5 Criteria Necessary for the Ultimate Strip Club Experience

does not exist... 7s and up are not working at high mileage full nude extras clubs. at most, you can have 3 or 4 of these criteria and even those clubs are few and far between.

maybe Hong Kong in tj or the Germany whorehouses.

To make the list realistic, the one sacrifice would be nudity. Too many states and communities have nudity/no alcohol regs. I always get laugh when hanging out at bikini clubs that are essentially whore houses.

You are damned to hell ironmon

If you change #3 to serves alcohol or BYOB, there were plenty of clubs ten that were close to that (hot dancers with a few scattered dogs and chubs) around the country. Now they're tougher to find.

I would sacrifice the alcohol before the nudity, but to each their own. HM topless is definitely superior to LM nude.

This is probably implied, but I would add "consistent" to #'s 2 and 4. All of the dancers need to be on the same as to what is allowed. It really sucks when you pick the 1 dancer on shift (out of ~ 25 or so) who doesn't play.

From my experience, the number one thing you need to have for the ultimate strip club experience is: money. Lots and lots of money.

If you have money in a club, you can almost guarantee yourself a good time in almost any club you choose to spend it in.

This is just unrealistic.

***** To those who are saying this is unrealistic *****

Such a club did exist for a time, MINUS the alcohol: Mitchell Brothers in SF from 1996 to 2007. Fully nude, high mileage, extras (from '96 to '98 extras were hit or miss), 7-up. And not just 7-up, beauty-wise, it was easily the match of the high-end low-contact clubs ... in fact, that stretch from '96 to about '02 was about the only time in my PL history that the flow of hotties was FROM Vegas TO SF (or anywhere else), insanely beautiful dayshifts, with Spearmint Rhino Vegas type dancers (both in hotness and in look, few to no tats, etc)

Just don't ask me what the prices were that drew in all these hotties :)

^^^ and that is why you guys hear me wax nostalgic like a 90-year-old remembering duble-ya duble-ya two, I continue to think MBOT during that period is the best American strip club that's ever existed... if you were in tech or similarly had the scratch to pay the prices

^ exactly. The prices. I was just ab to ask when I saw that lol.

s275 obviously forgot that his 6th criteria for the wonderland he's creating is price :)

^ and no matter the price there will always be variations as a matter of perception. If all of the girls are allowing titty sucking and FIV during dances, some guys will be annoyed they can't bring their coconuts in, or stick stuff in girls' assholes.

This question is like asking what life was like several years ago. However I could try to find a job near Atlanta and follies and visit weekend afternoons if the clubs are worth visiting at that time.

Having money is important but why even bother visiting with no money? I like fully nude but having contact sets a club apart from just looking at girls online. Anyone with the Internet can look at hundreds of naked girls online on cam sites, some doing sexual acts and it's not even pretend motions using hand motions etc which apparently is against Greenville, sc laws. Move your hand back and forth in front of your mouth and the dancer broke a Greenville law. Well I heard pretend motions were illegal, not sure what the law is.

Meanwhile I heard in China they made it illegal for a girl to be shown eating a banana online. You would think with over a billion people, the Chinese government would be in favor of people getting off viewing pictures instead of in person with a girl. It's no wonder they have over a billion people. Their population growth rate might decrease if they had porn instead of requiring people to hook up.

@ Bj99, coconuts, lol.

I guess there is a thing about minimizing the price of extras. It seemed implied to me since it's a top 3 topic on the TUSCL boards, but that's a good point by Subraman. If you don't factor in cost, there are still lots of options around the country. There are towns and places that get bad mouthed on TUSCL for being low mileage where there is plenty to be had if you're spending $$$.

Money is definitely necessary, but since everyone's scale is different, a 7up club for one might not be for the other.

A nude club and alcohol is not necessary for me. #2 and #4 are the only requirements for my list. #5 is a bonus and I would add having unlimited disposable income.

rh: My IDEAL club would have both nudity and alcohol, but you can still have great clubs without one or the other, for sure.

I think it's easy to underestimate 7-up clubs... while it's definitely true that "it only takes one" to have an amazing time, I find that when the pulchritude factor reaches a critical point -- like at MBOT in 2000 or a good Spearmint Rhino LV shift today -- there's a kid-in-a-candy-store euphoria that takes place, almost a PL version of a runner's high, that really increases my enjoyment of the club. At least for me...

dreamin of hk....

butt in reality... as good as hk is.... there IS room for improvement.

even after enjoying the delights of zona norte tj for three years.... i still have to visit clubs in the land of the free and the brave... i just don't get as krazy as i used to in the good ole' usa....

--> "2. All dances are high-mileage with 2-way contact (no uncharge to touch tits or ass)"

What the girl still needs control over her own body.

I was going to say who's to arbiter HM? The coconuts are funny and illustrate it but more commonly we see guys getting all emo and demanding some things -- FIV, DFK, 2 knuckles deep in her ass, toys in ass -- that not all dancers will be comfortable with and not all customers understand how to touch a woman with respect. So she still needs the right of last refusal with the customer running to mgmt to get a dancer fired because she won't allow something within her boundaries or her comfort level with that customer.

One final comment on HM. The dancers do need reasonable control. Because on the extreme-end some guy will ask, "Why won't you let me KILL you? But why not just kill you just a little bit? Waah! The last dancer let me kill her." Or substitute kill or coconuts for anything gonzo. Guys are perverts.

The '90s were A LOT better, but the dancers could set prices (tips) for the higher mileage stuff. Or at least the 2 parties could come to an agreement. The guys want all of this for a price of a single dance ($20) and for a total visit on the price of LDK's or Juice's KFC bucket of chicken budget. It's just not happening. SCs work because they are the last bastion of capitalism. And the 10% of guys that do the 90% of spending are going to probably get a better experience.

The few times in '15 and '16 when I walked into the club in Ohio with $500-600 TO SPEND. The dancers knew it. It did get special treat that didn't happen when I only had $140-240. I call it the Chili Palmer method because I approached it based on his posts from SCJ (customer side of StripperWeb) and it works. The dancers will deliver mileage if they think you will likely stack lots of dances, (buy liquor to socially lubricate both of you, ) and possibly tip her for the HM at the end.

Really the treatment from a sub-$300 trip and a $500-plus trip were night and day. Some guys are resentful of this because they either can't or won't spend. It's really a rich guys' hobby.

1. Dancer to customer ratio is 2/1.
2. Prices, especially for dances, are reasonable.
3. Club is safe and private

the price point is a good observation. only reason follies is the ultimate sc is because it's cheap $10 dances with all that other criteria.(except maybe #5). in that context I'm sure any of the clip joints in Vegas are the ultimate sc experience if you're rich.

for it to truly be the ultimate sc experience I think the following criteria is more appropriate

#1 OR 3(prefer alcohol at the cost of full nude but few strip clubs are allowed to have both due to local ordinance), 2 and 5 are mandatory and I would replace "high value" for extras. IMO extras should not be neccesary for a ultimate sc experience as that is what escorts and extras clubs are for.

--> "1. It is a fully nude club. All dancers are required to be nude before they get off stage."

The problem with this is the dancer needs control of her body. I look at it this way: if the PLs aren't tipping enough (for her), she should still reserve the right to get fully naked (or even topless).

She back when I started to SC, stage shows were still a big thing. Some places were still set up with 5 song stage sets that might last 20 minutes. It was more of a costumed, feather boa, burlesque stage show. The dancer would have a crystal cup or a glass bowl on stage for tips. She would come out and tease the audience, and until her predetermined amount (often $10 or $20, or just a single $1) had been tipped by all the PLs, then she's start to slowly strip. the more we tipped the faster she stripped and the more back-and-forth the show had.

She obviously won't get fully naked without being tipped.

Now those old get-off-my-lawn days aren't coming back. But I can on some level sympathize with the dancers who aren't comfortable taking off their bottoms without any tips for a stage set. That's kind of private and humiliating to strip down fully naked and not get at least one dollar. So I can see her P.O.V. What I can't see is the P.O.V of the entitled customer who runs to mgmt to get her fined or fired over it. Can't these guys tip, even just a little bit? Does the $1 or $5 mean that much to their ego or to their family budget? I don't get it.

I do not agree with our OP, that those are necessary or sufficient conditions for a great strip club, or even that they are attainable, or necessarily desirable.

1. In some places you can't really get away with full nudity. And then in the highly acclaimed Tijuana places, the girls typically do not get nude on stage. In our own best, the Mexican Bar underground, they don't get nude.

And in our own nude clubs, they are the most highly controlled. And you can't run stuff by requiring girls to do this or that. All you can do is revoke any rules against it.

1. Dances high mileage, two way touching, not extra charge for touching here and there. Our OP is way way off base here, cannot do things by telling girls what they are obliged to do. And besides, buying dances is for CHUMPS!

2. Alcohol. In some states like California, you cannot have alcohol and full nudity. And an alcohol license means that it is very easy for the authorities to shut the club down. So the legendary places in San Francisco like MBOT and New Century and the now defunct Market St. Cinema are all no alcohol. Also, alcohol means dealing with girls that have drinking problems. Some one who needs inebriation to do their job definitely has a drinking problem. Less of them in the no alcohol clubs.

3. Plenty of extras available? Well so long as there are no rules against it, that depends on the girls. But buying dances is still for chumps. Front room makeout session, then you invite her to the back room when it is time for your own pants to come down.

4. Club is 7 up, no ugly dancers. Dumb idea. If you pick the girl you like and approach her, you should have no problem. Having some dancers that are looks challenged and have to work a little harder is important to getting the club going, getting the other ones to open up and deliver. So long as some people like the girl, she is doing fine.

I find our OP to be way off base, a person who has never really thought such things true, and basically a guy who lives to get his wallet sucked dry. Until he wises up, may that be all he ever gets.

The most important thing is to have no rules prohibiting front room mileage, these makeout sessions which set the tone for everything else.

And then easy ways to take girls OTC and to a motel.

SJG

Glen Campbell, Sioux Falls SD youtube.com

It is well known that Glen Campbell was in this session, 1962. We shouldn't hold it against him. youtube.com

Bunny Ranch hiring quality control testers nydailynews.com

Wildcat Brothel, Mina Nevada wildcatbrothel.com

Nevada Brothels List en.wikipedia.org

Bump Tour, interesting idea, lots of driving. But many of these places are closed, some have even been torn down. bumptour.com

The New Mona's Ranch, Elko monasranchelko.com

Jefferson Starship - Miracles live youtube.com

you need go to charmaynes in houston black club nude when we finish she has vip rooms get a little more then lap dancei been dancing there 3 months not pregnant

Welcome to TUSCL maryann. We greatly benefit when we have female posters, and especially dancers.

Also the way you have posted offsets these idiots who talk about 'extras' and 'buying dances'. Your post sets it back were it should be, at a more civilian and GFE oriented front room interaction, until it is time for the guy to invite the girl to the back room to continue.

:) :) :)

I have to say though that I am having a hard time finding this Charmaynes in Houston listed anywhere. Might you say more, really in muni Houston? Previous names? Street Address? Link to their website, Google Street View?

SJG

Jefferson Starship, Jane, live youtube.com

@mark94 If 6 is true, then 7 follows automatically.

In my experience, stripper economics are a mirror universe. When demand is low, strippers raise their prices in an attempt to reach their goals. It's like the old story about the million dollar apple. You just need to sell one.

we are on O.S.T. or OLD SPANISH TRAIL that is name of street i dont know exact address i hope when you get there you look me up i would like to offer you a real texas welcome think we go to my apartment though if you are willing by the way are you black i should have asked earlier

My criteria:

1. Bring so much money it is not even of a concern. That it would take a concerted effort to spend it all.
2. Alcohol - but the lades are allowed to drink too sitting with the PL's. This is key.
3. Ten dollar lap dances on the floor. Allows the ladies to spend time with the PL cheaply without going to a different section.
4. Comfortable, spacious seating.
5. Good service with music a level that creates a party vibe but does not too loud to hear.
6. Talent level that averages towards 8. Upper end low mileage clubs have this.

I'm not too concerned with mileage (most the time) since my objective is OTC fun.

If this list said sevens down it would be follies LMFAO

"some guys will be annoyed they can't bring their coconuts in, or stick stuff in girls' assholes."

I must be an amateur, haven't tried to stick anything in a girl's asshole yet. I plead the fifth on coconuts though.

I agree that Mitchell Brothers in San Francisco during the period from 2000 to 2007 had all these traits. I was lucky enough to visitor many times during that period, but it was pricey.....

Lots of interesting comments, and for the most part I agree with what everyone is saying. Pretty much everyone is on point except for SJG. Who really takes him seriously anyway?

Having all 5 criteria met in one visit is indeed unrealistic. I've never known a club to have all 5 of those traits, and the responses also confirm that there is no club out there that does. If such a club did exist, I think I know where the majority of us TUSCL members would live...in the same city that club is located.

The 5 criteria I presented are just what many of us enjoy when presented to us during a club visit. I personally could sacrifice #3, and maybe #5 if there is a decent selection of hot dancers. When I started going to clubs, #1 was the most important thing to me. Now, I could sacrifice #1 as well. I find #2 and #4 necessary for me to enjoy a club visit, pretty much echoing what rh48hr stated.

My original list did not include #5, which would just result in describing Follies, as already evidenced by some in this thread.

Realistically, 3 of the 5 criteria can be met at most clubs across the USA. Every now and then there will be a club that meets 4 of the 5 criteria.

Which of the criteria are met at a club is somewhat influenced by location. When I lived in Wisconsin, I was guaranteed #1 and #3 on every visit. It was common for #5 to be met as well. Twice I've gone to a club in Canada, once in Windsor and once in Toronto, and both clubs had everything but #4. The clubs I frequently visit in Detroit have everything but #1 and #5.

@Dominic, I should have clarified that it was implied that the majority of the girls were OK with hands roaming and at least touching their tits and ass. It was never my intention to imply that they were being forced to have their boundaries crossed. Where I got the idea to have touching be inclusive of the price of a standard dance is because the few times I've gone to a club in Canada, the dancers allowed me to touch their tits and ass without tipping extra in addition to the cost of a dance. Here in the USA, it seems to be the norm for dancers to want a tip if you they will allow you to touch them.

Those who brough up money, yes that is indeed the single most important thing a PL needs to enjoy visiiting a strip club. My list was intended to be just charactetistics of a club itself. I could do a seperate topic about the 5 things a PL loser needs, but it really is just one thing, money. The amount of money needed is simple, more money than all the other PL's in the club.

even hk falls short most the time of ALL the thread's five requirements.

imho not ALL hk girls are 7up.

and not ALL get fully nude on stage EVERY TIME.

butt hk gets close.

Number 1 should be money

In low mileage clubs, zero mileage, like say the San Jose Pink Poodle, they probably do tell the girls that the panties have to come off before they leave the stage.

But that sort of a club is the result of tough local LE, and the fact that it started way back in the 1960's, when ideas about such things were far more conservative.

Not something to emulate.

As people have posted about for Atlanta Follies, used to be girls approached panties off. Now, having more Latinas, they seem to approach panties on. But this does not mean that their pussies are off limits. Not at all.

When it is set up right, you don't need to tell the girls what they need to do. Totally counter productive.

They compete with each other.

I first saw this in our underground Mexican bar circuit, way way out girls who will do whatever they can get away with. And in one place, it was even front room FS.

The girls do not see the rules as protecting them. They are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves. And this is how you want it, what happens is just between you and the girl. No one else in influencing it. I think this understand is missing in the OP.

So no, the girls see any rules as an undesirable encumbrance upon them.

SJG

Brian Swimme youtu.be

maryann660ac, Yes, I see that Old Spanish Trail runs from Missouri City to being close to University of Houston. But I don't see any strip clubs on or near it. So probably your club is not listed.

If it doesn't have clear outdoor signage, then maybe it is supposed to be underground, really just a bar.

If it has clear signage, then maybe you could submit a review for it and get it listed.

Anyway, thanks for your offer, and welcome to TUSCL.

SJG