Comments by Shekitout (page 9)

Two old people meet at a nursing home & decide they since they have sex at the nursing home they will do something as close to it as they can outside the home. They go to a nearby park and there on a bench in a secluded part of the park, the man unzips his pants and takes hi penis out and she holds it in her hand during lunchtime & then they return to the home. They do this everyday. one day she goes to his room for their dailyl rendezvous but he it not there. She goes down to the park to the bench and finds him sitting there with his penis out being held by another woman. She says to him "You son of a bitch, what does she have that I don't have?" He replies "Parkinsons"!

davids: Eat worms & die! Well not really but you and RL one & the same. You remind me of Debbie Downer from SNL. Always looking for the dark side and not the silver lining. In the words of Spiro Agnew "You're a nattering, nabob of negativism."

The joke should have read "...since they can't have sex..." Sorry 'bout that.

A lady goes to an antique store to look around. She sees a table she likes & asks the clerk H"ow much?" He replies"$200." She replies "too much." and keeps looking. She sees a sofa and finds out its price is $300. Too much. As she is leaving she sees a bowl on the counter with a small frog in it. She asks if it's real and the guy says yes. Is it for sale? Yes, $2. She buys the bowl with the frog and puts it in her guy. As she is driving she looks over at the bowl and sees the frog is crying. Aww! She stops her car and picks up the fog and kisses it. Immediately it turned into a hunky prince! You know what she turned into? The closest motel!

A couple were under the boardwalk at the beach about to get it on. He attempts to put his dick into the girl and asks her "Is it in?". She replies "No, it's in the mud!". He tries again and again asks if it's in. She again replies that it's in the mud. He tries again, asks if it's in and she says "Yes!". He replies "Put it back in the mud!"

Thought of 3 jokes I remeber from way back that are still funny! Guy goes into a hardware store & tells the clerk he wants a half length of stove pipe. The clerk says we don't see half lenths of stove pipe. The guy says "Yes you do, check with Joe." The clerk walks to the back of the store to find Joe & tells him "Some smartass out there wants a half length of stove pipe", turns around to see the guy has followed him and tells Joe "and this gentlemen wants the other half!" A guy comes into a hardware store & tells a little girl who is the store owner's daughter waits on him that he wants a bastard file. The little girl, thinking he is cursing, runs to tell her father that a man is in the store using bad language. The father asks her "What did he say?" She replies "He wanted a bastard file." The father says that he was not cursing and that a bastrad file is a particular type of file and goes over to the files to show her which one to sell him. After awhile another man comes into the store looking for a file. The little girl says "You want this bastard here?", pointing to a bastard file in the display case, he points to another file & says "No, give me that son of a bitch there." The teacher was passing out milk & cookies in her class and when she got to Little Johnny and said "Johnny here are your milk & cookies", Little Johnny says "Aw shove 'em up your ass!" The teacher is shocked & tells him he shouldn't use such language. The next day same thing happens. On the 3rd day it happens she send a note home with him that she wants one of the parents to come to class and follow behind & hear the bad language Johnny uses in school. His daddy shows up on Fri to observe. When she gets to Little Johnny, he tells her the same thing as the previous days. She turns around & asks the daddy if he heard what his son said. The daddy replies: "Fuck him, don't give him any!"

You really went far back for that one, Shadowcat.

A lady goes into a grocery store & asks the produce guy if they have any onions. He tells her they're out of onions. She thanks him and leaves. 1/2 hour later she's back in the store & asks the same produce guy if they have any oinions. He tells her I told you we're out of onions. An hour later she's back in the store and again asks the guy if they have any onions. He tells her "Let me explain it to you this way: If you took the 'straw' out of strawberries what would you have left?" She says "Berries." He asks "If you took the 'blue' out of blueberries what would you have left?" She says "Berries". "If you took the 'black' out of blackberries what would you have left?" She says "Berries" "If you took the 'fuck' out of onions what would you have left?" She says "Wait a minute, there's no 'fuck' in onions." he says "That's what I've been trying to tell you!"

Why do girls have legs? If they didn't they'd leave a trail like a snail! That one came from a Hooters waitress. Guy from NY was traveling thru some backroads in the South & came across a guy screwing a sheep in a pasture. The guy stops & tells the Southerner, "Up North we shear our sheep." The Southerner replies "I ain't shearin this sheep with nobody!" Farmer who had fallen on hard times decided to sell 5 female pigs he had at the county fair. While there he met another farmer in a similar situation who was trying to see 5 male pigs. They got to talking & decided they would mate their pigs and sell the offspring & split the money 50/50. They lived 60 miles apart but agreed to meet 1/2 way for the pig mating. The farmer with the 5 female pigs loads them into his station wagon & meets the the other farmer. The pigs mate & the first farmer loads the females back into the station wagon. He asks the 2nd farmer how will he know the pigs are pregnant. The 2nd farmer tells him if the pigs are on the grass the next day they're pregnant but if they're in the mud they're not. The next day the 1st farmer looks out the window & all the pigs are in the mud. He calls the 2nd farmer to have him meet him with his pigs, hoses off the femalesloads them into the station wagon & has them mate again. Next day the pigs are in the mud so the cycle is repeated every day for 1 week. At the end of the week he doesn't have the strength to look out the window and asks his wife to tell him if the pigs are on the grass or in the mud. She yells back "Neither. They're all in the station wagon & one of them is honking the horn!"

Last joke I saw in a email today(29th)-variation of it W was at a cabinet meeting & was told that 12 Brazilan sodiers had been killed & he asked "How many in a Brazillion?"

"Do you watch porn? Do you masturbate? Are you married? Do you have a girlfriend?" Just one question after another right after she asked my name & told me hers. Never haappened before & never has since & most likely never will. Now mostly what I get is "Wanna dance?"

I enjoy a massage parlor visit over an aromatherapy place(fancy name for whorehouse)visit where there's no shower involved. At least with the massage parlor you leave refreshed but drained. Place I frequent the mosy is strictly HJ. There is a fullservice place but the attendents are usually not the best looking Koreans. Why are all the massage places Korean run?

When your ATF disappears without so much as a fare thee well and you get one phone message and a post card in the last 2 years she's been gone? I also hate it when I've gone to the dance area with a high mileage dancer when it's empty & the DJ announces a 2 for 1. The dance area fills up & now the dancer won't give you high mileage 'cause she's afraid of being seen by other dancers nearby! Do you hold off until the 2 for 1 is over or settle for dances you know won't be as good?

Got dances from an exotic Brazilian gal at Bare Assets in Holiday, FL by the name of Fatima. One hell of a body & a tigress in the dance area!

There's a restaurant I frequent that has a poster in its window advertising gyros. Ever notice how much a gyro looks just like a beaver? Of course let's hope the beaver doesn't have tomato & sour cream on it but hey, there's nothing wrong with sour cream!

I wondered about that myself.

Shadowcat: You're implying she's pregnant?

A fellow dancer of the cooled off dancer told me that the cooled off dancer told her she was 2 weeks late with her period but I don't know how long ago she told her that. A 9 month visit back home now makes sense but why go out of the country to have the baby?

This dancer has found somebody who is spending big $$ on her so the ones that brung her to the dances so to speak are blase now.

All those posters who actually replied to the question! BTW your spelling of "favourite" leads one to believe you're Canadian, British or Australian-which is it?

Hey, davids, you wanker, what drives your fantasys?

I go commando even in winter time. I wear dark jeans which won't show any staining in the darkness of the club. After the "deed", I advise the dancer to go wash her hands then I go to the bathroom, use some toilet paper to clean up as best I can and then head home.

Hey, Shadowcat: About the aiming business-do you want her to aim it toward the floor or do you want it to aim toward the couch? It's inconsiderate either way. Keep it to yourself as you created it with her help! You stay close enough to the club where you can go clean up. Altho you've said your "Grammar is dead", you might want to use a spellchecker every once in a while: "underwear" not "underware" As for wearing the raincoat I agree with chitownlawyer, it's liable to fall down the pants leg. I think I mentioned that many, many years ago there was a type of condom out there called TOPS. It's slogan was "Covers just what the name implies." That might work if they're still around as I recall they were rather tight fitting- of course that was before the days of AIDS, STD's, etc.

Shadowcat: How does the use of a room compare with the topic at hand? BTW where is your review of your most recent visit?

In my area there are at least 4 massage places staffed by Koreans. One of them offers FS, BJ and HJ. The other 3 offer HJ only. They all offer body shampoos, steam, sauna and except for the one offering full sex, great massages. In none of the of the other 3 places do the attendants take any clothing off. Some will allow fondling of the boobs and kitty, some won't. Sometimes the HJ is administered during the body shampoo part of the procedure. In Augusta, GA, before they were raided & shut down, one place offered naked body shampoo where she soaped up her naked body and slipped & slid all over your naked body. Full sex was offered. You can still find places in Myrtle Beach that offer massages & full sex. There are also in my area aromatherapy places offering massage & "stress relief". Some of these offer FS, BJ & HJ. Drawback is no shower in most of them. They giver a perfunctory massage & will get nude & allow touching. Price at Korean massage parlors is $80/hour for HJ. Tip of $20 is expected. The one offering everything, the massage /body shampoo charge is $60. FS is $140. Aromatherapy places charge $175-$250 for FS with lesser prices for BJ & HJ. There was an attendant at one of the Korean places that would get you off during the body shampoo portion & then again during the massage portion. She would not give up until you came that 2nd time either!