Where am I at here?

She loves you for your money. Any dancer would love a guy who spends on her regularly for five years. And yes she does it with others, defining "it" as whatever she does with you. You are not her boyfriend, so why wouldn't she do the same things with other guys who are willing to pay her what you do? But you don't sound particularly confident or cocky to me. If you were, you would have told her a long time ago to give you want you want (i.e. sex) or you'd move on. If you were, you wouldn't be all worried about what she does with other customers. If you were, a girl who you pay tons of money wouldn't have you wrapped around her little finger like this. If you were, you wouldn't keep paying a provider who (i) is providing worse service than she used to, and (ii) refuses to sell you what you really want.

You're wrong to think that you can't get another dancer to do the things that she does. If she does it and has gotten away with it for years with you, then others do too. You just have to get to know them and meet their price.

--> "She tells me that I hurt her, and that now she doesn't trust me."

Sounds like she was pretty direct and clear how she's feeling.

It's pretty ungentlemanly to talk to about what you do (in private) with a woman to another woman. You should know better and keep that between the two of you. She trusted you to keep your mouth shut.

Like John said, there is a way to pursue extras with other dancers. But they way you did it 1. was entitled and 2. created unnecessary drama. Instead pursue each girl as if the other did not exist. Negotiate independently. Then trust is not violated.

You want to know what's in a womans head? A stripper none the less? Yeah right, good luck with that.

As far as what happened, you don't seem to recognize that you put her on blast and that was wrong. Sure, she's probably doing what she does with you with others. And yes, other girls in the club are doing the same. But, that doesn't mean it needs to be out there in the open. Even in a strip club, a little discretion goes a long way. I know I dismiss girls who talk about what they do with other customers to me, since I don't want them talking about me to other customers. And I'm sure strippers do the same. A little discretion goes a long way.

That said, she most likely spoke to you again because she needs/wants the money. There's a ton of other possible explanations, including that she really does like you but in this case that seems even more unlikely than average.

Like JS said, she's not the only fish in the sea. She could well be the best/highest mileage girl there, but there's usually stiff competition for that title with new contenders emerging every day. At some point you have to decide if this particular juice is worth the squeeze.

Thanks for the feedback everyone. I don't normally talk out of school...too much alcohol that one day. I did create drama...didn't feel great about that. You all confirmed to me what I already know. Thanks again.

She wants your money. Period. But for a while, her desire for your cash was outweighed by her irritation over your inability to keep your trap shut, which no doubt caused her some grief with one or more of the other girls. Now that things are blown over a bit, her desire for your cash has once again come out on top, but knowing that you gossip like a little girl, she's not giving you as much as she used to because she doesn't want it spread around again.

You're welcome. ;)

She has finally come to the realization that she can't live without you. Don't turn her away or you may find a bunny in a pot on the stove.

First visit, 1976.

I also agree that your worst offense was telling another dancer what she does for you. That is strictly prohibited. At most you might be able to talk generically about what other dancers do for your in the VIP, although even that would be wrong if other dancers would understand that you are talking about this girl cause she's your regular.

This ought to teach you two lessons first shut the fuck up especially when you are drinking hard, second there are plenty of other girls around, but mainly shut the fuck up .

Dolfan "I know I dismiss girls who talk about what they do with other customers to me, since I don't want them talking about me to other customers. And I'm sure strippers do the same. A little discretion goes a long way."

I agree 100% with this sentiment.

I agree with all the folks who told you that your problem was blabbing, the solution was her deciding she wants your money again... and you seem to have learned your lesson, so all is well.

But, would like to address one thing you said: " I realize that she was only doing that stuff with me (or only a few people, I still don't know)". Just a little bit of a check here -- you realize no such thing. You have no basis on which to conclude you're the only one or just one of a few ... no matter how many guys she's blowing, she's laying that on you to make you feel worse. Now, she MAY, in fact, be a low-volume girl who is a little choosier as to who she does what with, but nothing she says is evidence of that. Just worth having some perspective on this...

I've been with low volume or even exclusive dancers. For them, it's a complete betrayal of trust if YOU are the leak even if it wasn't intentional. When you build a relationship with a dancer, you have to have one eye to protecting her if you're getting extras that might get her fired.

When my regulars move on, their replacements ALL know who my past girls were.I can't say, "Well I'm used to ,y and z." In my case last week, I just let her do her thing and she's now a 'go to' dancer for me!

Consider it a lesson learned. I also was a bit too chatty in the past, and it hurts.

Loose lips sink ships. Yes in theory you SHOULD be able to get another dancer to give the mileage you got from the former favorite. In practice, your lack of discretion is going to be fresh in the minds of other girls who heard about it, until of course someone has to pay the rent and is beyond caring about rumors they heard in the dressing room. Learn and move on!

I think you should go the opposite of what everyone says. Let's say your stripper's name is "Trixie" instead of ... - it will make my suggestion flow better.

Next time you're in the club I'd get piss drunk and tell every stripper "I've been paying Trixie $400 a month to suck my dick in VIP and she's doing a horrible job. I am screening new applicants to take her place." Don't worry you'll find a replacement.

I know of course you wouldn't do that, but you CAN find a replacement and you CAN find a girl that will give you better service.

Side note - the cocky and confident thing was just a stripper telling YOU what she thinks you WANT to hear. Every person likes to be told they are confident and even cocky, even when they really aren't, just like you tell strippers they're gorgeous and intelligent, when they really are not.

i have been with my wife for 27 happy years and have made good money representing women in divorces for 34+. have in depth conversations with a lot of women, all the time, about how they feel and think. as a result, I understand women just as well as I did when I was 4. By the way, just so you know, you are so important and special to this "low volume" girl she thought she had fucked you otc. You, like the rest of us, are memorable.

"for 34+ years. have in depth conversations with a lot of women, all the time, about how they feel and think. as a result, I understand women just as well as I did when I was 4"

This is the funniest thing I've ever seen skibum say. I think we all can relate.

Oh, and I forgot to add that you're never going to get her OTC now. Not that it was likely anyway given that you couldn't pull it off after 5 years, but whatever slim hope you have is long gone after running your mouth ITC. It may be time to cut bait and look for another gal.

Rick may be right. However...

I think the fact that she's five years older may have played into her decision. She's older, probably not as hot, and having a harder time making as much money as she used to. She may be a little more desperate for cash, which is why she overcame her grudge, and went for the money. I think there's a chance she may agree to OTC eventually. Maybe not a greater than 50% chance, but a decent chance.

Dancers have feelings? Who knew?

I think she was comfortable with you and that's why she did whatever she did itc prior this incident. Yeah, they get down with other customers ITC or OTC, but they don't want the who, what, when, why broadcasted to other strippers.

Once I was going to leave OTC with a stripper (we've done OTC before) after she got off. This particular night another dancer who was really close to her was talking with me and her about random stuff. My OTC stripper walks away for a few and her friend asks me how do I know her, upon which I respond "Oh she just cool, I come in here alot.". So my OTC stripper comes back and we continue talking and her friend asks can I get a ride tonight, my OTC stripper response was "I'm not going in that direction tonight.". Note, they supposedly were like road dogs back in the day.

Anyway, I think this chick is still comfortable with you, but maybe has some trust issues with you as far as y'all explicit ITC and possible OTC future. She may eventually come around to her old self, but I think you set yourself back as far as where you rated on her customer list.

TUSCL's review writing guideline applies in real life too:

"When describing the dancers mention looks, attitude, ethnicity, hustle factor. You can also go into detail of the private dances. Just be careful not to mention names if it may get your ATF in trouble."

tuscl.net

As others have alluded; I think she's manipulating you.

Yeah, you fucked-up by airing-out her dirty-laundry sorta speak - but many a stripper are supa-manipulative and will use anything they can to control a PL.

You fucked-up; but it's not the end of the world and no-reason you should not be getting what you are paying for and want - she was rightfully pissed at her dirty-laundry being outed; but I doubl she was genuinely hurt b/c you "hurt her feelings" - IMO I doubt she has any genuine feelings for you beyond your steady income else something would have materialized during the 10 years you were her regular - you "taking it to heart" about hurting her feelings IMO is a chump's game - yeah you should feel bad an apologize but keeping giving her $$$ and getting and not getting what you want is playing the chump's game IMO.

And IMO if you gotta ask if a stripper likes you, 99% of the time she doesn't - for her it's business,