues? There are so many easier ways to make money as a crustacean! Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!

I think there are several people on here that are going to get their balls crushed by a certain coconut crab when he makes it to America! And their names rhyme with schmugster and tittyrag! (Though one of the three also has a dot) Repeat after me: rickdugan is not a fag. He is the smartest hairless ape on the planet. And schmugster deserves to have his testicles crushed by a crab! Scuttle! Scuttle! Scuttle!