I have become an expert on saying no to lap dances that I don't want but I have not figured out yet how to say no to a girl who wants a drink without looking like a cheapskate. What's your best line?
When I SC, I will often spend 3 to 4 hours in the club. Thus I don’t like to get in the habit of buying dancers a drinks b/c it can get expensive.
I also hang out mostly at dives where patrons often don’t spend too much money. Often times, IME, when dancers notice me buying drinks, more of them will come over to me asking me to buy them a drink – or if I buy a dancer a drink, then she goes away, often times she’ll come back later asking me to buy her another drink b/c either no one else would or I was “nice enough†to buy her one in the first place.
Most SCers, at least at first, will feel like cheap asses b/c they don’t want to spend $$$ on buying dancers drinks – I felt like this at first.
But the reality is most dancers don’t think that highly of their customers to begin with. Their only “attraction†to you/us is our $$$ - once we stop spending – they will kick us to the SC curb.
I spend a good amount in the SCs but just in buying LDs. The dancers notice this and they often flock to me (in the dives I visit) even if I almost always turn them down for drinks. I will sometimes buy a dancer a drink if she has spent a good amount of time w/ me *and* I am enjoying her company.
Plus, for the kind of $$$ we spend on these dancers, they can afford to buy their own drinks – not continue to bleed us by asking us to buy them food, cigarettes, drinks, etc.
So to finally answer your question :) – I just tell them I don’t spend $$$ on drinks or flat out tell them I don’t buy drinks. If they choose to see me a particular way for doing this – I don’t care – I am sure they only see me as a pile of cash to begin with.
Also, will any of these dancers do anything for you/us – i.e. free LDs; buy us something instead; discount LDs just b/c they are “nice� – I’m sure it happens but I’m sure ii’s far from the norm.
I have never been asked, so I don't have one. Don't know what that says, but I have always wondered about all these drinks being asked to be bought by other patrons. I have bought drinks for dancers of my own volition though.
Doesn't happen that often in the places I go to. I usually say "yes" unless I'm pretty sure talking to her would be a waste of time. Then I just say "no thank you."
I got asked for a drink this week before I even sat down. That pissed me off and I told her so. And any girl I don't already know who asks me for a drink is leaving thirsty, and I have absolutely NO problem saying no - I just say 'I'm not buying drinks' - and if they think I'm a cheapass that's cool. Generally, though, I'll buy drinks for any dancer that I like and enjoy hanging out with. I go to a SC for entertainment and have no problem buying drinks for friends - it just makes for a more enjoyable time for me, which makes it worth spending the money. I think it just depends on what you want out of your SC experience.
I got an idea! Use the old Joe Bum Trick! My friend Joe started working downtown years ago and quickly developed a way to deal with the constant bum advances. When he sensed a bum approaching, before they could even talk he'd cut them off at the pass and ask, 'you got any change?'
So before a dancer can ask for a dance or drink, ask them 'can you buy me a drink?'
If they ask why, say 'you gotta loosen me up you wanna loosen my wallet, baby!'
I will buy drinks occasionally for the girls that I know so long as they aren't chugging them and expecting more. If a dancer ever presses the issue, I tell them that I love buying drinks for ladies but they have to act like a lady if they want to be treated by one. May be a bit harsh, but by the time they ask me to buy them a drink, they've already crossed over into rude territory.
Now, if the waitress comes up and asks both the dancer and I if we'd like anything, I don't fault a girl for asking my permission to make an order. In many clubs they pressure girls to order drinks (which are often fake "dancer drinks") and I understand that it's just part of her job to try and bring in money from drinks as well. I always like to ask the girls I don't know well whether they just ordered a fake drink or not, it can be humorous to watch them try to decide whether they should lie or not (since the smarter ones know I could easily call their bluff if the waitress brings back water in a shot glass or apple juice "champagne".)
I definitely say no when I get the “buy the lady a drink†hustle.
As I sad earlier – if I am truly enjoying the company of the dancer then I’ll buy her a drink – but if we’re just chit chatting BS, the hell to the no :)
In one of the clubs that I go to, if a waitress stops by and asks a guy if he wants to buy the girl he's sitting with a drink, and he then asks the girl if she wants one, the girl HAS to say yes. And then if she doesn't want alcohol, she can order water, etc. but she must say yes either way. So, since I know the game, I just say no to every waitress that asks, and in the event that the girl expresses interest in drinking with me, I'll then consider getting them a drink. Ultimately though, in many clubs, girls get no commission at all from drinks. They'd rather you spend that money on lap dances, or tip them for their time.
But often times, even if the girl is not obligated by the club to say yes, they will almost always say yes as some sort of “professional courtesy†to help out the waitress with her sales and tips.
That is the point – they are purposely trying to put you/me on the spot – it is just a hustle.
As gsv stated, I’ll say no when the hustler/waitress/on-the-spotter throws me the “buy the lady …†– but if I *do* feel like buying the lady a drink; once the waitress has left I’ll ask her if she really wanted something to drink and I’ll explain to her that I don’t appreciate the “being put on the spot†hustle – a lot of dancers tell me they don’t like it either and that they understand.
Where I cut my teeth clubbing, it was considered common courtesy to buy the dancer a drink if she was sitting with you. I'm not talking about those girls who just plop their asses down, but rather those who ask if you want company and to whom I said "yes."
As my horizons have expanded over the years, I've come to learn that there are areas outside of the NE where it is less automatic and in which the girls are grateful simply for the drinks. I really love the South btw. ;)
I have never minded paying for a few drinks in places where they are the same price as customer drinks. For me, it all comes with the territory.
In a new club, if the bartender or waitress asks, I will ask back, "Are drinks for the ladies regular price or high price?". If the answer is "high price", I will then turn to the girl and ask her if she gets a percentage. I now have all the information I need to make a rational decision:
1) If I am not sure I want to spend time with the girl, I say No
2) If I want to spend time with the girl and the drink price is regular, or if she gets a cut of a high prced drink, I say Yes to the first drink
3) If I want to spend time with the girl, and she does not get a cut of a high priced drink, I will say YES only if her hand is in my crotch
4) Sometimes the little brain controls the "decision"; this happens more often than I would like.
Since I no longer drink alcohol, I cop out and say that since I don't drink alcohol, I don't buy drinks for people that do. Having said that, I stll buy drinks for a few of my favorites and like harrydave said, if they get my attention with their hand in my crotch.
The clubs I frequent don't offer special "dancer drinks". They just offer the same drink menu as they have for the customers. I'm always good for a drink while we chat. Sometimes the information you pick up during the conversation is well worth the price of a drink.
Well the 99% of the girls in the club know when I'm not interested as I seem to give off a negative vibe lol. But the one that are worth talking to I figure are worth the drink. Least I can do since I don't want a dance
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When I SC, I will often spend 3 to 4 hours in the club. Thus I don’t like to get in the habit of buying dancers a drinks b/c it can get expensive.
I also hang out mostly at dives where patrons often don’t spend too much money. Often times, IME, when dancers notice me buying drinks, more of them will come over to me asking me to buy them a drink – or if I buy a dancer a drink, then she goes away, often times she’ll come back later asking me to buy her another drink b/c either no one else would or I was “nice enough†to buy her one in the first place.
Most SCers, at least at first, will feel like cheap asses b/c they don’t want to spend $$$ on buying dancers drinks – I felt like this at first.
But the reality is most dancers don’t think that highly of their customers to begin with. Their only “attraction†to you/us is our $$$ - once we stop spending – they will kick us to the SC curb.
I spend a good amount in the SCs but just in buying LDs. The dancers notice this and they often flock to me (in the dives I visit) even if I almost always turn them down for drinks. I will sometimes buy a dancer a drink if she has spent a good amount of time w/ me *and* I am enjoying her company.
Plus, for the kind of $$$ we spend on these dancers, they can afford to buy their own drinks – not continue to bleed us by asking us to buy them food, cigarettes, drinks, etc.
So to finally answer your question :) – I just tell them I don’t spend $$$ on drinks or flat out tell them I don’t buy drinks. If they choose to see me a particular way for doing this – I don’t care – I am sure they only see me as a pile of cash to begin with.
Also, will any of these dancers do anything for you/us – i.e. free LDs; buy us something instead; discount LDs just b/c they are “nice� – I’m sure it happens but I’m sure ii’s far from the norm.
Just my 3 cents :)
So before a dancer can ask for a dance or drink, ask them 'can you buy me a drink?'
If they ask why, say 'you gotta loosen me up you wanna loosen my wallet, baby!'
Now, if the waitress comes up and asks both the dancer and I if we'd like anything, I don't fault a girl for asking my permission to make an order. In many clubs they pressure girls to order drinks (which are often fake "dancer drinks") and I understand that it's just part of her job to try and bring in money from drinks as well. I always like to ask the girls I don't know well whether they just ordered a fake drink or not, it can be humorous to watch them try to decide whether they should lie or not (since the smarter ones know I could easily call their bluff if the waitress brings back water in a shot glass or apple juice "champagne".)
As I sad earlier – if I am truly enjoying the company of the dancer then I’ll buy her a drink – but if we’re just chit chatting BS, the hell to the no :)
But often times, even if the girl is not obligated by the club to say yes, they will almost always say yes as some sort of “professional courtesy†to help out the waitress with her sales and tips.
As gsv stated, I’ll say no when the hustler/waitress/on-the-spotter throws me the “buy the lady …†– but if I *do* feel like buying the lady a drink; once the waitress has left I’ll ask her if she really wanted something to drink and I’ll explain to her that I don’t appreciate the “being put on the spot†hustle – a lot of dancers tell me they don’t like it either and that they understand.
Me – “Why don’t you buy her a drink bitchâ€
:)
I follow the same, "after the waitress leaves" idea. Many times the dancer says no.
and no I don't want a lap dance
The worst is when they order one, assuming you'll pay for it. Always good for some brief entertainment.
As my horizons have expanded over the years, I've come to learn that there are areas outside of the NE where it is less automatic and in which the girls are grateful simply for the drinks. I really love the South btw. ;)
I have never minded paying for a few drinks in places where they are the same price as customer drinks. For me, it all comes with the territory.
Waitress: "do you want to buy the lady a drink?"
Me: "bitch (optional depending on my mood) do YOU want to buy the lady a drink!?"
Insert stutter and awkward response.
1) If I am not sure I want to spend time with the girl, I say No
2) If I want to spend time with the girl and the drink price is regular, or if she gets a cut of a high prced drink, I say Yes to the first drink
3) If I want to spend time with the girl, and she does not get a cut of a high priced drink, I will say YES only if her hand is in my crotch
4) Sometimes the little brain controls the "decision"; this happens more often than I would like.
For some reason the drink hussle just does not bother me. But valet fees?.....don't get me started.
I agree with you.
The clubs I frequent don't offer special "dancer drinks". They just offer the same drink menu as they have for the customers. I'm always good for a drink while we chat. Sometimes the information you pick up during the conversation is well worth the price of a drink.
On a couple of occasions, I noticed the dancer ask for an expensive drink and barely touch it.