White Knights... Has anyone ever saved a ho?
Call.Me.Ishmael
Rhode Island
This post is probably more of an observation than a question...
Two recent threads have touched on this behavior: one regarding intervening in a stripper's drug use and another on the appropriate time to loan (or give) money to a stripper (minus anything in return).
I get the impression that guys who post these threads already know what sort of replies they are going to get ("Don't do it!"), but they want to hear just one guy say "I did that and it was great!" to justify their desire to involve themselves.
I'm probably less mercenary / harsh than a lot of customers. I want to actually enjoy the company of the dancers I spend time with in and out of the club. But I have no illusion that there are hard limits to that relationship.
And really... Thank God for those limits.
For the sake of discussion, has anyone here ever significantly intervened in a dancer's finances or personal life and had it come up rainbows and lollipops?
Two recent threads have touched on this behavior: one regarding intervening in a stripper's drug use and another on the appropriate time to loan (or give) money to a stripper (minus anything in return).
I get the impression that guys who post these threads already know what sort of replies they are going to get ("Don't do it!"), but they want to hear just one guy say "I did that and it was great!" to justify their desire to involve themselves.
I'm probably less mercenary / harsh than a lot of customers. I want to actually enjoy the company of the dancers I spend time with in and out of the club. But I have no illusion that there are hard limits to that relationship.
And really... Thank God for those limits.
For the sake of discussion, has anyone here ever significantly intervened in a dancer's finances or personal life and had it come up rainbows and lollipops?
33 comments
My sister is an addict, and she did not take dancing seriously. I danced to afford my independent lifestyle, pay for school, etc... whereas she danced for drugs. She met a couple of guys at the club who she ended up seeing IRL.
Neither of them knew she was a drug addict at first, which is absolutely crazy because she looked like your typical dope fiend. I didn't like working with her and avoided working at the club(s) she was working at whenever I could.
One guy gave her money nearly every day for about a year until she came clean to him that she was a heroin addict. After months of having to pay for a "prescription" for her every single day, he got suspicious, but had no idea it was that hard of a drug. He continued to give her money, has taken her to rehab at least once (she's been 8 times I think), oh and she also crashed and totaled one of his cars while driving drunk and high after work, fled the scene, and hid in a random Detroit couple's home. He had to call a bunch of impound lots in Detroit to find his car, because she didn't care.
The other guy supported her habit unknowingly for a long time as well, and then she finally came clean after I don't know how long; she told him this during a work shift of hers. His response was to hand her $450 (?). Despite his naivete, he was a very successful man. She would go out to dinner with him for money and bring her "cousin" out to dinner with them, who was really her boyfriend. This regular of hers didn't find that out till later. He also gave her $800 cash to cover for rehab what her insurance wouldn't... She left after three days and used immediately.
Then she stopped seeing the dude and told him she got clean and moved to California. This was a lie. She still lived in the Detroit area. She needed money for dope so she had a girl she met on an online forum who she never has met in real life start getting the money for her. The guy would use Moneygram or Western Union, wire the money to the girl in California because my sister told him she hadn't gotten a chance to get a new ID, and then the girl would wire the money back to my sister and my sister would let the girl take a small cut. The girl was not told that this money is for heroin, but when you're wiring such large sums of money several times a week, you gotta know something fishy is going on.
My sister kept up this facade for far too long. The guy found out and was very disheartened. He doesn't talk to her anymore.
It's sad because both of these men had good intentions, but their sense of being the White Knight ultimately got them hurt. My sister was manipulative, she told the guys she loved them and acted like they were her best friends when all the time she is just deceitful in any way possible to get her drugs. If she really cares about this dude, why wouldn't she SEE him instead of pretending to be in fucking California? I wouldn't do that to a friend and I don't have any friends who would do that to me. It is actually vile and disgusting and while I know addiction is serious, at some point you need to get sick of fucking everyone over around you.
But I mean, good luck to any guy who wants to try to save a drug addict stripper. Typically, all it does is enable them. That's the ugly truth.
A strippers who has goals and plans, and is taking steps to execute those plans, is a different story. Helping someone out who is already in the right direction isn't much of a risk.
I also wouldn’t try to save a stripper from the strip club because I love the SC. It’s a really fun environment and I really dig the profession. Even thought about dancing myself.
But in other ways it’s possible maybe. If I open up and let them in close they could probably get a lot out of me if they wanted too. I can count those on one hand but I really trust and let my guard down with these people. Knowing full well that’s it’s a huge mistake. But my dick calls the shots in this body.
I also didn’t say what had happened to her. I thought about it and there was no way anyone could know who I was talking about and could only narrow it down to several clubs if they really wanted to figure it out. Someone assaulted her in VIP recently and for a variety of reasons she didn’t want the attention of reporting it. She also has custody issues with her kid and isn’t doing well recently when my experience with her is that she has a pretty level head.
There probably is nothing I can do although I will tell her about resources she can go to if she wants. She’s not the first dancer I’ve known with problems and I’ve never gotten involved but yeah this time it got to me. Maybe it would be better if it didn’t. I’m not going to get personally involved but I will tell her where help is if she wants it. I don’t think expressing concern is out of bounds or trying to be a white knight.
Strippers and anyone really.
I watched many good people go down the road of addiction or just really poor life choices. It’s not your place to step in.
Really the only way you can help someone is if they are already trying to help themselves.
Beyond that, you’re just enabling them.
It's at the low edge of being a white knight, and very often that expression of concern is the first step leading to more white knight actions. Also, no white knight ever expressly thinks of themselves as a white knight. It's always something other guys do.
And keep in mind that I never said that being a white knight is inherently bad. But...
Pointless?... almost always.
Expensive?... not uncommon.
Riddled with drama?... also almost always.
Dangerous?... sometimes.
But for all that, 99.999% of the time it doesn't move the needle one bit. I'm all in favor of empathy. But, as the guy paying her for boners, I'm pretty sure that your empathy won't carry much, if any, significance.
But I agree. It is both disturbing and disheartening to see someone you like decline in that fashion.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
I've always had a "Mr Helper" gene and for w/e feel some kinda moral obligation to help someone if they need help - being a single PL w/o a family to support/be-there-for I feel that gives me more leeway/flexibility in terms of my availability.
Anyway - early on in my PL-career I met a 20 y/o light skinned ebony w/ natural-DDs - of course my interest was piqued - she worked at a mixed club in Arlington, TX which I liked (club no longer exists) - I lived in the Dallas area and the club was about a 30-minute drive so I didn't hit it every time since I had closer options in Dallas, but I'd hit it semi-regularly.
Every time she saw me in the club she would approach me since she knew I was sure-$$$ since I was enamored w/ her natural supa-full (and firm b/c of her young-age) DDs.
I then didn't see her for a few months at the club and I didn't think anything of it since that's kinda the nature of the biz.
I ran into her at the club after a few-months and her face looked like she had been hit by a truck in terms of having a supa-sad face as someone that was going thru a major depression or some major drama - she didn't have to say anything for me to notice something was wrong w/ her - we sit at the bar and her voice sounded different (again like someone majorly-depressed or majorly-traumatized) and we speak for a bit and I ask why she hadn't been around.
She tells me she and her live-in BF got into a fight and he beat the shit out of her (bloody nose; busted-lip; etc); I remember her saying he beat me as if I was a man - she said she went to stay w/ her sister and he cleaned-out the apartment and sold everything and kept the $$$.
Me being "Mr Helper" I wanted to make her feel better so I didn't get any dances w/ anyone that night (not my M.O. at all even when I would get dances w/ her in the past) and I just let her express everything she had/was gone/going thru - after about 45-minutes she started smiling a bit as we spoke and at times I joked w/ her a bit - we ended up spending about 2-hours just talking (hey most of us have gone thru shit ourselves) and at the end of the night I just handed her the $200 I had b/c she hadn't made anything that night and she def needed it more than I did (it was a gift and at the time I was making very-good $$$ and had low-expenses).
She had mentioned she was sleeping in a sofa at her sister's and how uncomfortable it was (in part b/c of her very large boobs) - "Mr Helper" kicks in and I offer to buy her a bed so she can sleep in.
And that is when it all started - she was at zero and eventually I helped her w/ a whole bunch of shit including getting into a new place and helping her out w/ the bills over several months b/c she wanted to get a regular-job and go to school and get out of stripping.
Anyway it turned into one financial issue after another and it was never-ending - I was expecting there would be issues as I was helping her b/c she was at zero and young and inexperienced - but to get to the end w/o all the details, while I was helping her out over several months (close to a year), she had actually gotten back w/ her abusive BF and not told me (gee what a surprise) and I was unwittingly funding their bill-paying (for her and her BF while they lived together in a new place I helped her get into and subsequently continued to help her with bills after getting into the new place).
I suspected that a lot of the financial issues she would hit me up w/ where SS but I kinda let it slide since I knew she was in a tough-spot and I thought I was helping her get her life on track and that there were gonna be bumps - but it didn't really cross my mind she had gotten back w/ the abusing BF *and* kept me in the dark; I was not aware she would stoop to that but there we were LOL
As I mentioned, I subsequently found out she had been w/ her abusive BF most of that time; and that she was not going to school as she had told me - during the time I was helping her she had introduced me to her older sister whom she had been staying w/ at first - her sister knew I was helping her but not to the extent I was - it was her sister that eventually clued me in about her getting back w/ her abusive BF and her going-to-school was a lie.
I spent a good chunk of $$$ trying to help her out b/c I thought she just needed a helping hand thru some rough times and if that helping-hand was given to her that she could accomplish what she wanted (get out of stripping and go to school and work a regular job - her sister was not in a position to help her out financially except let her stay w/ her and eat at her house).
Obviously I was pissed - not so-much at the $$$ I spent b/c I don't mind giving $$$ to anyone that needs it more than me if it will help them more than it will help me - I was pissed at being used and at being such a sucker - my heart was in the right-place but not my brain.
With time I stopped feeling bad about the situation - what happened happened and no one died - reality is she was doing the best she could to survive w/ her limited ability/resources (not saying it was right what she did) - in the time I had known her b/f I decided to get involved in helping her out, she had never asked me for anything - it pretty-much seemed it was her douchebag BF that was pulling the strings behind the scenes once he found out I had some disposable income and was willing to help her out - from what her sister told me the dude had never had a job (he was in hid mid-20s) - had sold drugs in the past - had outstanding warrants - and her sis told me he *was* abusive (physically and emotionally but for w/e reason she kept getting back w/ him) - a real POS (yeah I know it's shocking a stripper would be w/ a guy like this).
I treated this girl like she was a friend that needed help - I didn't even ever have sex w/ her nor anything physical once I was involved in trying to help her and it was a conscious decision I made b/c it was about helping her not me getting mine.
This episode didn't make me feel that a stripper isn't worth helping out - just made me feel/realized it's kinda pointless for the most-part - one can't really help a person that can't or won't help themselves, it's like trying to fill a leaky bucket (the main-problem isn't the lack of water but the bucket itself and that is what needs to be addressed).
Only way I see to help a stripper needing saving is to do analogous to an intervention where one is in control of her life choices instead of her, o/w it will be going around in circles and ending-up in the same-place after all the "help" - I'm not saying that is what one should do (an intervention) especially as a non-family member, just saying that may be the only way it could possibly work - my thinking after this is that a dancer that doesn't have the skills to not get in the situation she gets herself in will most-likely not have the skills to get out of her predicament even when being "helped".
It was interesting. Even about the ones who don't want to be saved.
I SHALL WONDER THE LAND SAVING EVERY DRUGGED UP WHORE TILL MY VERY LAST BREATH. TIS AN HONOR! FOR I AM THE GAYEST OF THEM ALL!!!!!!
HUUUUUUUUZZZZAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
HUUUUUUUUUUZZZZZZZAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!
If I become a regular with a girl and we exchange contact info - if she makes any comments about needing help she is done. Thankfully I only exchange info with girls that seem not be these types.
There is one girl I knew for a while that was a long story - but even when she was having rough patches and not making money, getting fired from clubs - she would vent but never asked me for anything. She wouldn't even want money if I went to see her - she wanted to sit and drink and just hang out. (I would tip her of course because she spent 4+ hours drinking and not really working).
My apologies. I may have overdone it with the meth earlier. 🙂
My dick is where thar she blows,
Weak and faggy some have said,
I wish to tuck BlahBlah in bed,
Tales of saving, have a seat,
Lord may I kiss Nina’s feeeeeeet,
Pathetic and gay that I may be,
But look within before you judge meeee
HUUUUUUUZZZZZAAAAAAA!!!!!!!
HUUUUUUUUUUZZZZZZAAAAAAAA!!!!!
Nice avatar pic, sir.
You're watching the wrong bondage flick. The ones I watch always finish with happy endings.
I promised to help them through the wedding but am planning to cut ties after that. There’ll be a few legal issues to resolve ( she’s driving a car I own for instance but am ready to admit that I failed. But I had a lot of fun getting there.