No Land Beasts Detected

Stop #2 on my Minneapolis strip club tour before I head back home and compile my deeply scientific findings for the good of humanity. Tuesday afternoon I rolled into Downtown Cabaret. No cover charge. My kind of welcome.

From the outside the place looks like it used to be a bank which honestly makes sense. Inside they’re still taking your money, just with more boobs involved. Right past the main entrance the bar is on the left in an elevated section. The bar’s walls were lined with books to the ceiling. Strip club for intellectuals I take it. Anyways, the main floor has two stages but only one had chairs around it for some reason. Club was pretty clean. I liked it better inside than Rick’s.

The patron count was low with around 6-8 dancers in total. Mix of white, black, and latina women. Now here’s the part I need to address because I read some reviews before coming up here and apparently a bunch of you think this place is full of “fat” dancers. Either you’ve never seen an actual fat person in your life or your brain is stuck in the 90s. Every single woman I saw was either skinny, petite, or in ONE CASE, stacked with big boobs and a big butt but no belly. If that’s what you’re calling fat, then I regret to inform you: the problem is your brain. Try going to any Walmart location in July if you want to see “fat”. I know what fat is because frankly, I’m a certified land beast hater. None of these women were qualified. Not even close.