Face it: the 1-10 scale for stripper attractiveness is busted. Everyone has a different yardstick, some scale 1-10 linearly, some scale it exponentially. 1-10 ratings of stripper attractiveness are a disaster.
A more promising metric still is the MilliHelen, first discovered by @reverendhornibastard. Helen, a Greek princesses of legendary and unparalleled beauty eloped from Greece with Paris of Troy, prompting Greece to launch an armada of 1,000 warships to invade Troy. Thus, a milliHelen is: how many ships would a Greek king launch in pursuit of any given lady, were she to abscond with a foreign adversary? A rating a few milliHelens would indicate mild attractiveness, while a rating above 800 would indicate an incredibly attractive woman.
However, as @rickthelion mentioned in the recent thread on Sydney Sweeney, the notion of a 1,000 warships is completely outdated in modern naval paradigms. Therefore we need a new naval-focused metric for comparative hotness between strippers. Right?
I propose the Nimitz Response Rating. Were a given lady to abscond with a foreign adversary, what level of naval response would be warranted by the famed Admiral Nimitz?
| 1-10 Equivalent | Nimitz Response Rating | Attractiveness Level | Notes |
|---|---|---|---|
| 0-5 | No Response | Very Low | Should a lady of such caliber abscond with a foreign adversary, no response is warranted. |
| 6 | Patrol Boat | Low | The lady is attractive enough to warrant pursuing with a patrol boat in case she goes overboard. |
| 7 | Destroyer | Mildly attractive | For a girl next door, Nimitz would send a single destroyer, an asset capable of provoking international incidents. |
| 8 | Nuclear Attack Submarine | Mysteriously Attractive | Possibly irresistible below the surface, Nimitz would send our stealthiest and deadliest warship to track down the lady. |
| 9 | Light Carrier Group | Hot | The lady is hot enough to send a pursuit group capable of projecting power over a large region. |
| 10 | Carrier Surface Group | Insanely Hot | The disappearance of a lady like this requires an epic response, a full carrier battle group supported by destroyers, submarines, logistics and support cruisers with the capacity to wage war anywhere on the planet. |
Examples of the Nimitz Response Rating:
- The talent in that club was so bad it warranted no Nimitz response.
- The last dancer I saw was nuclear attack submarine hot, I had to take her to VIP.
- Sydney Sweeney is Carrier Surface Group hot, I challenge you to name a more attractive lady.
What do you think, TUSCL?


Call me dumb, but I guess I’m a little cornfused. I appreciate all the work you put into this with fancy fonts and tabular columns, but based upon the far left column, you’re still using the tried and true 1-10 hotness scale (after you were critical of it) and then just applying different names. No?