Comments by rickthevulture (page 2)

Come now Horny Ape, all men (aka hairless apes) are indeed equal - to a reasonable approximation. Of course, I am excluding my bud dugan from this statement. He is superior. You see, we ricks are as far beyond the average hairless ape as a normal hairless ape is beyond an amoeba Are some amoebas better at doing their amoeba shit than other amoebas? Maybe... maybe there is some go-getter amoeba out there that has figured out the best way to inflict amoebic dysentery on hairless apes, but said amoeba is still a frickin’ amoeba. We ricks view the rest of you the same way. Squawk!

Do you know how many sexy female hairless apes like to record themselves licking vulture cloaca? Trick question... the answer is “all of ‘em” Squawk!!!

Pshaw... you hairless apes find that shit charming when an otter does it. Proves that otters > hairless apes. Something we already knew... Squawk! Squawk!

Also, I don’t know where the singing pig stuff comes from. As mike-ape so clearly says, pigs can sing. I met this pig named Porker Wagoner who sang all sorts of beautiful folk, bluegrass, and roots country. Had a weird pompadour and work crazy spangled suits, but that porcine bastard could sing. You realize that he gave Dolly Porkon her start, don’t you? Squawk! Squawk!

Three things: First, cash-ape deserves applause for liking turtles. We all know that the average turtle is superior to the average hairless ape. Second, the correct answer is that coming to the ultimate strip club list for discussions about politics is like going to the ultimate strip club list for erudite discussions about quantum field theory. Finally, whodey’s answer is, as you strip club-lovin’ apes would say, rong. The ultimate Biden supporters list may very well report the same things about Trump that the ultimate Trump supporters list reports: they would simply interpret them differently. And that, my ape friends, is an illustration of why going to the ultimate strip club list for an erudite discussion of politics is like going to the ultimate strip club list for a discussion of quantum field theory. Unless it is a rick providing the information. If it’s a rick it’s right! Squawk! Squawk!

Sorry not sorry ‘bout any hurt feelings... ‘cause facts don’t care about the feelings of snowflakes! Jus’ living up to the rick motto: it’s ok to be an asshole as long as you aren’t 100% a dick! Squawk! Squawk!

Do you goofy apes ever think about the fact that it is pretty frickin’ snowflakey to be offended by a phrase appearing on a screen for three frickin’ second? Besides, when I start up a movie for my buds I’m usually in the kitchen finishing the hors d'oeuvres (you know, delectable treats like rotting possum crostini) while the credits for the film start. I guess that must mean you don’t have friends to share movie night with. A bit sad if you ask me. Squawk!

But don’t tell fredo. His delusional mind would somehow make bangin’ a parrot whore into a political thing. That’s what happens when you’re a sad crab 🦀 Sad crabs 🦀 think everything about politics. Don’t be a sad crab 🦀 Squawk! Squawk!

Let’s skip over skifredo’s unfortunate outburst and get this thread back on topic. If you bang a hairless ape stripper wearing an artificial parrotbill have you banged a parrot? I say yes, if for no reason other than seeing the looks on people’s faces when you tell them you fucked a parrot. Squawk!

The council approached them about converting it to a rick room but they management balked about putting carrion nuggets on the menu. Now WTF am a supposed to do after I fuck a hairless ape whore? Eat off the pavement like some normie vulture? As if. Squawk!

Truer words have never been spoken my friend. ‘Tis great to be a rick. Squawk! Squawk!

Relax skifredo. I bow to your superior culinary knowledge. Or more accurately, I would bow to said knowledge if you actually knew the correct spelling for “osumum”. Besides, there is little food that bothers us vultures. Hairless ape preparation is a bit gross. Just leave some meat sitting in the sun for a day or two and it is yummy yummy yummy. Doesn’t matter if it is muscle, brisket, or things you believe to be soooo exotic like tripe... Squawk!!!

Don’t worry about getting the coronavirus from Chinese food Skifredo. Even if one were to postulate that the insane crab logic that food from Chinese restaurants in America causes coronavirus was correct, I have to inform you that the Panda Express doesn’t count as real Chinese food. So take your extended family out to the dumpster behind the Panda Express and enjoy yourselves! Squawk!

Just what TUSCL needs: more drama! If you apes listened to the ricks you’d learn something we call “good think”. We dumbed the concept down so the non-ricks can understand it. Here is all you need to know to practice good think: First, drinking and driving is fun as shit. But you need to do it in a way that avoids hurting cubs, chicks, and apelings! We believe cubs, chicks, and apelings are the future and they must be protected and nurtured. Second, predatory behavior is good for it is the only way to achieve rick nirvana (rickvana if you will). Of course, predatory behavior is facilitated by girls with daddy issues so the nurturing of female apelings must not be truly universal. But never ever go near an apeling, for the rickish way is to wait until they are of age! I cannot stress enough the rick injunction - or rickjunction if you will - against any harm to apelings. Third, wearing a sexy suit and telling dumb but sexy female hairless apes that you’re a chemical engineer is a great system. For the profession of chemical engineer is just common enough to afford you anonymity but it implies you make bank. Avoid implausible background stories like “I’m Jay-Z”. Most of you are overweight white guys and the girls may be stupid, but they ain’t that stupid. As a black vulture I tried telling strippers that I am Jay-Z just to see if I could pull it off. All of the female hairless apes I tried it on said “but you’re a frickin vulture”. Of course, 1/3 of those female hairless apes followed up with “I didn’t know Jay-Z was a vulture” so it all worked out. Squawk!

Gsteph-ape, also there are recorded instances of cat-ape love 💕 it is mostly one sided. As long as you provide good food and clean the cat’s sandbox he or she loves you. As soon as there is an interruption in sandbox cleaning your cat friend will start plotting his or her revenge against all hairless apes. Squawk!

Squawk! Squawk!

Don’t tell skifredo or he’ll a “askeered” (the official skifredo spelling for “scared”) On the other hand, rickthecoconutcrab is a badass so if those purveyors of crappy seafood come after him he’ll hit them with his Kung fu claws (I have it on good authority that rickthechinaman has been mentoring rickthecoconutcrab)

Normally I would have simply asked my lion bud to go all wildebeest on their asses, but I thought I’d play the long game. Squawk!

They turned me away at one point so the council is pulling strings. Don’t patronize clubs that are prejudiced against vultures. Squawk!

Linzee, two questions: Did you know that your name autocorrects to Linked? Do you dig vultures? Once you go black (vulture) you never go back (it’s a culture) Squawk!

I don’t know what kind of creature you your Sgrayeff, but I have to say that I just can’t sympathize with you. First of all, if a pretty female hairless ape starts playing with my cloaca I follow through. Her boyfriend could be waiting with a tire iron... whatev... if some jealous ape wants to tango with me he’ll get the kind of beat down only a vulture can give. When that guy walks into the ER covered in bruises and vulture vomit the docs will KNOW he was ricked! Squawk!

So true my friend. But don’t leave out the vultures. If a bunch of apes have no money they’ll probably just kill themselves. As long as they off themselves on the side of the road where they’ll age in the sun for a few days they’ll be yummy yummy yummy in some vulture tummies! Squawk! Squawk!

Stupid San Jose Ape, what’s wrong with waiting until the hairless ape whore is at her weakest? The wise lion hunts the weakest wildebeest first. And the wiser vulture waits until the Ford Fiesta has weakened the armadillo. We ricks are wise. You’re just crazy. Squawk!!!

I had my threesome down the street at an Olive Garden. That food was definitely roadkill, they had unlimited breadsticks, and they let me defile the whores at the table. Good times, good times. Squawk!