Ghosted? Why would she when it was so great? Advice Please...
Icey
I put your ATF on a winning team
Im not really into clubs, I ended up in one on a whim and met a girl who is the girl of my dreams.We hit it off and started seeing each other outside the club. She went as far as to ask me not to go the club to see her. We were inseparable for 3 weeks. She's in her early 20s, I'm in my late 20s. We're both Mexican, similar backgrounds, just lots of stuff in common. Money isn't an issue for me at this point, I love spending it on her. I took her to great restaurants, took her to the mall and let her buy anything she wanted...expensive purses, whatever. I get dancers dont want anyone broke, what girl does. She was so happy. Then we started to get emotions, told each other things that were like saying we love each other...without actually saying the word. Then she went to see her family for a week, same here. Weird how that worked out. After a few days of being gone, she stopped returning my texts. She's been back a day now but hasn't returned my texts yet. I don't want to seem pushy. Should I wait a few days and then go to the club and ask whats happening? I don't get why she would do this, and even without a connection....why would she ditch a guy who can buy her anything? Sounds bad but in this day and age its true.... I just don't know what to do. This is killing me. The time with her was amazing, I don't want o lose it.
111 comments
She'll text you cuz she want your money in the club and tell her yes she will show up flake on her. Show text you back angry and then you said oh got to do something with your buddy it was an emergency and you'll try to make it into Club sometime this week don't give her a specific day and show up randomly.
Makes it look like you have some emotional self control which right now you don't and you need, girls don't respect Guys Without emotional self control
Yes! The System(TM) is strong in this one.
It’s a case of you catching feelings for her - and her falling in love with your money. She gets wet when you open your wallet - not when you kiss her.
She doesn’t want you to come to the club - to see her doing extras for other customers. She knows that if you see her fucking other guys - you will stop buying her stuff.
GACA, thats really good advice. I havent texted her in 2 days so far. I'm hoping she gets in touch, I don't get why she would let the money go if nothing else.
If OP is genuine and not another troll playing he should follow your advice.
She's never going to commit she's only going to run. I know women who have left children behind to get away from a relationship they aren't ready to be in.
Just keep it fun and casual and look for relationship elsewhere
And that would be the dumbest of all the possible moves you could make. Jeesh. Gawd this is painful watching a guy hammer a nail through his own balls.
Yo, Ella es una qualquiera hombre. Sola quiere dinero y attencion de mucho hombres. Y tu tu quiere "make a hoe a housewife"
Stop it. Stop it now.
There are two scenarios here:
1. She’s done with you.
2. She does love you, but is pulling back for any of many reasons.
In either case, your actions should be the same.
Immediately STOP!! Don’t send anymore texts to her!!! You need show control and confidence. Don’t be an emotional wus. If she texts you, ignore for at least a week or even better 3 weeks. Play it cool. Get busy with something else important that you have been meaning to do for awhile. Like going to the gym, or taking a vacation, or focusing on a big work project, training for a marathon. Then when and if you do meet up with her, you can tell her truthfully that you have been busy with important shit.
You’re very young. If you’re mind is focused on her, you miss all the wonderful things that happen around you constantly.
Lastly, find the radio station that has Tom Likess(sp?) show.
If scenario 1 is true, these actions will draw her back.
I would not go to the club to see her this coming weekend, if you can. There is something going on with her, which has caused her to ghost you. You know she has seen your texts and has consciously decided not to reply to them. It could have something to do with her visiting her family visit - it's odd that this started right after that (unless something happened between the two of your right before she left).
I would try to wait 21+ days to give yourself some time to get over her and then go to the club to see if she is still there. There is a slim chance that she may not be working there any more, but I doubt it. Many dancers try to get out of the strip club life for a while. The problem is they can't make the some amount of money outside the club - and most often return. Even if she is not there when you go and you find out that she has quit, she may be back in the future.
I would also find another club to go to and meet other dancers. Who knows, maybe you will immediately meet someone else who will help ease what you're going through right now. I know it's not easy, but you will get through this and be in a much better place in the near future.
You've already lost her and now you're just making yourself look clingy and weak. If she was into you, then she would have texted back already and probably would have kept in touch while she was gone. Salvage whatever little male pride and dignity you may have left, if you ever had any, and move on. Use some of that money for a gym membership, or facial reconstruction or whatever else you need to do to attract girls without acting like a sugardaddy. You're too young to be chasing after strippers like that.
Closure? Ha.
So go ahead get beat up learn the hard way Chase Chase Chase. This is not about her this is about your ego.
Oh to be Young and dumb and full of cum.
Nope don't miss it...
Goodguy, thanks....
Actually it might be good for you to have your Ego broken. Next time you build it back up it won't be so fragile and based on actual achievements and substance.
Good luck. At least ww planted the seed of what the right thing to do. You're obviously going to do the wrong thing.
1. She lied about feelings and came up with that story to “let you down easy,” aka “save herself some drama.” In this scenario, she was always about the money and nothing else. She didn’t want you in the club because she didn’t want to take the chance you’d find another sugar baby on whom to lavishly spend all your money. If you do go back to the club, she’ll either ignore you, or make up some sob story about being scared and not knowing what else to do.
2. She really did catch feelings, and really did get scared. If you go to the club, it could look exactly like #1, for entirely different reasons. If you really think this is the case (I don’t) and can’t resist sending one last text, make it non pathetic, like “Take care. If things change, let me know.” Then go stick your dick in somebody else.
No she isn't perfection, you should care about where you met her and establishing a relationship on a spending dynamic is a one way ticket to ruin. It's her job to make men like her and spend money on her. She doesn't want a pathetic besotted bitch like you - she wants a guy who acts like a man instead of like all of the other guys who profess their love after meeting her in the strip club.
But ok, go take your medicine if you must. If you had any self respect, you'd walk away and have fun with civvie girls for a while, but obviously you don't. Nope, instead you're going to make her work to avoid you until she can't any longer and then finally affirmatively blow you off. :)
She's looking for a No Strings Attached emotional tryst. Girls love romantic feels, but bruh come'on. She's not going to be locked into a commitment, and that is obvious.
Let it go. Keep it casual and carefree. Fuck other people or you lose. You want this girl?
Well she better feel like she likes you more than you like her. Girls love being the emotional victim, martyr, feeling like they are the one who might be getting played.
She can't even pretend even a little bit that's what's going on with you.
She is in control now. You’ve become the beta - when you should be the alpha. Move on with your life. Find a girl who won’t dump you like CrazyJoe dumps in McDonalds bathrooms!
Jesus. Don't you have any guy friends who got even a little game nigga?
This is what happens when we support a generation of kids raised in single parent homes. Boys grow up without proper male role models to teach them how to carry themselves like men and this is the result.
A The System for a New Generation of Wusses
Rickdugan, I know you're right. Its good advice. But this is different. Like why would she do things like check my phone and take selfies with it before leaving, and cover me with hickeys...leave some stuff at my place. Like she's marking her territory. She would be all over me if another girl was anywhere in site.
she probably thinks you're a drug dealer doesn't see a future in being with a drug dealer and she ghosted you
good for her
Showing up at the club will ultimately be all I can do....and she'll either give me a bs sob story or itll be over.
Pull the pin on that grenade and see what happens.
Yahtzee74, what are the odds though? You can still restore contacts...
“If she decides to get back in touch with you - you’ve put yourself in a submissive position. That sets a bad precedent for the relationship going forward.”
If you have any hope of a healthy relationship, you need to reverse this immediately. Stop smothering her with emotions and gifts. It’s psych 101. Every woman, and man for that matter, seeks leadership. Except for megalomaniacs and sociopaths. Women want strong men, not wusses. I repeat, do not go back to that club. Do not answer any texts from her for at least a week.
Many of us were just like you. Making these same dumb mistakes. I wish I had advice like this when I was in my 20s.
Honestly, if it’s the case, you are prolly better off without her. Avoidant ppl can’t handle intimacy, and if you need to be all feely, it will make you insecure, even if she tries.
He won’t walk into the club - and have her run and jump into his arms. It’s more likely that she will try to avoid him.
Well there's your problem - you don't know what you are dealing with - in the simplest of terms, if one has to ask about how to date/handle a stripper, then one is not ready to date/handle a stripper - but in reality there's only one way to find-out and that's usually attempting it and getting burned and then hopefully learning the hardaway.
These girls meet 100s if not 1000s of guys in their line-of-work and get their fair-share of guys that wanna be their BF - these girls are in the club to make $$$, not find their next BF -a custy that meets a stripper in a club and tries to make her his GF rarely works; it's the nature of the beast.
Often times a stripper will string along a custy that is willing to spend on her instead of cutting off the $$$-supply; why the OP's claims seem dubious.
It's impossible to predict/decipher stripper-behavior/motives and what is fact vs fiction/genuine - the only semi-predictable thing about strippers is that they are often flaky/unreliable and are often not telling the truth; kinda the nature of the beast/business.
As to why she has ghosted you, who knows - just know that it's common stripper behavior and one needs to take-off their civilian-hat when it comes to dealing w/ many strippers.
One possible reason of many possible reasons why she's ghosting you could be that she thinks you are more trouble than your $$$ is worth - many strippers have a PL-altimeter and know when they need to pull the cord and dump a PL when he may become more drama than he is worth.
And I agree, its really weird that she would cut off the $$$. You'd think she'd want to push it. And at this stage while I know itll hurt in the long run, Id be down with it. She knows I'll spend it on her.It was pretty much like we were living in a hip hop video...materialistically, it was there for her. Designer shoes, bags, clothes, the best weed, expensive restaurants. She grew up poor and likes fast money...
Whats a PL? We actually never had drama between us. We really clicked...She even asked me for advice on what to do in club drama, problems with other girls, etc. She'd always ask me what to do.
Its a weird situation. I know. It just doesn't make sense.
PL
Pathetic Loser - get a grip, she's not in love with you, she just wants your money. All of it.
Gaca, I understand whats being said. Im also adding info
HungryGiraffe, I don't care if she wants money....I know she loves it, we're both bad with it and I don't mind spending it on her. That isn't the problem
As for the "what" (as in what to do in the situation), first re-read what GACA, hoarker, goodguy, rickdugan and Cashman wrote. Then read it again. Then keep reading it until you change your direction. Their counsel was sound. Many of us get caught up in your type situation and have learned our lesson and speak from experience. Your choice to follow the advice or not. If you don't you're set for more heartbreak.
She's choosing to ghost you despite all the expensive restaurants, gifts and weed. As for the "why," Papi and BJ make some good points. But the why shouldn't matter though it does. Don't be a beta. Don't be a Regular In Love. You'll learn, just looks like you're in for some anguish before you do.
Definitely don't blow up her phone. No good can come of it.
If you truly can't stay away and MUST contact her I would at most send her one last text. Wait as long as you can and then say something like:
"Hey it has been a while since I have heard from you. I hope you are ok, I am sure you must be going through something difficult. If you want to talk or feel ready for a relationship again let me know. Until then I won't keep bothering you but I want you to know I thought you were an amazing person and glad I got to know you. Best of luck, Paul."
If it were me I would write her a letter and then delete it. Maybe try that it might make you feel better.
In the real-world one gives the benefit of the doubt - in strip-club bizarro-world one is often better off assuming they are being hustled until proven o/w.
Many/most of these girls usually already have a non-customer BF, often an unemployed/underemployed guy that often can't provide for the things these $trippers want/need and thus many of them will use custies to provide them the thing$ their BFs can't.
It sounds like the relationship is already over. You should actually do all the stuff you really want to do - text her back, go to the club, etc. - you'll get badly burned but be better off in the long run. These trials by fire strengthen your game. You'll be more prepared for the next gorgeous girl that comes along - and there will certainly be another.
Don't bother trying to run game now. You're in too deep. As they say in the motherland, que será será.
You might want to include your own dick in the pics - and see if she remembers it...
Im not going to contact her... then on Friday, I'll call her. If nothing, I'll go to the club on Saturday. I know she'll be there. Id visit her place, but going around her apartment waiting if she's home sounds too weird...Im not doing that.
A friend put the time line in perspective though. I left town last Tuesday and came back on Sunday night. She left for the weekend and came back yesterday. I havent heard from her since Friday.
Im hoping if nothing else, she misses the money. She won't find this elsewhere...it was a lot. A few hundred a day, some days over a thousand.
And there is nothing wrong if after a while there isnt a response I go to the club and just ask her to be honest with me, if she doesn't want me, to just tell me. That I do want to be with her and she is the girl of my dreams, but it has to go both ways and if she ever has a change of heart, she knows how to get in touch.
But Im hoping she wastes her money, doesn't make much and realizes what she misses.
"Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. "
> But Im hoping she wastes her money, doesn't make much and realizes what she misses.
That sounds a bit self-seeking.
I'm speaking for myself when I say that tamping way, way down on emotional reactivity has always been the best possible action to take, in like, every circumstance involving a woman I have ever encountered. Maybe it could work for you, too.
Anyway, it's a sure bet that the ultimatum/"this is how I feel!!" category of approach is what would drive her away (being examples of emotional reactivity and all)
If she's as perfect as you say, she can get the money pretty much any night at work, or could if she switched clubs. Perhaps that you see money as your value is something she picks up on and sees money as easy come, easy go...
And of course my only value isnt money, but Im being pragmatic. Why would someone say no to that much cash.... especially in her position
Nobody on this board is a pragmatist! Perverts - disillusioned old perverts belong here - not pragmatists!
That was the line where transitioned from "maybe this guy is real" to "this guy is probably a troll".
2- Dancers are afraid of the feels. They hurt their hustle.
3- Don't get involved in her drama or mental shit. Act like nothing happened. Call her ask she's down for whatever day.
4- If she doesn't call or text, go to the club.
5- If she is willing to lose the $$$ because of you it means she has feelings and is afraid of letting someone in. For whatever reason, she can't manipulate you. Think about it, a dumbass whose in love with her would be the easiest target if it was just $$$. Dancers take advantage of niggaz who crush on them all the time. So there has to be a reason why she can't just take advantage of you.
She's there to make money and strippers are masters at manipulating lonely guys. You should find some other place (College campus? Tinder?) to meet girls.
If the girl fronts , ignore her actions not her and act indifferent. Women test you to the end of your days.The best thing is to be upfront with a girl you like - tell her you like her face to face as a man. Unless she tells you no to your face keep trying.
Nope.. in your (Mexican) culture that girl is "una desgraciada qualquiera callejera puta sin verguenza " and her expectations are to get treated accordingly.
Chase her?
Nigga you a chump, un pendejo cabron, and she's playing you accordingly.
But good luck with all that love stuff
Amore de las putas es amore sin buena frutas.
Aunque see Vista de seda, puta se queda ... and all that jazz
House wife a hoe and ruin you hoe life :)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tq5Fz0rO…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vMlakRu5…
Then you'd be forced to listen to that God awful accordian tuba music all the time :(
What choices is she making
While it's true that strippers tend to love money, it's also true that they have put themselves in a situation that gives them easy access to it. The idea that a woman might not be able to come by the same money you're willing to spend would apply much more to a civvie than a stripper.
Compare to the other most common TUSCL whine that she is only about the money, everything she says is stripper shit, etc. It's almost as though no matter what a stripper does, whiners gonna whine. It's probably easier for her to just ghost a dude once he starts trying to get her dependent on his money alone... and his attention alone. YMMV
There's also that thing where certain people are 'addicted to love' as in, all the chemicals that your body pumps out when first getting involved with someone new.
If you "have to talk" "about your feelings" and "where this is headed" and scheme with regards to her, putting a lot of emotional energy into plotting and planning, that's a pretty sure sign that things aren't working.
See also:
https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archi…
Ok, so you're saying you want to that god awful accordian tuba music in your life?
Better you than me I guess.
PPWH, thats not what Im saying at all. Im definitely not talking about my feelings to her or where its going. I want to remind her what we had and make her miss that and pick up from there.
Im not complaining about her loving money. I love fast money too. I dont mind that.... Im willing to spend it if she wants it.
So why the fuck are you still here whinging about her stupid shit. Go do what you’re gonna do.
I’m sorry about your situation. Would you share photos of the girl? She must be a real beauty to cause such emotions.
I did the most fucked up thing but it worked. I got drunk with her friend and fucked her. The girl I like got in touch a few hours after... all over me again.