Reviews

38 reviews by valuedicks

Firehouse Cabaret

Salem, OR

I Survived the Firehouse’s Geriatric Showcase

Went to the Firehouse on a Thursday night because I wanted to see what else Salem had to offer in terms of talent and LORD HAVE MERCY… I paid my $5 cover, got my little ID…

8 mos ago

Last Chance Saloon

Gervais, OR

I Accidentally Visited a Gang Hideout With a Pole

★★★★★★★★4.3/10

This was my final stop on my accidental horror movie tour of Oregon strip clubs and THANK GOD. I don’t think my soul could’ve handled one more Oregonian “gentlemen’s” club establishment. This place was somewhere…

8 mos ago1

Spyce Gentlemen's Club

Portland, OR

I Braved Portland’s Zombie Apocalypse for This Review

★★★★★★★★5.7/10

Spyce. Wednesday night. Downtown Portland. Parked somewhere on the street because that was the only option but holy hell. Downtown Portland after dark felt like side questing in a zombie game. Every 10ft there was…

8 mos ago1

Sugar Shack Gentlemen's Club

Salem, OR

I Saw Fat White Girls on Stage & Questioned Life Choices

★★★★★★★2.3/10

Decided to swing by Salem, Oregon on a Tuesday night because my strip club tour isn’t just about Portland. I wanted to see how the “smaller” areas stack up in talent. Spoiler: they don’t. $0 cover.…

8 mos ago

Stars Cabaret

Salem, OR

Stars Cabaret: The Sugar Shack Apology Tour Stop

★★★★★★★★6.0/10

After being disappointed by Sugar Shack I decided to check out Stars Cabaret. $0 cover. Club was surrounded by lower budget motels but surprisingly the area didn’t scream “mug me here”. Points for civility I…

8 mos ago2

Casa Diablo Original Blood

Portland, OR

Portland Strip Club Tour Stop #5: Hairy Kitties & Public Orgasms

★★★★★★★★★7.3/10

Hit up Casa Diablo in Portland on a Monday night because my Portland strip club tour requires me to see the infamous spots even if my soul might leave in protest. Cover? $0. Bonus points:…

8 mos ago1

Acropolis

Portland, OR

Portland Strip Club Tour #4: Full Nude Acrobatics & Mystery Smells

★★★★★★★★★6.7/10

Hit up Acropolis on a Monday afternoon because apparently it’s a Portland rite of passage to try their steaks. No cover. Outside looks like a dirty circus tent. Inside wasn’t better in the slightest. It…

8 mos ago2

Club Rouge Beaverton

Portland, OR

Portland Strip Club Tour Stop #3: Cirque du Titties

★★★★★★★★6.0/10

Stopped into Club Rouge in Beaverton on a Sunday night around 9pm because my Portland strip club tour demands consistency even if it means driving out to the suburbs. $10 cover, ID check, light patdown.…

8 mos ago

Columbia Strip

Portland, OR

Portland Strip Club Tour Stop #2: I Came, I Saw, I Wanted a Tetanus Shot

★★★★★★★3.7/10

I hit Columbia Strip on a Saturday night because my Portland strip club tour must go on even if it kills me. Pulled up around 11ish. No cover and immediately understood why. The outside looked…

8 mos ago2

CaBaRet II

Portland, OR

Portland Strip Club Tour Stop #1: The Latina Olympics

★★★★★★★★★8.0/10

Pulled up to Cabaret 2 in Portland on a Friday night around 10 something. Parking lot was packed. Cover was either $5 or $10. Simple ID check and pat down. The entrance is down a flight of…

8 mos ago3

Spearmint Rhino

Minneapolis, MN

The Minneapolis Strip Club Tour Ends

★★★★★★★★★6.7/10

Friday night. $20 cover. Last stop of my Minneapolis strip club tour before work drags me to another city (stay tuned). Layout: As soon as you walk in there’s cocktail tables with stools on the…

11 mos ago

Dream Girls

Minneapolis, MN

Stop #4: The Great Soda Shakedown of Minneapolis

★★★★★★★★5.0/10

Came through on a Thursday night. $20 cover. They scanned my ID then immediately hit me with “You gotta buy a $15 NA beverage.” Choices: water, energy drink, or soda. No alcohol, no juice, not…

11 mos ago

Seville Club

Minneapolis, MN

$10 Cover to See the Cast of “Bones: The Musical”

★★★★★★★★5.3/10

Wednesday night. $10 cover to get in. The place is in a prime location surrounded by bars, restaurants, and drunk foot traffic so you’d expect it to be loud and lively. Instead I walked into…

11 mos ago

Downtown Cabaret

Minneapolis, MN

No Land Beasts Detected

★★★★★★★★★7.0/10

Stop #2 on my Minneapolis strip club tour before I head back home and compile my deeply scientific findings for the good of humanity. Tuesday afternoon I rolled into Downtown Cabaret. No cover charge. My…

11 mos ago1

Rick's Cabaret

Minneapolis, MN

No Land Beasts in Sight - Midwest, You’re Alright

★★★★★★★★5.3/10

Work dragged me out to Minneapolis so naturally I made it my patriotic duty to check out and support the local… talent. That’s how I found myself inside Rick’s Cabaret on a Monday night, $10…

11 mos ago

Fantasy Girls

Reno, NV

Praise Be: The Land Mammals Are Missing

★★★★★★★★★6.3/10

Entry: Monday afternoon. No cover. Usual metal detector walk through. Inside the Cave: I’ve reviewed this place many times and have gone over the layout before. It’s still darker than a rat’s asshole in a coal…

11 mos ago

Peppermint Hippo Reno

Reno, NV

Come For the Dancers, Stay Because a Bottle Girl Blocked the Exit

★★★★★★★★5.7/10

Popped into this spot on a Saturday night. Cover was $25 and apparently they do valet parking only now? I got dropped off so I can’t tell you what they charge but judging by the…

1 yr ago

Men's Club of Reno

Reno, NV

Strip Club or Assisted Living Facility? Hard to Tell.

★★★★★★★3.7/10

Pulled up on a Friday night to finally check out the elusive Men’s Club aka Reno’s last strip club on my to do list. Cover was somewhere around $30, maybe more/maybe less but I blacked…

1 yr ago4

Fantasy Girls

Reno, NV

Even Marisol couldn’t be bothered

★★★★★★★★5.3/10

Rolled into Fantasy Girls on a Friday night. $30 cover. Same routine as always. No need to rehash the club layout. If you’ve read my past reviews, you already know the vibes. It’s Reno little…

1 yr ago1

Larry Flynt's Hustler Club

San Francisco, CA

Descended Into the Strip Club Abyss and Found Nothing

★★★★★★★★5.3/10

Popped into this spot on a Wednesday night because I had $25 I no longer wanted. Entrance is on the Kearny side, not Columbus. Plenty of other clubs within walking distance to this one. You walk…

1 yr ago3

Fantasy Girls

Reno, NV

The Art of the Upcharge: Moscow Edition

★★★★★★★★★★9.3/10

Hit up Fantasy Girls again. Saturday night, $30 cover, same metal detector routine. Security gave me the usual pat down. We’re honestly probably at a first name basis at this point. Inside the Cave: As always…

1 yr ago

Peppermint Hippo Reno

Reno, NV

$2 Tacos, $180 Soul Snatching: Do the Math

★★★★★★★★★★8.7/10

Pulled into Peppermint Hippo on a random Tuesday around 2PM. No cover (God bless America) and I came for what really matters at that hour: the $2 tacos. And let me tell you, they slap.…

1 yr ago1

Wild Orchid Gentlemens Club

Reno, NV

Stripper Hunger Games: Reno Edition

★★★★★★★★4.3/10

Pulled up to Wild Orchid a few Friday nights ago with the intention to just vibe, sip a drink, and maybe spiritually reconnect with a fake boob or two. I paid $30 to get molested…

1 yr ago3

Fantasy Girls

Reno, NV

The Only Fantasy is Thinking I’ll Ever Stop Coming Here

★★★★★★★★★7.3/10

Pulled up a few Saturday nights ago with a buddy, both of us sober enough to make bad decisions and just drunk enough to not care. Usual drill with the metal detector and pat down…

1 yr ago

Fantasy Girls

Reno, NV

Fantasy Girls Field Report: Mascots, Maybes, and Missed Opportunities

★★★★★★★★★7.7/10

Came in late night Saturday. $30 cover. Usual routine: security gives a light patdown, waves a wand like they’re blessing you, then you shuffle through a metal detector. Same dungeon lighting, same vaguely sticky ambiance.…

1 yr ago