The very idea of monogamy is that you do it just once. So you don't get any practice runs. It isn't supposed to be a self improvement project. Making it into one is neurotic.
My own issue with it is that it is not a relationship between you and a partner. Yes I have read books, and I don't talk about them because I find them to be wrong, down right absurd. They want to make you believe that it is all about you and your partner and your communications skills. They don't want to admit that it is more like two people being coerced by societal expectations, and that there is serious power politics in play. Both parties are being held by the short hairs.
For me, paying women for sex was in AMPs. We didn't have FS strip clubs then, not even in San Francisco. It was an adventure and great fun. Most of all because I never talked to the girls as though I thought they offered sex for money. I always treated them as civilians. I've never gone along with the doctrines which divide women into two categories. I still don't. I've always tried to understand how these originated and how they can be dismantled.
So I always treat all women like civilians. Money can pay for them to be able to be in that place and be available, but this is all. I would never try to use money to persuade them to do anything. They have always at least in principle consented, before there is any talk of money. And talk of money always has to start with them. If they never say anything, and sometimes they don't, then they get the accepted friend price at the end.
But I have also always maintained, including here on this forum and facing much animosity over it, that prostitution does not really solve anything, not long term. Same for strip club visits. Using them for sexual gratification is perverted. It is perverted, not because you are doing too much of something. This is not how sexual perversion works. It is when you are not engaging fully enough, because something else is in the way that it becomes perversion.
When guys go to strip clubs and get sex or sex acts in the 'extras' mode, as a service a girl is performing on them, but without lowering her emotional barriers, that is a form of perversion.
I never go for that. I've declined it when in San Francisco. They want to give me HJ or BBBJ, or maybe even FS. But the conditions would not be good. The girl is not opening up to me. In many cases I've turned it around on them and DATYed ( Dining At The Y ) them. They don't get that much of this, and for sure it really softens them right up. Better to do it this way as it has lasting effect and opens doors to bigger things, then get something from them in 'extras' mode.
I'm only interested in GFE ( Girl Friend Experience ) FS.
BJ or HJ 'till completion is something to do in some other context, like overnighters where there is lots of time for multiple rounds, or in an off the clock sexual relationship, like when the girl wants to do that because Aunt Flo ( her menstruation ) is visiting. Otherwise, and especially in P4P ( Pay 4 Play ) situations, I want GFE-FS.
That has a big emotional effect on both parties. And it is to be GFE because I want the girl to open up to me from the outset.
You can't negotiate or talk a girl into opening up. All you can do is set up the externals of the situation, and then see. Doesn't always work, but it works often enough, and the results are phenomenal for both parties.
AMPs ( store front Asian Massage Parlors ) are not like escorts or AAMPs ( Apartment Asian Massage Parlors, the Asian version of an escort service ). In AAMPs GFE is the norm. But still, sometimes it is better than others. In AMPs GFE is not at all the norm. So it depends upon what sort of relationship you are able to make happen with the girl in a short period of time. The window shopping and initial flirtations have a big effect, because she only knows what she sees and hears.
I never mention money until they do. I resist any temptation to start talking about money as a way of persuading a girl who is reluctant. To do that would be to insult her.
So I just keep being myself with her and talking to her and letting her get comfortable and feel that she knows me.
Because I treat her no differently than I would treat any other woman, I get mind blowing GFE sessions which usually end with the girl wanting me to take her home with me. It turns into a Girl Friend Audition, like a first date. Where as most other guys get 'extras' from a girl who is glad to be done because her arm is getting tired.
I am convinced that the flirtations and selection process are just as important to sex as anything else. And this is true for women at least as much as it is for men. It is just that for a woman to show such raw sexual desire is not socially acceptable. They have to put it in terms of lifelong monogamy, otherwise they are subjected to social censure and they get called nasty sounding names.
So in my AMP sessions the girls have lots of fun! And then when I come back a few weeks later, the co-workers are still talking about what happened between me and a girl the last time.
So we don't have the extreme types of strip clubs where I live. But I will in the future be doing business traveling across this country and some of Mexico. I have much to look forward to.
I have always maintained though that the only reasons to visit strip clubs, or anything else like them, are:
-
To imbibe a sexual aesthetic, like getting an education. Those women who can really open up to strangers are a real treasure, and we should cherish them and learn from them. Some of them have completely rocked my world. And then with the high heels and makeup, taking sex out of the mundane realm by dressing for it. Getting this sort of an education is what people went to the temples for in the ancient world. Culture and settled living all came from this.
-
For those well outside societal norms who want for some reason to have some sort of outside relationships with the women.
And notice that with neither of these reasons would you need be going to these places that often, so the high costs are no longer a big issue.
For me it has been reason 1. But soon it will be reason 2, especially as I will be spreading an organization and a business into new geographic areas. Those women who can rock someone's world are the ones I want to know and be involved with. They are erotic instead of neurotic.
So my own personal objectives go way beyond strip clubs or paying women for sex. These are just ways of getting things started. We need to take what we learn in strip clubs and other P4P venues and recreate them in our own lives. I am already doing this.
I think the idea is also that as sex is taken to a higher level, it is so good that eternity and the present moment collapse into one. So one transcendent experience with one partner lasts a lifetime. And then what you are doing with subsequent partners as passing that along to them.
And so in say an AMP, I am always focused on making it so good for the girl, that even if I never see her again, this one time she will remember for the rest of her life.
And the AMP girls and other pros who are good are trying to achieve the very same thing themselves with each client who is open to it. So we all work to keep it alive with each subsequent round.
Religion has always been about making love safe and universal, instead of the arena of jealously, vengeance and homicide which it usually is.
ColdnShallow,
Would you like to say anything about why you find so much in monogamy, and to maybe tell us about your own personal experiences good and bad, and also about any books or other source materials which have influenced your views.
My own view is that the problem with monogamy is that both partners are made subordinate to society norms, and so that what they do comes to make very little difference, as they are under attack. Most of the "relationship" books are written to keep people form seeing this, and to make the more fully submit by believing that difficulties are all because of their own deficiencies.
If people want sex to be a part of their emotional and spiritual life, then they have to understand that the selection process is probably the most important part. So we need to set up venues where this will play out.
ilbbaicnl wrote, "Hypothetically, the more the better, as long as they are all interesting and beautiful in their own unique way. But it's purely hypothetical. No matter how rich or hot a man is, it's a rare woman who's going to as good a lover as she can be with a guy she only sees very occasionally. The (literal) harem thing is a bad idea. It's hard enough for a woman to be happy when she's got only one source of dick, even when she's got exclusive rights to it."
I think he is right.
SJG
Richard Dawkins
youtube.com
Paul Rodgers - Free - Wishing Well
youtube.com
Bad Company.Live At Seminole Hard Rock 2008, notice the 5 string bass
youtube.com
