Comments by rickthelion

It’s because of all the weirdo step porno you damn dirty apes seem to love. Don’t understand it myself. I mean really…why watch fake step porno when you could watch scenes from the life of yours truly. Have I told you perverts about the time Scar, Timon, Pumbaa, and I gangbangs a sexy female hairless ape on safari? I think that shit drove a wedge between me an scar because he was so freaked out by meerkat action. Anyhoo…that shit is still far more psychologically healthy than step porno. Imma try to fix society by making some non-twisted porno. ROAR!!!

You should post YouTube videos about your weirdo fitness routine Stripperlovingape. It might help the other TUSCL posters get fit. I keep offering to chase ‘em while roaring along to burn off their excess caloric intake, but frankly I’m glad they don’t take me up on it because that sounds exhausting. You could be like the Jane Fonda, but for weirdo perverts. ROAR!!!

^ Ain’t nothin’ wrong with a good hot dog Jascoi. Think of that wonderful documentary about the rat that’s also a French chef. He controlled that clumsy hairless ape while hanging out under a chef’s hat. Anyhoo, he melted the heart of the food snob by making him a nice ratatouille. Warmed this here lion’s heart to see the food snob be reminded of his childhood. Almost cried! Now this rick isn’t fond of the ratatouille but eatin’ a good ol’ hot dog is same idea. Sometimes a plain ol’ hot dog really hits the spot! With a Jack chaser of course. ROAR!!!

^ Sounds like a damning insult ‘til you realize it is coming from a weirdo ape that flings feces at his own wife. I’d end with a hearty roar if I wasn’t so busy going eww…

Joke answer aside (though this lion emphasizes that the joke illustrates the warped and twisted nature of the Gamma) there is a germ of a point in Gamma’s second post. Really sick porno is way too accessible to kids and it warps their minds. My problem with Gamma is the fact that he pointed this out in his second post. His first post was all “wah wah wah this is both a red state and a blue state thing wah wah wah”. So I don’t think he actually gives a shit about protecting kids. If these laws were common in blue states he’d be all “wah wah wah nanny state wah wah wah feminists wah wah wah!” But here’s the thing…this lion jokes about some twisted shit. But kids aren’t looking at harmless Playboy pictorials any more. They’re watching some 19-year old Ukrainian girl get gangbanged by fat disgusting weirdos that look like…well, they probably look like Gamma. And all the frickin’ incest porn is just weird. Every sexy girl is fucking her step dad, step grandpa, step brother, and step uncle. Sometimes they get gangbanged by five step dads and a step uncle. Hell, sometimes they even do threesomes with their step dad and step twin. Don’t know how you get step twins, but I do know that porno likes putting “step” in front of every frickin’ relationship. Also, eating ass may be all fun and games, but trends like choking aren’t healthy when you’re a teen. And, frankly, some of the sick shit isn’t good for adults either. Maybe Gamma is so warped because somebody pulled a clockwork orange session on him but made him watch sick porno! Perhaps this lion is just being conservative in his own way. I don’t know how to fix this issue. I doubt the current set of laws will do much. But I think our society needs to step back and take a think about all the frickin’ step porn and other crazy shit and then fix some of the extreme shit. Err…I mean ROAR!!!

Imma start this with my obligatory “let’s have fun in the front room and post political shit in the politics room” followed by a simple explanation about Gamma. What you have to understand is that Gamma is what we lions call an “insano obsessed dingus”. For some reason he loves Republicans. He’ll say it's about policy and whatnot, but he doesn’t really care about that. He has just fixated on loving Republicans and hating Democrats. Imagine this scenario. Politician comes into Gamma’s house and proceeds to take a shit in his sink. What does he do? If it is a Republican, Gamma says “thank you sir, you’re brilliant! Would you like to fuck my wife?” Republican politician says “fuck no, I wouldn’t fuck a mutant that would marry you…but I would enjoy seeing you pick up my shit and fling it at her.” The encounter would then end with Gamma flinging politician shit at his wife. If it is a Democrat, Gamma would go get his gun. If you’re worried that blood will be spilled you shouldn’t be worried because Gamma is insane so he has a squirt gun. The politician would easily disarm the Gamma and then would proceed to give him a swirly or two in the toilet. I mean really…the politician in this scenario is douchebag regardless of party. He entered a house and took a shit in the sink after all! I hope this illustrates the difference between Gamma and, you know, non-insano normal creatures. ROAR!!!

But crazy shit does go on in the Waffle House, doesn’t it brother rick? I mean really, the Waffle House is frickin’ Sodom and Gomorrah compared to IHOP. ROAR!!!

This rick has a follow up question: is the teach really hot? If she is hot I would go to the club and see what’s up. Maybe schedule a rickbang. But I wouldn’t snitch unless the wellbeing of cubs and apelings was on the line in some ways, which is doubtful based on the information given. ROAR!!!

Now now Libby Ape. While this rick does not believe in the no-win scenario (at least for ricks) he is certainly willing to play along and assume that deploying pontoons on the plane is verboten. Besides, pontoons interfere with the disco ball I often deploy under the rickwing. Damn dirty apes see it an think the plane is a frickin’ UFO! Anyhoo, I’m just amazed that the part that strains your credulity is the shark getting chafed from the radio. I mean really…it is far more plausible that the shark is unavailable because he is swimming around in an alcoholic haze or stuck in a hotel bathtub participating in a rickbang. However, this rick has the potential shark unavailability issue covered. I’ll also radio rickthebarnacle and rickthecoconutcrab. At least one of those crustaceans will be able to rally the denizens of the deep to rescue the damsels in distress. After all, rickthebarnacle is so widely respected he is like the frickin’ King of Atlantis. Or maybe he’s King of Albania. Or King of the Ocean Disco. It came up on our last all ricks zoom meeting but I was drinkin’ my Jack and in a bit of an alcoholic fog so I’m not sure. ROAR!!!

You’re a delightful weirdo $tripperloving ape. Keep up the link posting. Nobody follows them but posting them still makes more sense than postin’ politics in the front room! ROAR!!!

Good question Libby Ape (or whatever the fuck your name is). I have a truly rickish solution. Imma radio ricktheshark and ask him to get his shark buddies to help get all three of the females to shore. That frees me up to fly around ‘til I find one of the weirdos that likes to post political shit on TUSCL. Since the politics-posting weirdos are losers that have never been on a boat they will be on dry land. So I’ll buzz ‘em in my rick plane and scare ‘em enough that they’ll lose bladder control. At the end of the day we’ll have three happy strippers ashore (unless one of the shark rescuers was hungry, but what’s the chance of that?), a politics postin’ weirdo will have ruined his trousers, and this rick will be at the club enjoying a delightful glass o’ Jack. Winning! ROAR!!!

Let’s think about this down KirchiesApe. You are clearly planning to jizz in your pants, so why do you care if other perverts know that you’re jizzing in your pants? I mean really, it is bad form to scream “I’m coming!!!” regardless of whether or not you’re in a booth. Sound travels after all. Hearing a bunch of frickin’ weirdos scream “I’m coming!!!” might make the normal folks among us puke in our Jack and if you do that I’m goin’ all wildebeest on your ass. Just do whatever you want to do and be a little discrete. ROAR!!!

This rick doesn’t think Djscudape is trolling. He appears to have suffered a blow to the head. Perhaps he was also born stupid. ROAR!!!

MateApe, much as this rick appreciates being hailed as a rickish genius, it isn’t hard to outshine the Fredo. I mean really, what kind of defective weirdo drives to a club, notes that it appears to be closed, notices that it has a note on the door, leaves, and asks the frickin’ internet what is up? I’ll tell you who does that - someone with yogurt where his brains should be. ROAR!!!

Alas, Djscudape is not coherent enough for a Penthouse letter. And, to the extent this post can be read, it sounds like a simple tale of cheapskates not ordering drinks. But I do have a serious question for Djscudape: what the fuck is wrong with you boy? This rick has written more coherent posts by typing with my frickin’ nose while two-fisted drinking (a rickarita in one hand and a ricky-style Arnold Palmer in the other). Hell, this rick has been more coherent while nose-typing, two-fisted drinking, and boofin’ the Jack*. So, Djscudape, if this is the best you can write while stone cold sober you should seriously go back to your hairless ape school. And if you’r wasted you should lay off the mind-altering substances: you can’t handle them. ROAR!!! * Boofin’ the Jack where you soak a tampon in Jack (create a Jackon, if you will) and shove it up your ass. It’s helpful when two-fisted drinkin’ just isn’t quite enough.

But you still take the time to respond…I guess this particular lion is living rent-free in the Fredo noggin. Makes sense. After all, we ricks are so frickin’ amazing that everybody is always thinking about us. Even weirdo losers like Skifredo. ROAR!!!

Imma make a suggestion that may blow Skifredo’s mind: perhaps he should have read the frickin’ sign. The sign may have said “permanently closed”. Alternatively, it may have said “our bathroom was backed up because somebody took a giant shit that clogged the plumbing - we will reopen when the place doesn’t smell like shit and body glitter.” Regardless, we’ll never know because Fredo doesn’t read. Also, how many of you think Fredo was responsible for trashing the toilets with a massive shit? This rick thinks that’s likely. ROAR!!!

What you need to learn, young Padawan, is the best way to deploy THE SYSTEM(tm). THE SYSTEM(tm) is a document of wisdom devised by the ricks, a group of amazingly amazing individuals that frequent strip clubs and do amazingly amazing things. Just to start things out, you should buy yourself a stylin’ suit. Strippers will think you have money, because it takes money to buy a stylin’ suit. See how that works? Such is the genius of the ricks. You should also drink a lot of Jack. Jack is the manliest of drinks. Although this rick must admit that he likes the rickarita as well. What’s a rickarita, you ask? Well, it is Jose, Jack, and just a lil’ lime. With salt on the rim of course. Hell, this rick even indulges in the occasional Arnold Palmer. But we ricks have a special recipe for our Arnold Palmers…we add Jack. And we leave out that lemonade and tea because who the fuck wants that shit in their Jack? Hope this helps. Now drink some Jack and google “Tuscl the system”. ROAR!!!

Reach out to the bitcoin weirdos on the site and tell ‘em that you’ll pay $150 for a handjob. I guess I should have asked before making this suggestion, but I assume you’re okay with getting a handjob from a male nerd that will lecture you on the benefits of crypto while jackin’ you off. That’s okay with you, right? If not, this rick doesn’t care. ROAR!!!

Exotic Zara, this lion does not live in Michigan so he cannot provide direct information about amateur night. However, he can make a suggestion that will delight the many connoisseurs of sexy sexy females that post on this sight (it will also delight the creepy weirdos, but everything delights them…that’s why they’re frickin’ weirdos!) My suggestion is to post some sexy photos on the TUSCL. Of course, you will want to make those sexy photos TUSCL specific. For example, you might want to hold a sign that says “for the delightful males of TUSCL (creepy weirdos should not look)”. One especially eager poster wrote “I ❤️ ricks” on her tits in sharpie and shared that. Now, this rick is not going to stifle your creativity by making too many suggestions, but there may be others who will share ideas. However, Imma tell the creepy weirdos right now that if they make any suggestions that scare you off Imma go all wildebeest on their creepy loser asses! ROAR!!!

Do you damn dirty apes know what GammaApe’s post makes this lion think? This lion thinks GammaApe is the kind of guy that writes “I hope she gets pregnant” in the comments section of anal sex videos on porno sites. ROAR!!!

As a rick this lion is not just amazingly handsome and sexy, he is amazingly amazing. Thus, I often get asked to leave the club because all eyes are on me. You know what I say if a manager asks me to leave? Simple, I say “hey wildebeest, I know that folks are watching me because I’m a frickin’ lion, so here’s what Imma do: make an announcement that others should mind their own beeswax, tip the sexy females well, and have a lot of drinks - preferably some Jack.” Then I do that and all is right with the world. ROAR!!!

Lemme tell you a lil’ something IceyApe, you can say what you want about most of the weirdos on this site but you keep the dugan’s name out of your mouth. You know what is truly emotionally fulfilling? Being frickin’ rick, that’s what! And before you are all “wah wah wah none of those names were ever in my mouth they were in my fingers as I typed wah wah wah” all I can say is that this rick was speaking…well actually, typing…metaphorically. So you aren’t going to bob and weave your way out of this warning from this lion. You have been warned. ROAR!!!

Did you try saying “hey wildebeest, Imma frickin’ lion, not a frickin’ cop!” and follow that up with a hearty “ROAR!!!”? This rick has never been asked whether he was a cop, but if he was that would be the response. ROAR!!!

This rick has to agree with Skifredo regarding the original Planet of the Apes. But they should have followed up with a movie called Planet of the Lions where Heston’s character sees the Statue of Liberty, gives his “you maniacs” speech, and then makes his way to Africa. In Africa, he meets a suit-wearing lion that likes to drink whiskey and party with sexy females. He could join said lion’s posse and have all sorts of adventures. I mean really, Heston is a damn dirty ape so he wouldn’t be the lion’s right hand creature. That’s gonna be a wisecracking meerkat. But I’m sure Heston can contribute. That “Planet of the Lions” 🦁 movie has Oscar written all over it. ROAR!!!