I'm So Desensitized To Infidelity In This Industry.
Eve
Where there's a hole, there's a way. [HIATUS]
So imagine my surprise when a guy I've only seen three times off of SA (he had been trying to see me for months before) texts me something along the lines of:
"Hey! So... I actually rekindled with an old flame the other day and she's not really down with me seeing other people or, obviously, making arrangements. But I'll let know you when I'm single again!"
I'm not mad, but it sure as hell puzzled me. I'd say 95% of the guys I've met through SA or a sugar arrangement are married/partnered, and maybe 75% of strip club customers I've seen regularly were spoken for, and some have even started civvie relationships in their personal lives but continued to monger on the sidelines. Loyal relationships, on both the dancers and custies side, just seem so rare now.
Gets me thinking about how at least once a week, a customer would slyly comment "If I was your boyfriend, I wouldn't let you do this."
So. I'm just curious. If you by any chance decided to connect with a civvie girlfriend, if that meant that all the wants and needs that you look for in the club were taken care of by her, would you still monger/sugar-date/etc?
"Hey! So... I actually rekindled with an old flame the other day and she's not really down with me seeing other people or, obviously, making arrangements. But I'll let know you when I'm single again!"
I'm not mad, but it sure as hell puzzled me. I'd say 95% of the guys I've met through SA or a sugar arrangement are married/partnered, and maybe 75% of strip club customers I've seen regularly were spoken for, and some have even started civvie relationships in their personal lives but continued to monger on the sidelines. Loyal relationships, on both the dancers and custies side, just seem so rare now.
Gets me thinking about how at least once a week, a customer would slyly comment "If I was your boyfriend, I wouldn't let you do this."
So. I'm just curious. If you by any chance decided to connect with a civvie girlfriend, if that meant that all the wants and needs that you look for in the club were taken care of by her, would you still monger/sugar-date/etc?
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Probably not. Hypothetically speaking. "All the wants and needs" is a tall order.
But that doesn't mean that I will go through the rest of my life never cheating on a future GF or wife. When it comes to people and relationships nothing is absolute.
I’m ♋️ So I’m pretty loyal
Human beings follow natural instincts regardless of the culture, mainly; all females want to procreate with the top alpha male or the closest to the top, and all the males want to procreate with the top alpha female or closest to the top. (Survival of the fittest)
On the other hand because of adaptation in order to survive; cooperating in the hunting (the males) and gathering (the females); monogamy had to be introduced (forced) so the males going away hunting would cooperate and would believe their mate would wait for him.
We all know this is an imperfect situation and outside of the couple affairs have been happening since the beginning of man.
To answer your question:
“If you by any chance decided to connect with a civvie girlfriend, if that meant that all the wants and needs that you look for in the club were taken care of by her, would you still monger/sugar-date/etc?”
I would refer you to Demosthenes, regarding all men’s wants and needs.
“We have courtesans for the sake of pleasure," says Demosthenes, "concubines for the daily health of our bodies, and wives to bear us lawful offspring and be the faithful guardians of our homes"
In this one startling sentence is the Greek view of woman in the classic age. And in all ages and times all men want that, by instinct, but only some, the 1% can afford it...
Demosthenes
(384 – 12 October 322 BC)
Greek statesman and orator of ancient Athens.
His orations constitute a significant expression of contemporary Athenian intellectual prowess and provide an insight into the politics and culture of ancient Greece during the 4th century BC.
Still - it's often hard for a PL to change its spots once he's gotten a taste for what good SCs have to offer - a single-SCer may be sincere in his desire/attempt to be faithful and stay away from the clubs when in a new relationship, and he may give it the old-PL-try, but IMO at some point that little SC-devil is gonna start crawling up on his shoulder and start whispering in his ear and the PL probably often caves at some point.
Jokingly to mean how males usually try to get with every female he's able to and desires (given the circumstances, ability, consequences) - this can be seen in the animal kingdom where in many species the male tries to get with every/any female he can and the female is usually selective to one male (with exceptions of course) - and as it's often posted here, no matter how fine she is, often times the guy gets tired of her at some point (again not universal); there will always be women that offer something different than the one you are with is able or willing to offer.
Well - that's one way to look at the stripper-glass as half-full
😃
@alec. You'll for sure land a stripper girlfriend if you promise her you'll help her do her taxes.
@scrub. "he is not in a relationship with you.. " Then he could just not text me about it like the other fuckdaddies and I'll assume that he's fucking other girls in the meantime till he's in the mood for me again. LOL
For middle age+ PLs like me who enjoy clubbing and some ITC fun but not necessarily targeting OTC, getting "taken care of" at home by SO will not eliminate clubbing because youthful beautiful charming girls is not what's at home. Can't speak for mongers who seek arrangement cuz I've never dabbled on SA.
And geez scrubster, no need to be crass. Don't chase away our charming Eve who I assume is also young and beautiful despite the lack of dancer profile pics.
Not unless you gather a large polygamous multitude of youthful beautiful charming wives to greet you there.
That is def looking at the glass half-full - what you describe def applies to some dancers since nothing is universal - but just as common, if not more common, is dancers being flakes, getting fined for not following rules, being lazy, not showing up for work sometimes for weeks, not being able to handle the rigidity and demands of the non SC working-world/corporate-America - for many dancers, stripping chooses them rather than they choosing stripping - i.e. many were not doing too well as civilians (job/finances wise) and thus stripping and it's unique environment is where they could make some kind headway; again not universal.
What you describe can be said of drug-dealers or mafia-guys - but most of those usually are not gonna make awesome employees when/if they try to go straight.
A man would be a fool paying money imo to concubines, risking aids, financial ruin (strippers, SD site women) if he had a loving wife at home taking care of his needs. However many Kings in biblical times had both multiple wives and concubines. Our modern world tries to have fancy names For them like sugar babies.
When in a relationship, I give it 100% effort, time, and energy.
But when I am single, I give my mongering 100% effort,
That is just me.
@papi_chilo I do look at the glass half full. I don't claim to get to know many strippers too well but I have met a lot in the club and talked. As a whole I have no idea if they are more or less trustworthy than non strippers but I don't think they are like worse people or anything. The job skills I meantioned are just those I would reckon would make you successful. And I have met talented and successfil strippers that continue to do it into their 40s and beyond! I actually get a huge kick out of getting lap dances from older experience strippers since they know exactly how to make it good.
I have had the pleasure of meeting many strippers that are very ambitious and that is cool. I especially like ones that are future scientists , engineers , and coders. On numerous occasions I've given out my github and told them I'd be down to code or mentor them if they want it but no takers XD. I want to remove the stigma that stripeprs can't do other things or are there because no other jobs will take them. I think that is a negative and not true at all. Also think. Could you imagine how many more strippers there would be if more young women weren't turned off by the profession! That would be good for us PLs!
No one can say what a person can do or can't do in the present or the future - but two things you mentioned are often part-and-parcel of stripperville:
"... There is one girl who I asked, "What do you do with all of the money you make?" and she said she just spent it on weed and other stuff ..."
"... on numerous occasions I've given out my github and told them I'd be down to code or mentor them if they want it but no takers ..."
These are examples of why many if not most of them are not the go-getters you envision them to be - again cool that you choose to see the possibilities but the realities are often different - many of these girls spend their 20s developing their grinding-skills and not much else and once they are done w/ dancing they often don't have the skills necessary to transition to something else; and the older one is the harder it is to go back to school and often live the life of a financially-poor student - again, doesn't mean there aren't dancers that become successful in something else post a dancing career, but many that dance for a long time invest their 20s (and sometimes 30s) boozing, smoking weed, and mostly partying and not really preparing themselves for the future - again not universal but those of us that have been at this a long time have noticed a big difference b/w a dancer's talk and their actions in terms of their future ambitions - their mouths say one thing but often their actions say something else - again does not apply to every dancer of course.
And like I said. Stripping in and of itself is hard to do for a long period of time sustainably. I think a lot of us think they have an advantage because they are hot but it takes discipline too! There is this huge element that is about skill that I actually think is pretty sexy in its own right.
Now you know what it's like wearing a condom
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You need to get to know some strippers as well as I have. They have messy lives and don't do anything well. They can only make money because they get naked. As for doing taxes! Ha Ha Ha. Strippers don't pay taxes. The only ones who bother to file are those with children who want to (fraudulently) claim the earned income credit.
when I hit that level I will then revise and limit myself to 100,000 relationships.
Even if I found a civvie girlfriend that fit the bill perfectly, I would eventually get bored. I suspect that most guys frequent SCs not because they are incapable of finding a satisfactory traditional relationship but because they crave the variety. Even in the clubs I have a couple of regulars that I've been seeing for several years. No matter how much I enjoy their company, I have to mix it up with either new girls or even ones that I've passed on before, but they finally wore me down and my desire for someone different drove me to give them a try. Very few animal species are monogamous. I don't know who came up with the idea that humans should be but I think the phrase "world's oldest profession" pretty much demonstrates that they are not.
I really think it depends on existing circumstances for the person involved. If the PL in question is really looking for serious commitment he may think he has found “the one” and doesn’t want to risk screwing it up. Or he could be like the kid with a new toy who doesn’t want to play with anything else for a while.
For my personal situation I cannot see myself not enjoying the ladies at the clubs. No matter how talented or unbelievable that civvie gf is she could not meet all my needs/wants. She can’t be a petite AA spinner AND a buxom blonde AND a smoking hot Asian. I had the “she is everything I want” relationship for twenty some years and it was phenomenal, but rather than try to replicate that I now want variety.
The other explanation is he was a salt daddy that only had enough bankroll to hit it a few times before his money clip was empty. He used the the old flame as an excuse to exit the arrangement.
This. I can only speak for myself, but the reason I chose dancers to play with as opposed to civvie girls is because the latter come with a fuck ton of complications. As my wise father taught me years ago, when you stick your dick in another hole, make sure it's attached to a girl that doesn't want/need anything more from you.
The best kind, practical and useful. Men of his era knew that penises wander, but also understood the importance of discretion. It's only in the modern era that such angst and self doubt has infected so many men. Growing up our home was intact and we were none the wiser, which is how it is supposed to be.
The best kind, practical and useful. Men of his era knew that penises wander, but also understood the importance of discretion."
You tell em Ricky! The best mentoring cums from playing penis with your dad! sword fighting, stroking, playing bouncer, are all great learning games! Young ones need to be raised this way. That way we xan have more real men in out society
So once that door was opened, I couldn't go back. I remember my first time my pants got unzipped in a club in Pompano Beach about 6 years ago (without me requesting it). She went down on me, and I was so shocked and told her I didn't want that. Zipped them back up after a few seconds. Felt so dirty after that I left all my clothes that I wore to the club in my hotel room. Didn't want to wear them anymore.
Fast forward a few more years and I had my first BJ in a club in LA. Beautiful girl and she swallowed. Note that my wife hasn't done a BJ in probably 10 years, and let alone swallowed, never even to completion. So that was pretty awesome. That progressed to more of those though I always told myself "I won't cross the FS line".
Note that at the time we got married, my wife told me I could have one freebie a year ... so I didn't use it till about 5 years ago.
First time FS was at an AMP in New York. Didn't ask for it, but before I knew it I was inside. Never even felt her put on the wrapper, she was that good. Freebie number one gone (I didn't count the BJ's and HJ's).
After freebie one I told my wife there were going to be more. She already knew of course because nothing was really happening at home, and I had those freebies. That was my excuse, I told her I was going to use up my freebies. In addition, about 5 years ago my wife had back disc surgery and literally couldn't have sex for over a year. So I told her I wanted to continue to get some on the side and she was OK with it. We love each other, love our kids, lover our life and companionship, but she doesn't love sex and it hurts. She's had a second back surgery since then and was totally out of commission another year. I think it's been over 4 years since we've really had sex to completion, and when we tried once maybe a year and a half ago it hurt her so much she couldn't go on.
So there you go. I have an addictive personality, so even if my wife would have been totally against some action on the side, I probably would have done it anyway. I'm lucky she's understanding and really just doesn't care as long as she knows I'm safe and get tested every once in a while which I do.
I don't feel guilty about the sex. I've had some amazing sex the last few years, some awful sex, and everything in between. I've feared for my life, and felt like a million dollars in Vegas. I do feel guilty about the money spent for this companionship. I added it up once and had to stop once I got to six figures. This hobby is expensive.
Take time during this transition period brought about by covid to really analyze it. It may be better reconcile with the wife or check your gut (higher self / spirit guides) if your on the right path - life intention / purpose. If your gut does not feel right on it step back and question..
Once I was doing a session with a girl (meeting with a lot) near the veterans cemetery where my parents are buried. I had recently visited the grave site. For some reason the alarm / beeper in TV started going off - had to unplug it to stop it. Was somebody trying tell me something or just coincidence?
I've been married nearly 40 years. Faithfull all this time. I don't find or expect any one person could meet 'all one's needs". That's just too much to expect. I don't meet "all" her needs, she doesn't meet "all" mine. Fantasizing exists for this very good reason. We do have the 'for better or worse' deal going on where we discuss differences and accommodate best we can.
When I fell for strip clubs/lap dances, I told her I didn't think I could refrain from going occasionally. We worked out a deal of sorts on how much is 'occasionally''. And that I tell her afterwards that I indulged. Cause we did promise to not lie to each other. People vary. This works for us.
I might fondle some titties occasionally, but I am faithful to our deal.
But understand too that not everyone is built the same way. You are naturally anal and risk averse, as you have amply displayed over the years. That is not a criticism, just an observation. I suspect that you were experiencing self doubt and a bit of fear long before this virus surfaced and that this was just the straw that broke the camel's back for you.
OTOH, some of us are wired differently and are unlikely to ever completely avoid risk, but rather simply try to keep it from spilling over into important places. But I'm also confused about your examples of unhinged behavior - why does it have to be one extreme or the other?