New to TUSCL and I have a question for all you strip club veterans

It means it is what it is

Just enjoy the moment and stop over thinking before it passes you by

Time is a bitch

Embrace the moment and let it be

I think the chances that she isn't playing you is 1 in a million at best. You're spending a reasonable amount of money on her so she will make you feel 'special' - that's the sign of a good stripper. Enjoy it while it lasts but don't get carried away.

You should PM LarryFisherman. He is a veteran of this type of situation.

It's in your head. You're a regular in love. You steady money to her, that's it. Honestly, would you take your chances working the room, or a known dude who pays decent.

That's all it is, an easier work day than usual for her, nothing more.

Every one of us have lived that story a dozen times over, and have seen guys come in with the "she's doing this and that, what does it mean?" question. The answer is always the same: she's a good stripper, it's her job to make you feel this way, that you're special, not just a customer, etc. I guarantee she has a number of customers who feel the same way about her.

If you want to tempt fate to see where things really stand, stop paying her. It's the only way to know -- the girls are better at acting "real", than we are at detecting their hustle, always. It's not unheard of, but pretty damn rare it turns out to be real romantic interest. She might like you as a customer. *as* *a* *customer*

Agree with houjack that at this point, you're probably a regular in love -- this path leads to heartache if you don't get the "what does it mean?" out of your head

She's told me about her personal life and a lot of other things that you wouldn't normally expect from a stripper. I think it's the fact that she allowed me to see her personal side, her life outside her profession. It makes everything seem too real

Just agree with Cflock

My ATF DS has shared tons of personal information with me. I know much more about her personally than she knows about me. Some strippers just do that as part of their whole sell. It doesn't mean she wants a non-business relationship.

They all tell you personal stories. It’s either made up or part of the hook to keep you spending. It’s very possible she finds you less irritating than other customers and may actually enjoy talking with you. But that’s it. Your a good customer for her and nothing more. And as good customer she should treat you well. Enjoy it for what it is. It’s not an insult. We’ve all been there in our younger days so don’t let her get into your head. It will only lead to trouble. A good dancer job is to make seem real

"Vantablack is the trademarked name owned by Surrey NanoSystems Limited; for a chemical substance made of Vertically Aligned carbon NanoTube Arrays and is the darkest artificial substance known to man, absorbing up to 99.965% of radiation in the visible spectrum"

I'll bite because at least you picked an intelligent enough handle (username)

Any girl (civie, stripper or otherwise) who hasn't fucked you within 7 months of knowing you is playing you.

You're welcome.

Seven months good lord lol

Try six days LMFAO

-->"She's told me about her personal life and a lot of other things that you wouldn't normally expect from a stripper. I think it's the fact that she allowed me to see her personal side, her life outside her profession. It makes everything seem too real"

I know it makes it feel that way to you, but as jsully said, they all do that. Well, maybe not all, but it's very common. I am not being hyperbolic here: there is literally nothing in your story that isn't incredibly common -- blowing off other customers for her regular (which you are), etc. You just haven't run into it before and she's good enough to make it feel organic.

-->"She's on my mind 24/7 and I can't get her to leave my thoughts"

She's a good stripper. Lots of her customers feel that way, most likely.

You've known her long enough that she's become friendly. You see someone often enough and if they're nice, you'll eventually tell them something about your life.

I've known a girl for a couple years. I know all about her kid, her drama with the father, how many siblings she has, etc. Knowing all that, and how nice she acts when I see her means jack shit. She doesn't want to date me.

I enjoy her company, and what she does for me every time I see her, so I keep coming back. It's that simple.

I had a girl tell me shit for twelve years lol... that was my marriage

Bitch played my ass LMFAO

"...darkest artificial substance known to man."

The darkest natural substance is either alucard's soul or the world's biggest dick.

@Vantablack - No she does not like you romantically. You are one of her favorite customers and have some degree of real friendship although she will still never hang with you as a friend for free outside the club. If you enjoy spending time with her that is fine as long as you can get your head straight as to what it really is and isn't. Past that keep in mind that giving her more money can not buy her love, make her like you more, or buy her approval/affirmation/acceptance.

7 months!!!

Bro come'on in 7 months if I planted some vegetables I'd have them harvested by then.

How long do you think this shit takes. We're only joking when we say the System takes 18 months to be 35% successful...

Or are we? Hmmm

Yeah I guess you guys are right. I'm letting my fantasy get the better of me. I'll still visit her, but from now on I need to mentally pinch myself everytime I'm there. Maybe in another timeline it could've been something real...

@ Vantablack

I think Subraman basically got it down to brass tacks: would she spend time with you if you didn’t pay?

That she spends so much time with you for relatively little money is a good sign, but as others have mentioned you may just be a preferred customer. If you really want an answer you can try asking her out and go from there.

Welcome to TUSCL! Stick around and you’ll get an education on strip clubs and life. There are some really old and knowledgeable people on this site.

I like GACA’s seven month rule. It’s a pretty good guideline.

And like everyone else here said, she’s doing her job. She sells sexual fantasy to guys who are willing to spend for that. Nothing wrong with that but that’s all this is. Enjoy her for what she does for you in the club. And then go home.

@Vanta

Nope not even in another lifetime, unless in that lifetime you decided to be a drug dealing beater and cheater who plays video games and spends her money.

You're a nice guy. Find a nice girl, and stick to paying the bad ones a dance at a time

Seriously though...

Your situation sounds similar to mine except my CF/ATF is 22 years younger than me.

She shows me great affection and shares a lot with me IN THE CLUB. I pay her for making me feel special.

When I walk out the doors I leave Fantasy World behind and return to reality.

Sure I find myself thinking or even daydreaming about her on occasion but I don't delude myself into thinking that there is any chance of a romantic relationship.

"Maybe in another timeline it could've been something real..."

LOL. I just spit Coke all over my keyboard.

Are we sure this isn't a fishsticks alias.

I see it too many times.

Men are told to work hard make money and the ladies will line up. They'll admire your ambition, discipline, and responsibility, and the fact that you are potentially a great provider. That fable is almost as laughable as the 1000 virgins for jihad and Allah.

Hard work doesn't get hoes. Swag, narcissism and a shit ton of bravado do. You gotta be the guy who can fuck other girls, cuz every girl want to feel like you picked her from the litany of choices. She's special only special when you're not desperate.

Anyway... Good luck out there.

https://www.tuscl.net/discussion.php?id=…

This is from two days ago OP read this thread carefully. After you finish reading it feel free to smack yourself in the head with an anvil, it’ll be less painful.

@twentyfive I haven't reached that point of desperation (I don't think I will), but yeah it's time to start ascending out of this fantasy and back into reality. I guess this is whole infatuation thing is normal for young adults and people new to strip clubs huh?

@twentyfive I haven't reached that point of desperation (I don't think I will), but yeah it's time to start ascending out of this fantasy and back into reality. I guess this is whole infatuation thing is normal for young adults and people new to strip clubs huh?

Nearly all of us have fallen for it once. Once is all you need. The simple test -- stop paying her -- is all the defense you need, next time you start feeling all rainbows and unicorns with her

^Unfortunately it happens to experienced guys as well, just need a weak moment, and boom that lightning bolt can hit out of the clear blue sky, that’s why it’s a good idea to not get too involved or pay too much attention to their stories.
Hers a way for you to test her feelings for fou, invite her out to dinner, and make no mention of money, real friends that enjoy your company, don’t expect to get paid for an evening of your company. If she asks how much you know where you stand, regardless of what she says to you it’s all a hustle.

We have all been in your shoes at one time or another. She is good at her job. Enjoy the time you spend with her. I go to the clubs to escape from life for awhile,and if she is doing that for you mission accomplished. 25 has the best advice. If you think its more than what it really is,invite her out to dinner. It will go one of two ways,but my money is on her getting weird on you.

Yep sounds like she likes you better than the other customers, so you should feel good about that.. but you’re still a customer to her. if she wanted more she’d ask. strippers aren’t shy

I’d recommend you enjoy her while you are in the club.

Enjoy feeling special - and sharing conversation and insights with a beautiful girl.

It’s a great experience - and it feels great when she sees you and her smile brightens up.

Don’t think too much about her when you are away from the club. This is a relationship that lasts as long as you are in the club - or as long as you have money.

The things she shares with you might be true. They could be lies. It could be an odd mix of both. It doesn’t matter - as long as you enjoy being with her - and you aren’t pissing away all your savings - and you aren’t causing issues with your marriage (if you are married).

You're getting excellent advice here from experienced PLs. Most of us have caught feelings at one time or another, only to learn it ain't real on her end. Have fun, don't catch feelings.
GACA's 7-month observation is solid - if you ain't screwing OTC without paying, you are just a customer not a boyfriend prospect.
Read everything written here. Then read it again and again until you're cured.

-->"Hers a way for you to test her feelings for fou, invite her out to dinner, and make no mention of money, real friends that enjoy your company, don’t expect to get paid for an evening of your company. If she asks how much you know where you stand, regardless of what she says to you it’s all a hustle."

The only weakness in this is that sometimes, strippers will go out to dinner with their fave customers for free. I've had a number of ATFs who would meet me for lunch or dinner before or after their shift, or whatever, no charge. It might be rare, but you'll get some false positives. Now, if you're getting the SEX for free... you've got something

^Thats true I should have spelled it out better but if you read what I wrote I implied more than just dinner I was talking about an evening of company of which dinner is only one component, I stand by my advice, but what you say is true.

^I've not taken one out to dinner so no experience to speak from, but what Subra's saying here re false positives from a dinner date is true.
The one I caught feelings for briefly, I asked her out and the first thing out of her mouth was, "Yes, but will you still spend money in club?"

Vanta,

One thing I didn't see mentioned. If you really enjoy her company you can have a personal relationship with "your" dancer outside the club. I'm not speaking OTC which is an entirely different topic, rather just a platonic relationship. I had one for years. She knew my family and interacted with us. WE just kept our little secret to ourselves.

As others have said, it's her job to make you feel special. Guys with little experience with strippers struggle to understand how strippers could fake such enthusiasm and intimacy, but many of them can when it means collecting $$$.

Besides, if she's your age, then you're too young to be looking for love in a strip club anyway. That should be reserved for old farts with no self-respect who re trying to reclaim lost youth. Hit the gym, pickup some books and how to develop a winning personality or do whatever else you need to in order to spend less time in titty bars and more time in the real life dating scene.

Remember the general rule of thumb: If she is out of your league in a regular bar, then she is out of your league anywhere else, including working as a stripper in a strip club. You already know the answer, which is why you've spent 7 months in some passive aggressive pussy ass strip club drama instead of making your move back when you met her.

But hey, as Subraman posted, there is one way to be 100% positive. Simply ask her out on a regular date and let her know that you don't want to be a customer anymore. Either she surprises you with a yes or, as you most likely suspect, she drops you like a hot potato. Win-win either way as there is no upside to fixating on her for another several months.

Consider yourself lucky that you haven't yet become as jaded as some of these other fuckers.

@ Clubber

A platonic relationship outside of the club would be great. I wouldn't mind having something like that. And I'm just afraid of making things weird and awkward between the two of us if I start trying to take things out of the club.

The way I see it, I have 2 choices:

Choice 1: I can just keep going to the club and keep it a stripper/client relationship as it has always been and keep it a fantasy.

Choice 2: Ask her to hang out outside the club and maybe starting a new friendshop, but at the same time also risk messing up whatever we currently have by making things weird

The dinner thing is true. Most girls with long term regulars will meet them for dates outside. Unless there is kissing or sex involved, it doesn’t mean anything. I’ve been on a few outings with other dancers and their customers where it was painfully obvious that she was just being friendly, and the guy thought it was a real date and he had a chance. It’s awkward to watch.

@flagooner What do you mean by jaded?

At age 62 I began going to strip clubs. On my second or third visit I met my ATF. She and I have had a "relationship" ever since. One night lying together in a hotel bed we started talking about "the early days". Now admittedly she differed from yours. You said she'd "blow off other customers" whereas my ATF would.simply blow other customers. Lol
She told me that she started stripping at age 20 and quickly picked up various "hustles" intended to separate us from our money. The first night in the club I paid for more than 10 lap dances and we shared all kinds of personal stuff ( I.e. She was born on my 40th birthday). Seven years later she told me that during the 2 or 3 hours we were together that first night she decided to use a long hustle instead of the usual one night hustle. She made me feel like the most manly man in the club. After the 6th or 7th visit to VIP with various and sundry sex acts which were heaven for me, we began meeting in hotels. While there are feelings involved, lots of money involved, and things which in hind sight, should have been done differently, the bottom line for me is that it's been a wild ride and I'd do it all over again if I could.
Just take her for who she is and don't let it carry you away. Have a fucking ball.

--> Huntsman: I like GACA’s seven month rule. It’s a pretty good guideline.

I don't know his 7 month rule. any link or quick summary?

It's not real unless she sees you outside the club and doesn't want to be paid for it.

GACA didn't call it a 7 month rule ... he was just observing that OP and his ATF had been together for 7 months, and pointing out that "Any girl (civie, stripper or otherwise) who hasn't fucked you within 7 months of knowing you is playing you."

Frankly, I (and I suspect, GACA would agree) think even 7 months it outrageously too long

@gawker How old is your ATF??

Hi new here but there's this one girl ... TLDR ...

Suggestion: PROMISE yourself to tell all the other girls that you want them to WOO YOU AWAY from your favorite. Explain that you need them to CAUSE you to fall in love with THEM to the EXCLUSION of your current fave. Make it a competition among them. Test-run each and EVERY girl to see which is more, or less, to your liking.

@Subra. Ya it wasn't a seven month rule at all, face if it's any long than three months it ain't gonna happen.

*Only Exceptions, coworkers who are either married or in a very serious long term relationship. That ain't her.

"spend tons of money on her every time I visit"

Sorry, but you are nothing more than an ATM to her.

Insightful lyrics from Post Malone's song Same Bitches: "I know you only like me 'cause I just spent a hundred bands in one night."

I enjoy spending time with my fave too but in the end the overwhelming majority of PLs including me are ATMs. Sure is fun though.

By jaded I mean that many of us have seen and been through so much over the years that we refuse to believe, and in most cases rightly so, that there is any possibility that strippers can consider their customers to be anything other than an ATM.

Be thankful you haven't reached that stage yet. It sucks, but works beautifully as a defense mechanism.

@VantaBlack
You're one lucky individual Sir!

All sarcasm aside, as I saw someone post earlier in the thread enjoy it for it is what it is. If one thing is for sure, she likes you on some level, meaning she's not creeped out by you. Whether one day she'll go out on dates with you or just hangout is another story.

I've had my run ins with a few strippers with whom I got along well with inside and outside the club. However, each had their shelf life and/or what they'd do with me in general. 9 times out of ten, money being spent by me on her was involved.

I wouldn't think too much of it unless this stripper starts pursuing you with no money exchange being involved and/or her spending her money on you.

@VantaBlack
I'm 33 and in the beginning and even sometimes now fall into the thinking I'm special because I'm her age or within 7 years of it. However, time has shown that I'm not really that special. Even if you hear it from the older gentlemen on here, for their word is gospel...she's more than likely not that into you as you may think.

This reminds me of the 100s of times I've left a club and one of my buddies has drunkenly said 'dude I think she really liked me!'

250 x 2x month x 10 months (lets throw out 2 months or 4 visits) is 5k in unreported tax free income a year in her pocket. Do the math bro. And that's how they think real talk. For that you need to be getting your dick wet from time to time. And for that amount, you make the rules brah.

@ Ch3ll

You're right. I think I probably just got too excited when she started getting personal. She added me across all her social media accounts and gave me her phone number voluntarily. It was my mistake to take it as a sign that she was into me. It's a sign that there is some form of friendliness present, I just like to see how far that friendliness stretches.

I'm gonna see her this weekend so I'll see how it goes

^no dude, that's not a sign of friendliness she is keeping tabs on you and your wallet.

She's probably into your wallet big time. Nobody wants to hear that but 9 times out of 10 that is the reality.

Vantablack said: "I think I probably just got too excited when she started getting personal. She added me across all her social media accounts and gave me her phone number voluntarily."

None of this is unusual behavior from a stripper who wants to keep a regular *customer* connected and feeling wanted. You've already read a bunch of good advice above and it seems like you're taking it seriously. Good for you (no, really).

Your stripper doesn't sound like con artist or anything like that. She's just good at her job. On your side of the equation, just go to the strip club and have fun. Don't let it get any more complex than that. It's okay to just go to a strip club and enjoy it at face (or booty...) value.

Hey have fun and see what comes of it. Only thing I'd recommend in learning from this experience is to not drain your bank account.

I'm on social media with three right now, have their numbers, know where two of them stay, one of which I only dropped off at her place, the other I've spent the night with once and OTC at her place a few times. But I'm still not #1 male figure on any of their lists.

For instance Saturday night/Sunday morning I was in the city I strip club in because it's 90 minutes away from home and I had stayed overnight after meeting a chick from online dating (I wasn't pleased) so I hit up these aforementioned three saying hey I'm in your town, let's meet up and have something to eat or something. This is at approx. 10 AM. Also note I hit them all via Facebook messenger. Well one didn't respond, but I saw she read it, one replied at like 9 pm saying she just saw the message, the other messages me today saying her phone was off but she got it back on now. And here I am knowing personal stuff with each of them lol.

But like I recommended earlier, hey enjoy her company and/or her and see what it do.

Vantablack - The social media connection can really open you up to getting hooked on your girl. About a month and a half ago my CF added me to her SnapChat. Before that I was happily just seeing her in the club about every other week, where we would do a single VIP ($150). I really liked her but when I left the club I pretty much didn’t think to much about her until I saw her the next time. After she added me in SnapChat, I really got hooked on her. All
of a sudden I knew her real name, where her civilian job was and more. Plus she was sending photos and texts at all hours. It’s been fun, but now I’m thinking about her all the time, either because I’m engaged with what she just sent, or worse, when she hasn’t sent anything for a while I’m wondering WHY she hasn’t.

Now I’m seeing her in the club every week, and we’ve been hanging out some as well outside, which is fun. I’m paying for her time by taking her out to eat and shopping about once a week. She’s definitely got me hooked, but I’m trying to enjoy this for what it is and not get emotionally involved. It’s a challenge.

Enjoy it while it lasts.

@mal_hodgson - Seeing a dancers social media almost has the opposite effect for me. I see them in a more realistic and less idealized way.

@mal_hodgson

Oh man you really hit home right there, you literally described how I feel. Snapchat and Instagram truly makes the world feel smaller. Seeing my girl on social media is enough to set the fantasy train going. Once the fantasy train starts moving it's hard to stop. And for some reason the fantasy train always happens to stop in Reality Town

And it sure does seem like you have quite the challenge! Best of luck to you Hodgson!

One of the drawbacks of getting close with a dancer is that they will start hitting you up for cash when their rent is late or the electricity got shut off. Never again. I keep it in the club and don’t share social media or phone numbers. I don’t care how hot the dancer is.

Bavarian... this is how I've handled dancers trying to use me to pay their bills and such:

https://www.tuscl.net/discussion.php?id=…

Vantablack, I like Clubber’s advice. You risk nothing by asking her out. What you have now is a recurring business arrangement. If you go out for drinks or dinner you can see if the great feelings exist without cash transfer. If she asks for some sort of payout, there is the possibility of OTC sex, which would alter the dynamics of your relationship, but would also be satisfying to the two of you.

-->"Your stripper doesn't sound like con artist or anything like that. She's just good at her job. "

I think that's worth re-reading. I've always felt it was victim-think to pay a stripper to treat you like a king, and then yell "con job!" when she treats you like a king. It's a con job if she starts whispering how she's developing "real feelings", etc. Otherwise, you paid her to make you feel amazing, and she's over-delivering -- if yelp had stripper ratings, she'd get 5 stars. If YOU misinterpret everything and get inappropriate feelings, that's your fuck-up, not hers. She's delivering a top shelf experience, all for $250 every two weeks.

Alas, if you're not experienced, it IS easy to misinterpret what's going on. Social media gives the illusion of closeness (*and* scientifically proven to trigger a dopamine rush, so she's lighting you up even when she's not around). VERY easy for a non-PL to underestimate how valuable a consistent regular is to a stripper -- "she ignores all her other customers, and I'm only paying her $250 every 2 weeks, and BTW, I've started going more often and spending more, but yeah...". Etc.

I see two approaches that will keep you sane:
1. As others have noted, enjoy it for what it is, and don’t read more into it than is there.

2. Run. No, really. If you think you can’t do number 1, for whatever reason, GTFO.

@rickdugan: “Guys with little experience with strippers struggle to understand how strippers could fake such enthusiasm and intimacy, but many of them can when it means collecting $$$.”

The thing is, they’re not really “faking” it, per se. They’re actually enthusiastic, and actually being intimate, it’s just that they’re motivations are not what most men would assume they are.

Instead of personality, it’s money and how willing one is to spend it. The enthusiasm and intimacy are real, but take away the money and willingness to spend it, and they go away. Just as if they were based on personality and *that* went away.

> If you want to tempt fate to see where things really stand, stop paying her. It's the only way to know

The hard part is properly applying the scientific method to control for all the externalities. Whenever I have tried this, it has been impossible to test the independent variable in the experiment because her car broke down, her dog got sick or her phone was shut off.

3Leg,

There are so many variables that likely, no two scenarios would ever be the same. Just trying to give some insight to a TUSCL newcomer.

If V is thinking GF thoughts he needs to be outside the club to properly test them. If she’s not interested she’ll say so, but probably try to not damage the business relationship. I sure hope V gets a clear resolution to his dilemma. And if she says no, he should keep his ITC relationship healthy.

Vantabiack: You should look into diversifying and try some pickup joints, aka non strip clubs. If you can’t go out for the evening and get a couple of phone numbers then, you’re too dependent on this stripper and it’s clouding your judgement.
After seven months there is no chance for an outside the club relationship.
Again, test your skills in an environment where you’re interacting with real women outside the club. See how you do. If you strike out: don’t be upset, just recognize you need to upgrade your skills. You might check out Neil Strauss’s The Game or some of the speed-seduction stuff. I think 75% of what those guys say is misogynistic bullshit but there is definitely something there in terms of bringing the right attitude and keeping a conversation going. See if you don’t get a couple of numbers a night. When you’re ready to do that you’re ready to move ahead to the next level of life. Good luck.

@ Reverse osmosis

Yeah I've come to the realization that me and my ATF aren't gonna have anything beyond the club. If she liked me the way I liked her, there would've been progress by now. I was too busy trying to justify my infatuation that I never stopped to look at all the signs that point to it being nothing more than a fantasy. Apparently it's a noobie mistake to try and think that all the money you've spent on one girl should mean that she likes you more; when in reality she's probably just milking my wallet. I'll still visit my ATF, but I'll make sure the next time my imagination doesn't get the better of me


Also I'm going back to university soon, so I'll have plenty of time to try and meet other girls in a more realistic environment.

When I first started I fell in love once. Luckily the girl disappeared and I learned my lesson. I now try to pick favs that are vastly different personality types than who I would want to marry. There is a narrow slice where a girl can be super fun for an hour or two a week but I wouldn't want to live with her.