Amazon Getting into the Mail Order Bride Business!

reverendhornibastard
Depraved Deacon of Degeneracy
We all knew it was just a matter of time. If there is a potential to make some money, somebody is going to exploit it.

Starting after the first of next year Amazon will begin offering mail order brides sourced from China, Thailand, The Philippines and Venezuela.

Jeff Bezos has so far refused to confirm rumors that the mail order brides will be delivered by drones.

The prices of mail order brides will vary according to age, ethnicity, comeliness. All mail order brides will come with a health certificate and a guarantee that they are suitably “low maintenance.”

Demand is expected to be brisk.

Amazon shares are trading 8% higher.

https://www.tuscl.net/photo.php?id=3069

60 comments

Latest

RandomMember
5 years ago
"Jeff Bezos has so far refused to confirm rumors that the mail order brides will be delivered by drones."

LOL
datinman
5 years ago
I'm Amazon prime. Can I get a two day delivery on a hot Thai? What's the return policy?
gawker
5 years ago
I recently bumped into my old friend Tom, an eighty-year old rancher, in town.
Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumor had it that he was marrying a "mail order" bride. Being a good friend, the banker asked Tom if the rumor was true. Tom assured him that it was. The banker then asked Tom the age of his new bride to be. Tom proudly said, "She'll be twenty-one in November."
Now the banker, being the wise man that he was, could see that the sexual appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an eighty-year-old man. Wanting his old friend's remaining years to be
happy the banker tactfully suggested that Tom should consider getting a hired hand to help him out on the ranch, knowing nature would take its own course.
Tom thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one that afternoon.
About four months later, the banker ran into Tom in town again. "How's the new wife?", asked the banker.
Tom proudly said, "Good - She's pregnant."
The banker, happy that his sage advice had worked out, continued, "And how's the hired hand?"
Without hesitating, Tom said, "She's pregnant too."
reverendhornibastard
5 years ago
Gawker,

Good one!


The lady who cuts my hair and my son’s hair was a mail order bride from the Philippines. She’s in her early 70s now and decidedly not hot. But she’s a sweet old lady. I always insist on her cutting our hair because I know she’s flat broke (her husband died a long time ago). We tip her very generously to help her out.

She says she was in her 20s when she came across (so I guess Amazon was not involved).

I’m sure her feet must hurt from standing up all day cutting people’s hair.

She’s the only mail order bride I know personally.
Jascoi
5 years ago
where i used to live back some years a neighbor got divorced and about a year later a mail order bride from Mexico was in his life. very Nice looking lady probably around 40 (he was in his late 50s)... they both got along well together... as far as i know they still do.
CC99
5 years ago
My mom has hinted that my brother and I should look overseas for a wife. At one point she said "and maybe the girls you end up marrying won't be from this country."

The mail order bride concept does sound like a good idea. Maybe I'll make it my plan if I don't have a wife by the time I'm 30.
san_jose_guy
5 years ago
I do not like the idea of mail order brides, and Bezos really disturbs me. Can you provide a link to something which proves that Bezos is doing this.

Lots of immigrants and tourists from other countries here in the US right now.

SJG
CC99
5 years ago
I don't think autistic people lack a sense of humor, I'm just a lot more likely to not realize something was a joke to begin with. Sarcasm I especially did not understand as a kid. I couldn't understand it at all until I was 15, and just started assuming everything that sounded outrageous was sarcasm. I still have a tendency to take things too literally though.

I assumed the drones part was a joke but I didn't realize the rest of this thread was a joke actually.
RandomMember
5 years ago
We should stop tormenting SJG. He can't help it
san_jose_guy
5 years ago
Autism / Aspergers is a myth, coming out of the eugenics movement, resurrected in the service of neo-liberalism.

There are abuse survivors who promote this myth, because believing non-sense is easier than it is to face the abuses they have survived.

If people are being subjected to that they need:

1. Marshal Arts Training
2. Military and Commando Training
3. Some steel toed 187 kickers
4. And a lawyer

Always far better to take a homicide conviction or to be killed by police, than to play along with people who want to deny your basic legitimacy.

SJG
san_jose_guy
5 years ago
Autism is a myth intended to justify the abuses of children and adults. More often than not the idea is starting with the parents, a kind of Muchausen's by Proxy.

It does need to be met with authority, and sometimes be serious violence.

SJG
CC99
5 years ago
@SJG

Believing autism doesn't exist is a sign of autism. We are more inclined towards radical and strange opinions.

I'm not sure what led you to believe that its an abusive myth. But the fact that its recognized I'd say is much more of a help than not. Yeah there's people who say it like its a bad thing but since when did certain people's opinions of something make it reality?

If its not recognized as a real thing then how are people who need help because of it going to find support? My therapist diagnosed me with unspecified autism. So she said I have the symptoms of it but that they are mild. So I specifically don't need help to function, but someone who has severe autism may be incapable of independently functioning. If autism wasn't recognized as a thing, those people would be homeless and possibly die.
Call.Me.Ishmael
5 years ago
I'm just going to leave this here...

"Asperger syndrome (AS), also known as Asperger's, is a developmental disorder characterised by significant difficulties in social interaction and nonverbal communication, along with restricted and repetitive patterns of behavior and interests.

"Intense preoccupation with a narrow subject, one-sided verbosity, restricted prosody, and physical clumsiness are typical of the condition, but are not required for diagnosis.

"A person with AS may engage in a one-sided, long-winded speech about a favorite topic, while misunderstanding or not recognizing the listener's feelings or reactions, such as a wish to change the topic of talk or end the interaction. This social awkwardness has been called 'active but odd'.

"Some of them may even display selective mutism, not speaking at all to most people and excessively to specific others. Some may choose only to talk to people they like.

"In some cases, people with AS are creepy as fuck and complete twats."

Okay... I might have editorialized that last bit.
JAprufrock
5 years ago
Rev,
Do you know if there are any Slovenian former porn models available? Specifically those not averse to cowardly draft dodgers with alleged bone spurs?
jackslash
5 years ago
^^^ Ha! Ha!
TFP
5 years ago
Jesus, if that info that CMI provided about symptoms of aspergers didn't describe SJG to a fucking T.

Is there some kind of airborne chemical that treats it? Maybe if I release that shit in the airflow at the San Jose public library that fucker might calm down with all the FRMOS and chump talk.
Muddy
5 years ago
I’d be open to a mail order girl if she’s fucking ridiculously hot. I did see a documentary on it it with some incredibly pathetic dudes
CC99
5 years ago
I do the same thing as SJG does all the time. I spent over an hour writing four different replies until I realized in all four cases that I had gone completely off topic on a five paragraph explanation of something nobody cares about.

Look, you guys aren't obligated to listen to anything SJG posts. If you don't find anything he says interesting, just skip past it and find something you are interested in. Scrolling on the mouse-pad isn't that hard. There's no need to harass him like this. There's a shit ton of stuff I don't find interesting on here but I don't insult or harass people for not posting interesting things. I do butt in with what I find interesting a lot, but I don't insult people if they don't say something interesting back.
nicespice
5 years ago
Lmao. Kinda wondering at this point what % of reverendhorni threads have to do with whatever topic he posted. I understand many threads on this site get derailed, but I feel like there’s a disproportionate amount here.
Jascoi
5 years ago
my VA nurse has told me i need mental help because i have sexual addiction.
Jascoi
5 years ago
maybe i need a suitable mail order bride.
gawker
5 years ago
Part of the reason for that is that he chooses some topics which are really unique. I love the Right Reverend’s postings, not only for his sense of humor, but for his ability to draw so many of us in. Keep it up, Rev.
On the matter of the Autism Spectrum, I’d like to see us stay away from an area with which there’s a lack of knowledge and lots of misinformation. I’m not saying that we ignore personal characteristics if that’s what you find funny. But to attempt to diagnose an anonymous writer is absurd. It’s like trying to determine whether I have measles or mumps because I have a fever. And we end up offending someone unnecessarily.
I realize there are some who find humor in it, but it’s usually just not knowing. (I.e. when txttity writes about “mongoloyd” or whatever and it brings back memories of my late brother with Downs Syndrome).
Just an additional benefit of anonymity.
reverendhornibastard
5 years ago
I don’t really understand what “autism” is. It confuses me that some people who can barely speak and are completely incapable of taking care of themselves are labeled “autistic” but the same label has also been applied to Dan Akroyd, Daryl Hannah, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Issac Newton and Stanley Kubrick.

One of my children was diagnosed as being a “high functioning autistic.” She had significant speech delay but now she rarely shuts up. She makes straight A’s in school but still shows some peculiarities that have become her strengths. She socializes well with others, is uncommonly creative (easily composes new songs - both lyrics and melodies), has an incredible memory and shows powers of concentration and tenacity that I envy.

It never occurred to me that SJG might have autism. Since I struggle to understand what the word word means in the first place and have never met him, I feel particularly unqualified to comment on the diagnosis.

But SJG is only one of many unusual people that have cropped up on TUSCL and a couple of other realms in cyberspace where one of the goofiest online characters, Reverend Hornibastard, often hangs out and spews his mindless drivel.

Since I eventually manage to insult everyone else, I see no good reason why I should not also offend these mental misfits.
SirLapdancealot
5 years ago
"Look, you guys aren't obligated to listen to anything SJG posts. If you don't find anything he says interesting, just skip past it and find something you are interested in. Scrolling on the mouse-pad isn't that hard."

^ LMAO you could do the same thing with posts that you don't like. That includes posts at san_jose_creep that you don't like to read. It also includes this post too, FYI.

LOL this is an unmoderated board. People are going to post whatever the fuck they want. As you stated, it's not hard to scroll past a post you don't like to read. 😂😂😂
Call.Me.Ishmael
5 years ago
gawker...

I'd like to see us steer away from the topics of sex with minors and age of consent, because more often than not those threads yield multiple posts from multiple users that range from cringe-worthy to horrific.

But I guess neither of us will get our wishes.

SJG advocates (almost daily) in favor of this forum being completely unmoderated. That's a double-edged sword, and he gets to feel the sharpness of both edges if that's what he wants.

For the record... there's a lot of terminology that I don't like here. You'll never see me use the terms 'mongoloid' or 'retard,' because I have friends with children with profound disabilities. I respect their challenges, so I've struck those words from my vocabulary. There are a lot of words, so I found different words.

Ditto for 'fag' or 'faggot'. I have family members I love and friends I value who are gay. I stopped using those terms out of respect. Honestly, it wasn't hard. Again, there are other words.

Also, I think that using any of those terms signals a lazy intellect and perhaps some degree of passive bigotry. It's not political correctness or being "triggered". It's a choice to do better.

But that's not a battle that's going to be won here. A lot of users see resistance as a reason to double down on shitty behavior.
CC99
5 years ago
@SirLDK

There's a difference between expecting someone to ignore direct insults to their character as opposed to telling someone to just ignore off-topic and uninteresting material. SJG really doesn't come at people unless they go after him first.

@ReverendHorniBastard

Autism doesn't usually result in someone being unable to take care of themselves. That's a particularly severe case. Usually autism relates to sensory issues (either particularly intense or very dulled), repetitive behavior, intense focus on a few topics of interest, a highly systematized brain, and it also means it's difficult for you to feel what other people are feeling on an instinctive level. I rarely am able to instinctively tell what someone feels. I'm usually pretty clueless. I can only logically deduce what they probably felt.
SirLapdancealot
5 years ago
"SJG really doesn't come at people unless they go after him first."

^ @CC99 this is patently false. The only reason that I troll anyone is if they are a troll, in particular to me. And san_jose_creep most definitely has done that. In fact he was the very first person on TUSCL to troll me as a new member.

Also I have seen him go at many other people unprovoked.

He's just oblivious to it all.
CC99
5 years ago
@SirLDK

I struggle to think of a single instance in which he wasn't responding to another person. At worst, it may be people he's known to have a long running feud with and who regularly trade insults back and forth. However, I've yet to see him randomly go after somebody the way IceyLoco did when he was still posting.
TFP
5 years ago
He routinely goes after all LDKers and folks who buy dances. So in short, fuck him.
CC99
5 years ago
@CMI

I've never heard anyone besides txtittyfag use the term "mongoloid." On the internet or in real life. He is literally the first. I didn't even know what it meant, I had to Google it.

As far as faggot and retard go. Its not about how "difficult" it is to not say it. Its about the fact that there's an increasing number of people out there who think somebody oughta be harshly punished if they do say it. Virtue signalers on Twitter and Facebook have become the new inquisitioners. I can guarantee you if these people had been born in Medieval Times that they would be among the crowd burning witches.

The reason why is because they're not actually concerned with making people's lives better or being a good person, they're concerned with using morality as a weapon against people they don't like and being able to hold it over your head. When anti-SJWs insist on saying faggot and retard and other "offensive" terms. It has nothing to do with wanting to insult gay people or people with intellectual disabilities, its about attacking the most effective weapon of cultural authoritarians.

That's why I will never say faggot to somebody who is actually gay. Now I've met gay people online who are fierce libertarians and anti-SJWs too and they insist on straight people being allowed to say faggot whenever they want. Around those gay people, I'll say faggot freely. But the reason why I wouldn't say faggot to someone who is actually gay is because that's not fighting against cultural authoritarians, its not resisting the speech police. If you say faggot to someone who is actually gay, then that's just mean. Same goes for someone who's retarded.

You should only say faggot to someone if they are straight, and only called somebody retarded, if they clearly are not retarded, and in both cases it is clearly just meant to be humorous. Because the point isn't to be mean, its to resist cultural authoritarians who think that people who use certain words should be harshly punished no matter what the context is.
JAprufrock
5 years ago
^^STFU, you pipe-smoking libtard.
CC99
5 years ago
@TFP

I know it looks bad, but I honestly think he believes he is helping you. I think that's his only motive which is why it doesn't bother me. I think he is definitely misguided but I think he is still convinced 100% that it would work. I don't think he is doing any of this out of malice.
CC99
5 years ago
@JAprufrock

Libtard? I don't think you understand politics very well my friend.
CC99
5 years ago
How is any of this pretending to be ignorant?
TFP
5 years ago
@CC you honestly call a guy who tries to force you to do everything his way and insult your way as 'trying to help'?.

As I've said before a shitload of times, my main problem with him is him telling everyone they're having fun in the club wrong. As the sane people of this forum understand, there is no one right way to enjoy the dancers in a club. If your idea of fun differs from the next guy it doesn't mean you call him a chump and pronounce yourself King stripper whisperer and demand everyone do it your way. Which is precisely what that fool has being doing year in and year out.

How do you defend that?
SirLapdancealot
5 years ago
"I struggle to think of a single instance in which he wasn't responding to another person. At worst, it may be people he's known to have a long running feud with and who regularly trade insults back and forth. However, I've yet to see him randomly go after somebody the way IceyLoco did when he was still posting."

@CC99 I see him randomly troll anybody that simply likes to go to a strip club for what it is: a place to get a hot stripper to flirt with you and then possibly get a lapdance with her. I guarantee he will troll any random PL that simply wants to post this as a real life strip club experience.

And I could care less if he was less of an annoying troll as IceyDodo. He's still an annoying troll.
Call.Me.Ishmael
5 years ago
CC99 said "You should only say faggot to someone if they are straight, and only called somebody retarded, if they clearly are not retarded, and in both cases it is clearly just meant to be humorous."

You do you. I believe using those terms signals a lazy intellect and possibly some level of bigotry. People are judged by how they choose to communicate.
reverendhornibastard
5 years ago
Some people simply fail to appreciate that when the more sincere, warm-hearted among us use terms like mongolloyd, fuck-face, faggot, douche bag, butt-fucker and human scum, we use these terms as a gentle form of constructive criticism.
twentyfive
5 years ago
^ On the other hand there are some folks among us, who actually deserve that constructive criticism
twentyfive
5 years ago
^ Go suck on a twelve gauge fuck face you know you want to you miserable POS
twentyfive
5 years ago
^ You crack me up douggie I know you ain’t nowhere near Phoenix you stupid sewer rat come down to Florida I’ll teach you some manners ya fuckn hillbilly monkey
CC99
5 years ago
@TFP

I think he doesn't understand that peoples experiences of fun can differ. He thinks he is teaching you how to have the most fun and that by not doing that you are settling for less.

I don't go along with that myself, I'm just trying to explain what's going on in his head.

@FLF and @CMI

I don't really use it as an insult. I randomly interject those words into sentences for a humorous effect. Because if you use words in contexts where it doesn't make literal sense, the word loses power. I'm not interested in these words having any power unless to be funny. I don't want to use it in a way that gives it power, I want to use it in a way that shows the word is almost meaningless.

Think about the word "Fuck." in the 1940s it was so taboo even soldiers in WW2 used it very sparingly. Nowadays you hear Fuck in every other sentence people speak and nobody cares about it anymore. Nobody would be fired from their job because someone saw them say Fuck on social media or in passing. Because Fuck has lost almost all its power.

I know Fuck was never an insult to begin with. But the point is that we shouldn't let words have so much power over us.
CC99
5 years ago
@RHB

I never said it was constructive criticism. I said it shouldn't have any meaning beyond the punchline to a joke. Things just sound funnier if you use profane words. The same works for fuck. How many jokes wouldn't be nearly as funny if you censored the fuck out of it (see what I did there)?
twentyfive
5 years ago
@douggie Bwah hah you broke motherfukin demented hillbilly circus monkey, spend a few pesos, bwah hah hah you frickn busted valise, beggar kiss a shotgun barrel douggie you’ll feel much better about yourself fuckn roflmao what a moron
twentyfive
5 years ago
Wow like anyone or anything would take you seriously lololololol
ATACdawg
5 years ago
@Jascoi:

"my VA nurse has told me i need mental help because i have sexual addiction."

Nah. You just need a new nurse! 😉

...or maybe, a nude nurse, preferably female....
CC99
5 years ago
@FLF you sure about that? Cause that's exactly what Trey Parker and Matt Stone do for their job.
san_jose_guy
5 years ago
There is no such thing as Autism/Asperger's/Neurological Difference

very good book, lots of perspectives. And this is not an "extreme opinion"
https://www.amazon.com/Re-Thinking-Autis…

Zero biological markers, but the fantasy that the diagnosis is going to explain something.

Autism, do labels and diagnoses help or hinder? - Professor Sami Timimi
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EzL9sAJm…

It will more likely be Gen Xers who have been targeted with these labels, because they are more conservative than the generation before or after them. And it's because that is when the neo-liberal political and economic doctrines were taking hold. Autism is simply something being adapted from the Eugenics movement for the uses of Neo-Liberalism Capitalism.

Hans Asperger is made into one of the heroes. But the simple fact is that he signed for thousands of children to be euthanized. The ones he wrote about were those few he decided were interesting enough to keep around.

https://www.amazon.com/Aspergers-Childre…

If he had not been able to hide his Nazi past, then he would have gotten the same penalties that many of the other Nazi Eugenicists got, death by hanging.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doctors%27…

Science & The Swastika: Hitler's Biological Soldiers
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=su3ofJnx…

The use of these kinds of labels to abuse children and vulnerable adults is a State of War.

Arizona has been a leader in intervening when they see that children are being abused in this way. Pediatricians from the Phoenix Children's Hospital have testified against their own Psychiatrists, in order to support the removal of children from the home.

If someone is telling you in a public place, in a retail place, in a school or a work place that you have Autism, Asperger's, or a Neurological Difference, give them a firm warning. If they continue and do not respect your demand that you not be harassed, dial 911. It is a matter for police, and likely for civil suits and restraining orders too.

If are being targeted in this way, of course you need a good lawyer. But as it means that you are living in a war zone, you also need adequate preparation. You need professional military commando training. You need to know that if you have to, that you can terminate someone's life.

Autism/Asperger's, what is it, it is just a set of labels being invoked to justify bullying. You must not ever capitulate to it, even if the bullies are parents, or if they wear white coats.

So if you or someone you know are being targeted with an Autism/Asperger's/Neurological Difference label, contact me and I will get you that attorney and that military commando training.

SJG



Burton Cummings - Undun
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEe-216I…

I think this would be different for ordinary people to learn to sing. I think it is those jazz chords, too many notes. But it sounds awesome! Works well with the semi-hollow guitar.

https://tabs.ultimate-guitar.com/tab/the…

https://tabs.ultimate-guitar.com/tab/the…
Mate27
5 years ago
^^^ Wow, SJG is definitely in the
Spectrum tonight, just not sure how far gone. He’s radical left you know?
JAprufrock
5 years ago
@TxTittyFag
You have been referred to a fucking hillbilly monkey.
Is that because your mom/cousin sucks redneck dick?
san_jose_guy
5 years ago
"Fun" basically amounts to escapism. Fun is a Chump's Game, it is a con. Its like someone trying to jerk you off to distract you from the fact that they are pissing in your face.

The idea that getting emotional experience detached from actual results should be a goal in life is a harmful delusion. Kind of like masturbation, or like drugs and alcohol. Leads no where. Makes people into mindless drones.

Like also the idea that we should be building sex robots.

On the other hand, nothing could ever compare with the warranted elation which I felt when the DA told me that my Pentecostal Molester had been convicted and remanded, and then a few days later when I saw that he was transferred to San Quentin.

SJG


The Yardbirds - Live Anderson Theatre 1968 N.York (Full Album)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9ULMxxl…
san_jose_guy
5 years ago
"Fun" is how people can take advantage of you without you even becoming cognizant of it.

It is a scam.

SJG
CC99
5 years ago
But SJG...

How will I ever marry my waifus if there are no sex robots?
Call.Me.Ishmael
5 years ago
SJG said "Fun is a Chump's Game"

lol
CC99
5 years ago
My waifu is waiting on the edge of the anime universe to kiss me and slip me some tongue.

Scientists need to hurry up and figure out how to bring her over here.
san_jose_guy
5 years ago
Lots of men have had lots of sex, but without robots, waifus, or having huge hooker budgets.

Remember in the film adaptation of Lust for Life, with Kirk Douglas playing Vincent van Gogh and Anthony Quinn playing Paul Gauguin. Vincent wanted to set up an artists commune. Right away Toulouse-Lautrec asked, "How many women can we bring?"

Well that was a real situation, and the question was cogent because Toulouse-Lautrec was currently living in a Paris brothel. He was painting the girls' portraits. He would do them one at a time, and to do so he would bed down with the girl every night for about 2 weeks. He needed this to be able to imbibe her essence, so that he could do a good job on her portrait.

Often in counter cultural realms, the sex flows really freely. It is in mainstream culture that it remains bound up with all sorts of rules and conditions.


"Believing autism doesn't exist is a sign of autism. We are more inclined towards radical and strange opinions."

That someone could ever make such a statement shows how seriously mind fucked they are. Autism does not exist. It is a concept which started with the Eugenics Movement that now has been further advanced in service of Neo-Liberal Capitalism.

But severe mind fucking is an endemic issue in our society, and often the victims of such mind fucking seem to accept it freely.

SJG

Burton Cummings - Undun
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEe-216I…

I could sing this, but it still is not automatically that easy.
CC99
5 years ago
Do you like horror themed stuff @SJG

This song has been translated into English, and done beautifully.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYsz15hp…
san_jose_guy
5 years ago
^^^^ Its okay.

SJG
BrotherFogHorn
5 years ago
Keep preachin the truth brother hornybasterd
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