No Land Beasts in Sight - Midwest, You’re Alright

Work dragged me out to Minneapolis so naturally I made it my patriotic duty to check out and support the local… talent. That’s how I found myself inside Rick’s Cabaret on a Monday night, $10 lighter at the door. No ID check.

The place is a decent size. Bar’s right when you walk in, stage is directly across the room, and somehow, because God hates us, if you’re sitting at the bar you can’t even see the stage. To the left was the roped off VIP dance pen. Didn’t get a peek inside so far all I know it’s either a velvet palace or the break room at a Jiffy Lube. Men’s bathroom was shockingly clean. In fact, the whole place looked about as clean as a strip club can look before losing street cred.

Crowd was thin and about as lively as a DMV on a Tuesday but there were around 10 dancers holding down the fort. Mostly Latina with a few white and Black girls sprinkled in. Body types ranged from spinner to thick in the right places. Being from an area that produces much hotter girls, I’ll admit I was shocked at the quality here. Maybe only 2 were certified bombshells, the kind you’d move states for, but the rest were cute to decent and most importantly… bless this heartland miracle… NO LAND BEASTS IN SIGHT.