discussion comment
6 years ago
True. Could you imagine nonstop fighting a person to target and making nonstop digs at them? And 14 years later not getting bored of the process?
It’s a special type of OCD.
discussion comment
6 years ago
Nicole has just been increasingly irate at nicespice ever since that one time nicespice made a suggestion on how to be taken seriously.
https://www.tuscl.net/discussion.php5?id=60714
And nicespice hasn’t been trolling the board for 14 years as a gay man. So sadly, she can’t claim being the craziest bitch yet, as much as she would love to.
discussion comment
6 years ago
Oh shit...posted on the wrong account :(
discussion comment
6 years ago
Y u always fuk ur butt buddy Vincey girl n not me? I wanted ur 2bit25 dick too!
discussion comment
6 years ago
We’ve all heard it, we’ve all said it.
“My computer shit the bed.”
“I have to stay late, our server just shit the bed.”
“I’ll be late, my alternator belt just shit the bed.”
“Can’t go out tonight, our computer shit the bed and I have to re-do the entire presentation.”
The phrase “shit the bed” reminds me of a term from my analyst days working on loan work outs and receivership: “deemed non-recoverable.” This essentially meant, “Sorry, bank, you are officially fucked on this asset. Ain’t nothin’ we or anyone else can do. Please wire our massive fee promptly. Good day to you.”
“Shit the bed” is a descriptor reserved for and only for when something has even past the state of FUBAR. There is no going back from shitting the bed. And I can literally tell you why. (Literally in the literal writer sense, not literally in the shrieking “I LITERALLY CANNOT WITH THIS PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE WHILE ITS STILL CROP TOP WEATHER” sense.)
Let’s take it back three years, before the phrase “I LITERALLY CANNOT” was literally not a thing. (Don’t we all literally feel more relaxed already?) Ahhh. It was the fall of 2012, middle of the night. I was asleep in my then-boyfriend’s bed. Grant jumps up, throws his arm across me and yells “DON’T MOVE.” Since he was a combat veteran, I implicitly trusted his reflexes and reaction in dangerous situations. Some scary shit must have been going down.
See, in 2012, parts of Washington D.C. were still on the fringe of gentrification. Grant’s neighborhood was definitely one of the yuppie pioneers. Crime rates were still comparatively very high to more traditionally residential parts of the city. His neighbor’s house had been broken into just the week prior. With a questionable level of mid-sleep rationality, I assumed we were amid a burglary. Having had family friends be the victims of a tragic home invasion a few years earlier, the idea cemented itself as my worst fear. I immediately froze in panic and waited for the worst. Grant yelled again not to move and he athletically jumped up out of the bed… assumingly to go bravely kick some ass, (even if he was naked). He then made his way to the foot of the bed, and began to violently start to pull the covers off.
“Are we going to hide from the robbers in a blanket fort?” I wondered to myself. Again, implicitly trusting Grant to handle high-risk situations properly.
My fear began to subside into confusion and my brain began to be able to process more than immediate terror. My senses began to open up. I smelled something. Bad. I looked next to me. Oh, shitty situation indeed. It was poop. A lot.
I can see why Grant was adamant I “don’t move.” I leapt out of bed, in the opposite direction of the fecal fiesta. Grant, having removed the covers, was now clawing at the sheets. The fitted sheet ripped from his force, right in the center of poop. The smeared mass was now on the mattress pad too. Relieved that we weren’t in physical danger, I kind of laughed. Then I laughed more. I thought my worst nightmare was coming true, but in reality, Grant had just shit the bed.
Literally.
Once there is a “shit the bed” incident, there is a moment of disbelief. Could someone/something have REALLY fucked up THIS much? I needed my space to process what I had just seen (and smelled). I also wanted to laugh more without hurting Grant’s feelings.
I went downstairs to go lie on the couch and left Grant to also meditate on his experience and contemplate the future of his bed linens. I heard the washing machine start (seriously? You want to salvage the sheets that bad?) and figured the coast was clear. I then went up the stairs and into Grant’s room. I found him placing fresh sheets on the bed. I relentlessly make jokes in attempt to disarm tense situations, and asked Grant “How is everything up here on the poop deck?” Having served in the military, I thought Grant would appreciate the jaunty naval reference.
He didn’t.
He then asked if he could have the sweatpants of his I was wearing. I guess he was reversing his decision on sleeping naked for the foreseeable future. I stepped out of the sweatpants/potential future diaper and handed them over.
We awoke the next morning. We had been together a long time. I did love Grant. I was concerned. He said he must not have been feeling well. Something he ate. Odd, we spent the entire day together and ate the same things. Though we had been together for close to a year and a half, Grant felt like a stranger to me this morning. He was the same man he’d always been but there was now a drafting disconnect. I was eager to leave and I think he felt the same.
I drove home back to Kalorama, dove into my English basement apartment and called my brother and his girlfriend. I had to tell someone. I could not cope with this in isolation.
“I have to tell you something.” I said without saying hello.
“What is it?” Kathleen asked
“I literally cannot even tell you over the phone.” I said pre-ironically.
After confirming I was not hurt, in danger, or bereaved, my brother Jim and Kathleen rushed over. I didn’t know where to start. How does one even broach this? It had actually happened. In real life. I got the story out to my brother and Kathleen, along with my accompanying feelings. I was stunned, humored, confused, embarrassed, disgusted, and also worried about Grant. Things had been rocky with him recently. As weird as I felt to say it, this incident made it worse. Most importantly, I was not sure how to go in our relationship from this. How does a couple deal with this brown elephant in the room?
My brother, wise beyond the 23 years he had at the time, stated it simply and powerfully, “Caroline, there is a reason the term ‘shit the bed’ literally means the worst thing that could happen. There is nothing worse than shitting the bed. You do not go down from there.”
And the truth is, you don’t. I didn’t spend the night at Grant’s that Saturday night for the first time in months. We didn’t have a date that night. (Grant was really working the “ate something bad last night” angle). From there, our relationship fizzled. The force and sound of it slowly dying, much like the high-pitched fart that likely announced the arrival of the fatal shit.
So yes, I can tell you as a primary source that the origin of our beloved idiom “shit the bed” truly does mean a state of fucked-upness that is beyond repair, or recovery and leaves all involved absolutely stunned.
Have a great work week, guys. And I hope no one shits the bed (literally or figuratively). .
discussion comment
6 years ago
Perception is a funny thing. nicespice has always been a troll...
https://www.tuscl.net/discussion.php5?id=58238
https://www.tuscl.net/discussion.php5?id=58741
https://www.tuscl.net/discussion.php5?id=58766
discussion comment
6 years ago
...Well, jerking off to Arnold Schwarzenegger photos and also to twobits25 + DonkeyCock9428 as well.
discussion comment
6 years ago
^Never heard of that behavior happening at all. Ever.
discussion comment
6 years ago
^I’m sure that arguing down to the last penny will help you with that.
discussion comment
6 years ago
TUSCL’s Columbo to solve the cryptic discussion post!
The facts:
1. GMD has never indicated he’s possibly bisexual. We can therefore assume he is talking about a female.
2. There’s a poster named nicespice that he used to say at random intervals “come to Louisville”
3. Nicespice has lost favor with GMD at some point.
https://www.tuscl.net/discussion.php5?id=61159
4. Nicespice is a self-admitted troll https://www.tuscl.net/discussion.php5?id=60406
(She’s probably going to claim that I’m nicespice as well)
Conclusion: 90% chance it’s nicespice who he would like to have tied to a chair and subjected to a power drill at low speed into her head.
But enough of this passive aggressive behavior! Poor Dougster might have accidentally missed this. He’s been forced to go back to jerking off to Arnold Schwarzenegger photos ever since Nina has been too busy to log in and threaten to beat up nicespice again.
But thanks to this visual, he will instead be LDKing for days.
discussion comment
6 years ago
‘WHAT?” my head spuin. I could not believe it. “B’Loody Mary are u a PREP?”
“NOOOO!NOOOO!” She laughed. “I found some cool goffic stores near Hogwarts that’s all.”
“Hu told u abut them” I askd sure it would be Drako or Diabolo or Vampire(don’t even SAY that nam to me!). Or me.
“Dumblydore.” She sed. “Let me just call our broms.”
“OMFFG DUMBLYDORE?” I asked quietly.
“Yah I saw the map for Hogsmeade on his desk.” She told me. “Come on let’s go.”
We were going in a few punkgoff stores SPECIALLY for the concerts in Hogsmeade. The salesperson was OMG HOTTER THAN GERARD EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE and he gave me a few dresses. “We only have these for da real goffs.”
“Da real goffs?” Me and B’Loody Mary asked.
“Yah u wouldn’t believe how many posers ther are in this town man! Yesterday loopin and snap tried to buy a goffic camera pouch.” He shook his head. “I dint even no they had a camera.”
“OMFG NO THEIR GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!” I cried, running out of the changing room wearing a long black dress with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit.
“Oh my satan you have to buy that outfit” The salesperson said.
“Yeah it looks totlly hot.” said B’Loody Mary.
“You know what I am gona give it to you free cause u look really hot in that utfit. Hey are you gonna be at the concert tonight?” he asked.
“Yeah I am actually.” I looked back at him. “Hey BTW my name’s ebondy dark’ness dementia TARA way what’s yours?”
“Tom Rid.” He said and ran a hand through his black-dyed hair. “maybe I’ll see you there tonight.”
“Yeah I don’t think so cause I am going there with my bf drako you sick perv!” I yelled angrily, but before he could beg me to go with him, Hargrid flew in on his black broom looking worried. “OMFG EBONDY U NEED OT GET BACK INTO THE CASTLE NOW!”
discussion comment
6 years ago
The sassy gay best friend (Trapbaby) has already been replaced so quickly?
These hoes ain’t loyal
discussion comment
6 years ago
Yeah screw those fuck boys! It’s better to give blow jobs to the men on the senate floor!
discussion comment
6 years ago
“I’d put my accuracy at about 60-80%, but feel free to reveal your aliases yourself instead.”
Oh look! No reply! I’m changing my accuracy to 70-90% instead.
Troll hunting is a headache.
discussion comment
6 years ago
^^Wasn’t dougster big into making money by timing the market?
discussion comment
6 years ago
“In that case, you should pay a man for asking you since he did half your job for you.”
AHAHAHAHAHAHA
From what I can tell of you so far, you don’t seem like the trolling type. I could be wrong though.
This reminds me of the butthurt customer who didn’t like that I turned away his “generous” offer on a slow night. And told me “you should be considering the value of lifetime customers.”
discussion comment
6 years ago
^At least you aren’t DJ Khalid.
https://www.thecut.com/2018/05/dj-khaled-does-not-perform-oral-sex.html
discussion comment
6 years ago
@jester214 “I've often wondered if some of these assholes share/trade accounts.”
It’s a possibility. The problem with dougster is that his style seems to be going after different individuals on different accounts. He may be supportive of another individual on one account, but then harass them too on another.
As for you, I haven’t quite figured you out. Dougster seemed to roast you too in the past (I didn’t look closely enough to figure out why), but then that behavior stopped.
@txtittyfag “U aint familiar with nuthin DUMBASS but its funny 2 c that yall got so much time 2 read thru thousands of posts n so far u aint got nuthin right! ROFLMFAO!!!!”
Most of the stuff I came up with I just simply traced back from the timing of your posts with other troll accounts.
Then I typed in “dougster” in the search bar, which is how I found more information about you that others in the past ~already~ uncovered. The dirty work was already done for me mostly.
I’d put my accuracy at about 60-80%, but feel free to reveal your aliases yourself instead.
discussion comment
6 years ago
Dougster was (most likely) trying to alter his posting style to be less recognizable. Plus txtittyfan has already left the board by that point. So the troll purpose evolved.
I’m not too familiar with that time period though. It will be fun to look that up.
discussion comment
6 years ago
txtittyfag is dougster. And before dougster, RomanticLover and davids.
discussion comment
6 years ago
LOL
discussion comment
6 years ago
Please don’t tell me you’re planning on forcing yourself on anyone...
discussion comment
6 years ago
![]()
shailynnThey never tell you what you need to know.
“Ur 2 big a DUMBASS not 2 know im not Douchester but its the only thread u got 2 hang ur pathetic existence on so keep believing that chit”
Dougster is so sassy! It’s like a mid 2000s sitcom with the gay best friend!
discussion comment
6 years ago
So juice hasn’t surpassed Daddy_Tricks then?
discussion comment
6 years ago
You will be sharing the master suite with a closeted gay man who has been trolling the board for at least 14 years.
Look at his baby troll stuff! It’s so cute!
https://www.tuscl.net/discussion.php5?id=3407