Most straight-laced; successful guys; want to fuck strippers but not be in a relationship with them – women are about relationships (more than men IMO) and they need to have their guy so they end up w/ what they can get (often duchebags not going anywhere in life).
Just my 2 cents.
I'll chime in here too.
Of course Diva you know better than most people it's all about the emotional experience.
For starters, a lot of women, especially true for strippers, crave excitement and thrills unfortunately the right guys aren't usually the most exciting, because slow and steady wins the race, delayed gratification and all that junk.
Also understanding the stripper mindset of immediate gratification with the money made nightly, the thrill of the hustle and there's just a lot of adrenaline involved. Most guys who are also adrenaline junkies aren't the most stable guys and will always be looking for the next thrill.
Most strippers are independent, yet they have an emotional need to feel needed, and to do good by helping others succeed and make it in life, because the stripper is very aware of how difficult the struggle of life can be. She feels like a good person when she can use her social deemed "dirty" activities for helping someone beyond herself.
The wrong type of guys fill a lot of the emotional needs of a stripper (generalization of course there are outliers and individual preferences) He's initially thrilling, but also damaged in a needy way so he'll alway be dependent on his lady. He says he grateful in one hand, yet is always accusing her of not being good enough.
Most importantly he is acceptin of her life choices, and even though he will use it against her in a fight, still allows her to maintain her independence and power/control by stripping. Most strippers can't believe that a self respecting guy could ever really "get them" or accept them or truly love them unconditionally, and of course the wrong guy can because he's got problems to, he understands life's fucked upness, he's the best chance at real love.
...only of course he isnt.
Wow! All really inciteful comments especially Gaca. Holy shit I can't believe how well thought out that response was. I'll be rereading that one and hopefully learn something from it. Thanks guys!
It's still on the table... Asheville NC, me you and some adopted Hatian kids living the American dream ;)
Six figga n***a but my name ain't Jigga :(
I'll work on that..
As a dancer on TUSCL once said – “good girls don’t work in strip clubs” – so I guess one “may” extrapolate strippers are “bad girls” thus they hook up with “bad boys” and not nice/vanilla guys?
Interesting question that no doubt has many possible answers. I equate poor partner choices to socioeconomic factors - not many opportunities to meet anything other than bottom dwellers due to limited income, education, and social status.
My ATF once told me "she's always been drawn to bad boys" cuz they are fun, usually good in the sack, and willing to test limits. She's been with one guy for about 12 years and I know 3 times when he's beat her up ( for infidelity). He's done two terms in state prison ( drugs, burglary, parole violation, and assault. He's currently awaiting trial and his lawyer has told him to expect 7 - 10 years sentence.
I've gotten to know him over the last 5 years and he's a good looking guy who is quite bright, but uneducated. He's impulsive, quick to anger, and a tough street fighter. More than one guy has lived to regret fucking his girlfriend. He knows I've been banging her for years but only once threatened me. I just reminded him that assaulting an elderly person was a felony. They have a 10 year old son who is being raised by his grandmother. The kid is in a gifted & talented class, handsome, athletic, and has a lot going for him.
When I talk rationally with either of them about what draws them together I see indications of co-dependency. They are both heroin addicts of long standing and are very good about playing "the system" ( ie, food stamps, medicare, etc.) he works occasionally as a roofer, but never enough to progress from living on the edge.
On one level, they deserve each other. On another they'll be the death of each other.
Two dancers including my CF told me that there is a sea of men that pass through the door, only a few of them will get lapdances and about a small few number of them will they get to bed with.
The choices are many.
The median is about below average.
Another way to ask the question is, why don't dancers fall for nice guys?
Here I am, girls. I'm a polite, pleasant, well-educated man. I have a steady income, I drive a BMW, and I live in nice home. What more could you want? A man who is tall, good looking, and under 60 years old?
Agree with lopaw.
We're conditioned to equate physical beauty with upward mobility and higher social status. The fascade we see of a gorgeous sex worker done up in a revealing outfit and make up, masks her typically lower socio-economic status. Sure, there are exceptions, as some come from privileged backgrounds. We assume these lovely ladies would have their pick of men. It just doesn't play out that way in real life. Ultimately, they connect with guys who are on their true socio-economic level, and guys who match up with their true values.
We've grown up in a society that barely tolerates strip clubs -- nuts, the whole sex industry -- that tends to look down those workers. So I can't help but wonder if they might be subconsciously punishing themselves by picking those loser boyfriends?
Just an idea.
Diva do you feel you are the exception? Or are you also attracted to guys who end up not being worth it?
There's a lot of craziness in the world. Maybe strippers have a bit more craziness and bad choices in their lives on average. But we're talking shades of gray, not black-and-white difference from what I've seen.
A previous post hit it on the head and that is most men don't want stripper girlfriends. They want to take them to bed but to mother? nope. Many strippers are nice normal girls but many more are trainwrecks.
@Hungry & Lopaw. Socioeconomics and bad behavior are not synonymous. There are plenty if well to do females that date equally well to do shit bags. And while I do agree that more often than not people in the US tend to mate with their socioeconomic equals, strippers still find the worst of the lot. and I think strippers actually have more of an opportunity to meet people of different socioeconomic levels and can possibly form a relationship with them, Ala Anna Nicole Smith, these girls will tend to have an emotional need to be treated as garbage. Reminiscent of the 1960's classic french film Belle De Jour.
so again to reiterate its more than just a socio-economic issue regarding opportunities it's more of a psychological emotional drive to mirror outside the turmoil that is being felt within.
Recently I had a stripper tell me about all the bad shit her boy friend had just put her trough. So I asked her. "where do you girls find these guys"? Her reply was "I don't know. I went to high school with this one".
If dancers can't even answer that question, how are customers supposed to know?
If you remove the top 50% and then let people pick whatever they want, most of the time they'll choose poorly. That's what happens with strippers.
The best options aren't available to them. So they pick from whats left over. But they aren't burdened with economic concerns or societal pressures. No surprise they generally pick badly.
How many of us would the same? Take away the hot women who are also smart/successful/socially appropriate and then tell us we can have who we want. I'll bet many of would do about as well as strippers.
I'm not sure where most of you guys are going about with stripper choices and maybe because I'm from Southern California but when I was in my twenties I would say that the strippers had a lot of choices there are plenty of older men who will overlook the indiscretion of a 20 year old stripper and marry the shit out of them. So I'm confused about this limited dating pool you were suggesting. Strippers have choices they probably have more choices than most women because they come in contact with more men and while some guys will be a bitch about it and succumb to social pressure I think that there are a lot of men out there who if they find a girl very attractive fun and desirable personality will overlook the stigma of her stripping as long as she stop stripping...oh wait, then she wouldn't be a stripper anymore.
anyway a lot of these strippers make bad choices in men simply because they don't believe that something good can happen for them, so they pick the obviously bad choice in an endless circle of self fulfilling prophecy
I think I know the answer but kinda hesitating to say it here.
I've seen it already and know exactly why some dancers do it.
But in my head it just doesn't sit nicely because it is so...
... WRONG.
jack,
Sorry, Diva, to hijack your topic, but I can't let jack get one up on me!
I too, am polite, usually pleasant, and semi well-educated man. I have a steady income, I ride a Harley, and I live in nice home. What more could you want? A man who is tall, check, good looking, meh, and under 60 years old, not!? :)
I don't know that they have poor taste in men, but I will say many of them seem to be settling for what they can get. Some of them also seem to be settling for the father of their unwanted children.
My ATF, who has her head screwed on straight in so many ways, as made some really abominable choices in men. One in particular she had was convicted of felony drug possession. She stuck by him through a five year sentence and thankfully found the strength to kick him to the curb when he started shooting up in her house when he came back.
Some of this I think is being a bit of a control freak. Some of it is the somewhat related belief that she can fix anything or anyone.
The dumbass ex-BF ended up killing himself by ODing in his tent at a big family reunion about six weeks ago. His mother found him the next morning.
Diva, you seem like a nice person. There are a lot of nice guys out here who would welcome a good looking, warm, caring woman into their lives. They will be older (55+). While they will be tolerant of your past because of their own don't lie to them because they will appreciate honesty above all. Isn't that what you are looking for?
Your chances of finding one in a club who is also single is pretty small. Try expanding your horizons a bit.
Seriously, Diva, good luck.
Yesterday night I was at the Club having some fun looking at eye candies.
I stood up and approached the Bouncer, stood by his side.
"Night's looking good bro."
"Yeah, it is. Nothing like this place."
"Fuck yeah and some of them don't drive because they do not have cars, you know?"
"LOL, they know and I said it pretty clear I have a family."
"You sonamugan bro? Wny'd you say that shit, you lost your mind?"
"Lemme tell ya a story it went on like this..."
A lot of great responses here. My 2 cents? It kind of goes along with a lot of them. I think that either consciously or sub-consciously, the average stripper thinks that customers think lowly of them or are judging them, so they turn it on it's head and judge back. Customer: "Why are you a stripper?"...Stripper reply: "Why are you in a strip club?" It's a circular argument. As a customer, I absolutely don't judge. In fact, I'm not thinking of much when I go to SCs. I'm there for a good time. Maybe that's part of the problem, too. For the stripper, the club is at the end of the day WORK. But, let's face it, it's a different atmosphere from the 9-5 job. Strippers are not obligated to give dances or spend time with guys they don't want to, even if that guy in his mind wants to throw all his money at her. I've had strippers in the past where I wanted to do exactly that, and they just frankly weren't worth it because of their indifference and lack of interest. I had to literally BEG for dances until one night I said enough is enough and just gave up. Ever since, just deal with ones that are worth it. Not about judging them based on being a stripper, but based on being a party pooper!
Did it ever occur to OP that she should ask dancers or their boyfriends that question rather than stripclub customers ?
Followup question for Diva: Would a dancer entering a relationship with average tuscl member demonstrate good taste on her part ?
^^^ I think the dancer and their boyfriend are too busy going through the motions and not analyzing their behavior to seriously answer the OP's question. I guarantee you their answer is usually " I don't know there was just something about him or her and we just clicked."
The outside perspective from a group of people who's thinking she's come to appreciate, is a great way to get a different perspective on the situation. It's why people go to psychologist or therapist. Get advise from people who can analyze a behavior objectively because they're not emotionally tied to the situation.
Good for her for asking, actually one of the best topics so far. Of course I would love to hear the dancers reason Of why they picked the guys they pick. or even what they think about their customers relationships with their girlfriends and wives.
I don't think all dancers have bad taste in men. I never really wanted to get labeled as a dancer's bf though. I came close a couple of times and occassionally some people confused me as one. One dancer one time really gave me a bf experience by shouting at me in the strip club and accusing me of sleeping with another dancer. She was a bit of a drama queen. I never slept with multiple dancers working the same shift in the same club. That sounds like trouble. Although I've been called that several times for no good reason in my opinion.
Women are attracted to men who have or can provide 3 things; freedom, excitement, and success. Most strippers are short sighted(being in a short term career/job) and place more emphasis on the first 2 rather than the latter. YMMV
Recently I saw it from the other side - I said no to a civvie gal. Yea, believe it or not, it does happen now and then where a guy says no. She was like "Why not?" (and it struck me that I do have values after all!) First of all, I am getting older, and what I wanted (or think wanted) when I was 18 sure isn't what I want now. When I was 18, everything was open - meaning I hadn't found out what I DIDN'T want. Realize a lot of strippers are in this phase in their life. They don't know what they want. They are tasting every flavor.
One of the answer has to be the "Bad Boy vs. Nice Guy"
In the strip club, Bad Boys has a more likely chance definitely higher than the Nice Guy. Conversely, the dancer stripper will give-in or rather spread her legs to a guy who has the confidence and gusto, Nice Guys don't have this character.
Plus a dancer will not move her butt and boobs just to have a few hundred dollars from a Nice Guy, she'll pull it from a Bad Boy who has a ton of money/drugs.
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