Strange things men have done with or to a dancer during a lap dance.

Sure: I measure from the top of the labial split to the perenium (the "t'aint zone"--t'aint pussy, t'aint ass).

Dain, I haven't seen a thousand pudenda, but I've seen a lot, and I don't have the slightest idea what you are talking about. Could you please clarify the aspects of the gynecological landscape that you are describing?

At an LA club, I ate out a tall girl with the smallest pussy I've ever seen--labia only about an inch and a half. And I've seen at least a thousand up close. A tall thin girl at the same club has a seven-inch labial set. One never knows till he sees.

Now if this topic was strange things dancers have done to guys, I might add more.

I also think that the more courteous you are the more most girls will let you do.

I'm probably pretty boring as customers go. I've rubbed backs and feet and some other key strategic places too, and I've broken a few rules but nothing too outrageous. I usually ask a girl what her rules are and then follow them. I don't pay much attention to the clubs' rules, it's the girl's that count as far as I'm concerned. It's amazing how many girls, when asked what the rules are, will say something like "We're not supposed to do X, Y or Z but I don't care as long as nobody is watching." I usually let her take the lead.

I remember years ago during one dance a dancer turned her back on me which turned me off especially since she stayed like that for awhile so I grabbed my beer, started drinking it and watching some of the other girls doing lap dances since the girl in front of me wasn't paying any attention. That is until she turned around after she saw other dancers smiling and looking towards me. The dancer in front of me suddenly was surprised to see I was ignoring her, drinking a beer, and watching the other girls. I think I made my point about what I thought about her dance. Other than this, I don't remember doing anything strange to a dancer during a lapdance.

Lotion...interesting...
H2O...San FREAKIN' Diego!!! Girl, a little more time on this board and you could go on a VERY lucrative road trip, including TN of course...I vote for a cross country Dance-Fest...just tell us where!

SD: That's a good one. I have a fav who works weekend nights. I don't see her often as I work a lot of weekend nights but once in a while I make it in before closing. She works doubles and so, by the time I see her she's been on her feet in stripper shoes for eleven or twelve hours. One night a few years ago we where sitting on the LD couch and I started rubbing her feet. She became semi orgasmic it felt to good! I spent an hour with her on that sofa and all she would take from me was the price of a couple of dances. Needless to say, I repeat this adventure as often as possible. I'm gonna have to hit the drugstore on my way over the next time! Thanks for the tip.

Hey that's where I live, is tropical your stage name too? Next time I'll check out the club and maybe you'll be there.

Mailman, the club is in San Diego. It's called Club Expose. Regular dances are only $10 per song and the VIP, which is very dark and semi-private is $200 for 18 songs, that's why the songs with me get even hotter after 10 to 12 songs. A man wants to enjoy himself but not too soon. Some guys want affection in the VIP, but most want a combination of affection and stimulation.

Sometimes I will stop at a drugstore and get a travel size tube of lotion for a dollar and put it in my sport coat pocket. In the VIP, it is real surprise when I start massaging the dancer's feet with perfumend lotion. One dancer cried she was so happy.

I guess this one is pretty bad, but I didn't consider it weird. I yawned during a lapdance. Yes, she saw me and was very "upset" in a mocking way. She then kept talking about waking me up as she pushed her breasts in my face and ground in my lap. For the record it wasn't a bad dance, I was just getting very tired.

davids: I know exactly what you mean! I learned while in LA and Vegas that clubs with private dance booths, rooms, etc... don't give a guy a chance to preview how the dance might go by watching dancers dance for other guys. I had a very lame mechinical dance at a place in Vegas (Lil Darlings?) and the girl just talked the whole time. I wanted to laugh. It was like she was baking a cake or something- total disconnect. Afterward, I tipped her, and she asked if it was OK, and I said exactly what I thought about it- "lame". She seemed shocked. I had never done that before, I usually just said "fine" and walked away.
So, to get back on topic, I guess that is my strange act at a club, critiquing dances- good and bad. If especially good I give an extra tip. If bad, I tip and tell them what I think they are doing wrong. Like the girl in Austin who hit me up for an extra $5.00 AFTER the dance because I touched her tits. She got schooled on sales and customer service.

With some strippers I could within 30 seconds of so that their attitude was the pits or that their dances were going to lame, so I would just pay for the one song and leave before we were even a minute into it. Surprisingly none of them ever offered a discount or felt bad about giving me such crumby service. These just took the money and acted cool.

In any normal business they would at least try to find out what was wrong or not accept your money if you did not like their product and let them know right away. Just part of the reason I can't have much respect for strippers at the end of the day.

As far as weird things I've personally done I once had a dance from a girl with the most phenomenal fake boobs I'd ever seen. I would have thought they were real except they were just a little too big, and I got to feel them. The job was so good I found myself looking for the scar, in her armpit. She looked at me like the weirdo I was, realized what I was doing, and pointed out the hairline scar. Her doctor was Da Vinchi.

The Sniffer is a pervert.

There was a guy I used to call the sniffer. He would go up to the stage to tip a girl and whenever she was turned around showing the goodies (at about face level) he would close his eyes and inhale deeply. It was pretty obvious. I guess the guy didn't consider that most guys would be looking at the girl and might notice his peculiar habbit.

Tropical...How the hell much does 15 songs with you cost? And where the heck r u located?
I appreciate your perspective and insights.

1.One man likes to suck on my toes while I face away from him with my head down near the floor with both feet up on the top of the couch on either side of his face.

2. One man had a huge plastic cock with balls the size of oranges. He was so into the fantasy of this being his natural equipment, that I went along with his fantasy and did 7 songs for him.

3. Another man is very gentle and just likes to be carressed very lightly. He wears very thin black cotton/lycra tights. He smells good, but feminine, like baby powder and Jean Nate body splash. I can also smell the fabric softner scent on his clean clothes. I believe that he is 100% hetero; he's just different and nice. He treats me well and always tips. He strokes my hair while I dance slowly for him and slightly stroke his neck, chest, thighs, and crotch.

4. One customer makes sure that I am working, pays for the VIP room, goes to the men's room and slips on a condom. I dance for him slowly and we talk occasionally. Toward the end of the songs, about 15, the rhythm gets faster and he releases. He remains in his clothes but doesn't want to make his pants/shorts wet.

5. One man was wearing a bra; I noticed it and told him that I thought it was sexy.

6. Last Summer a very young, Johnny Depp-look alike took me to the VIP. I was getting frisky with him and he told me to sit on the couch. I did and he pulled my panties to the side and DATY for half a song. I made him stop because he was on his hands and knees and I was afraid we were going to get caught. Later that same night, a guy from New York bought a bunch of dances in the same VIP. After doing about 15 songs for him; he asked me to sit down. I did and he DATY (I was thinking, do I have a sign that says "eat me"). Five minutes later, the manager came into the VIP and the guy was dancing for me! The manager did a double-take and I just grinned (I was very glad that he hadn't come into the room a few minutes earllier). -T

I don't think I've ever done anything that was weird.
I have rubbed a few backs, shoulders, and even a couple of feet.
Once a dancer and I exchanged hand massages. It was very cool and sensual.

The only things I ever did that might be out of the normal range (I don't think so), were a foot massageand one other thing. I had a favorite in Key West and she always enjoyed that. The first time, it happened, she had gotten new shoes.

In another time and place, I left the club when my ATF had also gotten new shoes and they were blistering her feet. I left to get her band aids. I'm sure the other patrons got a laugh at us as I doctored her feet, on my return.