Being the “nice” versus “alpha” male—strip club edition

Does alpha always mean asshole?

You can be "nice" without losing your spine.

I go for a confident nice attitude. Dancers I know are always happy to see me walk in. Maybe I miss out on some action, but the action I get seems genuine.

You tell me from your perspective what is best? What do you mean by Alpha? I'm patient and wait for the right experience. Does that mean I'm not Alpha? I'm nice and seek a woman where there is some type of chemistry or connection. I enjoy myself if she is into it as well. It may take a few visits to come across the right encounter but at least it's an enjoyable experience. I'm not in there throwing money around and trying to force a dancer to do this or that. I want to feel catered too and treated like a man so have them come to me and prove they are worthy of my money and time. Is that Alpha?

Hm, I guess by “alpha” I mean as a self-declared confident jerk.. 🤔 If I mean by “alpha” as in leader that’s more wishy-washy...

Depends on how you define your terms "Alpha Male" and "Nice Guy".

Some consider an " Alpha Male" to be dominant and cocky who only cares about what benefits them the most while others would consider it to mean confident and decisive and looking to make the most of any situation.

Some consider an "Nice Guy" to be someome that wants to please everyone else regardless of what they get out of the situation (a.k.a. a chump) while others would consider it to mean a guy that is polite and respectful.

I try to be a combination and shoot for confidently getting the most I can while being respectful. If you come across as too arrogant and cocky the dancers won't enjoy themselves and it will show in their performance. If you are too eager to please them without focusing on what you get out of it you'll end the night with blue balls and an empty wallet.

Does your behavior really matter if you have money and brush your teeth?

Most guys think of themselves as Alpha Males, very few actually are

"Does your behavior really matter if you have money and brush your teeth?"

That's an easy one. Yes.

I don't try to impose what I want on dancers nor try to manipulate them for my gain - for the most part I let the dancer do her thing, if she does it well/per-my-tastes I spend/tip more, if she doesn't then I spend/tip less - it's not black or white, I will at times ask for certain things, but not being a primarily-extras guy means I don't have to be overt w/ dancers for lack of a better word - the clubs I hit mileage is fairly uniform from avg/typical-for-the-club to more than avg - in the clubs I hit for me to get a substandard dance is more of the exception - at the end of the day I don't try to impose my will/desires on a dancer or anyone; w/e a dancer decides to do I rather it'd be b/c she's down with it vs me trying to manipulate her behavior.

If it's a negative I have is that I may come across as a bit standoff-ish at times - part of that is that although I consider myself a friendly-person, I'm not a super-outgoing type-A personality and will often keep to myself in unfamiliar company - thus some dancers may think I'm an unfriendly person due to at times my facial/body language - not saying it's my constant M.O., but does happen more times that I'd like (usually when I have something going on stressing me).

I also tend to be a bit defensive w/ dancers IDK - just as I try to not screw-over a dancer, nor anyone else, I hate being screwed over w/ a passion and take it personal vs just letting it slide - thus at times I can act standoff-ish/defensive w/ certain dancers IDK.

Agree with others that this seems more about semantics.

Personally, I am clear and direct in what I want, and I don’t put up with what I don’t want. But I am always polite and pleasant, no matter whether I get what I want or how others react. In many ways, no different from how I interact with family and friends and colleagues.

We just have to go into more detail than one or the other. I think you can be an Alpha male and a nice guy they are not mutually exclusive things. Just don’t go too Alpha Dick head and don’t go too super spineless nice guy. There’s a nice middle ground there I think

@nicespice

To answer your question:

How do you prefer to behave at the club?

“People greet you according to the way you dress and say goodbay according to the way you behave" ~ Russian proverb

I prefer to behave like a gentleman, because I like to be treated as a gentleman.

Cleanliness and hygiene above all, showered, brushed teeth, wash my hands and more to prevent illnesses and to make me feel good about my clean appearance.

I make sure I dress according to the place I am visiting and to treat others with kindness and courtesy.

I have often been thanked for making someone’s day better by just being kind to them.

Punctuality is one of the most important qualities people can have. When I make an “appointment” to see my CF I am on time and if something unexpected happens, I immediately text her to let her know and reschedule.

Responsibility and punctuality go hand in hand.

Being late makes others wait which makes them waste time, it is considered disrespectful, a lack of courtesy and consideration.

Valuing others around me (respect) helps me take care and improve my current and future relationships.

“Good manners reflect something from inside – an innate sense of consideration for others and respect for self.” – Emily Post

I generally try to keep company with girls that I want to keep company with and send the others away politely. If they are miffed over this, so be it. If I think I'm being shortchanged or cheated I say so. In that case if I do decide to pay what is asked, at the very least I won't tip. If on the other hand I am treated well, I am happy, generous, and complimentary.

Be nice; don't be a bitch; smoke weed; drink beer; ;don't be a chump; buy dances from dancers you like; be polite; spend. Simple.

Muddy said it perfectly. The choices are not binary.

I am confident in a bonhomie-lite sort of way, but not boisterous or cocky. I smile a lot and treat a gal with dignity, but I'm rarely mistaken for a pushover. I work in a white collar world and spend accordingly, but my meat and potatoes blue collar upbringing comes through. My body language is relaxed and welcoming, like I own the chair I'm sitting in, but I don't behave aggressively.

I don't know how one would characterize any of this though. I just am what I am. If a girl likes me then great. If we don't click then she knows where her next target is. If I don't like her then I move her along quickly, usually in a nice way but firm enough to make sure that she gets it.

Overall this seems to work well for me given my particular goals, but for the most part I'm not really picking a persona. We are who we are for the most part, though if was one of the guys who seem to struggle in finding a balance with these girls then I might try a bit harder to mimic some type of normalcy. Now that's not to say that I don't put in a little effort now and again in helping certain matters over the goal line once good rapport is established, but that's a discussion for another thread. ;)

I dumpa load on da robs

Physically beat them, abuse them emotionally, hook them on drugs and control their access to those drugs. Then talk about how much you hate misogynists. I learned from the best!

Ha ha! More seriously, I still follow my two rules from that however-many-years-old article. 1. Don't be an asshole. 2. Don't be a little bitch. I think #1 is important, especially if you're trying to develop an ATF with tons of YMMV, but don't have whale money. #2 is important across the board or you'll just attract negative experiences.

WTF is this dumb bitch talking about... I'm a very, very nice guy ;)

NAAAASTY

I tend to let strippers come to me which puts me more on the passive nice guy side of things. But I make it clear girls have to work for my money and most bounce when they realize I'm not shelling out when a pretty girl talks to me for five minutes.

On the other hand I often turn the conversation to sex. Love the ones who can talk in detail about sex. The ones who shy away are dubbed boring in my mind.

I am on the polite side (at least I try to be). I go to relax and unwind. I try to tip all the girls on stage but I am honest when they come over and I’m not interested in getting private dances. I know what I’m going to spend and acting like I’m a whale when I’m not isn’t going to help me.

I’ve had more than one dancer tell me how much more they enjoy the dance knowing I’m going to be respectful and they don’t have to be on the defensive

Opinion only having been to strip clubs on both coasts is it’s really on the dancers. Out west the hustle factor is higher and the dancers circulate more. This includes more Wanna Dance gals but also allows one to be pretty mellow. The further east you go it seems that the dancers just hang with regulars or locals. Hell you can throw a $20 on stage at a gal to show interest, she’ll get off and sit back down with her regular so you have to be more aggressive. So don’t blame it on men, blame it on the club culture.

I’m polite and I don’t act like an asshole. I prefer to always be low key, relaxed, and friendly in clubs.

However, certain clubs can be very high pressure - “Wanna dance? Wanna dance baby? You ready baby?” - and I will avoid those clubs - or I will be abrupt when asked a fifth time in a few minutes.

I don’t mind the dollar parade - as I’ve grown accustomed to it in NJ clubs. It can help if I didn’t notice a specific dancer - and I’m not concerned about handing out singles.

I’m not appreciative of dancers who are pushy, and I remain friendly - but firm - when saying no.

I'm confident, cordial and even a bit flirtatious with dancers, but not trying to "own the room" and God forbid to date one of them. I'll approach a dancer I like, even in "regular's clubs," but won't bother one if she's set up with her ATM who is paying a lot more and getting a lot less than I will. I'll spend well and tip generously, but establish rates beforehand and know when the quoted rate is a rip off.

Anyone who calls themselves an "alpha male" and is not a wolf, needs to be boiled in oil.

It's not only nonbinary, it's not even a linear spectrum. By some measures I'd probably be called a nice guy, by others you might consider me alpha. I'm not particularly introspective, but I consider myself neither. I do little in terms of putting on a persona to go clubbing. I am misleading and or vague about the details of my work and personal life, but generally I'm fairly true to my personality while clubbing.

I think Subra's "don't be an asshole / don't be a little bitch" is a fairly accurate representation of my approach. It works for me. Not being an asshole prevents me from scaring off the strippers I like, not being a little bitch keeps the ones I don't want from wasting my time. I can't really comment on comparing my approach with others, since I've never really tried other approaches.

The way I prefer to be is “nice guy with a spine” because I just try to be myself. Trying to be a certain way is just acting and that involves wasted effort, trying to be in character all the time. So I try to be easygoing but straightforward.

I, too, think refraining from being an asshole - heck, let's go all the way - and just be nice, is the way to behave in a strip club. The dancers have enough to put up with. I try to be nice and polite, this (generally), gets me fine service. I get to play feeleze, they know my fingers ain't going there (I usually state this), pay, tip, offer thanks. They know I'm 'safe', worth hitting up for a few bucks (dances), and remember for next time. (Hope there's a next time soon).

Im a nice guy i try to wear real soft pants and no underwear. i care about a strippers skin and dont want any chafing. If i feel like begining extra nice, sometimes i bring natural moisutures lubricants on my pants.

On a serious note, you cant be "Alpha" in a strip club because youre simping.

I just try to nice and treat the dancers like people. Some girls respond very positively to this and everybody has a good time.

It's really just being my normal self - but with obvious heightened comfort with the sexual aspects. I'll at least try to hide staring at a woman in civilian life - but why hide it at the club.

Nice plus money usually works. If that doesn't work (low mileage) it's easy enough to disengage and find a dancer where it does.

My experience has mostly been that the dancer's attitude is that they are there to please and don't mind taking directions and giving me they type of dance I want. I go slow, communicate and they let me know how far I can go.

The best part of a strip club is get to be nice and have women still want to be around me. Even if it is fake.

I walk into the club with my pants around my ankles and swinging my bad boy too and fro. That is how I met RickDugan. He walked up and started greasing me 😉