Portland Strip Club Tour Stop #2: I Came, I Saw, I Wanted a Tetanus Shot

I hit Columbia Strip on a Saturday night because my Portland strip club tour must go on even if it kills me. Pulled up around 11ish. No cover and immediately understood why. The outside looked like a scene from Grand Theft Auto: Portland Edition. Two dudes were arguing, a girl was crying, and someone was definitely selling fentanyl flavored Skittles.

Walk inside and this place is small, blue, and depressing like if a smurf ran a speakeasy.

Slot machines everywhere. Why are the titties competing with the penny slots? I felt like an old man was about to tap me on the shoulder and ask if I was “done with that machine youngblood?”