What would you do?
Clackport
Washington
I had a great time with her, but we weren't around each other as much as I would have liked. She danced 4 days a week, she bartended at another strip club 2 days of the week. Her only day off was Sunday. She was working the night shift, so she usually got to bed at 5 in the morning. 5 in the morning is usually when I woke up to go to work. The only possible times we would have a chance to spend with each other were like from 4 PM to 8PM. A little frustrating to say the least. During the last couple of months of our relationship I tried to get her to look in the future beyond stripping. I have some connections, so I was able to get her a full time job for 45K if she wanted it, but she turned it down. She said she wanted to live comfortably. The problem is she doesn't really have a plan beyond stripping, and she's 26 right now. All of this made the relationship sour down the end.
She ended up leaving me for one of the players on the local NBA team. For some people it would make them feel good that their ex girlfriend is dating a NBA player, but it just made me feel inadequate.
They were together for like 6 months, but today she calls me and tells they have broken up. She said she is so sorry for what she did to me, and she is begging me to take her back. She said she will take her future much more seriously, and that she will seriously consider taking that job that I had lined up for her. BTW she is still stripping.
I swore I was done dating strippers, but I'm pretty sure I will never date a girl as beautiful as her, plus she's a clean stripper, plus she's telling me she will take her future serious. On the other hand it will be very tough for someone who's making over 100K to go to a job paying 45K, plus she did leave me before, plus if she continues to strip there will still be the problem of not being able to see her a lot.
If you were in my position, would you take her back?
Thoughts?
(BTW I'm not trying to force her to stop stripping)
Got something to say?
Start your own discussion
57 comments
Latest
Also, what does she do with a 100K+/yr? If she spends all of it and doesn't have a house/investments to show for it, there's a huge risk money will be a source of conflict in your relationship if you ain't sugger daddy-ing up the difference.
It's like a drug !
You would have to make up the difference in the end
In the end actions speak louder than words – what she says should be taken w/ a grain of salt.
But – you are only young once – if you don’t put more into it than she is willing/able to and you don’t have high expectations; then maybe you can just enjoy it for what it is; go w/ the flow; and let her be part of your life but not your life.
If you care or do more for her than she is able or willing to care/do for you; then you may end up shit-faced – put in as much as she is willing/able to put in and look out for yourself primarily (b/c she’ll probably do the same).
Why would they give up good $$$ for a dude that may end up dumping them a few months later – a pro-athlete I can see her giving up stripping; but not for Joe Average.
She has told you, over and over, through words and actions, who she is and what she really wants. She may be lonely and hurting now, so the thoughts of you and stability appeal to her at the moment, but how long until she wants more again? How long until she chafes at a plain vanilla job and starts seeking money, independence and excitement again?
Oh, and btw, you have no idea how clean she really is. You may have trusted her, but you were really operating on blind faith as you did not see her much even when you were together before. If she is working in a place where $125k is achievable, then you had better believe that some guys with full pockets at least tempted her over time.
But back on point, it is obviously your call, but if she left you once already then the odds are good that you will leave you again when the next urge takes her.
Cuz if he broke up with her, I would like to see who's better than she is. She sounds like a winner to me.
Absolutely true. And when things get tough, people will seek comfort in that which they know will give them comfort, even if it's not what they really want. Words to live by and remember.
@rickdugan- you're right, I can never be 100% sure that she's a clean dancer. She does work at a low mileage club though.
@papi- you're right, no one wants to leave a 100K club for a 45K club. However, with the job I offered, 45K is just the starting point, she can move up. Plus it's obviously more stable than stripping.
@motor- I'm not sure who broke up with who, but if I had to guess, I would say she found out the NBA player had groupies and broke up with him.
Also, about her possibly leaving me again. I'm almost semi understanding of her leaving me, that NBAer was making over 5 million a year, girls go where the money is. I kind of view it as a rare situation, I wouldn't expect her to get swept off her feet by another rich professional athlete or entertainer, that shit is just rare. If my favorite Hollywood actress Paula Patton wanted me, I would for sure leave the stripper for Paula lol.
Ask yourself this, what would Juice do?
take her back and fuck the living dawg shyt out off her pussy whole
Just be careful. Keep your distance.
If I were you, I'd give her another chance and see how it goes.
To give you idea how lucky you are...
1) My CF is getting older.
2) She is a junkie.
3) She likes men and women.
4) She has a child.
5) She still likes to play it like she is twenty one years old.
Despite that I am still loyal to her. In fact, I always take her back after a crash-n-burn, with open arms.
She still is awesome and sexy, but now I feel pity as well, maybe because her child became closer to me.
Dude, yours is way better, she is still 'pure' compared to my CF.
Just messin wich ya. I say give her another chance. Making up will be off the chart and that sex alone will be worth the gamble.
And by being with her you get to know the stripper way of life, you get to know other dancers as well. You get to respect them in a different way.
Only when it doesn't hurt anymore, you finally get it.
It's called Zen moment--stripper Zen that is.
1. Are you considering her as a live in relationship like wifey material one day?
2. What type of income do you have? I'm guessing if you can get her a 45K job, if you were a 'couple' would your income supplement the deficiency in hers?
3. At 26 and beautiful, she still have a significant stripper life left is she's clean, would she consider going to or back to college? But we all know she's have to have quite an advanced degree to achieve a 125K job that she doesn't take her clothes off for.
And lastly my comment, I would certainly proceed with caution but hear her out, she's only 26 and may have learned a lesson. Watch out though, she's realized what she needs, hence the NBA player, she's looking for a rich husband so she doesn't need to strip or work at a 45K job, but can still buy red bottoms.
She dumped you and can never be trusted or forgiven.
Although you don't mention the "L" word.....how do you REALLY feel about her, as a person and not just as a fuck buddy? Could you see yourself ever seriously wanting to settle down with her? Or will she always be just a FWB?
What are the chances that Mr. NBA will call her one day and give her the "Please, baby, I just love you so much", and she sees those million $$ NBA contracts pass before her eyes....
Will she really say "NO !! Ranukam is the only man for me !!"
Or if one of his NBA buddies she met at a party during those 6 months calls?
Come on, get real. If you have any feelings whatsoever for her, it's best to turn the other way and run. If you can really keep it as a fuck buddy relationship, then fine. But be honest, is that possible?
Ranukam, that's the best advice I can give. Can you two actually find a "Love Connection"? Maybe. Will your relationship be the same or better than before? I don't know.
She's spent some time with an NBA player who access to NBA money, the perks of fame(no lines, VIP service for cheap or free, etc.), and just being seen with a professional athlete. Unless you have similar capital, this knowledge might be psychologically harmful.
Example-I've gone to various beaches with different strippers. I'm not the best surfer(stand-up, boogie, body) but I'm better than your average weekend warrior. As long as Kelly Slater ain't in the line-up, I look good. Chicks in general like a dude who has some skill in certain areas. I bring good food and drink plus a relaxing vibe to the beach.
Girls(strippers or civies), appreciate this. It helps me stand out from the crowd. When I invite a stripper to the beach, she knows she's in for a good time.
@Skibum-Although clubs are just a hobby for you, I'm sure that you can attest to a similar vibe while out skiing. Hot chicks will always gravitate to the dude who stands out.
He never addressed my "L" statement, "Through out the entire story I didn't see one mention of "love". For that reason, I'd say no."
However, if you think she is marriage material right now I would be careful. I would not want a serious relationship with somebody who left me until I sussed out their current situation. People CAN change. But you CANNOT change somebody else. Change must come from within. If you can tell yourself to be a little cautious you might spend time together and see what happens. Probably nothing, but you never know.
@lopaw and Clubber- I do love her. I care very deeply about her, I could definitely see myself settling down with her.
@shailynn- She has the potential to be wifey material, but I can't and won't marry her if she doesn't eventually give up stripping, and I'm sure if she can give up the stripping. As far as income I'm in the 75K range. She has no plans to go back to college, she did a couple of years in college, I don't think she will ever go back to college, she hasn't been in college for 6 years.
While 26 is relatively young, she's been stripping since she was 20, so she's definitely a veteran at the strip clubs. I would say age 23-25 is the prime age for most strippers as far as money potential. I understand how hard it is to leave a job where you get paid a LOT to do a little.
I'm kind of surprised that a lot of people are saying take her back. I had a thread a long time ago asking what was so wrong dating a stripper, and 98% of you TUSCLers said it wasn't a good idea.
"This story seems suspect". Interesting, I could say the same thing about most of your threads here recently (ex: chicks with dicks).
@Jerikson- good insight
I have dated 3 strippers and they are lots of fun on a date. I am currently dating another stripper and don't find them much different than any other women. Just more fun, crazier, more unreliable, better liars, unfaithful, weak willed, not trustworthy etc etc. They just speak a different language........SS!
My view is that strip clubs and their social environment give you a perspective from which to critique the mundane culture. But strip clubs and stripper are not actually a remedy for anything. If we want life to be different than we have to work and build something different. This is where my interests now lye.
Just take her back, and don't ever-ever-ever say these words again.
Dude, you're screwed.
Don't make the mistake that so many people make: believing something to be true ONLY because you WANT it to be true.
She's a stripper. Strippers are not wife material. She left you before, she'll leave you again. She's hot, she can choose, and she may choose you for a fleeting moment because you make her feel good for that moment, but she is not wired to settle down and be a wife.
As the video says, you may have found a unicorn. But you didn't, because those don't exist. They may exist for a fleeting moment, but in a blink they're gone.
Have fun with her, but don't even think long term.
We warned you. Don't come back whining here later on because she smashed your heart into little pieces. :)
In this particular scenario, you are her backup plan. I know it's hard to hear, but you are not her plan A, you are at best plan B or C. She is telling you what she thinks you want to hear. She will be with you until she finds something better.
Do you really want that?
The best thing to do is to make her sleep in the bed she made.
Get back there and re-engage, play the game, bro.
You will be hurt, your feelings will get stirred, but that's just way it is.
That will make you stronger, better.
And when the real deal shows up, ya gonna be ready.
Let me tell you some things. #1, you need to work on/get help with yourself first. I say that because of your feelings of inadequacy. #2 Since you say for a long term thing, she has to stop stripping, you MUST get that shit straight BEFORE you get back together(no she would CONSIDER a damn thing). If she wants to get back with you, she MUST start another full time job and quit first, no questions asked.
Now if she won't do that then there's nothing wrong with you having a relationship based on sex if you can man up and let it be only that and she'll go for it. Otherwise, LEAVE HER CHEATING, STRIPPER ASS ALONE. After all, you know damn well her "CLEAN" ass was fucking that NBA baller before leaving your naive ass lol.
As far as wife material goes, I heard it's better to marry a friend so if you don't trust her, that answers your question of where things are. It's no where close to going anywhere permanent. Does she only satisfy your sexual interests but not much else? You'll end up wanting more I believe. It could be fun. You might just get a bunch of free sex with a hot girl. You can always keep scouting around for another girl while having fun with her. You know she will likely be doing the same thng.
If you are OK with that type if arrangement then have fun, but find a girl who is as invested in you as you are in her. I what you settle for isn't as sexy as you wanted then you can always visit strip clubs and sex workers for pleasure anytime. Anyone can get laid for the right price, but having a partner that can be a true team player is hard to find. I suggest finding a true team player, Ranukam.
Be simple, one step at a time.
Step 1) Clear you mind, that you do not care about her dumping you again.
Step 2) You are going to live with the fact she will around you. Of course, basic economics will apply there.
Step 3) Just let it roll. Do not think about the past. Just do it (tm Nike).
Step 4) Now, do not stop clubbing, keep you lifestyle going.
Step 5) Now you are happy dude. Smile.
Quick side note: Does anybody know what there is to do in Vegas besides gambling? I don't gamble. I will be hitting up a couple of stripclubs and nightclubs and hanging by the pool, but other than that I don't know what else to do. For context I am 26 years old.
BTW – what’s her #?
I think you did the correct thing. Look at it this way, nothing has changed for you. If you had chosen the other path, odds are that it wouldn't turned out well.
Only $125K? I guess it's true - women do make 50% of what the men on here make.