Comments by rickthelion

This rick has it on good authority that rickthealien and his buds monitor the Earth’s interwebs, no doubt including this site. Those space weirdos are absolutely fascinated by the hairless ape anus and there is apparently a lot of anal material on the interwebs. How does this rick know? Simple…I had an encounter. I was driving along, minding my own beeswax and enjoying a lil’ drivin’ whiskey, when a light appeared in the sky and my Tesla stalled. Soon a saucer appeared and some gray bug-eyed weirdos appeared. I exited the rickmobile and said “did you damn dirty aliens fuck with my car?” and a gray alien wearing a stylin’ suit stepped forward and said some shit about electromagnetic fields and whatnot. At that point I realized that the suit-wearing alien was holding a bottle of Jack. So I said “you wouldn’t be called rick, would you?” He confirmed that their universal translator whosiwhatsis rendered his alien name as “rick.” At that point we had a good ol’ time sittin’ round, drinkin’ whiskey, and looking at his holograms of anal probing. I told him how the Lion King movie was loosely based on my life and we laughed. I told him he might be able to get a nice dance followed by anal probing at the club in the next town, so he thanked me and beamed up or whatever. This rick doubt his race will reveal themselves. He assured me that he was only into probing the buttholes of sexy females but a lot of his kind aren’t so discriminating. I assume those aliens are lurking on other sites and they may be more likely to share. This rick hopes this answer has been enlightening. ROAR!!!

A) Wildebeest hash to go with the turkey. This rick is a frickin’ carnivore after all! B) “The best is yet to come” by Tony Bennett & Lady Gaga. If only she could’ve convinced Tony to do “Poker Face” C) This rick doesn’t take dancers to restaurants. Just motels. D) Why would this rick make a special trip. I mean maybe I’d get on a stripper’s phone and text her boyfriend about how I’m fucking her because his dick doesn’t work right. But that’s just good clean fun. ROAR!!!

You damn dirty apes are weirdo political obsessives. I mean really, funape said => Knocking Sarah Huckabee Sanders and Dana Perino off the top of the “Press Secretaries I jerk off to most frequently’ list. What kind of sad male jacks it to a press secretary? Just find some porno on the internet like a normal frickin’ pervert. You know what you get if you search “Sarah Huckabee Sanders” over at xhamster? This rick is curious so he just checked. This is the first frickin’ link: https://xhamster.com/videos/mrs-sanders-wants-her-sexy-babysitter-to-fuck-her-husband-xhDMPwY No Huckabees in sight, thank rickthedeity. All of y’all need to stop jackin’ it to anything political and start behaving like NORMAL demented perverts. ROAR!!!

Imma be serious for just a second. Not about politics per se, but about the psycho posts of Gamma on this thread. I mean really, if you want a certain outcome for an election because you think the candidate you like will do a better job you’re being reasonable. But if you want a certain outcome because you want to fuck over others. Gamma seriously needs to take a frickin’ chill pill. Take a lesson from my fellow felid. He’s clearly glad that Trump won, but he isn’t posting psycho screeds about wanting his enemies list fucked over. The election is over. Let’s relax and hope that four years from now America really is better off. Regarding Gaetz, none of us know how much his public persona matches his behavior behind closed doors. Maybe he’s a dumbass and maybe he’ll be good. Okay…the choice of hairstyle screams dumbass and maybe the Senate should reject him based on that…or force him to get a better haircut. Maybe we should all calm the fuck down and see what happens. And while we’re at it we should focus on wearing stylin’ suits, drinkin’ Jack, and bangin’ the sexy female hairless apes. That’s what this lion is gonna do. ROAR!!!

Lanechange sez => If only we had a seperate place to disuss politics... You’re a wise hairless ape Lanechange. Politics in the front room makes baby Jesus cry and shit like that. Only psychos like Gamma ape, Skifredo, and Kent political shit in the front room regularly. Don’t be like those asshats sfrsox. ROAR!!!

ricks aren’t red meat. RICKS EAT RED MEAT. 🥩 ROAR!!!

Raise your hand if you’re skeptical that the goofball hairless ape that can’t spell Macallan actually has four bottles of Macallan (in case of unfavorable outcome) and four bottles of Dom (in case of favorable outcome). You know what this rick is gonna do if Trump wins? Well, this rick loves his adopted home of the good ol’ U. S. of A., so he’s gonna raise a glass of Jack and hope for the best. And if Harris wins? Same frickin’ thing. ROAR!!!

There are a number of bits of rickish wisdom that I live by. Good life lessons like “no problem is so complex it can’t be solved by Jack”. One of the many things I know is this: one should always encourage sexy females to write “I ❤️ rickthelion” on their tits and/or ass cheeks, photograph themselves, and post said photographs on the internet. Some day in the far future, archaeologists will dig up a flash drive. Against all odds the data will be intact and the archaeologists will figure out how to visualize the images despite modern file formats being lost to the sands of time. And you know what will be on that flash drive? Botticelli’s Birth of Venus, an AI generated version of the Mona Lisa that has big boobs, and terabytes of images showing sexy females with “I ❤️ rickthelion” written on them. Some of those sexy females will have inserted the sharpie used to write “I ❤️ rickthelion” into their butthole. And you know what those archaeologists will do? They will create a museum to show these images. The museum of rickishness. @grrl, support the future museum of rickishness. Become a part of the cultural legacy of the 21st century. ROAR!!!

Young owl, you need to write more focused questions if you wish to become a wise owl. Let this rick enlighten you by rephrasing your questions in a manner that makes them intelligible and then answering them with rickish brilliance: Q: Why do unattractive women strip? A: Because they need money for drugs. Q: Why do some males spend time with borderline obese strippers? A: Leaving aside the possibility that a particular male is an actual chubby-chaser (and they do exist) you have to account for the “alcohol factor”. Everybody is attractive when you’re in an alcoholic fog. Q: Is there a pornstar you consider a 9 or 10? A: ricks don’t watch pornstars. We do all sorts of demented drunken pervert shit with actual living females. ROAR!!!

Relax orangeape. You obviously believe that that grrlgonebad is a male rather than a sexy female. Well, this rick is a genius and therefore can see a way to test your hypothesis. What would you say if grrlgonebad posted a topless pic with “I ❤️” written above her tits in sharpie and “rick the lion” written on the tits? Girlgonebad, if you are worried about the relatively long term sharpie writing, you could use lipstick. But you should believe this rick when he says that you’ll get higher tips with a declaration of lion love on your tits. I mean really…would a lion post lies on the internet? You know what would be even more proof for all of your TUSCL fans? If you wrote “I ❤️ ALL RICKS” on your ass and posted a photo of yourself bending over and spreading your ass cheeks. Sharpie in the butthole for extra points. I bet some of your fans would drain a large proportion of their precious bodily fluids jackin’ it…well, not Kent Ape, since he only jacks off when men respond to his bait. But the normal guys that dig tits and ass might engage in at least some moderate jackin’. So…what say you grrlgonebad? Can we count on some sexy sharpie or lipstick writing? ROAR!!!

Skifredo’s has a point. He thinks he’s an expert in frickin’ everything and he is a moron. So he’s certainly an example of “experts” = morons. As for actual experts, it varies. ROAR!!!

Pills no chasers, this rick is going to be helpful rickvice. First off, I’ll start with a quick note asking you to stay clear of the pills. Neither hairless ape nor lion does well with too many pills. You want some chemical enhancement of your evening? Try some Jack. Want a chaser? More Jack. Trust me, you’ll enjoy yourself more with a glass of Jack in your hand than if you take any pills. If you need something more refreshing go for an Arnold Palmer. I make mine rickstyle, by adding Jack. And I leave out the damn tea and lemonade. Who wants that shit in their Jack? Anyhoo, I digress… Back to the topic at hand. What you need to do is get in touch with your inner lion. No matter what kind of creature you are, your inner lion will know what you really want. So stand in front of a mirror, reflect on your life problem, and let loose with a mighty ROAR!!! If an answer doesn’t come to you immediately, have a drink. Jack Daniels has inspired many of my most brilliant thoughts. It is likely to be helpful to you as well. Ultimately, your inner lion will show you what to do. Indeed, the stripper will probably fall in love with you if you show her your inner lion. If this rickvice doesn’t work, your inner lion isn’t sufficiently lion-y. Or you need more Jack. Hope this brilliant rickvice helps. ROAR!!!

Libby ape, the trick is to know the target when constructing a chatGPT query. You clearly know this rick to some degree, but this rick knows himself far better than most of you damn dirty apes know anything. For I have rick knowledge - I know every molecule in my handsome lion body. Anyhoo, I was able to elicit a better rickish post, but it still lacks a certain rickness. Judge for yourself: Subject: The Art of Enjoying the Nightlife 🦁🍹 Greetings, fellow strip club enthusiasts! It's your favorite lion, rickthelion, here to drop some rickvice on how to make the most of your next night out. 🥳 First off, let's talk ambiance. A good strip club should feel like a jungle—lively, exciting, and just the right amount of wild. Find a place where the music pumps like the rhythm of the savanna. Personally, I love when the DJ throws in some Taylor Swift—those catchy beats really get the hairless apes moving! 🎶 Now, let's get to the main attraction: the lovely human strippers. These talented ladies are more than just eye candy; they’re artists in their own right. Treat them with respect and appreciation. After all, it takes guts to perform in front of an audience! And remember, a little charm goes a long way. A smile, a compliment, and a little conversation can really brighten their night. 🌟 And, of course, let's not forget about the refreshments. A good glass of Jack Daniels in hand makes for a smooth experience. Sip it slowly and savor every moment—just like I savor a delicious wildebeest. 🍖 Finally, I want to remind you all: confidence is key. Just like me, you should strut your stuff and own the room. Show the ladies (and the other hairless apes) that you’re a lion in the jungle of nightlife! Until next time, keep roaring and having fun! ROAR! 🦁✨

Really gamma ape? You want to know the backstory, if it is real? Here’s the backstory: some weirdo pervert was obsessively jackin’ it in an unlocked restroom. You don’t post that kind of sign unless it has happened a lot. The real question is this: which TUSCL poster caused the sign to be posted? I don’t think it is Goldmonger. My vote: this is in a courthouse and the villain is Skifredo. ROAR!!!

A) It ain’t a wildebeest sub and frosty. I tried ordering that and the kid at the drive thru was all “sir, this is a Wendy’s” B) Valles Marineris. But do you know how hard it is to get a spacesuit that isn’t punctured by lion claws? Lemme tell you this…it doesn’t work to show up at SpaceX and just say “hey wildebeest, make me a frickin’ spacesuit…and make it a stylin’ suit because I’m a rick…ROAR!!!” C) Taylor Swift: The Eras Tour

By the way, the emojis were in the chatGPT response. I mean really…what kind of real weirdo uses a frickin’ rainbow in this context? Total giveaway that a computer wrote this. This rick declares chatGPT unable to pass the weirdo pervert version of the Turing test. Do you damn dirty apes think you can devise better queries? As a frickin’ rick I’m a frickin’ genius, so I don’t think you can. ROAR!!!

“…should, at the very least, have said…” Imma hit the road for Cupertino. I need to put the fear of lion 🦁 into the Apple engineers so they make an iPad that a lion can operate without frickin’ typos! Now where is my drivin’ whiskey? ROAR!!

Who the fuck is Skifredo talkin’ about when he uses the plural “human beings”? He should, at the very least said “your taste in human beings (aka hairless apes) and felids is despicable.” He’s wrong because most felids are cool as shit. And I’m a rick so I’m like cool squared. But he shouldn’t call me a damn dirty ape. Shit like that makes me wanna go all wildebeest on his ass. ROAR!!!

This lion is going to be serious for a moment. Grrlgonebad asked a question on the political side of TUSCL about why America can’t be united. I’ll tell you why America can’t be united: constant online political discussions. This tread is a great example. Trump did something objectively funny. A dude commenting on a dead guys dong is frickin’ weird. And frickin’ funny. Actually, Trump has done two really weird and funny things recently. I mean really, eschewing questions at a Q&A so you dance to multiple versions of Ave Maria is weird. And funny. And dancing to YMCA at the same event is funnier. Only thing that would have made it even funnier is if he requested some ABBA. Just imagine Trump doing his “I’m jackin’ two guys off at once” dance while leading the audience in a sing-along to Waterloo. That’s some funny shit right there! But here’s the thing: some people, like Skifredo, are frickin’ idiots who can’t just take a step back and have a laugh. Maybe you think Trump was just joking. Many folks are concerned that he’s not, but whatever… Maybe you’re a worried he is losing it but figure he’ll be forced out and Vance will be president. Or you’re worried he’s losing it but figure he won’t do much damage if elected. Hell, maybe you think Trump really has lost it and it will change your vote. Or you were planning to vote against him regardless. I can respect anybody who has any of those opinions. But I can’t respect anybody who doesn’t think the shit he pulled was funny. Obsessively posting about politics drives you insane. Just look at Skifredo. And Gamma. They’re nutjobs. I’m not saying that because they’re conservative. I’m sayin’ that because they’re both obsessed dinguses. A normal, non-obsessed person (or felid) might read the comment and go “yeah…sounds like grandpa loves a dead guy’s dong…that is funny.” Maybe they’d also post thread on the political board speculating about whether Trump has lost it. And that will elicit the usual band of idiots to post “nuh uh has not gone nut” and “has to gone nuts” and frankly I don’t see why that’s fun, but whatever… Anyhoo, the ability to post about politics whenever has caused some people (dinguses) to develop an obsession with posting every pointless moronic thought they have about politics. I don’t know if Skifredo and Gamma etc. started out this way, or if the ability to post about politics all the frickin’ time caused them to be become this way. But they’re sad figures. I’m mean really, Fredo can’t just take a step back and think “yeah, that was weird…and funny…I’ll just have a laugh”. What the fuck is wrong with him? Urrr…I mean…ROAR!!! 🦁 🦁 🦁

Yo Manuellaboreape, you know what the Arnold Palmer drink needs? Some frickin’ Jack. And leave out the damn tea and lemonade. Nobody wants that shit in their Jack. ROAR!!!

ClubFanApe said => I once took an IQ test, and I'm pretty sure I scored about 10 points higher than a pineapple... This rick is not surprised. ROAR!!!

This rick has a question for those suggesting that Kent Ape is a bot. Why do you think that? I mean really…he never embeds links. So he’s not attention farming. The simplest explanation for his behavior is that he searches the internet for random quotes, posts them, waits for responses, and then jacks off to the responses. Is this twisted ass behavior? Of course it is. I mean really…he’s posting on a web site for demented perverts. Kinda reasonable to expect the guy a demented pervert. As the Juice Ape would have said: thank about it. ROAR!!!

Icey has apparently suggested that fake rick jacks it to interracial porn. I doubt that. I think fake rick watches romantic porno filmed for women. You know, soft focus stuff where Lusty Bennet has a fiery relationship with Mr. Fuckwilliam Darcy Esquire, who finally bones Lusty when they realize they love each other. And I also bet that fake rick is so moved by this Jane Assten story that he cries when Lizzy and Mr. Darcy finally get busy. And then uses his tears as lube to jack it. ROAR!!!

This would be more meaningful if it included some lowercase letters. Only time I use all caps is when I let loose with a hearty ROAR!!! That is okay for me ‘cause I’m a frickin’ lion. ROAR!!!

ricks are never awkward. Well, there was this time I was in the club, drinkin’ my Jack and mindin’ my own beeswax, when this guy claiming to be a rick walked in. Let’s call him “fake rick”. Anyhoo, fake rick started causing a ruckus asking girls whether he would be allowed to openly solicit them if prostitution was legal. After asking this question five or six times the bouncer came out and tased fake rick right in the nuts. The moral of the story is they everybody laughed when fake rick took a taser hit in the ‘nads. Well, as a lion I don’t really laugh per se. But I do let loose with a hearty ROAR!!!