Comments by DoctorPhil. (page 7)

But seriously, you really should get the tin foil hat. I’m worried about you man. Did you know that the true function of the vaccine microchips is to convert the Bill Gates/CIA mind control rays into pleasant images. Right now I’m getting a feed of some truly top notch porn playing in my head. Not the weird images Bill Gates is feeding you. I bet you’re seeing an endless loop of Mark Zuckerberg’s cat saying “redrum redrum” right now. How can you get rid of Zuck kitty? Well you could get vaxxed. But you ain’t gonna do that. So I recommend a stylish tin foil covered top hat 🎩 Also, I hear that if you buy a few Scotch Bonnet peppers, purée them in rice vinegar, add some wasabi, and use the mix as an enema it blocks the mind control rays. You could try that. You’re welcome.

Relax Mr. Anderson. Unless you’ve been posting truly psycho things and then commit a violent crime nobody is going to care about your Facebook account. The worst case scenario is that some random liberal shares a screenshot of some nonsense you posted and adds the caption “looks like somebody needs a tin foil hat to keep out the live feed from CIA mind control satellites”. As long as you can laugh that off you’re fine. Or you can send ‘em your photo ID and delete the page.

“ And on the list of topics worthy of in-depth discussions on a strip club website, resisting temptation when it is wrong to give into it should rank high on that list. This was not meant to be an exploratory thread, not one of self-congratulatory. Unfortunately around these parts actual discussions of clubbing adventures seem to have fallen into disfavor.” Damn straight Mr. Dugan. Keep up the good work. This story was even plausible. Tell more of these stories and fewer of the ones where you bring up your fictional family. Let’s all pat RickiBoi on the head for his ability to construct a story where he kinda sorta sounds like a good guy while lamenting that he has a conscience. Good job Ricki! 👏👏👏

I was going to drop some of my snarky Phil Phacetiousness(tm) on Mr. Muddy but it is a Phil phact(tm) that snark is unnecessary given Mr. Scrub’s righteous burn. Have some generic burn ointment Mr. Muddy https://cpr-savers.com/First-AidBurn-Cream-9-gm-Pack--25-per-Dispenser-Box_p_2490.html

Reagan predicted a bunch of random weirdo perverts opining about politics on the internet when they should have been talking about titties? Man, that guy was a motherfucking prophet.

^ And that’s why... Hol up hol up... I’m just going to drop this one. Yanking Mr. San Jose’s chain for a reaction is pointless. Like shooting fish in a barrel. But using an RPG to asplode the barrel rather than using a gun. Shit, it’s even easier than watching a GEICO commercial. You be you Mr. San Jose.

I might have chosen asparagus or even Brussels sprouts over the artichokes, but you be you.

Mr. Meat, I’m going to fix your post for you: “ Oooh wow you’re so cool READING ONLINE INFORMATION ABOUT high priced restaurants! Now I’m impressed by a stranger I’ll never meet who sells drugs to addicted strippers for a GFE and tells every on this site that he’s better than everyone. I bought prime ribeye for $20/pound last night and cooked king crab legs with a bottle of cab franc, all for under $100 that fed my family of your rounded out with baked potatoes and artichokes. Bet nobody could beat that for price, experience, and taste. GTFOOH!” You’re welcome

Mr. Anderson, why aren’t you protesting THE MAN writing Mr. Sammy Hagerman up for 125? DO YOU HATE FREEDOM? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvV3nn_de2k The Red Rocker Rox! He can’t drive 55!

Touché

Damn straight. Scientists tell us there is a weak nuclear force. Sounds like a commie plot. Here in America all our forces are STRONG. USA! USA! USA!

Sammy Hagerman is way cooler than David Lee Rothstein. And the other guy they had singing. You know, Boring von Whatshisface. Anybody as cool as Sammy should be able to drive AS FAST AS HE WANTS!

But NOBODY has answered the MOST IMPORTANT question. Why the fuck aren’t you rioting in support of Sammy Hagerman? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvV3nn_de2k Can’t you hear the guys cries for FREEDOM? The MAN is gonna write him up for 125 an post his picture wanted dead or alive. WHY AREN’T YOU FREEDOM LOVERS PROTESTING THAT SHIT?

Mr. Cash, you seriously need to relax and grow a sense of humor or you’ll become another Dugan. You should google “Bill Maher how to take a joke” and watch the video. You know why I insult Dugan? Two reasons. First, he’s a gimboid. Second, he often says funny shit when he is criticized. I laugh when people say funny shit. I like laughing. You should try it. You’re welcome.

They also told Mr. San Jose that he couldn’t ride his Huffy bike to the public library and you can see that he’s doing precisely that because he’s a rebel and if the gubmint tells him not to be a rebel then FUCK THEM

Who is the gubmint to tell the best lead singer of Van Halenstein what speed he can drive?

I mean really Mr. Sammy Hagerman just CAN’T DRIVE 55

^ And I believe in driving close to posted speed limits but if the government tells somebody they “must” do it or we’ll screw your whole life up, I say FUCK THEM AND FUCK YOU.

Did Mr. Sondheim pan you big musical extravaganza because you are straight? I bet it was the quality of the dance. I mean really, straight white guys can do a lot of things but dancing ain’t one of those things. In fact, there was this time a few years back I saw some dork in a cheap suit with slicked back hair imitating John Travolta while swaying away in perfect three quarter time. Alas, few techno songs are waltzes. Wait...that was in Jacksonville FL...I bet I know who that was.

Mr. Tetradon, plenty of virologists knew what coronaviruses were long before COVID. Indeed, if you paid attention to SARS or MERS you might have known what a coronavirus was too. That’s why PhD virologists are what we call EXPERTS and why random weirdos on Facebook or titty club websites are not experts. Now that you know I’m sure you will change your arguments accordingly. You’re welcome.

Actually, Mr. ElDunder, the MMR vaccines is not 100% effective either: https://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/vpd/measles/index.html In fact, it is less effective against mumps than Pfizer or Moderna are against COVID. Just because you know how to put the scare quotes around words doesn’t mean you’re using those scare quotes appropriately. I’m sure you’ll change what you’re saying now that you know actual fact rather than your dumbass preconceptions. You’re welcome

^ I’ll cut you some slack and count it as a win in your column if you saw all that shit but it was low-fat zesty Italian rather than thousand island.

^ It’s the midget that’s covered in salad dressing. Not the pissing woman.

You’ve seen it all? Have you ever seen a woman in an alien mask pissing on a midget covered in thousand island dressing?

^ I think Mr. Anderson actually doing an Andy Kaufmanesque performance art. Like me, there may be hidden messages in the grammatical errors and misspellings. Have you tried taking every misspelled word in an Anderson post and singing it to the tune of “Raindrops Keep Fallin’ on My Head”? Shit...I just got an idea for “Cats 3: The Cattening” Normally I end my posts with “you’re welcome” because I share so much Phil wisdom. But now that I have inspiration and a whole new musical to write I shall end with “thank you!”