Reviews by valuedicks

Spyce. Wednesday night. Downtown Portland. Parked somewhere on the street because that was the only option but holy hell. Downtown Portland after dark felt like side questing in a zombie game. Every 10ft there was…

Decided to swing by Salem, Oregon on a Tuesday night because my strip club tour isn’t just about Portland. I wanted to see how the “smaller” areas stack up in talent. Spoiler: they don’t. $0 cover.…

After being disappointed by Sugar Shack I decided to check out Stars Cabaret. $0 cover. Club was surrounded by lower budget motels but surprisingly the area didn’t scream “mug me here”. Points for civility I…

Hit up Casa Diablo in Portland on a Monday night because my Portland strip club tour requires me to see the infamous spots even if my soul might leave in protest. Cover? $0. Bonus points:…

Hit up Acropolis on a Monday afternoon because apparently it’s a Portland rite of passage to try their steaks. No cover. Outside looks like a dirty circus tent. Inside wasn’t better in the slightest. It…

Stopped into Club Rouge in Beaverton on a Sunday night around 9pm because my Portland strip club tour demands consistency even if it means driving out to the suburbs. $10 cover, ID check, light patdown.…

I hit Columbia Strip on a Saturday night because my Portland strip club tour must go on even if it kills me. Pulled up around 11ish. No cover and immediately understood why. The outside looked…

Pulled up to Cabaret 2 in Portland on a Friday night around 10 something. Parking lot was packed. Cover was either $5 or $10. Simple ID check and pat down. The entrance is down a flight of…

Friday night. $20 cover. Last stop of my Minneapolis strip club tour before work drags me to another city (stay tuned). Layout: As soon as you walk in there’s cocktail tables with stools on the…

Came through on a Thursday night. $20 cover. They scanned my ID then immediately hit me with “You gotta buy a $15 NA beverage.” Choices: water, energy drink, or soda. No alcohol, no juice, not…

Wednesday night. $10 cover to get in. The place is in a prime location surrounded by bars, restaurants, and drunk foot traffic so you’d expect it to be loud and lively. Instead I walked into…

Stop #2 on my Minneapolis strip club tour before I head back home and compile my deeply scientific findings for the good of humanity. Tuesday afternoon I rolled into Downtown Cabaret. No cover charge. My…

Work dragged me out to Minneapolis so naturally I made it my patriotic duty to check out and support the local… talent. That’s how I found myself inside Rick’s Cabaret on a Monday night, $10…

Entry: Monday afternoon. No cover. Usual metal detector walk through. Inside the Cave: I’ve reviewed this place many times and have gone over the layout before. It’s still darker than a rat’s asshole in a coal…

Popped into this spot on a Saturday night. Cover was $25 and apparently they do valet parking only now? I got dropped off so I can’t tell you what they charge but judging by the…

Pulled up on a Friday night to finally check out the elusive Men’s Club aka Reno’s last strip club on my to do list. Cover was somewhere around $30, maybe more/maybe less but I blacked…

Rolled into Fantasy Girls on a Friday night. $30 cover. Same routine as always. No need to rehash the club layout. If you’ve read my past reviews, you already know the vibes. It’s Reno little…

Popped into this spot on a Wednesday night because I had $25 I no longer wanted. Entrance is on the Kearny side, not Columbus. Plenty of other clubs within walking distance to this one. You walk…

Hit up Fantasy Girls again. Saturday night, $30 cover, same metal detector routine. Security gave me the usual pat down. We’re honestly probably at a first name basis at this point. Inside the Cave: As always…

Pulled into Peppermint Hippo on a random Tuesday around 2PM. No cover (God bless America) and I came for what really matters at that hour: the $2 tacos. And let me tell you, they slap.…

Pulled up to Wild Orchid a few Friday nights ago with the intention to just vibe, sip a drink, and maybe spiritually reconnect with a fake boob or two. I paid $30 to get molested…

Pulled up a few Saturday nights ago with a buddy, both of us sober enough to make bad decisions and just drunk enough to not care. Usual drill with the metal detector and pat down…

Came in late night Saturday. $30 cover. Usual routine: security gives a light patdown, waves a wand like they’re blessing you, then you shuffle through a metal detector. Same dungeon lighting, same vaguely sticky ambiance.…

Came in on a Wednesday evening. Cover was $20. Big Asian dude gave me the usual pat down and waved me through the metal detector. Same routine as always, nothing new there. Not gonna describe the…

I was in town for the week and decided to check out HQ in Sacramento as a last resort since it’s supposed to be the best in the city. It’s also the only club that…