discussion comment
5 years ago
^ I didn’t consider this. Definitely noted
discussion comment
5 years ago
Warrior: Yes
OP: Where are you clubbing that dancers are turning down $$ because the customer is fat??
Also I think a lot of people would benefit from having a therapist on hand. Lots of dysfunctional people out there that don’t know they need help. They just continue on their merry go round of douchebaggery thinking everyone else but them has the problem. It’s fucking annoying to the rest of us.
discussion comment
5 years ago
Ishmael thank you for that suggestion on what to say.
Sometimes I go to clubs and I am looking to just chat with a sexy woman. Of course I pay her for her time sitting with me.
But sometimes I go and I’m not looking to chat, I just want to look at hot ladies and see who I want to do a dance with, vip. Sometimes I’ve had a long day and don’t want to talk. I just want to chill and drink.
When a dancer sits and chats with me, it’s not as easy to say no. She’s not asking if I want a dance so I can’t just say no.
Dancer [sits down next to me]:So what brings you here tonight?
Me: No
Having a little script for those situations helps.
review comment
5 years ago
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AtAboyStill learning to proofread
I already knew going in. I definitely wasn’t thrilled. This was the only full nude in the area open that night so I obliged. Won’t be doing it again.
discussion comment
5 years ago
Should say I thank her and ask her name.
discussion comment
5 years ago
Assuming I’m in a club where I never go or rarely and know one knows me and therefor doesn’t know I spend. I don’t want to establish myself as someone right away that’s not spending. I usually say I’m just enjoying the stage and will be interested in dances later and will find her if I’m looking for her. I think her and ask her name. But I also keep it in mind that I may want to start attending this club more often at some point and I want to be viewed positively by as many of the dancers, bouncers, bartenders as possible.
Telling the waiter no at a restaurant is not personal. He is not being personally rejected.
Telling a dancer no, regardless of how thick their skin is, is still a rejection of her appearance at the least. I know these girls are used to it, but in my very younger years I knew a few girls that danced. And it still occasionally got to them when they had say a lot of rejections in a shift or were just having an off day to begin with. Yes it’s part of the job, but that doesn’t mean they’re not ever bothered by it. Maybe if they are this isn’t the profession for them, but I just prefer to remember that when talking to a dancer.
However, I do agree it how it’s said. And it’s absolutely possible and ok to say no in a way that’s not rude.
I had one dancer I ignored recently because she was just going on and on about awkward and inappropriate stuff. I think she was very high on something. I didn’t know how to handle that situation since she already seemed agitated and I didn’t want to cause a scene. Thankfully she got the hint and left after a few minutes.
I like to stay very low key at clubs, keep things calm, and everyone happy. I find a little of that goes a long way. It’s less about needing to sac up, and more about the fact that I’m probably being slightly manipulative to keep people on my good side, should I decide to make this a club I frequent. I’m not afraid to speak up, but I know I’m there for an experience and it’ll be much better if I’m at least not disliked.
You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.
discussion comment
5 years ago
I found out the one place I went had no soap in the ladies rest room that night, which the dancers also used. So no hand washing of any kind was happening between touching various patrons. And I imagine many penises were also being touched that night in the VIP. I think that’s pretty dirty.
discussion comment
5 years ago
I’ve been enjoying several OTC failures and missed plans. But I’m closer than I was a year ago. All I can say is if she’s not even replying to your texts, then this one is dead in the water. In my very little experience, it helps to spend a lot on a girl in the club at first, and visit the club often so they get to know you and you’ve built some kind of “relationship” (not romantic just that they know you more than a random creep).
I agree with heaving I think some will agree to OTC while you’re in the club spending so you’ll keep spending in the moment, then just ignore you later.
discussion comment
5 years ago
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AtAboyStill learning to proofread
Thanks all. The exchange bothered me because I don’t want to be a dick to the dancers, and I would have been ok with giving her up to $5 for being friendly. But demanding $20 turned me off to her and all tipping for her.
I once had a dancer at another club sit and try to get me to do a LD and I declined and she said can you tip me a dollar for my time? I was a little put off by her wanting me to tip her when she chose to sit with me, but I’m not going to argue over a dollar and I just tipped her.
If the dancer I was talking about in the original post asked for a couple dollars I would have tipped her. I understand tips is how they make their money, but $20? Wow. The entitlement turned me off so I didn’t tip anything.
I wrote a review on the place. The whole experience was crappy. I won’t be going back there anyway.
discussion comment
5 years ago
Sorry things didn’t work out as you hoped. I think the general rule is if your wife isn’t bisexual then she’s never going to enjoy it as much as you.
discussion comment
5 years ago
I’m watching a show and thought of this thread. Long story short, a woman with a new cardiac condition was initially misdiagnosed with a panic attack.
We still have an gender care gap in medicine where women in need of medical care for legitimate issues, are initially misdiagnosed with it being anxiety, and thereby delaying treatment simply because we still have a bias that women are emotionally unstable or prone to being unnecessarily dramatic.
So if you want to talk about issues regarding gender inequality, let’s talk about real issues impacting women, and not whether or not they have their own word for wanting to watch her husband fuck another woman.
discussion comment
5 years ago
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AtAboyStill learning to proofread
Nidan111 as long as you don’t have a portrait of Julie Andrews on your balls then I think you made an excellent choice in your ink.
Heaving, all my face tats are originals. That’s all I can share
discussion comment
5 years ago
Ok, I’ll be sure to assume from now on that everything you post that’s incorrect is actually referring a past post even if you don’t say that in the new post. I’ll just spend the next 6 hours combing through your post history so as to know when your post is a new post to be discussed currently or actually meant to restart a conversion with another member.
Btw, you’re still wrong. Thanks for the exchange.
discussion comment
5 years ago
lol @ the fact that a term does exist, it’s “cuckquean”.
lol @ the fact that a quick google search would have told you that.
lol @ the fact that there are endless examples of the systematic sexism that still exists in our society and you picked one that was wrong
discussion comment
5 years ago
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AtAboyStill learning to proofread
Addiction may have been the wrong word. I was several drinks in when I posted that. I notice when I get a good buzz going and my friends aren’t available to head out (to the bar) I get the itch to go clubbing. So I guess maybe it’s out of boredom?
No fuglies, I don’t post or read this board daily. But I do write very long posts so not sure how that checks out.
Anyway probably going to head out tonight to the SC, if not, then tomorrow. I usually get the itch every 2-3 weeks and if I don’t satisfy it is does seem to be something that nags at me till I go again.
discussion comment
5 years ago
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AtAboyStill learning to proofread
So the general consensus is I should not post about my new face tat.
Got it.
Yeah I want to keep some kind of anonymity. That lets me be a bit more open with my opinions and questions.
discussion comment
5 years ago
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LiwetIf she walks away smiling, you spent too much.
LDK, I remember that thread. I think you made the right choice there and dodged a bullet.
Once many years ago in my early 20s went into a local club and I’m at the tip rail and the girl that spread eagle with her vag in my face ended up being a former coworker from a teenager job of ours. Surprisingly it wasn’t awkward and she and I chatted for a bit.
One time through brief conversation a patron and I realized we knew someone in common that neither one of us wanted to know this was a thing we do. So I knew he wouldn’t be telling where he saw me.
It would depend on who I ran into. A coworker? I’d probably say hi, since they’re there too, so we’re both guilty of being pervs.
But say it were someone from my past that I know had no kind of reputation to worry about and who I have purposely not talked to in 10+ years, I’d book for the door.
discussion comment
5 years ago
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AtAboyStill learning to proofread
Should say your CF* not your CD
discussion comment
5 years ago
Maybe this depends on what clubs we frequent. I’m not saying there aren’t dancers out there that don’t take advantage of custies.
And really I’d like to think there’s a larger portion of dancers, especially seasoned ones, that speak up and maintain boundaries, *and* have learned to get a good read on men, and maybe decline a private vip with someone that gives her a bad feeling.
However, some places are very high mileage and I believe more girls than we’d like to think, especially new strippers, follow the lead of the club environment and other girls when it comes to extras and unwanted touching.
I have flat out had dancers tell me they’ll do full service in exchange for cocaine or if I knew where to get some. (I did not)
The dancer may be making this choice. You may not want to view her as a victim. But the topic was mental health. And even if we decide she not a victim, it doesn’t mean these choices won’t negatively impact her mental health.
Hell, cops that kill in the line of duty, and I’m not discussing hot topic shootings, I mean in a situation that is cut and dry self defense. Very often the officer can experience mental health issues afterwards, even if it was a justified shooting, because he still took a life. The cop doesn’t have to be a victim to have negative impacts from the choices he made on the job.
As for actually sexual assault, I do believe more girls than we know are assaulted and don’t report it. Whether for fear of retaliation by management and losing their job, and loss of income, or fear that they will legally get in trouble if the assault took place because she was agreeing to preform extras for money. (Like she agrees to giving a BJ, but he rapes her in the vip). I believe many of these strip club owners do the best they can to cover up actually assaults and not look for reasons to have LE sniffing around their club.
discussion comment
5 years ago
There’s a scene in Pretty Woman, I can’t remember the exact scene, haven’t watched it in a long time, where Julia Roberts is yelling at Richard Gere saying “I say who, I say when, I say who” and she’s very upset.
Obviously it’s a movie. But I think the issue is no matter what, dancer or civi girl, if the girl doesn’t feel like it was her choice to agree (she feels pressured or “had no choice” because she needed the money) that it can be an interaction she later doesn’t feel fully ok with. Now take that and multiply it by hundreds (if you’re dealing with this as your job) for dancers that don’t maintain their boundaries for whatever the reason, I don’t see how it wouldn’t cause issues over time.
Just as there are variations in sex drive, I’m sure there are dancers that really enjoy this. But Primo is right that if a dancer is turning to alcohol or drugs to deal with their shifts and make it tolerable to touch men and be touched by them, then she really shouldn’t be in that line of work. And I think that’s a red flag that she’s going to have issues with this emotionally at some point.
discussion comment
5 years ago
OP did you end up taking your wife? How did it go? When you do, report back with an update. Curious to see how things turned out
discussion comment
5 years ago
Yeah what Ishmael said. I always ask a dancer if I can touch, even if I’ve been given permission at another time to do so. Can I touch your boobs? Can I touch your butt? When things get “more intimate” in VIP I always say let me know if there’s anything I’m doing that you’re not comfortable with. And I check in through our session. I treat them exactly like I’d treat anyone that I’m not paying. I’m also trying to be more aware of dancers that say yes but may be baby strippers and feel pressured or really don’t want to at all (and could feel violated) but want the money. I notice my ability to read those subtly cues decrease when I’ve had too much to drink, so I’ve been cutting back so I can have my wits about me more.
I had one time where a dancer told me yes, and continued to say she was fine with everything when I asked, and I took her answers at face value as I was pretty drunk, but the next day I second guessed her enthusiasm. This was a long time ago, and I still feel badly about this. It has been in my mind since, and have thought about going back to see her to apologize. These girls are human beings, somebody’s daughter. I want to make sure they feel in control in any of our interactions, so that they don’t feel used afterwards. I wouldn’t be ok with myself otherwise.
discussion comment
5 years ago
I should clarify that by the “club kicks them out” I mean the clubs kicks out the customer, not the dancer.
I can see how that sentence might sound otherwise
discussion comment
5 years ago
I’ve been reading this thread at times when I didn’t have time to type a reply.
A lot of great points.
I work in healthcare, and I have experienced first hand how a “bad call” can cause depression for some time afterwards, but fortunately it’s not been to the point of suicide. But I can definitely say that the suffering medical professionals see, especially when it’s children, can really take a toll on mental health.
Here’s where I think the difference is.
If I go seek counseling. If I tell a friend. If I’m open to the public, most decent people will offer me support. “You do a difficult job, an honorable profession”, and they sympathize with my plight. They won’t shame my work choice. And it’s the rare asshole that says this is what I signed up to do, so I should be able to handle what I see.
Dancers don’t receive the same admiration. The general message is this is what they signed up for. That their job is about being touched and assaulted. And many people look down on them. I know of dancers that have been assaulted in the VIP and the most that happened is the club kicks them out. The dancer I spoke with didn’t even get the guys name. The club doesn’t want the cops showing up to fill out sexual assault reports. These girls are encouraged not to report these assaults. And no matter how much you pay a dancer, if she says no, it’s assault.
Anonymousjim, I agree with you completely. These are human beings and too many men forget that.
And women? Many main stream women, the ones that don’t dance, look down on strippers.
Plus from what I’ve heard from dancers, a lot of customers do grab and grope without asking. Even try to finger them, or put their mouth on the girls body without asking. It’s not unusual for these patrons (women customers do this too) to think they get free range of these girls bodies without asking. I would imagine being violated over and over again can cause a lot of mental health issue. On top of what Papi said, I believe many of these girls go into this business because there is already some issues at play. And top it off with it being difficult to transition out of this work. And I think you have a huge recipe for disaster for these girls.
discussion comment
5 years ago
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AtAboyStill learning to proofread
^objectively I can see how a nose job handling a very large nose can improve appearance. But then I think of Jennifer Grey from Dirty Dancing. Maybe it’s because she became famous with her big nose, but I just don’t like how she looks since her nose job. But I can see how I’d she were just an average girl, one would prefer the post nose job appearance.
Also I think I’m some cases, of done by a skilled surgeon and the girl doesn’t go over board, it’s not noticeable that work was done.
I do know someone that has a big nose with a bump and had it done at 16. With parent permission of course. She’s in her 40s now. You’d never know she had a nose job. Also know another girl that got her nose done in her mid 20s, and it not very obvious it not real.
But both now have kids, and guess what, if a woman has a nose job, you’re going to know when you have kids with her.