Comments by rickthelion (page 5)

Lemme ricksplain something about privilege to you damn dirty apes. Most of you know that the Lion King is loosely based on my life. I grew up privileged but left that for some time to party with a meerkat and warthog. The musical actually distorts some of the shit I did with my buds, but that’s a good thing because you don’t want to see a frickin’ meerkat orgy. Anyhoo, I digress.The point is that I grew up with all of the creatures of the world going all “ooo you’re so great Mr. King” and then I was just some weirdo hanging with a perverted meerkat. That experience taught me humility. Also taught me what the symptoms of meerkat chlamydia are. I mean….Timon had a coke-fueled party and I may have done things with the meerkat hookers…or the chlamydia developed spontaneously…can’t really remember anything. Back to the bigger point. When I was a prince everybody was impressed by me but when I was poor the only way I could get a female meerkat to blow me was by promising her coke. Ultimately, I think Serena should have offered the maître d some coke for a table. That might have worked. ROAR!!!

Stripper loving ape, you should listen to the words of my buds: Hakuna matata, what a wonderful phrase Hakuna matata, ain't no passing craze It means no worries for the rest of your days It's our problem-free philosophy The words of that crazy warthog and meerkat I used to hang with guide my life. Well…my life is guided by the words of the warthog and meerkat and a fella named Jack. And his buds Johnnie and Jose. Anyhoo…my advice to you is to find a meerkat bud and bring him a bottle of Jack. ROAR!!!

Am I doing fine? You bet. I’m a frickin’ rick and I’m an frickin’ lion 🦁 I wear an stylin’ suit and drive an frickin’ Tesla as fast as I can. Everything always goes well for me. ROAR!!!

TCabotApe asked => Yeah but why does stripper loving ape post with all caps on each word? Did he never learn proper grammar? That is one of those deep philosophical questions like “Why is the sky blue?” and “Why do women flash their titties at Motley Crue concerts?” and “Can God microwave a burrito so hot that it burns the roof of his mouth?” Well, actually, the blue sky thing is Rayleigh scattering. And the Motley Crue thing is drugs and alcohol. Not sure about the divine burrito. Kinda makes me think the stripper loving ape thing is “because he’s a frickin’ weirdo” ROAR!!

^ So Skifredo drove by this Betty place six times in a two day period. Sounds like he’s stalking one of the strippers. That’s fucked up. I may hunt the wildebeest but I don’t cruise on by its home before doing so. ROAR!!!

This rick gives the slap fights a claws down. Gamma ape is correct that the world is going to hell in a handbasket. But he is wrong regarding the best time to return to. This rick believe that watching fights for entertainment requires some real jeopardy. Those old school gladiator apes would look at slap fights and say “what pussies.” Well, they’d say it in Latin, so it would be “pussius maximus” or some shit like that, but you get my point. And if any of you damn dirty apes are all “boo hoo those old Roman fights were biased toward the lions winning” all I can say is that this rick has no problem with that. ROAR!!!

Although this rick certainly enjoys seeing his adopted home win the medals, I would like to see some medals go to my birthplace. Did you know that Tanzania has only won two medals in the history of their Olympic participation? I’ve been writing home urging the lions of tha NC to organize a wrestling team. We’d kick the asses of any hairless apes that want to fight. Just like those good times 2000 years ago in the Roman Colosseum. ROAR!!!

This rick doesn’t smoke weed. I mean really…who would want their stylin’ suit to smell the way Skifredo thinks he smells when he sparks up some “saliva.” This rick does like mimosas though. You know what my secret mimosa ingredient is? Jack. You greatly improve mimosas if you substitute Jack for the bubbly and then leave out the frickin’ orange juice in favor of more Jack. ROAR!!!

As usual you are spot on my brother. You just can’t help some goofball apes. I mean really, this rick feeling all charitable and thinking “yeah…this one is probably a harmless weirdo maybe I can put him on the right path with some valuable rickvice” and then he goes all apeshit with the “wah wah wah my life was destroyed by a narcissistic stripper wah wah wah” shit.. I mean really…if your life can be destroyed by a narcissistic stripper you didn’t have much of a life to begin with. Amirite or amirite? ROAR!!!

TODD Ape, you seriously need to lay off the crack. You know who regular smokes the crack? Frickin’ zebras, that’s who. Also, remember that rage jackin’ is not good for your wang. You know who rage jacks all the time. Not male zebras if that’s where you were going. Their hooves aren’t amenable to that action. Nope, it’s Skifredo. He seems like a semi-normal demented pervert until he freaks out and rage jacks. I hear that he put some sort of polymer coating on his wang so he doesn’t remove skin with all the rage jackin’ Don’t be like Fredo. ROAR!!!

To encourage the Fredo, who claims not to read this ricks post but obviously does, I’ll bite on this thread. Gamma Apes snorkeling post is definitely a good hobby. But stingrays aren’t that frightening. As a lion few things frighten me, but even normal apes shouldn’t be frightened. Some of my best buds are stingrays. I have it on good authority that the Croc Hunter Ape was seen putting his thumb up various animals buttholes in the area of the fatal sting. My theory is that the ray simply didn’t want a Croc Hunter thumb in the butthole. Anyhoo…you wanna know a truly frighten creature to encounter while snorkeling? I’ll tell you. It’s the crown of thorns. First off, there are no echinoderms that can successfully wear a stylin’ suit. Think about it…have you ever seen a sea cucumber in suit? I don’t think so! How about a sea urchin? Nope! Trust this rick when he says no suits on echinoderms. The inability to wear suits makes echinoderms surly. But you give a surly echinoderm some venomous spines and it turns into a true asshole. The Croc Hunter should have put his thumb up some echinoderm butthole except the crown of thorns would have killed him more painfully than the frickin’ stingray that just didn’t want to be molested. Regardless, you get my point. Roar!

This thread illustrates something this rick calls “The Skifredo Dichotomy” Fredo often starts threads where he sounds like a reasonable ape. Talking about hobbies, food, music, etc. This rick will even cut him slack on the obvious exaggerations like the stuff about meeting someone named “Bond James Bond” while skiing down K2. Yes, the part about Fredo and Bond defeating the Chinese Army strains credulity but…let’s just say that this rick understands that when your a divorce lawyer that fills out forms in crayon you gotta have a rich fantasy life or you go frickin’ insane. But then he slips into the one-handed rage posts. Fredo…you are so close to being a good ape. All you have to do is avoid rage posts while jackin’ it. That isn’t a hard thing to do. Fredo…be the best Fredo you can be…be a Fredo that doesn’t jack off in rage. ROAR!!!

Orange Ape asked => “Who is this fuckin jackwagon?” This rick responds => I dunno, but I kinda like him. Think about it: He understand that zebras are frickin’ assholes. His tagline is “IM A FUN GIRL!!” And he said “How dare you qwestshun my intelligents? I'll half you no that I am an high school gragiate!! I even did sum yewrz 2 timez to get even smarter!” He even catalyzed a moment of Zen from Book Ape. Maybe this rick was wrong and he is more random weirdo than soulless zebra lover. This rick has a soft spot in his heart for harmless weirdos. ROAR!!!

^ Wasn’t there some weirdo ape named “Forgot to Wipe” that posted here? I bet that is one weirdo that would have a disturbing asshole scan. My ID is simple. I look at the bouncer and say “how many suit-wearing lions have you seen going to the club? Let me in or Imma go wildebeest on your ass” Only once has the bouncer said “there is already a suit-wearing lion on the premises “ I let that guy off with a warning after he let me in. Damn bouncer didn’t know what he was talkin’ about anyway…it was a frickin’ mountain lion” But the mountain lion liked Jack so we had a good time hangin’ out watching the sexy female hairless apes so all’s well that ends well. ROAR!!!

Bullshit. Following links posted by a weirdo never leads to anything good. Taking rickvice and living your life in a rickish manner is the secret of happiness. ROAR!!!

Hairless apes who Start Every Word With A Capital Letter do have a soul. They are mostly harmless weirdos. This statement only applies to hairless apes because other creatures are sensible enough to not start every word with a capital letter if they are smart enough to post on the internet. Unless they’re frickin’ zebras. I hate frickin’ zebras. None of those damn stripy horses have a soul. They make me wanna go all wildebeest on ‘em. ROAR!!!

This rick, like all ricks, is hip to the ways of the soul. There are several groups of people that lack souls. People who write in ALL CAPS and people who confuse “pasture” with “Pasteur.” Unless the latter is a clever homage to the famous Pasteur ape that pioneered the science of microbiology. I smell “no soul” for RAP TODD. ROAR!!!

Who you callin’ a dirty animal you damn dirty ape? Imma go all wildebeest on your ass if you continue to insult the Felids who post here. Not to mention the vulture, coconut crab, and barnacle. We are among the cleanest of animals. ROAR!!!

Ready2MongerApe, this rick is certainly in agreement regarding the desirability of sexy females working in the club. However, the challenge for club managers is the fact that the sexiest of females can find work options that do not involve removing their clothing for demented perverts. This may shock you, but I am pretty confident that no uber-sexy hairless ape female has ever said “hey Becky, you know what I wanna do today? Make $100 by sucking off some fossilized lawyer that jacks off while he rage posts on random strip club boards. And it will be a special bonus if he went to the worst law school in the country.” This simple fact makes it difficult for managers to create a club environment where all of the females look like Sydney Sweeney, Scarlett Johansson, and Jennifer Lawrence. But remember that there are typically diamonds in any pile of coal. I mean really, we didn’t need a link to a photo of fatsos to know what they look like. Also, please refrain from posting links to nude paraplegics and hermaphrodites. Nobody needs to see that shit. Simply enjoy the truly sexy females when you find them. Also, did you know that Jack can make less sexy females appear sexier? Maybe not the real fatsos, but it can certainly take a 6 and make her a 10. Just some food for thought. ROAR!!!

^ Not true. If you look rickish you can get the girl. You claim to be a rick - try puttin’ on a stylin’ suit and acting all rickish and maybe you’ll turn on the females. ROAR!!!

The thing I’d like to see in your Olympics is some good gladiatorial matches. Give two hairless apes swords and shields and let ‘em go after each other. Maybe put some unarmed criminal apes in an arena with some lions and tigers and see what happens (spoiler alert: some apes are getting mauled). Every time I make these suggestions to the Olympic committee they write back and say “but the modern Olympics were inspired by the ancient Greeks and you’re suggesting some Roman shit” to which I respond “if you have such a hard on for the frickin’ Greeks you should include an assfucking event.” ROAR!!!

^ This rick agrees with electronape. Imagine this scenario watzone: some demented pervert is toolin’ across the country and he says to himself “what I really need to see is some sexy females with plugs in their assholes.” How is that pervert going to find what he wants? You guessed it: he’ll read the TUSCL. But TUSCL needs other perverts to supply the information. Be the information providing pervert watzone. ROAR!!!

^ Book ape, neither of those lyrics mention big cats. Therefore they both suck. ROAR!!!

^ You really don’t get it Fredo. Sometimes you seem like a halfway normal demented pervert. Hell, you might even be a good ape if you could just keep the political shit in the politics board and post normal shit about music lyrics you enjoy and - I’m just spitballin’ here - maybe even post about strippers. If there is one thing a rick can respect it is demented stripper stories. I mean really, for a guy that claims to smoke a lot of weed you sure are angry. Are you sure that’s not crack in the pipe you’re smoking? ROAR!!!

^ True. Just because Skifredo says he went to the worst law school in the country doesn’t mean he did.. Wait…that one is true. ROAR!!!