How do I find out?

Wasn't this a Seinfeld episode?

If you can't tell if they're store bought or original, what does it matter? And if you CAN tell, why are you asking us how to find out?

Why not just feel them?

I must have missed that Seinfeld episode.

Rockstar. I can't tell when they are covered which they usually are in discussing dance options. Obviously I can tell when they are out or by feeling them.

Shadow, feeling them would work but that's kind of the same as asking. If I feel them, and then say no interest, it's still insulting.

Maybe I'm old fashioned but under normal circumstances I don't like to insult anyone including strippers.

You can tell if they're real or fake by the taste.

Thanks jackslash. That's the answer I was looking for. From now on I'll ask for a pre dance suck.

Your requirements in incongruent & cannot be met. You want to reject a dancer if she's got fake tits, but you don't want to reject her. It doesn't matter how you find out if they're fake, once you know you're gonna reject her. So, whats the difference how you find out?

Realistically, I'd say just get over it. There's no accounting for taste. We've all got preferences with respect to physical attributes. Based on your limited description of what you find attractive, I probably would reject all the dancers you covet & there is a decent chance you'd pass on the ones I'd drool over. It doesn't make one any better than the other. If a stripper doesn't realize and accept this reality, they may perceive each rejection as an insult but that doesn't make it one. That doesn't absolve you of being a total dick about it, but a polite no thanks shouldn't hurt anyone's feelings.

Other than that, maybe try a table dance if they are an option. The price is usually lower but it provides a lot more information. I do it pretty frequently, mostly with the Cuban girls around here. Usually its because the communication barrier prevents me from chatting to get the "feel" I want.

Temperature. Fakes are cold to the touch.

If the job was well done I guess you have a profound mystery in front of you. You have better tip the surgeon for that job for stirring the meticulous aspect of knowing.

As I've learned, that some will be considered "unknowable."

And that one is definitely it.

Seinfeld covered every topic, just like The Simpsons.

Temperature. Great idea. Along with taste that should just about cover it.

Dolfan, thanks for the well reasoned response. I think you're right. Table dance is the only option I left out, and otherwise I need to just ask if they're store bought or ask to see or feel.

Slick you're right. I remember the episode now. I think George or Elaine accidentally bumps into the girl in question at the gym so they can feel her breasts and decide. Can't believe that one didn't immediately come to mind.

Just remembered that episode ends badly. Girl with big breasts learns of the plan, gets pissed, and breaks up with jerry. On the way out of the apt she says something like "by the way, they're real and they're fabulous." That's my fear, breast ambiguity causes the loss of what could be a beautiful encounter.

Store bought breasts should come with a clearly visible warning label.

The "girl with big breasts" was played by the lovely actress (and former NFL cheerleader!!) Teri Hatcher, who was smoking hot at the time

Actually, depending on the implant type, temperature is not an indicator. If the dancer has sprung for submuscular implants (in my opinion, the best most natural implants) temperature will be indistinguishable. A better option might be to check the line from the shoulder to the tip of the breast - a fairly straight line indicates real.

This is the description of the Seinfeld episode. JohnSmith has it just about has it correctly, but instead of "fabulous," Sidra, the character portrayed by Teri Hatcher, proclaimed, "spectacular:" (Season 4, episode #19, originally aired February 25, 1993):

en.wikipedia.org?

Here's the video of that famous closing line of the episode:

youtube.com

"They're real and they're spectacular." --Sidra (Teri Hatcher)

From Boobology101: As a skilled and seasoned boobologist, I look for three visual clues on a dancer if I suspect implants. If it's a poor to average boob job, at least one of these three will show. Best observed while she's on stage. Obviously the quality of the stage lighting will matter:

1. At the top of the breasts, look for a hard curved line where the "breast meets the chest."

2. If you get a side view, sometimes wide "wrinkles" seem to be apparent on the breasts.

3. If neither of the above two are discernible, then IF she lies on her back on the stage floor, look to see if her breasts are standing up. Natural breasts will flatten out over the chest. Fakes will stand up because the implants can't "bend" with the body like natural breasts.

Before I see a dancer on stage, if I'm curious, sometimes while seated with a dancer, I'm able to place a discreet elbow against her breasts. When I do, if I feel a hard surface, I know they're non-natural.

I know two dancers that got expensive boobs jobs, and the results were "spectacular." I can't feel the implants inside their breasts. It's as if the implants are well-centered within their breasts. And I can't feel the difference between the natural portion of the breast down to the implant.

I also have been in this situation.

For me fake boobs are a no-go maybe 95% of the time. Like JS69; I too have asked a dancer if her boobs were real and then told her I did not like breast implants so no dance.

It felt impolite to say so – but it is a way of saying she is not your type and thus not interested in a dance – it is business after all – why spend my money on something I don’t want/like. Of course; if one says it politely and w/ a bit of a smile it may come across less bad as if one just tells her w/ a straight face and then basically shoos her away.

But like JS69 said; it does feel impolite to ask so and then say no to her so sometimes I’ll just bite the bullet and if they turn out to be fake; then I’ll just try to still enjoy the dance and hope she is a good dancer; but most likely it’s a one and done unless she is an incredible grinder.

But for my personal situation it’s not that much of a problem since fake boobs are not that common w/ black dancers especially in the dives I visit – and even if I come across a fake-boobed black dancer; I may still get a dance from her if she has the booty and uses that booty to really grind me.

A couple ways of putting it off might be to say that you're waiting on a drink or some food (provided you actually are waiting) or perhaps on a server to take your order. You might also say that you're waiting on a buddy (who conveniently never shows up, so everything that happens will be his fault). This could buy you time for her to go on stage.

You could also take her up on the offer but limit yourself to two or three dances. It should satisfy her and it should (hopefully) answer your question discreetly. It's also a relatively small investment toward some goodwill, provided the dances are $20 or less each and not those where the dancer can charge whatever she wants.

I like almost all female boobs except those I can't touch or are so hard they feel like bricks. A good sign is to look for that jiggle in her boobs when she walks. I like seeing that anyway. It's a sign of being real or fun to play with IMO.

So I suppose in the bizzaro world of TUSCL, if you balk at putting your dick in someone's butt hole you're all strange and stuff, but if you balk at tits that you can't even tell whether they're fake or not or wouldn't be asking how to determine if they're fake or not, then you're normal.

Again, Seinfeld does cover everything. Even the bizarro world, like TUSCL.

If you can't tell and you still need to ask, use the reverse approach. Tell her she has awesome natural boobs. If they are, then she will thank you. If not she will say they are implants, and feel complimented because you thought they are real. A win-win and you got the answer you were seeking.