RIP Stephen Sondheim
DoctorPhil.
Space geneious and inventer of the grunges
I remember this time when the great Sondheim replied to a letter from an aspiring composer/songwriter named Doctor Phil (yours truly, not the bozo on the TV)
I had sent him a synopsis of a libretto I was working on that was called “Cats 2: Even Cattier”. It starts off as a dark and gritty tale of Rum Tum Tugger in the throes of heroin addiction. But then fate slaps that cat upside the head when aliens from Uranus attack and it turns out the only thing that can gum up the alien death rays is cat hair.
So bingo bango bongo ol’ Rum Tum becomes a general and saves all life on Earth. But he sacrifices himself to do so. Then God descends from heaven and tells everybody that Rum Tum is actually a Devine being and instructs them to venerate Rum Tum, who rises from the pet cemetery as a being of light. Then it ends with a nice dance number.
Do any of you weirdos want to guess what Mr. Sondheim said when he replied?
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I’m sure Mr Sondheim was fascinated by your script. But, if Rum Tum wasn’t packing fudge along the great white way - I doubt any musical would be written about him.
I bet it was the quality of the dance. I mean really, straight white guys can do a lot of things but dancing ain’t one of those things.
In fact, there was this time a few years back I saw some dork in a cheap suit with slicked back hair imitating John Travolta while swaying away in perfect three quarter time. Alas, few techno songs are waltzes. Wait...that was in Jacksonville FL...I bet I know who that was.
You know why I insult Dugan? Two reasons. First, he’s a gimboid. Second, he often says funny shit when he is criticized. I laugh when people say funny shit. I like laughing. You should try it.
You’re welcome.
The last thing I need is a council of Ricks showing up at my home. They would leave my lawn in a shambles - and I doubt they pick up after themselves (when nature calls).