Q. How do you know when you're bad at sex?
A. When your blow up doll hangs herself.
Last month my buddy Jim came running out of the room with tears running down his face, shouting "It's a boy! It's a boy!"
We're never going back to that Thai strip club again.
A local grade school teacher was arrested for prostitution.
I was really surprised. I've known her for 6 years. I had no idea she was a teacher.
I flagged down a dancer and said, "Hey, sweet tits, what's your New Year's resolution?"
She said, "Fuck you."
I'm pretty excited about next year.
Now that Christmas is over, if you sit in a stranger's lap and ask for stuff, you're just a whore.
Trampolines
They used to call them jumpolines until I gave one to my ATF for Christmas.
That's real Christmas spirit--being upset because tents provided to the homeless have an "immoral" logo instead of homelessness itself.
Q. What is a better Christmas present for a stripper than Elf on the Shelf?
A. Whore on the Floor.