Comments by rickthelion

^^^ Who else thinks this rick touched a nerve? Yep…that’s right…everyone. ROAR!!!

SmithJonesJohnsonApe, Imma let you in on a secret. Nobody answered your question because they think you’re kind of a weirdo. This is a problem because a sure sign of having profound psychological issues is “the demented perverts on TUSCL think I’m a weirdo.” This rick’s advice is to seek out professional help. Show the psychiatrist this post. I’m sure he’ll prescribe something. ROAR!!

This rick thinks that sexy young females do not want to have a conversation with OP is that he talks non-stop and ends every story he tells with “…and then I told those damn kids to get off my lawn!”

Book Ape, were you bit what you perceived at the time to be a large dog? And, since that time, have you noticed yourself growing additional hair during the full moon? Because, based on this post, I think it is possible that you are a werewolf. FYI, get yourself the werewolf cure. Werewolves suck. Always humpin’ the couch and shit like that. ROAR!!!

Nothing special. rickthelizard’s girlfriend has similar anatomy. When the lizard is havin’ extracurricular fun with the sexy female hairless apes he wants the standard single vagina anatomy. ROAR!!!

Ah…the obligatory “I don’t jizz in my pants” answers are starting on the “what are the best pants to jizz in?” post. The circle of life is almost complete. I’ll see WiseApe’s “trick fly” and do him one better. Just take your pants off and if the bouncer gives you shit just say “Imma gettin’ my BSLC sucked right now….so leave us alone or Imma go all wildebeest on your ass.” Works every time for this badass lion. ROAR!!!

Most of you damn dirty apes are more affected by shit like that than y’all think. Your ape brains are all buzzing from the coronal mass ejection and it doesn’t surprise this rick to see all sorts of crazy shit being posted. Hell, there are even some real wack jobs that believe this rick is just a weirdo ape pretending to be a lion rather than an actual frickin’ lion. Expect to see more so such craziness as the solar maximum beams sunspot craziness into easily influenced brains. ROAR!!!

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Far be it from a rick to be the voice of reason, but the would be fairly obvious benefits to a place where dancers to post info. As long as we kept the weirdo perverts from sayin’ things that are too creepy…or worse, political. Just be careful if such a dancer post is available Shaniece. You wouldn’t want some stalker comin’ after you. Or worse…so politics-obsessed weirdo coming in and asking you to read his twisted 200-page manifesto when you just wanna give a frickin’ lap dance and be done with the whole sordid affair. ROAR!!!

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We ricks are high on life. Well…wearin’ a stylin’ suit is helpful for feelin’ high on life. Actually, make that life, an stylin’ suit, and truly ridiculous amounts of Jack. Anyhoo, my point is that we ricks aren’t degenerate weed smokers. We come by our amazingly amazing nature based on our brain chemistry, not chemicals we ingest. And I can see how normies that need something in their lives might want the weed. But my life is already turned up to frickin’ 11 so I don’t need no drugs. ROAR!!!

The birthright of ricks is to be rude to whoever they want. And this rick has one word for anybody who says different…a word that rhymes with schmildebeest. ROAR!!!

You could do the experiment and find out. My lion-y prediction: the boxes for nickname and password will reappear. ROAR!!!

I thought the new TUSCL tagline was “Where fat schlubs hang out with women one-third their age instead of raising their three kids.” ROAR!!!

^ Lemme share some rick insights - some ricksights, if you will - into the Fredo mind. Have you ever noticed how his grammar and spelling get even more atrocious when he’s mad? I mean really…read some of his posts and they almost seem like they’re a space alien language from a bad sci fi show. Why is that? Simple, he can’t spell because he’s typin’ with one hand and rage jackin’ with the other hand. Now you know. ROAR!!!

Muddy ape, this rick is a bit confused about the choice of emojis. Does the 👽and 🛸 mean that you want your anus probed or that you want to do some anal probing? Or do you just want a threesome with a sexy female and an alien? Also, if you want the threesome, what alien species and gender do you prefer? I’ve heard that the females from planet Gelgamek have a vagina is three feet wide and filled with razor-sharp teeth. I doubt that you wanna fuck with that shit. On the other hand, I saw this documentary called “Nude on the Moon” that showed clear evidence of the moon babes playing topless volleyball. Perhaps some moon babes would like a threesome. ROAR!!!

…or maybe the TUSCL tagline should be “Where fat schlubs hang out with women one-third their age instead of raising their three kids.” Seriously though, this is sad. This rick thinks the fat schlub might have been the stalker and not just a simple OTC. I hope the justice system goes all wildebeest on his sorry ass. ROAR!!!

^ And we have a new TUSCL tagline. ROAR!!!

This sounds pretty twisted. I mean really…it is one thing to exchange a lil saliva but propelling said saliva through the air seems a bridge too far. But if the evil ape enjoys the spitting this rick says “you do you evil ape.” ROAR!!!

^ Fredo sez: “Andrew Jacksons face on a $20.00 has put more smiles on my face than anyone else in history.” This rick translates: “I’m Skifredo and I jack off when I see Andrew Jackson’s face.” Fortunately, Fredo seldom has access to $20s because he’s a broke loser. But y’all should watch out if he does use one in your vicinity, especially if it is all crusty and faded. ROAR!!!

Normally I avoid the Kent Ape “smash or pass?” posts because, as a rick, I’m regularly smashing sexy females in the real world. But I gotta give credit where credit is due to Kent Ape for makin’ Skifredo look like an idiot. Not exactly a heavy lift but still…my stylish hat is off to Kent on this particular post. Kent, you clearly have it in you to skewer idiots like Fredo in apolitical posts. Why waste time baiting him with politics? Baiting Fredo with politics is too frickin’ easy. Challenge yourself! ROAR!!!

Libby ape or whatever the fuck your name is, you know that this rick thinks you’re generally a good ape. The whole 100-fold weirder than San Jose Ape is perhaps unfair, but it should certainly give you pause when posting weird shit. Lemme give you some rickvice. Buy yourself a stylin’ suit. To get yourself started I’ll link you to some classy Ferragamo loafers right here https://www.ferragamo.com/shop/us/en/men/shoes-1/cantore-773602 My lion claws preclude my wearin’ these, but I wanted to start you off for a truly stylin’ ensemble. Once you got your rick suit, you need some rick attitude - rickitude, if you will. Jack’ll help you with that. Although sometimes a lil help from Johnnie and Jose is necessary. I’m saying that you’ve gotta work with all three J’s after the wacko post on here. Anyhoo… once you’re properly ricked up you’re ready to head to the club and try to approximate rick life. Remember that you aren’t an actual rick, you’re just a weirdo normie. But you can still try to rick to the best of your ability. I’m only tellin’ you this because I like ya. ROAR!!!

^ Although the whale is definitely pretty damn smooth, he ain’t a rick. If he was a rick he’d be wearing a stylin’ suit and he’d ask for the girl to pour him some Jack before convincing her to do remover her top and do some unspeakable shit with his blowhole. ROAR!!!

But there was no stabbing, right? I mean really, it sounds like some decision making in this story may have involved alcohol. Not that there is anything wrong with that. As a rick I make my best decisions after receiving sage advice from Jack, Johnnie, and Jose. However, bouncers don’t bother me because they are all sufficiently stroked by the rick system(TM). Wait, where was I? I guess my advice is to drink more and go back to the club and see how the other girls like you. ROAR!!

And before Fredo or anybody else is all “wah wah wah the lion is a leftist” or some shit, my problem with Fredo is not that he’s a conservative. I mean really, the dugan is a conservative and he’s the smartest hairless ape on the planet. The problem with Skifredo is that he is an obsessed dingus that types messages about how much he hates leftists with one hand. Think about how easy it is for Kent Ape to manipulate Fredo into saying stupid shit. I mean really, both Kent Ape and Fredo are spending their time jackin’ it while enraging each other. It would be funny if it wasn’t so frickin’ stupid. ROAR!!!

Well, I know better ape, this rick thinks you have the answer to the question of whether this should have been posted in the politics board. For future reference, ask yourself this question: if I post this topic, what is the likelihood that skifredo will post some rant about leftists or democrats or 1984 or some nonsense? Now I realize that there is an approximately 5% chance that Skifredo will post that shit regardless of what you post. But here is the thing to remember: when Skifredo posts those rants he jacks off. As soon as you realize this you will want to inject yourself with bleach to get the picture of a masturbating fredo out of your brain. Anyhoo… my advice is that any post that has a >10% chance in resulting in a a fredo rant should be posted on the political board. ROAR!!!

I’m sure shadow will come roaring back to health. After all, he is part cat and we have 9 lives. He must have at least 4.5 lives or something like that. Anyhoo…this rick wishes him well. ROAR!!!

^ Question for Book Ape: are you any of the following “…too nerdy, or ugly, or fat, or stinky, or cheap, or poorly dressed”? Given that I’m quoting you it seems like one or more of those issues may apply. Lemme give you some rickvice. It’s called “workin’ the system(TM).” Of course, it will help if you lose some weight if you’re too fat. But that will take time. You can deal with the stinky, cheap, and poorly dressed pretty easily. How? Simple! You take a frickin’ shower, buy a few stylin’ suits, and start spending reasonable amounts of money. The nerdy thing is a challenge too, but you’ll become less nerdy as you become more rickish. Anyhoo…did you know that it is possible to compensate for bein’ ugly by spending more money? I don’t have direct experience because, as a rick, I am a truly beautiful lion. You have the disadvantage of…well…not bein’ a rick. But there are non-ricks that can have rickish levels of success simply by spending more money. To recap: buy a stylin’ suit, shower regularly, and spend money. Also start a more intensive workout will help deal with the whole fat thing. Just remember that you should shower after the workout. I don’t have to do that because my lion-y pheromones are charming to most female mammals. Alas, I suspect your ape pheromones are kinda noxious. Take my rickvice and your problems will disappear. ROAR!!!

I like the cut of Derek’s gib. This rick definitely supports bringing him along on a decadent rick vacation - a rickation if you will. I’ll even spring for the loppers so he can get some boobies in his face. ROAR!!!

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Good question NS. It depends on where you draw the line for “inexpensive” and how important reusability is. For example, the most useful items I own are my Tesla, my stylin’ suits, and my bottle of Jack. I reuse the Tesla and my suits. But once I’m done with the bottle of Jack it goes in the recycle bin. Damn that bin fills up fast… Anyhoo, Imma just comment that Jackslash clearly understood the question and Skifredo did not. The question was linking two characteristics - “inexpensive” and “useful” or “enjoyable”. I mean really…a sous vide cooker is both useful and enjoyable. Nothin’ like wildebeest sous vide. But a frickin’ nickel? I mean yeah…it appreciated somewhat more than 10-fold in more than half a frickin’ century, so cool on that. Bet you’re glad you have that frickin’ nickel rather than some nasty Apple stock from the ‘97. Regardless, how useful is a frickin’ coin? Or enjoyable? Unless…maybe Fredo is jackin’ off to his nickel and he’s tryin’ to get us to slowly realize that he’s jackin’ it while sittin’ in the back of a Corvair, lookin’ at the nickel and waitin’ to get rear ended. That’s some sick shit Skifredo! Imma hafta track you down and go all wildebeest on your ass. ROAR!!!

Ooo… ooo… I know the answer the this question… it is NO. I mean really, pooling tips is a bad idea. Some of those sexy sexy females really earn their tips. I mean really, it is one thing when a female gets all down and dirty with a rick because I’m sure that’s pleasant for all involved. But some of those girls have to make money offa real weirdos. Can you imagine being a sexy stripper and then being told you have to share the dosh you made doin’ whatever turns Skifredo on? Any girl would want frickin’ hazard pay for that and shouldn’t be made to share it. Thus sayeth the lion. ROAR!!!

I never badmouths my girlfriend…err, sexy lioness that I live with. I mean really, we’re very compatible but you know how it is with lions. She doesn’t want sex much of the time but then wow she really wants it. You know how a lioness tells her boo that she wants some? She bites his frickin’ balls! That said, I love her because I’m a frickin’ lion and I really wouldn’t be able to stand livin’ with a hairless ape 24/7. So I have the perfect plan. Live with a delightful lioness and when I can take the lion life I suit up, hop in the ol’ Tesla, pull out the drivin’ whiskey, and set sail for the nearest source of sexy sexy females. ROAR!!!

^ My point exactly. This rick does not trust marsupials or monotremes on general principle. I mean really, I used my veto to keep a frickin’ platypus out of the council. If a frickin’ kangaroo or wallaby tried to be a rick I’d go all wildebeest on ‘em right then a there. Anyhoo…if you have a frickin’ kangaroo that is also working as a male escort there is something rotten in the state of Denmark. Well, I guess this was actually rotten the state of New South Wales, but you get my point. And it’s a good point because it is a rick point. ROAR!!!

Well…rather than watch the video Imma just assume it is a few badass ricks bein’ amazingly amazing. So amazing that it’ll almost blow a normie’s mind. This rick is assuming correctly…isn’t he Libby ape. After all, I’d hate to hafta go all wildebeest on a generally good ape… ROAR!!!

The thing that all of y’all should learn from this whole sordid affair is that you should never trust a horny knife-obsessed marsupial.

^^ “what’s wrong with mixers?” Jascoi ape, I have a question for you: Are you insane?!! How the fuck can you get your blood alcohol up into the rickish zone if you’re using mixers? Say you wanna go on a long drive and you’re sober…do you just chug you drivin’ wiskey? NO!!! You need to get rickish fast! The simple solution is to soak a tampon in Jack - make a Jackon if you will - and shove that up your ass while you chug the drivin’ whiskey. Only a GD moron would soak a tampon in Jack and Coke and shove that us his ass. What is wrong with these idiots brother dugan? Dumbass apes wanna put mixed drinks up their ass… ROAR!!!

Our stylin’ rick suits tell the bouncers and door girls everything they need to know. If they want an ID this rick points to his face and says “how many suit-wearin’ lions frequent your establishment?…tell me wildebeest…how frickin’ many?” Then they let me in. ROAR!!!

Lemme get this straight Monger Ape…you want to know the best clubs in Detroit to watch girls dance to that washed up ‘80s band with the synth player that wears his hair like a frickin’ seagull? Weird request. However, this rick will indulge you. Buy yourself some sort of music player with earbuds and listen to the flock of seagulls band while you watch the sexy dancing females all you want. Because that is the only way you’re going to hear the music by “A Flock of Seagulls”. Sometimes you damn dirty apes are real weirdos. ROAR!!!

Yeah…that’s my bad Libby ape. I set up a my first rick drivin’ school in Atlanta. It’s a franchise idea this rick had. The goal was to teach a generation of drivers to be rickish. Alas, most of you damn dirty apes can’t handle the drivin’ whiskey 🥃 ROAR!!!

I don’t see the problem. The sexy females are always eager to see a rick. ROAR!!!

^^ 25 is a wise ape. Graphic novels are for those whose real life is less interesting than a graphic novel. As a frickin’ rick my real life is way more interesting than a graphic novel. I mean really…does the Marvel comics ever show a suit-wearing lion cruising the country in his Tesla and bangin’ the sexy female hairless ape while drinkin’ Jack? I don’t think so. ROAR!!!

Well, as a rick my health is quite robust. And, frankly, I don’t really wanna be touched by damn dirty apes unless they are sexy females. However, I have discovered that your doctors have multiple different degrees. The three most common are M.D., D.O., and D.V.M. In my experience the smartest hairless ape doctors have a D.V.M. All of you should try to find a doctor with that degree. ROAR!!!

Well, the rick does not like dogs on account of them mostly bein’ assholes, but I’ll tolerate any hottie with a dog if said pup gives me proper rickspect. Any I might get me one of those ice creams if they have something good like liver or wildebeest steak flavor. ROAR!!!

^ True dat nicespice. Notice how Square Ape keeps replying to a rick thread but he can’t deal with our rickish Scud misses of truth. What does he expect on a rick thread? I mean really, he seems like the kind of goofy hairless ape that would go to a Golden Earring concert and get all pissed that the band played Radar Love. You know, the kind of idiot who would go to a Gallagher show and get all cheesed off about the guy bashin’ watermelons with a big ass wooden mallet. Well…to be fair, both Golden Earring and that Gallagher ape were never really popular and they’re probably dead so if there was a show they’d be like zombies and a zombie with a frickin’ mallet smashing watermelons is kinda freaky… But you get my bigger point, which is simply that ol’ Mr Square is the kinda hairless ape that tries to meet Bill Cosby and then gets all pissed off when the Cos puts ‘ludes in his drink and fingers him…oh, wait…he seems like the kinda guy that would dig that and be pissed off if he doesn’t get the Cosfinger. ROAR!!!

You know what helps with buzzkills? A friendly guy named Jack. And if the world is too much of a downer for Jack to help, you can reach out to Johnny and Jim and maybe even to your Old Grand-Dad. They’ll all collaborate to rebuzz you. ROAR!!!

You seem very confused about rickism square ape. Why would we make you watch Tate videos? How could that possibly be of interest to any of us? Remember the central tenet of rickism: ‘tis okay to be an asshole but never ever be 100% a dick. It would be dickish to make you watch Tate. If we’re gonna make you watch anything it’ll be something like this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xvFZjo5PgG0 ROAR!!!

Motor ape, this rick thinks the solution is simple. Remember that one of the core tenets of rick philosophy is “‘tis okay to be an asshole but one should avoid being 100% a dick”. Think about it. A female posts a scantily-clad photo on the interwebz but you do not find her attractive. Do you tell her that you don’t find her attractive? NO! Doing so is being 100% a dick!! You simply move on. Now, if an armed zebra were to force you to look at a photograph of a female you find unattractive and makes it impossible to move on you have to realize that it is okay to be mad at the zebra but not at the female in the photograph. Well, this one only applies to you because I’d go all frickin’ wildebeest on the zebra. I mean really, they have frickin’ hooves so how the fuck are they holding a gun? And I frickin’ hate frickin’ zebras so I attack ‘em based on my general anti-zebra policy! ROAR!!!!

As usual, my brother from a hairless ape mother is totally correct. Nothin’ better than good hot wings in the club. Well…it might be even better if they let wildebeest roam the club and allow you to hunt in between the lappers, but I’ve yet to find that club. ROAR!!!

Libby Ape (or whatever the fuck his name is) takes the prize here. I mean really, I never pictured you as a mostly hairless ape with extraordinarily long nose hairs. But I guess if you’re askin’ the sexy females ‘bout diggin’ for boogers you get those long nose hairs pulled. Good story Libby! ROAR!!!

Beg to differ. Sweeney boobs are the world’s boobs. They are the 8th and 9th wonders of the frickin’ world. ROAR!!!

^ Jay ape, are you on the marching powder right now? Some rickvice: just say no to drugs and yes to Jack. ROAR!!!

If you’re gonna threaten police officers you better have something better than “I’m a trained sniper and I know how to disarm folks.” I mean really…you can be a frickin’ sniper but the cops will have 10 frickin’ SWAT snipers each of which will put a bullet in your frickin’ head. No…if you’re gonna threaten cops you need something convincing, like calling ‘em “wildebeest” in a threatening tone and following it up with a mighty “ROAR!!!” The average beat cop will just back off. Well…it helps to be a frickin’ lion too. ROAR!!!

^ Intriguing theory Drew Ape. This is simply one of the many services we ricks perform. You didn’t even know that you wanted to know what is up with Stripperlover but now you are saying to yourself “is he testing software? is he a bot? is he a zebra? is he clinically insane?” And so forth. Think of how much value we ricks bring to your lives just by being…well…rickish. You’re feeling all down with how boring your life is and BOOM!!! a rick shows up wearing a stylin’ suit and tellin’ you about the frickin’ SYSTEM(tm) and you’re all “now my life is complete!” I debate whether to say “you’re welcome” because you haven’t actually thanked me. But I understand why you haven’t thanked me…you didn’t even know that you needed the dose of rickishness that I put in your face. But hear me now and believe me next Thursday…you will soon realize that you need that rickishness. ROAR!!!

^ Why is it so hard to believe that an esteemed member of the council of ricks is posting valuable rickvice to help you damn dirty apes? Well here me now and believe me next Tuesday when you see a suit-wearing lion hangin’ in the club getting dances from the sexiest female hairless apes available. Then you’ll understand how amazingly amazing we ricks are. Well…assuming that I don’t lose myself in an alcoholic fog bein’ all amazingly amazing and rickish. ROAR!!!

^ With respect to Ishmael Ape, he is wrong. Everybody knows that AIs get basic facts wrong and occasionally interject something machine-y into their text. A typical machine-y statement is something like BEEP-BOOP-BOP. For example, if you asked an AI to write as if it were an angry suit-wearing lion that frequented strip clubs this is what you would get: “Imma go all Antelope on Your ASS my friend. BEEP-BOOP-BA!!!” I mean really…does that sound anything like a real suit-wearing lion that posts on the interwebz? The random capitalization…WRONG! The use of antelope rather than frickin’ wildebeest…WRONG!! And then there is the absence of a hearty ROAR!!!

What kind of loser male hairless ape goes to the cops when they get hit with a “small stack” of ones? I mean really, if she pulled that shit with this rick I’d be all “respect the rick or Imma go all wildebeest on your ass” and punctuate that statement with a mighty ROAR!!! but I sure as fuck wouldn’t go to the police and press frickin’ charges. Of course, shit like that doesn’t happen to this rick. I respect those girls who are often behave like lionesses for their little apelings. Imma give a fair tip for appropriate services and make ‘em happy because that’s the kind of lion I am. ROAR!!!

Good question Skifredo. There is one correct answer. The most poetic words sung by any hairless ape are: Hush, my darling, don't fear, my darling, The lion sleeps tonight Hush, my darling, don't fear, my darling, The lion sleeps tonight Wah oh oh, wah oh oh, wah oh wimoweh Weeheeheehee dee heeheeheehee weeoh aweem away Weeheeheehee dee heeheeheehee weeoh aweem away ROAR!!!

While this rick believes that the sexy female hairless ape was simply gesturing to indicate that she bet $0 on the Jeopardy show, she did look like she was on her knees between two lions jackin’ their BSLCs. If her intent was to communicate her desire to jack of multiple lions she could have clarified that by removing her clothing. ROAR!!!

^ Was she protecting a specific boob or was it a desire to have you Danhandle a single boob at a time? This rick was picturing the interaction as “no Danhandling the lefty girl” but it would be funnier if she was saying shit like “okay, you’ve been Danhandling Ms. Right for 30 seconds time to change over to Ms. Left” Inquiring ricks wanna know. ROAR!!!

Size doesn’t matter that much but spininess does. Fortunately this rick’s appendage is both amply sized and majorly spiny. ROAR!!!

^ Not listen to Princess Tay Tay? Speak for yourself Ishmael ape. This rick is a major Swiftie. The question itself is hard. On the one hand, Princess Tay Tay is the perfect female hairless ape. So this rick wants to be her boy toy. On the other hand, I am a frickin’ rick. My own man…er, lion…and I cannot be tied to any females, be they lion or be they ape. So Imma split the difference. Imma listen to my Princess Tay Tay and wish her happiness while enjoying my complete and total rickishness. ROAR!!!

^ C’mon 5footape, Kent ape is not trolling. This rick finds the idea that Kent can’t get a boner totally plausible. Don’t know why you have trouble believing that. ROAR!!!

Yeah…that was kind of my fault. This hairless ape was pissing me off so I said “hey you damn dirty ape, y’know what gives you super amazingly amazing orgasms? Stuffing batteries up your lil wang.” I didn’t think he’d do it, but you have to admit the outcome is kinda funny. ROAR!!!

^ True. Who has “Kent Ape admits he can’t get a boner” on their TUSCL bingo card?

This rick knows exactly what Sinclair ape is talking about. Normally I enjoy the fruits of rick dates. You know, shit like next level fucking and sucking with the sexy females, drinking the Jack, and texting the girls boyfriend about what a pencil dicked loser he is. But there was this one time I took a sexy female hairless ape out to zoo where I hunted a wildebeest and we shared a delightful wildebeest BBQ. She was all posting it on Instagram with stuff about how “my new boyfriend makes delightful wildebeest” and “my new boyfriend hates frickin’ zebras” and shit like that. Honey, I wasn’t your boyfriend. I have a girlfriend - err, sexy lioness that I live with - back at home. I just have a need to bang the sexy female hairless apes on the side. ROAR!!!

^ Get Princess Tay Tay’s name outta your mouth fun ape. Otherwise this rick might have to track y’all down and go wildebeest on you. ROAR!!!

Far be it for this lion to tell you hairless apes how your legal system works, but Imma point out that various ways of enhancing criminal charges do give the DA’s office leverage to extract a plea bargain and save money that would otherwise be spent going to trial. This is in sharp contrast to the law where I grew up, which was “what the lion king says goes.” BTW, did you damn dirty apes know that your Lion King movie and Broadway show are based on my life? Well, they left out the part about the whore mongering. But I was buds with a meerkat and warthog in my youth. We would all wear stylin’ suits and get into all kinds of drunken trouble. Good times. Anyhoo, this rick agrees that you weirdos should post shit like this on the political board. Some of you damn dirty apes are always wanting to post 30 page essays on shit you don’t understand. This rick doesn’t understand why you want to do that. Just put on a stylin’ suit, grab a bottle of your finest drivin’ whiskey, and do a road trip to Detroit to see the sexy females in the club. ROAR!!!

^ Libby Ape or whatever the fuck your name is, this rick did not click on your pornhub link. It’s frickin’ scary when “porn” and “pet” are mentioned in the same sentence. Unless it is a frickin’ lion goin’ at it with his pet hairless ape. ROAR!!!

As a diehard Swiftie, all this rick can say “I wants me one of those Tay Tay cocktails.” I wonder if they make them rick strength? ROAR!!!

^^ Manuel, I like the cut of your jib. You seem like a good ape that likes to consume reliable rickformation. However, I see Moody Apes point. Internet trolls are the worst. The make me wanna go all wildebeest on ‘em. Did you know that approximately 80% of internet trolls are actually zebras. I frickin’ hate them stripy horses. ROAR!!!

The problem with the mute button is that people sometimes mute posters for the wrong reason. Take the ricks. Some people just can’t wrap their brains around how cool we ricks are. So they mute us. But we only give rickvice to help those less fortunate than us. Imagine for a moment how good the world would be if everybody expressed as much rickness as they could. Some of us - the real ricks - would be totally rickish. Others would only be able to express a soupçon of rickishness. But even a lil rickishness is better than no rickishness at all! Now Imma go rick around and make the world a better place. ROAR!!!

If this rick ain’t seein’ bare breasted females this rick ain’t seein’ no point. ROAR!!!

^^^^ Jackslash ape, yeah, this rick is really sort of sorry that he told you it would be fun to duct tape a fifth of Jack to your hand and go for a road trip. I mean really…it was kind of funny when you got handcuffed and the cop got Jack all down the front of his pants…so he looked like he pissed himself with Jack. But it kinda went downhill from there. Mea culpa. ROAR!!!

Okay, I gotta ask 59ape a question: WTF is wrong with your neighbor? Not the part about leaving his keys in an unlocked Jag SUV. That is just normal hairless ape stupidity. I’m talkin’ ‘bout the Jag SUV. WTF? Jaguars used to be cool. Some of my best friends are jaguars and they’re good cats. I’m down with hairless apes makin’ a car named after said cats. But a frickin’ SUV? Really? SUVs are the antithesis of cool. And a Jag SUV is worse! That’s like starting to drink a big ol’ glass of cool and then deciding to mix in some loser juice. A Jag SUV is the kind of vehicle that Skifredo would buy, if wasn’t a broke ass loser that can barely afford a frickin’ Yugo. ROAR!!!

All you damn dirty apes should read the linked article and check out the photo of reputed Buffalo mob chief Joseph “All I know is pizza” Todaro. Based on the pie in the photo that guy does not know pizza. I mean really…good pizza should have wildebeest on it. ROAR!!!

Ishmael ape, you don’t emphasize the fun part of dating a stripper: the hilarious text exchanges with the guys they do OTC with. Remember this classic? https://tuscl.net/discussion/77698 If you don’t date a stripper how will you ever get to read shit like the following: “I heard your dick don't work and neither do you. So she'll call you when I decide she can bitch. Enjoy the second helping tonight pussyboy.” - said by rickdugan, smartest hairless ape on the planet Actually, now that I write this response I realize that was mostly funny for my brother the dugan. In fact, it probably sucked for the stripper boyfriend when he received that message. But that doesn’t make it less funny to send that message. ROAR!!!

Imma give some rick props to the bouncer that knocked the gun out of this weirdo ape’s hand. Fortunately, said bouncer recognized the signs of a disruptive customer: — wearing devil mask — has “kill” and “darkk one” written on his arms — carrying gun in one hand and flashlight in the other The question in this rick’s mind is: what is the devil-mask ape’s TUSCL handle? Also, does he really think dark is spelled with two k’s, or is that some sort of affectation? Finally, what was devil mask ape’s TUSCL handle? Regardless, that bouncer was truly rickish. Imma hafta go find him so I can point at him and say “attaboy!” ROAR!!!

Really TUSCL posters? How is this a frickin’ question? The answer is right there in the frickin’ acronym. Think about it: MILF = Mother I’d Like to Fuck Really, you wouldn’t jack off to a MIRB (= Mother I’m Repulsed By), would you? No! You’d fantasize about a MILF. Now that this rick has explained the simple fact that saying “I’d like to fuck” about somebody means that…well…you like to fuck ‘em I’ll move on to a more interesting topic. On a scale of really excited to super-duper excited, how excited are you that Princess Tay Tay will be releasing a new album in frickin’ April. This rick can’t wait! ROAR!!!

^ I hear what you’re sayin’ brother rick. But blah has a point. Males that spend time calling other men betas or calling themselves alphas aren’t alphas. Look at us my friend. Do we call ourselves alphas? No! We’re just like that Adam West ape. West didn’t need to say “I’m Batman”. He walked into a room and the other hairless apes were all “that’s frickin’ Batman!!” Anyhoo… my point is that when any of us rick walk into a room wearin’ our stylin’ suit and bein’ all rickish the other folks are all “that rick is so frickin’ cool that I can’t wrap my brain around how frickin’ cool he is!” ROAR!!!

Shailynn ape, you’re generally a good ape and this rick likes you, but you seriously need to watch what you say. Katy Perry is a truly sexy and talented female hairless ape and Katy definitely has the nice bazoombas, but she can’t hold a candle to Princess Tay Tay. ROAR!!!

^ Watch it motor ape. I may have to go all wildebeest on your ass 13 times for implying that Princess Tay Tay is anything other than perfect. This lion is a major league Swiftie! This rick decided to let Anderson Ape off the hook because he has obvious mental health issues, even by TUSCL standards. But you seem to be at least somewhat connected to reality. So why can you see that Princess Tay Tay is the perfect female? Now let’s move on to something important. Like hoping and praying that Tay Tay can make it to the the Super Bowl on time see her boyfriend earn the right to worship at her feet. ROAR!!!

Mogul Ape, I con confidently say that you misunderstand the impetus for space exploration if you think Musk Ape will be satisfied sending robots. I have had many conversations with rickthealien and he assured me that his species went to space to for a simple reason. Space is the final frontier. They wanted to explore strange new worlds, seek out new life and new civilizations, determine whether they have buttholes and then boldly probe anuses no alien has probed before. Of course, with a few notable exceptions such as nicespice, you perverts don’t have to worry about rick because he only probes sexy females. But you should really watch out if mauricethealien shows up because your anus is gonna get probed. ROAR!!!

As a rick I’m always wearin’ a stylin’ suit. ROAR!!!

I don’t know Evergreen Ape. I haven’t checked on all of my followers because, as a rick, I’m above that shit. All I know it that I got an alert sayin’ that Skifredo was following yours truly. This rick can only speculate. Perhaps Fredo has a second personality tryin’ to get out. Sort of a cool “inner Fredo” that is oppressed by his normal, easily triggered snowflake loser personality. Perhaps said inner Fredo bookmarked yours truly and then his outer nerd boy personality took over and unbookmarked this rick because he couldn’t take the AGM-114 Hellfire missiles of truth comin’ out of this rick’s mouth! Anyhoo…if this rick is correct - and he usually is - that says something good about Fredo. It says that there is good in his core if he can just sedate his outer loser with sufficient alcohol. Clearly, Fredo needs to drink more. ROAR!!!

If only Apple would make an iPad that was more responsive to lion claws. Do you know how had it is to mentor a bunch of damn dirty apes who need your rickvice when you try to type on an ipad and you constantly omit letters or misspell words because the damn thing doesn’t pick up your typing? Of course not, only one of us here is a frickin’ lion so you can’t know. Imma drive to the Apple headquarters and tell them to make an autocorrect AI trained to correct the types of errors we lions make when typing on their tablets. ROAR!!!

To true motorape. You damn dirty apes don’t know how good you’ve got it with your pathetic noses. Imaging what it is like to small stanky pussy from a mile away. It is frickin’ hell bein’ a lion sometimes. The only reason I can live amongst you damn dirty apes and your gross smells is my incredible rickness. Allows me to enjoy the good things you apes have brought to the world, like sexy stripper apes, Jack, and stylin’ suits. But it ain’t easy. There is a reason you don’t see a lion wearing a suit on every street corner. ROAR!!!

Lemme give you a little rickvice. What you need to do is get back into dating and find yourself a sexy female of whatever species you are. But here is the brilliant part. The part only a rick could think of: you still go to the strip club and enjoy as many sexy female hairless apes as you want. Take your truly. I live with a delightful lioness that made me delicious Hatch green chili wildebeest burgers last night. This morning I’m in the road in my Tesla with a bottle of drivin’ whiskey by my side lookin’ for ways to get in trouble. So get yourself a stylin’ suit, find the sexiest female you can convince to live with you (she won’t be as sexy as a rick-lovin’ female because…well, isn’t it obvious), and continue rickin’. Or the best approximation of rickin’ that you can muster. ROAR!!!

All you have to do is google your term followed by site: For example, if you were to google the following - rickthelion site:tuscl.net You would be treated to gems like this: https://www.tuscl.net/discussion/79017 Same trick works with the dugan or the vulture or the crab… See how you can get the wisdom of the ricks? ROAR!!!

^^ Libby ape, the lube on the roads idea is a good one. Imagine how much fun it would be to have a race on lubed up roads. I can see it now, a bunch of drunken degenerates speeding around over a layer of KY. Imma consider tryin’ that with a rental car. When I return the car with all sorts of damage Imma say “it was that way when I got it” and see how the person at the rental company reacts. Should be good for a laugh. ^ Good point ratdog. I’m sure you agree with the no smelly pussy rule too. We of the acute olfactory sense have to stick together, no? I just had a rick thought… what would the Juice Ape have done with pussy powder? Chew on that thought for a bit… ROAR!!!

Or smelly pussies for that matter. You damn dirty apes have a rather poor sense of smell but as a frickin’ lion this rick’s nose is a finely tuned instrument. If something smells gross to you imagine what it smells like to me. UCK!!! To summarize, the sexy female should keep their pussies non-smelly and non-dusty. I think we can all agree on that! ROAR!!!

This rick don’t want no females with dusty pussies. ROAR!!!

^ That is because you are a good ape shailynn. You’re cool enough to read the words of the ricks and say “yeah… I may never be rick cool but I can appreciate rick cool.” But now imagine that you are Skifredo. I know… who the fuck would want to be Skifredo? I meant really, Skifredo doesn’t even want to be Skifredo. But stay with me… If you were a loser like Skifredo you’d read my words and be all “That lion is so frickin’ cool I wanna suck his big ol’ lion cock but I’m not gay so what the fuck am I thinkin’?” It would just be easier to put me on ignore and not face up to your unnatural desires. So, to summarize, you’re cool and this rick only wants his BSLC sucked by sexy females. ROAR!!!

What kind of weirdos put muddy ape on ignore? I mean really… muddy seem like a delightful weirdo pervert ape. I understand putting me on ignore. As a rick I am just so amazingly amazing that some normies can’t wrap their brains around how cool us ricks are. Reading the brilliant things we ricks say is sort of like staring at the sun for those normies. Puttin’ us on ignore is sort of like wearing shades during a solar eclipse so you don’t burn out your retinas. But in this case the rick words would be burning out normie minds! ROAR!!!

You also need to have a rick room. Personally, this lion doesn’t use discord but the vulture and turtle might be open to it. ROAR!!!

Libby ape (or whatever the fuck his name is) said “The non-constructive, self-important berating of people for not being more constructive is humorously ironic. And made more humorously ironic by doing it on a titty bar website.” Right you are Libby. Perhaps we should promote you to honorary rick. The issue, you see, is that Skifredo likes to stir the pot. He’s a troll. He just wants to post this shit to get people all agitated and then he sits back and laughs. Well, actually… and I know you don’t want to think about this… the truth is that Fredo posts this shit and jacks off. I mean really, this rick doesn’t want to think about Fredo jackin’ but that is exactly what Skifredo does after he posts a thread like this. My rickvice is to simply point and laugh at Skifredo. He fancies himself a deep thinking philosopher who knows how to manipulate others, but he’s really just a fourth rate divorce lawyer that went to the worst law school in the country. He can’t live with the fact that he’s actually kind of a joke. Treat him that way. Then the Fredo healing will begin and he will start jackin’ it to porno instead of sad political posts on a titty club website. ROAR!!!

WallanonApe, whachoo talkin’ ‘bout with the troll stuff? I know that simple rick life can be so over the top amazing to some normies. Perhaps you think I am being a troll because you cannot wrap your brain around exactly how cool the ricks are. Well hear me now and believe me later, we are exactly so amazingly amazing that if you could wrap your brain around how cool we are your brain would explode. Think about that. ROAR!!!

At least Muddy ape understands how amazingly amazing the ricks are. ROAR!!!

^^ Biseggi ape, hate to tell you this but I suspect Snerzy was getting head from the donut girl. That what always happens when we’re havin’ a rick gathering and somebody, say the dugan, says “hey Mr. Lion my friend, we need donuts if we’re gonna continue this rickbang” and bein’ the good civic minded lion that I am I say “sure thing my brother from an ape mother” but then I get to the donut show and there’s a sexy donut girl that is willing to suck my BSLC because she’s all “you’re such a sexy lion ooo….” But no coffee. This rick doesn’t drink coffee. Well…Irish Coffee is ok if you leave out that hot black stuff. ^ Too true Libby ape or whatever the fuck your name is. This rick don’t do no veggie burger shit. A good wildebeest burger hits the spot though. ROAR!!!

This rick thinks RedJohnsonApe needs to get laid and/or drunk. I mean really…most hairless apes are just plain useless regardless of sex. As a frickin’ lion I have the perspective to see that. But all this rick can say is that if you’re speakin’ sympathetically ‘bout the Taliban you’re the one that’s fucked in the head. I mean really, wtf is up with havin’ the sexy females cover themselves. Encouraging the uggos to wear extra layers is one thing, but the hotties? If they wanna go ‘round in a frickin’ ultra micro bikini this rick is two claws up. ROAR!!!

This rick doesn’t worry. Few diseases infect both humans and cats. There is a rumor on this site that dippin’ your dick in listermint will cure all STIs. I don’t know of any clinical proof of that statement, but it certainly makes my BSLC all fresh and minty so I sometimes use the ‘mint. ROAR!!!

Did you say “whachoo talkin’ ‘bout? Da shadowcat don’t do no frickin’ assjobs! Nope, shadowcat don’ play dat game.”? If you didn’t, you should have. ROAR!!!

Imma go all wildebeest on that asshole. Time for a road trip. Now where the fuck is my drivin’ whiskey? ROAR!!!

Did you eat a tetrahydrozoline and meatball sandwich?

This rick is always up for watching hairless apes do stupid shit, like eat a tetrahydrozoline and meatball sandwich. However, there are funnier ways to make somebody shit themselves. For example, as a frickin’ lion I simply purchase some extra strength colon blow and knock on some damn dirty ape’s door. When the ape answers I say “hey ape, eat this stuff or I go all wildebeest on your ass.” But y’all should remember the rick motto that it is okay to be an asshole but you should avoid being 100% a dick. I only do that trick if there is a good reason. I mean really, it is one thing if I don’t like somebody’s face or something but I’m not going to make some totally random schmo shit himself. ROAR!!!

^ nice seems cool. I buy her as someone living the life of a sexy hairless ape with a moose pal. ROAR!!!

Wait a gosh darn minute Biseggi. What’s this shit with Akron? I thought you were a member of the NYC Italian Stallion Strip Club Posse or some shit like that. Akron is about as far from NYC as tha frickin’ NC where I came from. Well, tha NC is cooler because there are elephants and hippos and hyenas and whatnot to party with. But you get my point: Akron ain’t the big frickin’ Apple! Anyhoo, Imma encourage you to tell us your crazy ass adventures. I don’t care if they’re in NYC or Akron or St. Pete Beach. Though Imma be mighty disappointed if you were the guy having a hissy fit after molesting a manatee statue. If you’re gonna fuck a manatee at least have the class to fuck an actual manatee. ROAR!!!

CJape, Imma just give one bit of rickvice: post this shit on the political board. Skifredo is just as likely to freak out and say something amusing there as he is here, but those of us who don’t give a shit how you damn dirty apes govern yourselves can avoid reading the erudite back and forth. ROAR!!!

Testify rick my brother. There’s bein’ a rick and there’s bein’ a dick. They’re different things. The manatee molester was definitely bein’ a dick. ROAR!!!

C’mon fellas…this Biseggi clearly has the potential to become a valued contributor. I mean really, has he written a 30-page essay about some political nonsense he doesn’t understand? No. Has he insulted the ricks? No. Is his name Skifredo? No…his name appears to be Biseggi. Perhaps an unfortunate aspect of the Biseggi name is that my ipad wants to autocorrect it to bisexual and that makes typing much harder for this lion. I keep telling Apple that they need to make products that are friendly to us lions and tigers and bears. But I digress…my point is that Biseggi appears to enjoy jizzing in his pants and he wants to tell us ‘bout it. Let’s hear the tales of pantsjizzin’! Also, this rick thinks his friend snerzy should join too. ROAR!!!

ROAR!!!

^ Jaws was anti-shark propaganda. No real shark would fall for that scuba tank in the mouth shit. How would you feel if they made a movie called “Insano Divorce Lawyer” and showed what a day in the Skifredo life is like?

I fully expect them to give us ricks 5-star reviews. I mean really…what sexy female wouldn’t want to be rickbanged? All of ‘em want the rickbangin’ ROAR!!!

You guys are giving all sorts of advice but you clearly don’t know where the OP is comin’ from. Read the name. His name is Dogonme is clearly a dog - a Canis familiaris. He is showing all the classic dog feelings. Drooling all over some hairless ape. Admittedly, he is a smart dog because I’ve met few dogs that can successfully connect to the internet. And my experience is that when they do connect to the internet they get all distracted streaming the cooking shows. Frickin’ dogs are all about eatin’…. Anyhoo…I’m getting off track. I have one piece of advice for the OP: hit yourself on the nose with a rolled up newspaper and say “I will not chase hairless apes or cars. I will focus on dog things like chasin’ sticks and watchin’ cooking shows.” ROAR!!

^ Flying monkeys are assholes. Always buzzing around in their little monkey planes wearing little overalls and shit. Hate ‘em. Almost as much as I hate frickin’ zebras. ROAR!!

Fortunately, all us lions look the same to you damn dirty apes. If I asked cecilthelion to dress up in a stylin’ suit I bet y’all would be greeting him with “hi rick!” Life is good when you’re a frickin’ lion. You damn dirty apes are fucked. ROAR!!!

I feel like I need to soak my brain in listermint after reading that shit. And I’m a perverted lion. Now I gotta drink til I forget this shit. Where the fuck is my drivin’ whiskey? ROAR!!!

Don’t worry shailynn ape. We ricks will step in before any of that shit happens. Hell, I’ve wanted to go all wildebeest on the ass of many a tech executive when I destroy some high tech thingie because it wasn’t designed to survive lion claws. How many times have I written Apple saying “you damn dirty apes gotta test whether your iPads can be used by lions and tigers and bears.” Do they pay attention? No! Anyhoo, how is a damn dirty ape that can’t make an iPad that able survive use by a horny bear that wants to watch some bear porn gonna clone himself into a robot body. Let them master makin’ durable iPads before worrying about terminator shit. ROAR!!!

Wait…I didn’t know that rickthebear’s wife was workin’ the pole. Now imma have to tell him. ROAR!!!

Control of fire is one of the most important things that you damn dirty apes invented. She clearly wants the little apeling to master control of fire early in his life. ROAR!!!

Does this mean that you’re giving up on you unhealthy rick fascination?

^ Eh, ATACape, sometimes it is fun to use language that is more elaborate than is necessary. For example, if I want to scare somebody into complying with my lion-y wishes do I simply let loose with a mighty ROAR!!!? Well…sometimes I do. But other times I want to tease my prey. That is when I tell them they will one day be walking alone and hear a word that will chill them to the bone. A word that rhymes with “schmildebeest”. Far more creative. And even an admiral ape can understand it. ROAR!!!

“Cuck porn seems to be a big thing. Maybe I could make a new career of this. Hang out in VIP,, role play the stripper's cuck, neckbearded husband. Mopely watching in self-hatred.” Libby-ape or whatever the fuck your name is, this rick just has to say that you are fantasizing incorrectly. You want to be the male fucking the wife, not the male being cucked. ROAR!!!

WTF is wrong with you damn dirty apes? Not a one of you had any wildebeest for the holiday. How you gonna be thankful unless you got a nice wildebeest roast on the table? SMH. ROAR!!!

Okay, okay… despite being a rick, I am confused. Imma let the “one time I agree with rick” thing go. Obviously, the dugan is the smartest hairless ape on the planet so it would be a good idea for all of you to follow his lead. But that isn’t what confused this rick. The part that confused this here lion is the statement that the married stripper “…is always a girl that lets customers touch everywhere except the pussy.” I don’t see how that related to her husband wanting to be cucked. I mean, if the husband wants to be cucked wouldn’t she want guys touching the pussy? Right now I’m imagining this pathetic neckbeard ape who wants to be cucked being all sad because he asks his stripper wife to describe her shift and she ends the story with “well he came in his pants after groping my tits and ass so then he tipped me and we went our separate ways.” WTF kinda story is that for the sad neckbeard husband? We ricks think the cuck husbands of the world need so good jack off material. That is why we give it to their wives. It is a frickin’ public service. ROAR!!!

Also, to the OP and any other posters interested in the actual topic, realize that you have to put search terms into the pubmed website. That will take you to primary medical literature, which most of y’all won’t understand anyway. How you damn dirty apes took over the planet I will never know. Makes me wonder what I could do if I laid off the alcohol and fuckin’ sexy females… Oh well, Imma drink some drivin’ whiskey and find a sexy female hairless ape. TTFN!

^ Can you folks lay off the double shot espressos or something? I mean seriously, I get to say shit like “Imma go all wildebeest on your ass” ‘cause I’m a frickin’ lion. Plus, y’all know that I’m in such an alcoholic fog all the time that I’ll forget about any grievances before I find you. I mean really, how am I gonna drive if I don’t keep my blood alcohol level high enough? Anyhoo, Skifredo is just being an asshole. But that’s typical. But Mate and 25…y’all are mostly good ape. Just relax. Back to the topic at hand. I don’t worry ‘bout most of your damn dirt ape diseases because of my superior lion immune system. ROAR!!!

Skifredo finally says something intelligent! Yes, involving gorillas would make the gladiatorial combat more entertaining. And just imagine my drunken demolition derby with many different kinds of apes driving. But no bonobos. Those freak will just want to lick genitalia rather than engage in crazed combat. Anyhoo, I’ll just say that now we’re talkin’ about real entertainment. How else would you damn dirty apes suggest modifying the games? ROAR!!!

^ “Road warriors” sounds like good entertainment. Imagine this: a bunch a damn dirty apes get all loaded on drivin’ whiskey and have a demolition derby. You could give them all firearms if you want something even more entertaining. But it should be revolvers. Makes the reloading more exciting. ROAR!!!

I have to say that I just don’t get pro wrestling. I mean really, who wants to see two damn dirty apes engaging in gladiatorial combat without weapons? It might be entertaining if you give on ‘em a sword and shield and the other a trident and net with little hooks or something like that. But you know what would be even better? Hairless ape vs lion. I’m bettin’ on the lion 🦁 ROAR!!!

Muddy ape, if you’re so enthralled by the ricks that you muddy your pants you better leave the club quickly. Nobody wants to smell your shit. ROAR!!!

“By the way, she is a terrible attorney” Might be true, might not be. After all, it is the assessment of an insano divorce lawyer that is known to fill out paperwork in crayon 🖍️ Not that the law matters for this rick. As a frickin’ lion a live by the LAW OF THE JUNGLE!!! Okay…okay…I grew up in tha NC so I mostly respect the laws of the open grasslands, but somehow “law of the veldt” sound silly. Imma have to chug a lil drivin’ whiskey and see if it sounds better. But this digression doesn’t alter my point about not trusting the legal assessments of a certain crayon-usin’ “lawyer.” ROAR!!!

^ Gamma, 25, can we please focus on something important? Y’know, things like discussing how cool we ricks are…

Drew ape, my advice if you really want to get a lil rickness into your life is to start drinkin’ jack with that fruity avocado toast. Then get yourself some nice shoes. Not a full on stylin’ rick suit - just stylin’ shoes. The point is to get a lil more rickish without overloading your brain. As a normie you’ll never be more than, say, 1% as cool as a lower tier rick. But that’s still pretty frickin’ cool. Hope this helps. ROAR!!!

rj, some of the damn dirty apes on here claim that listermint kills every kind of germ you can imagine. Not really relevant to yours truly, since we lions are resistant to many ape diseases, but my recommendation if you are worried about diseases is that you buy a bunch of listermint and clean your dick with it before you do anything. If you are really worried you could consider asking this “val” to douche with the listermint. She may object but you never know how she will react until you ask. ROAR!!!

Muddy ape, if you think you’re qualified to be the dugan’s stunt double you’re sorely mistaken. Lemme tell you somethin’ muddy ape. There is a reason why there is no muddy the lion. No self-respecting lion would ever call himself muddy. Muddy just ain’t cool enough to be a lion name. You know what name is cool enough for the coolest lion? That’s right…rick! As the coolest lion on the planet - and therefore the coolest non-barnacle organism - yours truly gets to go by rick. Since the dugan is the coolest hairless ape on the planet he goes by rick as well. See how that works?

^ Imma give you (and context ape) some rickvice that will at least help you enjoy your normie lives. Find something you enjoy. This may surprise you, but some people enjoy playing weird characters on the internet. Even on this board there are weirdos that create fictional lives to amuse themselves and others. For example, there is this weird guy that has made up a divorce lawyer character with rage issues. Here is the weird part: he claims to have went to the worst law school in the country. You’d think that you’d make your fictional character be a real winner that went to Harvard or Yale Law or something like that. But he totally went the other direction. Apparently this loser divorce lawyer character fills out divorce paperwork in crayon and spends most of his time in court posting on this board rather than representing his clients. Identify a character that will enjoy and start posting. It’ll give you the confidence to find a stable and commitment minded woman. Your character should probably not be as pathetic as the worst divorce lawyer in the country character - only a real loser would enjoy playing that character - but don’t go overboard in the other direction. I mean really, if you try to play a rick the coolness will totally crush you. I mean really, we ricks are so cool our coolness has its own gravitational field. Normies can’t take that level of coolness. I hope this helps. ROAR!!!

If you’re gay with it you’re doing it wrong. I mean really, you should have stroked that manager to let you continue in a totally non-gay way. ROAR!!!.

Lemme give you some rickvice Context Ape: stop whining like a lil’ girly man and learn how to frickin’ enjoy yourself. You know what helps? Alcohol. Also makes the drivin’ more enjoyable. My favorite drivin’ whiskey: Jack. Plain old number 7 is good workin’ ape whiskey, and it’s good enough for this workin’ lion! If you can’t be happy with the simple things in life, like drivin’ a Tesla, fuckin’ a sexy female hairless ape or two, and drinkin’ a bottle of Jack then there is something wrong with you. ROAR!!!

However, this rick feels bad about makin’ the rest of you good apes think about OSU jackin’ it to the Kimmel, so I will share some highbrow Tomei art. https://artvee.com/dl/the-actress-marisa-tomei/ I’m more partial to the Brie Larson myself, but whatever floats your collective boat. ROAR!!

Ooo… looks like this rick struck a nerve. Most posters on this thread may like the Tomei but we now have ironclad evidence that OSU ape likes the Kimmel. ROAR!!!

Blah, weren’t you going to take a break from dancing for the male hairless apes and start working at a beaver club? I was buying some drivin’ whiskey so I could make the trip out to see you dancin’ for the beavers. ROAR!!!

Does anyone else get the vibe that OSU ape actually has an unhealthy attraction to Jimmy Kimmel? I mean really, this post reads like it was written by a male that has been jackin’ it to Kimmel for a long time, until Marisa Tomei was on and he said “ooo…now I have an excuse to post about my man crush”. ROAR!!!

All I can say is that beavers really know how to party. I think it is a good idea that you are going to dance for beavers miss blah. You seem burned out on the male hairless apes. Maybe gettin’ your beaver eaten by a frickin’ beaver 🦫 will be psychologically beneficial. ROAR!!!

blah, you clearly need to spend some time with a frickin’ lion 🦁 It’ll recharge your batteries and make you love life. ROAR!!!

“ So basically he said it’s ok to solicit prostitution in his club but not ok to be a litterbug.” To be fair, litterbugs are assholes. Sometimes litterbugs make me so mad I just…I just…ROAR!!!

Muddy ape, you should type that shit into one of those text to image AI programs and see what kind of dark twisted shit emerges. ROAR!!!

I hate to tell you this mogul ape, but I have never had good time partying with pheasants. Those birds can’t hold their liquor and they are way less fun than vultures. My advice is to seek out the ultimate party animal: pangolins. Pangolins are frickin’ cool. I was partying with some of those crazy bastards, sharin’ my Jack and tellin’ them ‘bout strategies for gettin’ rick drunk when a sexy female pangolin started to fellate me. You ever seen a pangolin tongue? That is some good shit. Just my 2 rick cents. ROAR!!!

My girlfriend… er, sexy lioness I live with… would probably disapprove and I respect her enough to avoid actually dating a female hairless ape, regardless of profession. I mean really, my girlfriend… er, sexy lioness… puts up with all my strip clubbin’ and whorin’ and attending the rickbangs because, well, y’know… ricks gonna rick. Besides, I’m in an alcoholic fog like 95% of my life so who knows what the fuck I’m doin’? Not me that’s for sure. Anyhoo, the point is that actually dating sexy female hairless apes doesn’t appeal. I’m a frickin’ lion after all. Now where the fuck is my drivin’ whiskey? ROAR!!!

I usually get called “Mufasa” or “Simba”. But then again, I’m a frickin’ lion and I look like a king, so it works. ROAR!!!

^ Fair enough know better ape. My frickin’ hobby is bein’ a rick. It is still a great thing to be. I mean really… the stylin’ suit, the drivin’ like a maniac, the ability to get out of jams by sayin’ a certain word that rhymes with schmildebeest… what’s not to like? ROAR!!!

I’ve got the best job in the world… bein’ a rick and bein’ a frickin’ lion. Alas, the rest of you damn dirty apes don’t qualify for this amazing job. I mean really…you can learn a lil’ bit of rickness but you can’t hope to be more than, say, 1% as cool as a real rick. And, frankly, you’re ain’t learnin’ to be no lion. You’re either born a lion or you ain’t. ROAR!!!

What you have to understand Muddy ape is that that dugan is frustrated with all of y’all ignoring his rickvice. When he told me idea of helping you normies lead better lives I said “rick my brother, you can’t teach rickness, you have to be born into it”. But he felt he could help the less fortunate. You want the dugan back postin’ more, get yourself some stylin’ suits, go grease a bouncer, and stroke a manager. He’ll know that you’re livin’ a life that is like 1% as cool as a rick life but 100x better than the average normie life. Then he might come back and give some more valuable rickvice. If you want rickthevulture to return do the suit-grease-stroke think but also leave some carrion in the sun for a few days. The vulture kinda thinks with his tummy. ROAR!!!

^ Skifredo is just scared that the guy who asked if it worked on booty holes would take one look at him start applying the glamgina to his face.

25 ape, the problem is that most of the hairless apes that post on here do give off a pervo vibe. As for this rick…well, I plead guilty to bein’ a perv. But I’m also a lion and I wear a stylin’ suit so bein’ a perv works for me. ROAR!!!

I don’t need no frickin’ pick up lines. I’m a rick. I show up in my stylin’ suit, grease a bouncer, stroke a manager, and get what I want. ROAR!!!

OP, Imma start by sayin’ that I have never seen your wang and I’ll go all wildebeest on your ass if you try to show it to me. But I’m still confident in this response to your question: no, your dick is not too big. Also, I’m confident that it has no spines. So stop writin’ about your spineless lil wang and move on. ROAR!!!

Muddy ape, this rick is a bit disturbed by your Ron and Rand shrine. You say you’re only jackin’ it to Jo Jorgenson but methinks you’re also splattering the Nugent poster with your jizz. Or maybe the Goldwater poster. Not sure what is more disturbing jack off material. My rickvice is to actually go to a strip club and get a handie from a sexy female. It will do you a world of good. ROAR!!!