Comments by DoctorPhil. (page 6)

==> RickiBoi sez “So what?” Simple answer Mr. Dugan: because saying shit like this gets people like you all worked up. I don’t know if Mr. Kent is actually an aficionado of pre-Columbian civilizations but he does know how to trigger your ass you lil’ snowflake. Now that I’ve given you the 411 and have your attention I’d like you to address the rumor that Outback Steakhouse is limiting customers to a maximum of 5 blooming onions. I’ve never been to an Outback Steakhouse for a simple reason: why the fuck would I go to an Outback Steakhouse? Anyway, you strike me as the type of guy who has eaten 6 or more blooming onions in a sitting. Hell, you strike me as the kind of guy who goes to Outback every evening so you can eat nothing but blooming onions. So my question is this: why aren’t you protesting this obvious liberal plot to deprive red-blooded conservatives of blooming onions?

Otherwise you’re correct. Both lose.

^ Rong. The Mercury Bobcat guy wins. But only if his car explodes into a giant fireball that ends his sad existence as a Bobcat driver.

Also, Mr. Rampaige, the expression is “roughshod”, no “rough shot”. Other than that you make cogent points. You’re welcome!

Well, I will say that I’m shocked - shocked I tell you - to see Mr. Dugan admit that he doesn’t know as much as the geopolitical wonks. Now if we could get him to admit that he’s not an epidemiologist, economist, philosopher, or knowledgeable about much beyond his beloved Cousinlover county life maybe we could get somewhere. That said, I thought I made a cogent case for America attacking Australia to prevent the great blooming onion shortage of ‘22. You people are going to be all “that space geneious Phil had all the phacts and we didn’t list because we’re dumbasses.” You’re welcome.

^ I have two questions for you Mr. Skibum: 1. Why do you care? I mean really, 98% of your posts can be summarized as “my life is all tickety-boo but America sucks and it’s irredeemable.” If your life is indeed tickety-boo and America is indeed irredeemable you should just sit back and enjoy your life and let America burn.🔥 Would that detickety your boo? I think not. 2. How do you know? Maybe your just an ill-informed delusional loser and the mainstream media is right. We’ve already established that you aren’t very logical given that a truly tickety-boo guy that genuinely feels America is irredeemable would just sit back and let said irredeemable America burn. 🔥 Sorta seems like you’re the delusional one. Now that I have helped you reconsider your entire life and find happiness I will now accept your thanks. You’re welcome!

TL;DR: gimme my blooming onions!

I’ll tell you how them aircraft carriers and shit are going to help the average American. We’ll send those fuckers to Australia and threaten to bomb the shit out of their kangaroos until they give us their entire blooming onion crop. Do you savvy that Mr. Anderson?

You have to understand Mr.Anderson that Mr. Skibum claims his life is all tickety boo and shit. I understand why you and Mr. Dixie are pissed. After all, you seem like the kind of guys that drive a Mercury Bobcat with “Democrats are Ruining America” painted on the door. And every day you park in the Whole Foods parking lot and wish you could go inside and the rage builds until you go to an Outback Steakhouse and you go in and say “I want a Pepsi and six blooming onions” and they say “you’re limited to five blooming onions” and you just want to die. But why is Mr. Skibum so pissed? Hell, I bet his life is so good that he’s happy with 3 or 4 blooming onions.

A ‘95 Ford Probe? If you’re going to drive a POS you might as well have fun with it. Maybe a one-eyed Malibu without a muffler. Or a Bobcat. Or anything by AMC. Anybody that drives an AMC is making a statement. That statement is: “Get outta my way because you cannot hurt may car. If you hit my car it is still gonna be a fucking AMC Pacer and its value ain’t going down. I got nothing to lose man so don’t fuck with me!”

Mr. Icee sez “Muddy is just like Rick except less honest and not as funny.” I agree that Mr. Dugan is funny, but he ain’t honest. Dude made up a family and then made up a fake divorce to get out of a fight. 90% of what that guy says is bullshit. Funny bullshit, but it’s still bullshit.

^ I like that theory Mr. Scrub. Mr. Skibum is actually a self—hating liberal. Didn’t he have some post about how great his hometown was because of all the government services? I sniff me a liberal by the name of Skibum! But let’s make the theory fit more of the data: he’s a self—hating liberal who doesn’t realize that thinks he’s a conservative. He’s like a trans guy but with politics rather than gender. Makes you wonder what kind of hormones he’s taking!

I have theories: 1. Mr. Skibum is depressed and suicidal. His plan to kill himself is to post angry shit on the web until he has a brain aneurysm. 2. He doesn’t mean any of the shit he says but has a weird version of Tourette’s where his tick involves the words “liberal” “Democrat” and “useless”. 3. He actually thinks he’s doing some good. I favor number 2. In fact, we can even try to help him for the new year. Let’s try to help him shift over to the cool version of Tourette’s where he just blurts out obscenities in public.

^ You must be super duper uber liberal then Mr. Skibum. Because you are pissed about everything!

Mr. Tetra, I’m going to be serious for a moment. You seem like a nice enough guy - could you ask that the political and pandemic prediction go in the damn politics room. I’ve been guilty of using politics and the pandemic to poke at Mr. Dugan and Mr. Mark (though mostly in the politics room). Am I being a bit of a dick in doing so? Fuck yeah. But you’ve got to admit that Mr. Mark is a know it all and Mr. Dugan is…well…he’s a motherfucking Dugan. So yeah…I’m being an asshole but you know the majority of the board thinks Dugan is a douche and douche is worse than asshole.. I’m just saying that the front room would be a more entertaining place to read if everybody made a resolution to keep the fucking politics and pandemic (which is heavily politicized) stayed in the politics room. Probably won’t happen, but a man can dream, n’est-ce pas? My resolution is not to use politics to poke at Mr. Dugan. It’s too fucking easy and it (unfortunately) gets folks who are nice enough guys all bent out of shape. I’ll restrict myself to criticizing the guy for things like drunk driving, inventing a fictional family, insulting girlfriends and wives, and general doucheitude. Now for phils phactual predictions: the aliens will come, enslave us, and force us into gladiatorial combat for their own shits and giggles. Their favorite game will be men kicking each other in the nuts until one begins crying. They will also go on an anal probing spree the likes of which has never been seen. It’ll be a fucking dystopia but what are ya gonna do bout it?

Clarification for the morons and lunatics of the board: 1. The NASA grant to theologians is real and a waste of money. NASA needs to spend more time trying to detect microbial life in the solar system and running space telescopes and less time talking to theologians. 2. The part about aliens enslaving us and making us kick each other in the nuts for their entertainment is a joke. When you read it the proper reaction is a laugh or nothing at all. Starting to practice getting kicked in the nuts is not a valid reaction. Unless your name rhymes with Dugan. If that is the case you should go to a store and ask random people to kick you in the nuts. Also, film that shit and post it on YouTube

Mr. 623 makes a good point “I think you should post on some random message board (prefer one half full of morons and lunatics) asking for medical advice. Seems like the sane thing to do, right? I do have some questions for Mr. 623. Was “half full of morons and lunatics” an upper limit on the proportion of morons and lunatics? If so, was the omission of douchebags intentional? Because the posters who concern me the most are the moronic lunatic douchebags? (cough…Mr. Dugan…cough). Also, how do you advocate calculating the morons+lunatics quotient? Is it simply the number of people who fall in either of those categories divided by the number of regular posters? Or do moronic lunatics get counted twice? The latter has the nice property of allowing a morons+lunatics quotient to exceed 1. Thanks for such a thought provoking post! Seriously though Mr. Warrior, even if all you have is a cold it’s still kind of douchebaggy to spread it around. Nobody want to fuck somebody all dripping snot and coughing and shit. I presume you’re planning to get this girl to do some unspeakable shit. Don’t make one of the unspeakable things be gargling snot.

^ RickiBoi showing off his true persona: too much of a loser to bag a wife or even have fun demented pervert action, so he became a clown! 🤡 Do some funny dances with your buddy in the lion 🦁 cage Mr. Clown 🤡

Mr. 25 said: "Rick not to troll but im really curious how did you ever get custody seriously, I don’t believe for one minute if your stories are true that those kids don’t have a clue what you are doing for entertainment." RickiBoi responded: “Believe what you want, not that it's remotely relevant to this discussion. I am discreet.” Phil explains phor the phactually challenged: As many on here, including Messrs. 25, Daddillac, and Tetra, are well aware, RickiBoi does not have to be discreet because the wife and kids are fictional. A normal caring father wouldn’t bring up his kids on a website for perverts (no insult intended for the normal perverts). Either RickiBoi’s family man persona is fiction or his demented pervert persona is fiction. I betting that RickiBoi is actually a demented pervert. What does the peanut gallery think?

I’m glad I didn’t miss this gem about Mr. Dugan: RickiBoi said: "Real men don't need the government to pay for their babies or for their women to tend to them." Mr. ThatX responded: “Did you find one to ask? Cause you certainly don't qualify.” Phil sez: C’est Magnifique!

I think Skibum’s comment is spot on. You were nice and sympathetic. If he wants to to pursue some other interaction wirhyyou he can reach out. One thing to think about is what you would do if he pushed for more. He sounds like a nice guy and you said he isn’t into “more”, but he is going though something major. I’m far from the end in terms of age and I mostly like strip clubs for a lark and to see some titties. I don’t want anything more and in that sense I guess I’m like this guy. But if my SO was away in a living facility and I had <6 months to live I might think “what the hell…I want some dick sucking and pussy”. Would you feel bad if he ultimately pressured you for more?

Also...a 160 IQ? Really Mr. Random? I don’t remember many of Mr. Doug’s non-LOL posts, but I wouldn’t say anybody on here has a 160 IQ. I’m sure he was smarter than, say, Mr. Dugan or Mr. Anderson. However, my dog is smarter than those guys and my dog licks his own ass.

I don’t remember the Dougster versus Mr. Vince stuff. Must not have been paying attention. What I remember was the way Dougster would just bump anti-Dugan threads with a “lol” until Mr. Dugan freaked out and replied. That shit was funny, but it did require a lot of thread bumping and I could see that getting tiresome. I assume the issue was that Mr. Vince replied to every thread Mr. Doug bumped and it got really tiresome. I could see that.

“ I thought you had truly little chance against a company with $120B/yr in revenue. But, WOW, you used to be a paralegal!!” Correction: he’s a former paralegal with a stylish tin foil covered top hat 🎩 that puts homemade hot sauce up his bung hole. If some crazy bastard like that came at you you’d be a-scared! He’s counting on the Zuck to be a-scared too.

Um... Mr. Cash, you do understand that there is more to this post that sharing photos of pretty girls... the, uh, issue is that the pretty girl was born male. Now, unlike certain people (cough...Mr. Dugan...cough) that doesn’t freak me out. Trannies are my thing, but whatever floats yer boat is ok with Phil. You’re welcome.