Posts by DoctorPhil.

You’re driving along and you see one guy driving a ‘77 AMC Hornet and another guy driving an ‘79 Mercury Bobcat. They get pissed off at each other and start driving dangerously, like they’re trying to run each other off…

Why do you complain so much? I mean really, if America is becoming all sad and useless and liberal and shit, why do you give a fuck? I mean really, are you becoming some kind of activist trying to stop…

I have an addendum to recent news that NASA has hired theologians to discuss the implications of alien contact. Specifically, a frightening story about a group of aliens that stopped off at a Wendy’s: https://www.phantomsandmonsters.com/2021/12/alien-family-disappears-at-colorado.html My theory: NASA is aware that the…

NASA just hired theologians to discuss the reaction to alien contact https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/technology/nasa-enlists-theologians-to-assess-how-we-would-react-to-alien-life/ar-AAS7KE3 So…what do you perverts think the aliens are going to do when they arrive? My bet: they offer a perfect covid vaccine that is 100% effective but we also…

I got me a Bible autographed by Jesus. As you would expect it was a truly wonderful and profound sentiment: Keep on Truckin’ - Jesus H. Christ

I’d like to remind all of you perverts that Soylent Green is set in the year 2022. Think about that…

Mr. Dugan shows up at the next TUSCL meetup. Since he is a legend in his own RickiBoi mind, he assumes that he will be loved by all. Alas, he has alienated many posters so he only ends up making…

You can use a little known Phil Phact(tm) to get the vax card without having the icky vax curdling your precious bodily fluids. What you do is this: 1) Get the vax. This will get you the card. Now you need…

So yours truly was sitting at home at 11:30 as the day was winding down when I heard the doorbell. I turned on the porch light to see two well-dressed young men who asked “would you like to learn about…

I never get on an airplane because Bernoulli's principle might be wrong. What do scientists know? I mean really they totally thought the Earth was a cube until like1968 I know because I saw it here https://dc.fandom.com/wiki/Htrae I also don’t drive…

https://tuscl.net/articles.php tl;dr version: if you invite Mr. Muddy over for amuse-bouches do not let him use your lavatory.

One of the greats has passed. I remember this time when the great Sondheim replied to a letter from an aspiring composer/songwriter named Doctor Phil (yours truly, not the bozo on the TV) I had sent him a synopsis of a…