Comments by BaddJack (page 9)

I am with lopaw on this one. I build it into my budget, and make it clear by using voice inflection that I will buy her ONE. Waitresses are off the hook, and many times the service improves. Management is happy and may look the other way. Dancer is always happy. Management tends to look at stuff like this. My favorite stripper drink is the $6 bottled water at the juice bars. Shit.

I need to find me a good Midwestern corn-fed girl named Silverado. Never seen one named for a pick-em-up truck.

And that, my amigos, is the biggest hurdle we face. The second biggest hurdle is figuring out how to bang all the girls that we use as our avatars. I have always liked gatorfan's blond with the Gator Gear.

I once did barter a remainder of a fee for a "limo dance." Posted about it earlier. It was interesting and fulfilling. It was, however, a tad tricky to figure out the bookkeeping.

We covered this some time back, I think, and I was surprised at the number of guys that say they never lie to the "folk dancers." I routinely exaggerate my age older so that I look good by comparison. If asked, I usually say I am a "consultant" or, if it is a club that has a feature dancer for the night, I go in early and let it be known that I am with the Porn Star's production company "looking for new talent." I spin so many yarns that I forget them, and that is OK, too. It adds an air of mystery if I am a retired Sgt. Major one time and a writer the next. All they want are my twenties, anyway.

OK, mmdv26, I appreciate that you left my name out of it, but I am certain everyone here knows you were talking about me.....

ShadowCat: I am, at times, an attorney, and I still am licensed to practice. One reason I stayed out of the discussion on bartering is that in my younger days, I used to do it all the time. Dancers get tickets. And stuff. I miss the posts from Chitownlawyer as well. I am not him. Maybe I should come to the great Southeast and give you one of MY cards.

I never lost my virginity, but I have lost my patience. I also, at various times, lost consciousness, my sense of fair play, my temper and my charming sense of innocence. I guess I just lose stuff..... :-(

Dudester: You are my hero. I was so pathetically broke once, and the girl worked so hard, that I wrote her a check for 2, that's right, 2 American Dollars. The night got worse before it got better and one of my frequent SC buddies still recalls it 20 years later.

I am a big believer in fresh girls. This even bootstraps with the shaving question. I like to get them when they first come in, so spanning shift change is a common plan for me. I also follow Ernie Banks' advice as often as I can. "Let's play two."

Here is her problem: it is not so much that she may be coming to end of her productive years, it is that she has been dancing for 5 years and 1) here Prince Charming never showed up; and 2) the has no money and more debt than before the fresh-faced and naive 19 year old had when she decided to get rich and dance for a "couple of years." It isn't the model year that is getting her down, it's the mileage.

I figure that my two daughters know that I hang out in the darkness hoping to rub against girls their own age. However, we have never talked about it, and if they asked a reasonable question, I would give a truthful and reasonable answer. One difference is this: I have no inkling of sexual feelings for my daughters, but I send them flowers regularly. Both were tom-boys and are avowed feminists like their mother, but they still love flowers.

Don Johnson (pre-"Miami Vice" but post-"A Boy and His Dog") used to come into a bar I worked at when I was in college. Although we had Michelob Light on tap, we kept it in bottles just for him. I was the only guy that knew that he was in the movies, and told him what a fan I was of "A Boy and His Dog." The other employees of the bar had NO idea that he was a sorta-kinda movie star and thought he was just a dick without any reason to be arrogant. He did, however, bring his ultra-hot young starlet wife in occasionally, and Melanie Griffith would get drunk, flirt with the young impressionable bartender and rub her titties on all the regulars. That made him OK in my book.

I have just decided to re-name my garage band full of old-timers that used to be rockers (we really exist and rehearse about twice a month). New band name: Bargain Anal.

10 bucks. I piss away 10 bucks on a regular basis. I then dress in the most expensive khaki shorts I own, my 100% rayon "Hawaiian" print shirt, expensive sandals and sunglasses on my head. I then make it known to the local girls that I am with (insert feature name here) production team and that we are looking for talent. Mileage goes WAY up and OTC is free. Honest. OK, so I am a lying dog, and others on this Discussion Board ALWAYS tell the truth to the girls. If that works for you, great. THIS works for me.

At least she asked you nicely. I once had a dancer tell me, in her best Madame Helga voice "Bite my nipples, Bitch!" I did. She laughed and called me a silly, little man and left in the middle of that dance. Weird.

My all-timer, and I was reminded of this by gatorfan, was when I did a "Limo Dance" in the Greater East St. Louis area. Years ago there was a fine club in Brooklyn, Ill. called The Platinum Club. One "dance" option was a Limo Dance. I went to the Platinum Club to collect a delinquent fee from a former client that, ahem, "danced" there. The place was like a bordello in the early 90s. Very high mileage, VIP rooms where the full menu was available, Hot Tub Dances, and the infamous Limo Dance. Cost was $300 for the ride, a $100 tip-out to the club, and whatever you could negotiate with the girl. The limo went to PT's in Sauget, a sister club, let the two of you out for a bit there, and then took the scenic route back to Brooklyn. Whole trip back took somewhere between 30 and 60 minutes. She let me opt for the full limo experience, as opposed to paying me the scratch she owed me. Between the serious close snuggling at PTs, the short drive there and the long drive back, it was probably 15 or 20 songs. We were alone in the limo. The driver had to have been pissed about the protein stains we left behind.

Steely Dan? Really? I think I once did 7 or 8. I am certain that I did not ever do as many as 10. Girls DO talk about guys and long they can last.

But what about the tussles where one girl pulls on the tassels of the other? Ouch.

What is the Mating Call of the blond dancers? "Oooh, I am Sooooooo drunk !"

The brunette had an MBA, impeccable work history, and great references. The redhead had 2 BAs, a long history of industry-related employment and a reputation for creative, independent thinking. The blond had a high school diploma, poor references and spoke English like it was a foreign tongue. But she got the job. Why? She had the biggest tits.

We have talked about tussles in other Discussion topics. I especially like tussles between two girls when one gets her top ripped off and the other ends up crying on my shoulder.

Even the Beatles helped us with basic arithmetic: "One and one and one is three...." A great bar band from Fayetteville, Ark, "Zorro and the Blue Footballs," used to do a song called: "Tell Me Where to Put the Preposition At." I dig education.

Clubber: I used Vegasian as an adjective today and everyone in the room just nodded at me as if I was using a real word that they did not know and were too arrogant to admit their ignorance. When spoken aloud it sounds vaguely sexual.

You are visiting ME in November? No extras. And I snore.