Comments by DoctorPhil. (page 8)

Mr Cashman are you prejudiced against homosexual cats? Don’t be homocatophobic. You’re welcome.

I plan to let out the worlds biggest fart when I die. It will be sufficient to destroy the Earth’s atmosphere and create methane clouds similar to the planet Neptune. The next sentient life to evolve on the Earth will have methanogenic ancestry. And those billion year hence methane-loving sentient beings will remember the name Mr. Dave Anderson as a paranoid weirdo that should have worn a tin foil yarmulke to keep out the CIA mind control beams.

What would be the TUSCL advice? Seems to me that the guy should go all in, dump the girlfriend, and propose marriage to the stripper.

You may think you have a point Mr Icee but you don’t. Remember that Mr. Dugan has a special method to pay hookers for sex and it works like 40% of the time. Mr. Dugan claims to be the biggest expert in just about everything so if he can only succeed in paying a hooker for sex like 40% of the time it must be hard. QED

“ Only way to enslave people is to make them defenseless and afraid.” sez Mr. Skibum. Funny thing is that it is the “conservatives” on here that are pissing in their lands quaking in fear afraid. I’m not sure whether Mr. Jackslash self identifies as liberal or conservative, but his posts seem connected to reality. Yours don’t. What’s up with that?

Mr. Skibum, do you tell prospective clients your insano theories? I can’t picture employing a lawyer that sounds as unhinged as you sound in your posts on here. I suppose I might try to get you to defend me if I wanted grounds for an appeal. Maybe you should change your backstory from divorce attorney to defense attorney. I bet “insano criminal defense attorney” that would provide some interesting fodder for discussions. You’re welcome.

^ Plus there is also ALL of the evidence that the CIA is beaming into your brain using their mind control satellites. Or is that Bill Gates? Or the Trilateral Commission? Who the fuck has those mind control satellites anyway? Phil’s phate is to help. If you buy a stylish fedora and wrap it in tin foil it will cut out the mind control satellite feed. Obviously, the tin foil hat will only work when you’re wearing it, so you should superglue it to your head. Then you can wait and see what the police investigation reveals. You’re welcome.

“ Why do people make political posts on a strip club site?” I ask myself that too. The number of “political” posts also seems to have increased. I’ve probably been a little cruel in my responses, but it is hard to read some of these borderline illiterate posts and refrain from snark.

To be fair, I suspect that both Biden and Harris would argue that the 2nd amendment does not actually establish a “rite” to own a gun. The 1st amendment might protect Mr. Bang’s right to practice a religion in which guns are used for certain rites. Perhaps that is what Mr. Bang is rambling on about.

As a space geneious and psychological geneious it is Phil’s phate to help you. The first thing you must ask yourself is this: is my wife real or a figment of my imagination? If the former, go see a marriage counselor. If the latter, just wait until somebody says they want to meet you and kick your ass because you insulted them. If that happens you can say “I’d meet up with you for a fight but I can’t because I’m divorcing my fictional wife and have custody of our fictional children.” You’re welcome.

Jesus H. Christ Mr. Dugan. I try to say something positive and you freak out. I’ll go the other direction and let people know about your 3rd grade parent-teacher conference between lil RickiBoi’s mommy (aka mom) and his teacher (aka teach) Mom: Why are the other kids so mean to my lil Ricky? He says they call him Dugan the Dick and don’t play with him. Teach: Well, your son is a bit of a know it all and the other kids don’t like it when he tells them they aren’t playing correctly. Mom: But lil Ricky is sooo smart he could really help the other children... Teach: I hate to interrupt but that’s part of the problem. The other children don’t believe his stories. For example, he told the he took a rocket ship to the moon. I thought that he might be talking about model rockets but I have to admit I’m skeptical. After all, he spelled rocket with a w, like this “W...O...C...C...I...T” Mom: I’m sure that was his attempt to draw a Soviet era rocket. He’s very advanced and know all of the astronauts and cosmonauts. Teach: That’s all well and good. Indeed a fascination with Russian culture might explain the backward R’s, but I think you should take him to a tutor who actually knows Russian is you are going to indulge... Mom: But lil’ Ricky is soooo smart he can teach himself. Teach: well, I don’t think that’s true, but let’s move on. He says he is housing the homeless. A laudable goal to be sure, bu I must ask...what’s that about? Mom: Well he photocopies money and gives it to the homeless... Teach: That isn’t a good idea... Mom: I’m not worried because he only photocopies pennies. It did anger one of the homeless people he was helping but he meant well. Teach: I must be blunt. You should really work with him on the whole douchebag issue. Normally I don’t refer to my students as douchebags but Ricky’s issues can all be traced to the simple fact that he’s a lying douche. Mom: Well I never...I’m going to homeschool lil Ricky where he can learn what special lil boy his is. He’s the smartest most specialist boy in the whole wide world. And that, my friends, is how we got Mr. Dugan.

Jesus H. Christ. Can’t you folks just say it’s fucking sad that a bunch of people, including kid, were killed and more were injured. The asshole that did this is in custody. We have no idea what his motives were. Let’s the cops fucking do their jobs and hope that the injured actually pull through. Most of you people live in a scary scary scary delusional world. This story was all over my news feed, including the Times. The last I checked the NYT the story was updated like 30 min ago. Page A22? First of all, you do realize that the print edition of a newspaper can’t be updated instantaneously, don’t you? Second of all, who the fuck looks at the print edition of anything anymore? We have these magic devices call computer that are connected to a web of information sources. You could almost call it a “world wide web”. You should look into it. I bet you’ll discover something about it if you look. C’mon folks. You’ll be happier if you’re not paranoid about fucking everything. You’re welcome

I was going to pile on to the Dugan bashing because making fun of RickiBoi is always good for shits and giggles, but I think I’m going to take this a different direction. I think that we should all be inspired by this thread. Not the bickering or the creepy aspects (humorous as they are). No, just embrace the call to help others via charity. I don’t know if Mr. Dugan actually devotes any time or money to charitable organizations IRL. I have my suspicions regarding the veracity of Mr. Dugan’s but I won’t voice them. Perhaps the world would be a better place if we embraced charity just a bit more. Imagine what the world would be like if everybody who was actually taking home six figures or more gave 5% or 10% of whatever they actually clear to reputable and well-run charities. I’m just saying that regardless of whether or not Rick’s posts are bullshit we should look to this thread for inspiration. And maybe a few shits and giggles too...after all, one is more likely to be generous if one is happy!

^ Well, Mr. Icee, Mr. Mark can be upset. This thread is a perfect illustration of why it is fun to fuck with the “politically engaged” TUSCLers. It starts by calling a perfectly reasonable attempt to reduce trash by mandating that restaurants not give you shit you’re going to throw away and freaks out over it. Then it swerves into homelessness. Mr. Mark actually made a good point about the homeless but then the tread turns into a bitch fest about how horrible dem librulz iz. Here’s a Phil phact(tm) that I’m going to let you in on. Rich, well-educated liberals - the kind of folks who spend $1.2M for an 800 sq ft condo in San Francisco because the like living in San Francisco - don’t like homelessness. They’d love to solve it. But they’re also hypocrites who don’t want to put any real effort or money into solving the issue. Plus, it’s hard to solve. So, they make sure the homeless have the opportunity to get a slice of turkey on Thanksgiving and a ham sandwich on Christmas and figure the rest will work itself out. But you’re also fucking hypocrites. You bitch and bitch and bitch about homelessness in California. I’m sure that means the good conservatives have wiped out homelessness in the states they control. Yep, I’m sure there are no homeless in Texas or in Dugan’s utopia. Didn’t Jesus say some shit about dealing with the beam in your own eye before fucking with the mote in your brother’s eye? Maybe you folks should consider that Jesus shit. Some folks say he was wise. Of course, a lot of those folks believe that two of every species on the planet fit in a single boat, so I guess a lot of those folks are morons. But the beams and motes and eyes shit is still pretty wise. You should try to live by that one. You’re welcome.

Mr Latinalover you should move to Cousinlover County in North Florida. That way you and RickiBoi can hang out. The don’t have none of them vaccine mandates. Or indoor plumbing. You’ll love it. Maybe you can date his ex (and first cousin). I found a photo showing the lovebirds when they were happily married: https://www.phun.org/newspics/funny_friday_12/22044.jpg Doesn’t that turn you on? Now, she’s not my type. But you seem like the type that might hit it off with Cousin Dixie Dugan.

I have a question for Mr. Lesco: how does you’re comment intersect with Mr. Lion’s Hunger Games idea? I admit that the joke of involving young Master Rittenhouse in some sort of Hunger Games scenario is kind of fucked up, but then again Jennifer Lawrence’s character was supposed to be young so maybe that’s cool. Plus...and I can’t stress this enough...the fact this is obviously a joke makes it less fucked up. By the way, guns shouldn’t be allowed in the hunger games. I think Mr. Lion has pointed out that they make things boring. Maybe muzzle loaders. Then it gives the folks with bow and arrow a fighting chance. Now that I have explained everything to you all that is left is a heartfelt YOU’RE WELCOME.

Question for Mr. Mark: why do you have such a hard on for unsolicited ketchup and mustard packets? Remember you can still ask for ketchup and/or mustard. And you don’t even need to tell them why you want it. So if you’re thinking “I DON’T WANT TO ADMIT THAT I LIKE TO USE MUSTARD AS LUBE” just remember that you don’t have to do so. In fact, I’m confident that the waitress doesn’t want that information. Now that I’ve resolved this issue all that is left is a hearty YOU’RE WELCOME

“To the supermarket analogy, you'd lock your doors if 85% of the customers jerked off on the floor “ Any reasonable supermarket would stay open and put up a sign reading “FREE MAYONNAISE” You’re welcome.

And it got Mr. Skibum so enraged that Mr. Skibum forgot how to spell “as” I suspect Mr. Icee laughed and laughed and laughed when he saw that

But you still commented.

“Baiting someone to argue….isn’t that the basic definition of an internet troll” Yes

Mr. Mark, did you read that on everybodythinkswereinsaneos.com or did the CIA beam it directly into your brain using their mind control satellites?

Can you people relax about Rittenhouse and comment on the revenge porn mayor I posted about. Your expertise as demented perverts (not that there’s anything wrong with that) should provide insights there. Here’s the revenge porn thread: https://tuscl.net/discussion.php?id=77751 You’re welcome! And if you don’t want to discuss that, at least have a little fun. The lion guy has a great idea with his whole gladiator thing. Here’s an idea: Rittenhouse has lawn darts and plastic bag guy has a bike chain. Who wins? What weapons would you like to see? Also, you’re welcome for the better topic.

Oops. Had a Tourette attack. My tick is shouting “GIANT MOTHERFUCKING DONKEY BALLS!” Can be embarrassing, but it’s still less embarrassing than being Mr. Skibum and dealing with his tick.

ANOTHER Rittenhouse thread?!! You guys are way too invested in that dingus. The lion guy has a point in his running joke about Kenosha having a purge. At least he’s found a way to get some chuckles about the whole thing. Well, to be fair, I suspect Mr. Icee is getting some chuckles by making all of y’all freak the fuck out. Bad Mr. Icee, don’t you know that it’s too easy to get TUSCL posters to freak out by mentioning politics? Try to troll more subtly. And getting Mr. Skibum to freak out isn’t a win. That guys has some sort of Tourette syndrome thing going on but his tick is writing “fucking progressives ruined GIANT MOTHERFUCKING DONKEY BALLLS!!!”