How Do You Let Down A Favorite Without Pissing Her Off

27 comments

• Alucard

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  11 years ago

  If she is going to get unhappy & upset if you fail to get "dances" & give her $$$ - then IMO you're in an untenable position at this club. Especially if she'll poison the water. You may have to move to a different club. Or you can take a chance that she won't poison the other dancers against you & just calmly & politely tell her that you wish to explore other dancers. Or just say nothing & move to other dancers. It is a toss up IMO.
• Papi_Chulo

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  11 years ago

  Yeah – that is probably a problem for many of us. A situation like that cannot go on indefinitely so at some point one needs to do what they need to do. A simple “not tonight baby” should suffice – and if she asks why then just be honest and say you always get dances from her and that you want to get dances from other dancers. There is nothing wrong with that and dancers know this is part of the game/biz – only the desperate ones or the ones w/ bad attitudes will give you grief over it but one should not want to deal w/ these in the 1st place.
• Dougster

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  11 years ago

  Dude? She's a stripper. Why even worry about it? Are you another SNAG or something?
• SoonerSam

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  11 years ago

  This is why I try to make it clear from the get-go with my faves that I am not a one-dancer guy. I love to play the field. Last night was a perfect example - I had about 4 girls at the club that were at one point CFs for me, including one who may be my new CF.. Most of them understand that I don't stick with one girl, so they're pretty cool about it. My main question for you is, are you sure she'll poison the waters for you in that club? Maybe she'll be OK with it. But you know better than I would, obviously. If she will, then I don't know of an easy way to let her down. Maybe wean her off of your money, like get one dance instead of three for $50. Then eventually just tip her $10 for hanging around or something. I don't know, I'm not saying it's a perfect fix, but it may at least ease the pain of getting your rep sullied at your favorite club, if it is your favorite I mean.
• DandyDan

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  11 years ago

  I've come to the conclusion that the longer you go with a stripper, the moment you let her down, you piss her off. I go along with SoonerSam in that I let them know I play with all the dancers, but some of them can't take no for an answer and as such, it's better that they're pissed off than pissed on, as one of my old co-workers used to say.
• grand1511

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  11 years ago

  Just been through that with a past CF. She was after several years of a cool relationship, she started to get pushy with more and higher end dances. Several visits I just told her "no, not tonight" when she asked if I wanted dances. Finally one night she asked if I was mad at her. I honestly replied that I wasn't mad at her, but as a long-time customer I didn't appreciate her pushy-ness and as a customer, I was going to make the decisions of how I spend my time and money. She was dumbstruck and had no reply. What I didn't tell her was that I had found a new CF who was a slightly better dancer, who showed some interest in my life outside of the club and who can actually conduct a regular conversation. The old CF just skips right past me now when she makes her rounds. No major drama involved.
• mjx01

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  11 years ago

  @tenisbum: excellent question. props. IMO, it's a rock and hard place situation. The best advice I have is that you need to quickly make a good impression with the next CF in that club and get ahead of the x-fav poising all other option. @grand: you're preaching to the choir brother. My xATF continues to get me the 'why are you mad at me" BS even though cutting her off has absolutely nothing to do with being mad at her.
• gawker

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  11 years ago

  Honesty works. The other dancers see through the "poisoning" especially if they're sharing the spoils.
• SlickSpic

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  11 years ago

  How do you say anything to any woman without pissing her off? Civie, stripper or nun, one will never understand women. And we're not suppose to, either. It's just the way it is.
• jackslash

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  11 years ago

  "is there any way I can let her know I'm done dancing wityh her without having her get upset?" I haven't found a way. When you reject a woman, she gets upset. The amount of drama will depend on the dancer. If I've tired of a dancer, I try to let her down easy by gradually getting fewer dances each time I see her. This reduces the chances of a heavy blow up, but it extends the pain and gives her more opportunities to lay a guilt trip on you.
• lopaw

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  11 years ago

  This is an almost unsolvable problem and is more common that you'd think. Like Slick said most women will take it very badly and your name might be shit in the club for awhile if she has any sway with the other dancers. If you are fortunate enough to have alot of good clubs in your area you can avoid that club for a looooong time and return after she's gone. Time heals all wounds (or so they say).
• ilbbaicnl

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  11 years ago

  Definitely don't say you're tired or bored with her. Make a joke out of it, say you wish you weren't such a nasty slut, but you can't help yourself. You definitely have to keep the gloves on when negotiating for the intimate services of a woman. But it's still a negotiation, so you need to have you're bottom line where you'll walk away from the deal. In a SC, that means you may end up spending the night just enjoying the stage show, because you don't get offered any dances that you want. All you can do is stage tip the dancers you like, and be sure to tell them you'd like a dance when they have time for you. True or not, strippers, like I believe most salespeople, think that people generally can be talked into a sale with the right pitch. Salespeople generally have the mutual courtesy of not starting their pitch with a custy in the middle of someone else's. Or even being the wingman (wingwoman?) for a ongoing pitch. But the courtesy cuts both ways, a dancer can't claim she's still trying to pitch a custy, even a former regular, forever. The exception is if the dancer is stockier and/or has a violent temper, then she may intimidate the other dancers into staying away from you.
• Papi_Chulo

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  11 years ago

  I just tell them I like variety – which is absolutely true in my case. If they give me shit about them liking me so much and me being a fave of theirs; then I just tell them “hey if you want to dance for me so badly you can dance for me for free” – i.e. it’s all about the $$$ and sometimes you just have to call them out on it.
• sharkhunter

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  11 years ago

  I have favorites I sometimes ignore. They might be disapointed but I just tell them not tonight if I'm not interested that night. It's even worse if one of your favorites knows the other and they like to tell each other you are there. One did the other night and I told her she didn't need to. sounded like she was going to anyway. I told her I was tired and about to leave. She was like ok, see you later. I was tired. Plus the one dancer told me the other was sick and taking antibiotics. Might not be contagious but I didn't want dances from her after hearing that. I didn't tell anyone that though until now. My favorites usually aren't ticked off if I don't want dances from them, just disappointed. Just the other day I told one new favorite no thanks, no longer a favorite after her last dance a couple of weeks ago, not going to tell her anything, another I just told her not tonight, she's getting used to it. Another cf I just skipped out on. I don't see that I owe the dancers anything if they weren't waiting on me for any reason. Some nights I just get more than enough dancers trying to dance for me. I can get picky and just say no to several.
• SuperDude

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  11 years ago

  "What's Love Got to Do With It?"
• toddq

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  11 years ago

  Dayton ohio has a lot of good clubs. Harem, Living Room, Cheeks. Having to avoid one of them should not be too hard
• staxwell

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  11 years ago

  Bring her a nice Hallmark card, with "Fuck off. -tenis" written on the inside. Maybe a box of chocolates too. Who else shall I make re-appear?
• Dougster

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  11 years ago

  stax: "Who else shall I make re-appear?" Juice.
• Clubber

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  11 years ago

  I just tell them it must have been my twin brother.
• staxwell

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  11 years ago

  @Doug, I'm on it.
• tumblingdice

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  11 years ago

  Just post her real name,like you did before.
• 3LeggedMan

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  11 years ago

  I had a CF that I stopped seeing when my 3rd ATF came along. Fortunately she was cool about it and just chose to ignore me. Eventually the ATF left the club and I had to rekindle a relationship with the old CF. I was lucky that she did not carry a grudge and I've had some great dances with her since then.
• rockstar666

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  11 years ago

  If your ex-CF tries to poison the waters, most girls will see that as an opportunity! If they know you spend money at the club, they'll try and relieve you of some of it once they know you're available. I'm lucky my ATF is cool when I go for a set with my #2; I was nervous the first time I did that when they were both working. My #2 said, "I don't want you to piss off (ATF)" and I said I'll take that chance. Turns out my ATF was cool about it; after all she has other regulars too. It's YOUR money to spend as you like. Never forget that!
• crazyjoe

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  11 years ago

  She is probably tired of you too
• Dolfan

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  11 years ago

  It sounds like your alternatives are: 1. Keep paying the tax. 2. Avoid the club for a while. 3. Piss her off and risk her badmouthing you. IMO - Paying the tax can come right off the table. That's total BS. The other two options are basically the same, but even in the worst case of #3 its pretty easy to fix by spending a few bucks on other strippers and not being a complete asshole. So, I'd tell her nicely you weren't interested. Things like "looking to mix it up" or "just watching the show" today tend to be less offensive. She may be friendly with the other girl you've got your eye on, but I'm almost certain if you tip her on stage and clearly tell her you'd like a dance/room/whatever she will come see you no matter what the first girl says to her. Like rockstar said, a number of girls will certainly take it as an opportunity when they hear your old fave badmouthing you. They've seen you coming in and spending on her regularly - they know that could be them at least for a while. Absolute worst case, you fall to #3 and go back in a month. If its anything like the clubs here they'll be some new girls and its almost like starting over.
• jacobs.patrick7

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  11 years ago

  You should "up" your game and see if she bites. Either way, let us know what happened.
• tenisbum1776

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  11 years ago

  Some background. She has been working at The Harem for over 5 years. She generally works 7 days a week. She's once of the "queen bees" of the club. I really like going to this club. It has dancers that give you the most mileage, cheap drink prices and cigar smoking without going to the smoking room. I was there on Sunday and XXXXX was sitting at the table with me. I approached a girl dancing on stage that I liked and asked her to join me. She never came over. I finally told XXXXX I wasn't interested in a dance that night and gave her $50 for her "time" and she left without complaint. Later the girl that I approached on stage came up and sat down at the table. When I asked her why she didn't come over before she said, "Well, I saw you were sitting with XXXXX and I know she doesn't like people trying to steal her customers". I'm fucked. I've never had OTC with XXXXX although she has made it clear that it is available for me if I wanted. I'm beginning to believe that saying to XXXXX that she is not getting any more dances from me and accepting the short term consequences is the only way out. She certainly feels free to investigate other revenue sources while I'm in the club. She's just going to have to get used to not getting a cut from me.