What if you know the dancer is in a relationship? Do you still get dances?

It did when I was a newbie. Over time, you come to realize it's a business and it's all just a fantasy. I know at one club I used to regularly visit, the married strippers gave far better service than the single or unattached ones.

The majority of dancers that I meet are in relationships, and some of the most genuine connections I've had were with dancers who were in relationships. It's an absolute non-factor to me, but then again, I have absolutely ZERO thought that a dancer might ever become a "significant other" to me, so I'm not the least bit bothered if she's already a SO to someone else...

What would the odds even be, at least in my case? Maybe 1 in 5,000? Maybe not even that good? Even if she's single, having a "real" relationship come out of it is extremely unlikely, for me at least...

It's not that I couldn't be a worthwhile companion to the right person, but a dancer I meet in a club is NOT considering that as a possibility, and neither am I. If I'm going to a club, it's to find a tiny bit of the human interaction that's missing from my life, not to find the whole kit and kaboodle! If I wanted some type of long-term relationship, or even just a lasting friendship, then the grocery store, the library, a park, or just about any place would be a more realistic choice for me than going to a club!

Now, just because I'm never going to pull that off, that doesn't mean another guy wouldn't have a chance. I'm just average looking, and there's nothing terribly exciting about me. For someone better looking and more charming than I am, hey, THEY might have a shot at a dancer wanting more from the relationship! But I don't have a shot at that, and that's fine with me. I've done okay in clubs by being kind, easy to talk to, reliable, etc. So I'm highly desirable as a regular, even if I'm not desirable to anyone outside of the club world. I guess you could say that knowing my limitations has served me well, and enabled me to have some awesome club relationships along the way. Fantasies can sometimes come true if they're somewhat realistic! :)

You've been a member for 7 years and that still bothers you?

Don't kid yourself despite what they may tell you they're all married or in some type of a relationship The ones that aren't are BETWEEN relationships

Their SO don't care there strippers as long as they bring home the $$$ so why should you

Here's an ugly reality even if the club is non-extras some have fucked or sucked dick just prior to coming to work

Hmm, most of the customers are in relationships also. Just the way it goes. I will say that I have seen a few dancers whose significant other drives them to work and they kiss their kids goodbye before they enter into a club where extras or really good dances are about to occur. I sometimes think about that.

I seaparate my two worlds completely. Most - if not all - dancers do. My partner and I have an understanding that what happens as a part of business is exactly that... business. We can logically and emotionally set this boundary because you don't want it to overlap.

I have dated security, waitresses and bartenders... from the club... and that is one of the worst combinations possible. The two are separate physically too!

Have I ever kissed my boyfriend and then sucked another man's cock 30 minutes later? yes... if you want to be in my world, that is how it has to be...

Dating a stripper is not for everyone...

Live the illusion.... do not worry about the reality. If you want reality, have your wife do a lapdance for you.... if you want illusion, come to the club and tip me well.

I don't think like that. I'm quite content to get dances or more from strippers in relationships. I don't go into strip clubs looking to engage in romantic relationships with the girls, I go in for physical relationships.

Realistically, if you're dreaming of getting entwined into a relationship with a stripper I don't think her having a SO or not will play a significant factor. In either case, unless she's a terrible stripper, she's involved with many other guys just like you in the club. Adding one more guy she's involved with outside the club doesn't really change the odds much. They're very low in either case.

If you want to continue with the same fantasy, I can tell you that I've had a few strippers get dumped and kicked out by their boyfriends who've come and stayed here for a while. Some level of romantic intertwinement occurred in those cases, I put forth very little effort as it wasn't something I wanted, but who knows, had I tried it's possible something could have happened.

@RTP I'm pretty sure I know the dancer you observed. LOL.

Don’t care

Don't care and won't even know unless they bring it up and I cannot change the subject.

I'm in a relationship. Kiss and caress my wife every day. Makes my life good.

I like my favorite dancers. I hope they have a relationship that makes their life good.

With those thoughts out of the way, let's fondle those wonderful tits while you wriggle that sweet ass on my lap.

I don’t bring it up and try not to think about that.

If I do think about it, I realize that if they do happen to be single, they’re probably too crazy or a bad crazy/hot ratio (HImYM scale)

Also I noticed I get along way better with married women irl (their guard is down or something)

I just assume that everyone is in a relationship. I’ve never had a stripper have a problem with the fact that I’m married with grown children, so why should I care if she’s in a relationship? The reason I go to strip clubs is because I want to have a 2hr love affair in the club and then go home without any entanglements.

Never had any fantasy about being in a relationship with a dancer. If she doesn't mind giving dances, or even extras, while she is in a relationship why should I?

I have had a lot of cfs leave dancing, at least temporarily, because they got into a serious relationship and my ATF permanently left when she got engaged. To me, it should be up to the people in the relationship to decide if giving dances, or performing extras, is OK in their relationship and as I customer I just assume if she's in the club she is there to do her job and make money.

Don't care.

I'm well beyond that degree of club fantasy.

If Salma Hayek becomes a stripper, and I become her regular, yes, I might be jealous of her SO. Because I'm not so much older than her. But, I've only ever gotten dances with one stripper who wasn't too young for me. (She was older than me actually.) So (with that one exception) I couldn't be their SO even if I were single.

When you get friendly with a stripper, obviously it bothers you the stigma they face. Which can cause issues with her relationships, other work she wants to do, etc.

You should just assume that they all have SOs, lol. Because most of them do.

It doesn't bother me in the least. I have less than zero interest in dating a stripper. Been there, done that and it sucked. I'm perfectly happy paying to buy the milk that I don't have to own the whole damned cow, lmao.

And to be clear, I do a lot more than dance with my favorites. I've lost count of how many times a girl has talked about her family in the club and, a few hours later, been bent over a bed in my hotel room. Most of the time I leave a present for her to bring home. How a girl handles her marital issues are none of my concern.

They certainly can be fun!

I don't want to know about a dancer's SO or family. Often a dancer will volunteer such information, and I'm not like devastated by it, it just spoils the fun a bit. It's like, when I'm watching Game of Thrones, I don't need to know the details of how they CGI'ed the dragons, I just want to pretend like those dragons actually exist.

My CF and I have done hours ITC and recently a overnight OTC. And after all that time, I still have no idea if she has a boyfriend or kids. Nor do I want to know.

As GGB says, one has to "Live the illusion..."

🤠 I Would Just Look @ Da' Stripper Dat' She & Her Man Has Heart Ta' Share Her Body With Me!

I don't think I am communicating this correctly, this has zero at all to do with a real relationships it's that this person is invested with someone else even if they are just dating or married.

That stops my brain from even dreaming about it.

^ Two questions...

1. You know before walking into a club that the girls are there to make money, not to become "invested" in the customers in some other way?

2. You're not trying to turn a customer/dancer business relationship into some kind of "real relationship", but the fantasy is still ruined for you unless you believe the girl is single?

If the answer to both of those questions from your perspective is "TRUE", have you considered just telling a dancer right from the start that you don't want to know if she's in a relationship? I mean, if a dancer knows that for your fantasy to work for you that she "needs to be single", I'm guessing she might be be willing to oblige?

Some dancers may choose to lie about their relationship status to EVERY customer they encounter for one reason or another anyway. A single dancer could say she's in a relationship to try to ward off guys who might try to get "ideas" about dating her, or a dancer in a relationship could pretend to be single to prop up the fantasy part for the guy...

@nixsur Let me jsut say it again..

Live the illusion.... do not worry about the reality. If you want reality, have your wife do a lapdance for you.... if you want illusion, come to the club and tip well.

Doesn't deter me. In fact it can be a little bit of a turn on getting extras from a dancer that's in a relationship. Even more so if it's on the regular.

A little bit of a sidebar but I had a regular with a full menu who was in a relationship. Claimed her boyfriend loved hearing about her club exploits and got very turned on.

I'm still not understanding what your dream or fantasy is or how her relationship status interferes with that. If you're not talking about a real emotional relationship, what difference does her emotional investment in someone else make in your fantasy?

I'm not a qualified mental professional by any means, but my amateur analysis makes me think you very much are fantasizing about a genuine emotional relationship with the stripper. And it's her unavailability that destroys that fantasy for you. You're just not being honest with yourself and or us about it.

If it's purely physical, I can tell you from my pretty considerable experience that a stripper being in a relationship does little to nothing to preclude her from hooking up with customers. More often than not, the strippers I'm hooking up with have SO's. I may even prefer the ones with someone to get home too. They are somewhat more reliable in their scheduling, less apt to over stay their welcome, and every bit as enthusiastic.

^ 👍👍

my amateur analysis makes me think you very much are fantasizing about a genuine emotional relationship with the stripper

@Dolfan, I'm not the OP, but I feel very seen with this comment. Sure thing, I'm fantasizing about a genuine emotional connection. Now, the operating word here is 'fantasizing', I'm well aware the surface level that she's working and our connection only truly extends as deep as my wallet. But because it's a fantasy, I choose to pretend otherwise.

I'm not in OP's camp in that knowing a dancer has an SO would prevent me from getting dances. But, when she volunteers this information, it's definitely spoils the fun for me, at least a little bit.

It's funny for me to read comments from guys saying that hearing about a dancer's SO ruins things for them. It does the exact opposite for me, especially if he's a live-in, because it tells me that she has yet another mouth to feed. There's nothing better than a highly motivated dancer when one is exploring OTC opportunities. 😉

@ClubFan81077

Yes and Yes. Sure, they can lie but that's not the point.

@RonJax2

Exactly. It spoils the fun a little bit. It's not like I'm trying to marry every dancer I see but it'd fun to have a fling. That's a bit more difficult if there in a relationship even if they're married but still having fun on the side.

@Puddy Tat Good point.

@Nixur68 I totally understand where you're coming from! The link that your brain is trying to make between a dancer being single and your chances of a "fling" with her is probably something that only about 2,463,947,003 men have tried to make before... :)

I think what some people are trying to say is that in reality, there may or may not be any meaningful increase in your odds by trying to restrict yourself to dancers who are single, or at least who you think are single. But if you can only enjoy dances with strippers who are "single", then it's understandable if you choose to try to restrict yourself to only those ladies. Good luck...I hope it works out for you!

Nixur, you are correct, firstly ignore Icey because he is a scammer so he intentionally posts nonsense.

Ill explain why a dancer, or an escort having an SO is such a big issue.

And for some guys, this may not matter. If youre a guy who just wants condom sex, it may not matter.

The problem with dancers with SOs is that they set up specific boundaries regarding what cheating on the relationship entails. A girl who had a SO, more often than not, will only give you a BJ if its covered. She wont kiss, wont let you eat her pussy, in some cases wont let you play with her nipples too much. In most cases, she wont cum with clients. So if you last too long while banging her, she will actually want to stop the sex entirely, and try finishing you off with a CBJ or handjob.

So its a completely mechanical, subhuman experience. America has boyfriend pimp culture, where you have these guys who are okay with their girl banging guys for money, but they have all these hangups and rules about it, making it extremely mechanical and restrictive.

A girl with an SO, whether dancer or SO, is also astronomically more likely to be a scammer. So if youre saying this dancer admitted to you she has an SO, I would immediately cut off all contact with her, dont get dances from her, definitely dont pay for VIP or arrange for OTC because she wont follow through, smack her in the face if you can get away with it, etc. chances are she is either a straight up thief or a mechanical pimped scammer.

Unless you just want a restrictive lapdance, you have no reason to be seeing her or doing anything with her. There may be some dancers who cheat on their SOs but there are also many who bang clients with the knowledge of their SOs, and chances are there will be major hangups and odd restrictions like kissing being off limits and much more.

As far as Icey, he used to be a guy who knowingly dated a dancer who he allowed to bang clients for money. His dancer girlfriend was the same sort of mechanical provider I mentioned before. So when he posts on here saying it’s irrelevant if a dancer has an SO, its because he is trying to promote those pimped, scamming, subhuman dancers.
He hates immigrant and Cuban dancers because a lot of them provide a GFE experience and at cheaper rates than an american raised girl.

And yeah if you straight up ask them about having an SO, most will lie because many guys dont like hearing that. Its not something you find out from directly asking. It is something you can easily find out, by seeing if they allow you to eat their pussy or if they tongue kiss you. Chances are the dancers with SOs wont do those things.

I usually ignore @rickmacrodong's bullshit, but in this case I've got to call it out.

You don't know what the fuck you're talking about. I will concede that many strippers will say they are single because they know many guys want to hear that and that Icey is full of shit, but the rest of your points are complete and total nonsense.

Strippers in relationships in my experience are substantially more likely to show up on time and ready to go for OTC engagements. If anything, they're similar ITC too, but I have almost no problems with strippers not delivering ITC so I can't say they're substantially better than single girls since there really isn't really room for them to be much better. On the odd occasion they do have to cancel, they are infinitely more likely to tell me than the single girls who think its fine to just ghost.

As far as hang ups go, again that's total nonsense. I've seen zero correlation to girls in relationships having any of the sort of limits you're talking about. If anything, again my experience is the total opposite. They'll happily kiss me all night long and I'm the one bringing up wearing condoms cause they're inclined to go raw.

That said, I'll go back to ignoring your dumb ass comments again.

attempting to being a dancer's bf/main fling is one of the hardest endeavors any man can tackle. if anything targeting the dancers that are single is going to way harder than those that are not. you could ponder to yourself, or ask the girl herself, or do both as to why she's not seeing somebody. it can range from no interest to having a rotation of 3-4 fwb side dicks.

in this hobby, while not thinking about all of this single or not nonsense, try and keep it simple. right club, right girl, right time, and the right amount of cash in your pocket.

My job is to listen to people's stupid relationship crap every fucking minute of every day. Its a boner killer at hundreds of dollars per hour. The idea I would pay to listen to it is beyong absurd.

Dolfan said "I usually ignore @rickmacrodong's bullshit, but in this case I've got to call it out.

You don't know what the fuck you're talking about."

That's not news to him. He's a troll who routinely posts ridiculous points/arguments to stir shit and get attention.

And today it worked.

To get back to the root of this question, I have one other point to make.

My CF stripper, who works/worked at Hong Kong club Tijuana is passionate about the issue of human trafficking. We had a recent conversation where I was asking her whether she thought there was women being trafficked at Hong Kong. Her answer, "By the club, no, but by their boyfriends, all the time."

To hear her tell it, lots of girls are in this game because they've got a controlling significant other. I'm certain this is true of strippers in the US too.

I'm sure we can assume these are the minority of dancers with boyfriends, but they exist, and what's more, I don't know how you'd tell one from the other that easily.

Either way, for me, as soon of the topic of her boyfriend comes up, it brings out my own obnoxious inner white knight (who I recognize needs to be beat down.) This is yet another reason to avoid the topic entirely.

Why do people assumethat if a dancer has someone at home that its a guy? One of my longime dancer buds at Desires has someone at home, a lovely lady.

Dolfan, on the contrary its you who doesnt know what youre talking about. Ive dealt with both escorts and dancers who have SO’s, whom are boyfriend pimps.

Youre either an undercover boyfriend pimp, in love with a pimped dancer and delusional about the situation, or you just got lucky a few times with a few dancers here and there. There can always be exceptions to rules like this. I never said 100% of dancers with SO’s would have hangups and rules.

Youre also bringing up completely irrelevant nonsense like married dancers being more punctual and on time than non married ones? First of all thats hilarious that you think their punctuality means anything. Secondly, youre being played. The reason the married dancers are so punctual is because theyre all business, because theyr clock watchers, and because if you pay them for an hour of service, they wont give you even a minute more for free because in their world, if they give you any free sex/extra free time its akin to cheating.

I find it insane that you think the below paragraph of yours, even addresses my points. Im talking about these pimped dancers and escorts providing poor low quality service, and youre talking about their pathetic punctuality? In no way does this debunk anything I said.

“Strippers in relationships in my experience are substantially more likely to show up on time and ready to go for OTC engagements. If anything, they're similar ITC too, but I have almost no problems with strippers not delivering ITC so I can't say they're substantially better than single girls since there really isn't really room for them to be much better. On the odd occasion they do have to cancel, they are infinitely more likely to tell me than the single girls who think its fine to just ghost.”

So yeah, that said, ill continue providing genuine, logical advice that’s actually meant to help people, while you can take Icees approach and encourage people to visit dishonest girls with boyfriend pimps.

To reiterate my points, a dancer or escort with an SO is more likely to be a clock watcher, more likely to provide shitty service, more likely to not allow daty, more likely to not cum with clients, more likely to not tongue kiss, more likely to be a scammer, more likely to be inclined away from getting banged and push the client towards bjs/hjs.

Again you may get lucky and find a girl with an SO who somehow does provide all the GFE service standards, but chances are, more often than not, if youre with an SO girl theres a whole list of things she wont do, the experience will be extremely mechanical if not straight up scamming. For instance if you book a girl for an hour, and she only allows you to bang her for 20 minutes, you basically got scammed.

This is all known info, you can even see dancers talking about it on the stripper subreddit and stripperweb or whatever the dancer oriented website was. Girls with SO’s often use different methods to differentiate work related sex with clients, from sex with their SO. And they do it by using the methods i mentioned earlier.

The fact of the matter is, anyone who wants proper service worth paying for, would do best avoiding any girls with SOs. You’re probably better off avoiding even civvie girls with SOs. Im not paying money for subpar, subhuman service. The dancers with SOs are more likely to give airdances and scam dances too.

Man,

I'm still surprised some people still don't get what I'm saying... Like I know I'm not gonna hook up with the dancer. That's not the point, the point is that option is open doesn't matter if my odds are freaking zero. The only way I'd think differently if it's some super model that I really like, she's type with the vibe, she's a pro and does stuff on the side.

And I'm sure some assholes are terrible and pimp out their girlfriends. Guys being awful is nothing new.

If a dancer is in a relationship IT’S NONE OF MY BUSINESS. Period, end of discussion. If she chooses to share details of that relationship with me when we’re talking, fine, I’ll listen attentively. I have talked with dancers about their kids (one is a soccer mom and her tales of keeping up with her girls schedules are sometimes hilarious), but at the end of the day what she chooses to share is her business.

As @grrlgonebad points out above, she’s selling a fantasy. The only relationship I should be concerned with is the one we have for the time we spend together in the club. Take it at face value, don’t overthink it, and enjoy it while it lasts.

Maybe we should flip the question, what if the dancer knows you’re in a relationship, should she perform for you?

It doesn't matter if she is in a relationship. She is there selling dances.

It does not matter if you are in a relationship, you are there buying dances.

What matters is if she wants to dance for you, and you want to pay for dances from her.

@CMI, you're right. I bit; I fed the troll. My bad.

@nixur

Your first question was “Am I the only dude that thinks like this?”

After getting 60 responses with experienced mongers and at least one dancer telling you how they approach your factual scenario in a different way, you then say “I'm still surprised some people still don't get what I'm saying.”

They get it. You don’t seem to understand you got a shit ton of responses answering your original question “yes, you’re the only one who thinks that way.”

That said, I’ve had dancers’ relationships impact my mongering. A couple of examples. I had a long time regular who cut off our ITC activities while she was dating someone. I respected her choice and we picked up again once the the relationship flamed out. I had another semi regular who I didn’t have feelings for beyond just respecting her as person, but she’s had a hard life overcoming addictions and personal tragedy to get herself on the right track. I saw on social media that she was with a guy she loved. I stopped doing stuff with her in the club around the same time but I’m not sure the latter was a result of the former. But maybe I’m your one example of a customer letting a dancer’s relationship affect my mongering? Her real life relationship has ended but I haven’t gone back to her though I’m open to it.

I like the last comments by uniquename and 25 posted above.

I've been getting dances with my favorite for something like 8 years off and on. She's had boyfriends come and go during that time. And honestly her dances are better when she's single. They aren't bad when she's in a relationship. But she also holds something back.

If shes in a relationship, logic and probability dictates her dances will be lower mileage. Of course there can be exceptions.

It doesnt really matter that she works at a strip club. That doesnt automatically mean she will provide proper lapdances, as the evidence shows there are numerous air dancer girls at these clubs.

Hank provided an example above of a dancer cutting off ITC activities when in a relationship.

The problem is, not every dancer is so honest. Some will just scam you, either via doing airdances, or making a deal for extras but not following through.

Especially if youre new to clubs, and you care about extras or mileage level, its better to just entirely avoid dancers who have a SO.

Also you have an easy way to find this out. See if shes open to something like DATY. If the answer is no, its almost certainly because of an SO. And it means there are no extras available besides maybe a mechanical HJ or cbj.

“I'm still surprised some people still don't get what I'm saying... Like I know I'm not gonna hook up with the dancer. That's not the point, the point is that option is open doesn't matter if my odds are freaking zero. The only way I'd think differently if it's some super model that I really like, she's type with the vibe, she's a pro and does stuff on the side.”

So you’re convinced its not possible to hook up with a dancer? Its absolutely possible. Especially with cash involved. Even dancers who say no, would probably agree to some amount like 5k or 10k.
Even if shes in a relationship, it doesnt mean shes not available to hook up with you.

CMI: “That's not news to him. He's a troll who routinely posts ridiculous points/arguments to stir shit and get attention.”

If someone is arguing that you should avoid dancers or escorts with SO’s, its not really such a “wild take” that it counts as trolling/attention seeking by default. You’re acting like its a flat earth level argument, which is asylum level logic.

Even besides the points I’ve previously mentioned, anytime youre dealing with a girl who has a SO, regardless of what her job is, you’re potentially entangling yourself in a situation where the SO is crazy/violent/vengeful. Some SO’s may not even be aware of and be okay with their girl being a dancer. So once again, not really such a “wild take” to avoid dancers with SOs.

I would actually argue it should be the default take for anyone who so passionately posts about not outing extras dancers by name. One of the reasons commonly brought up is SOs lurking and snooping and finding out what a dancer is doing. Those SOs are also a risk to clients

@Hank Moody

I mean this in an nice way is English your first language?

Did you actually read the comments because if you do you'll find that I am not the only one that thinks that way and there some folks who think I am that guy that's secretly trying to get with dancer. For the third time I ain't but if clubs is showing their dancers on their Instagram, I see one I fancy but I find it's plastered with her SO I struggle to find that appealing.

@rickmacrodong

I'm sure it's possible but that's not my jam. To each their own though.

@twentyfive Touche, fair point.