A Lesson Learned

avatar for indymovieman
indymovieman
Indiana
I’m posting this so others, hopefully, can avoid the mistakes I made.

I went to a club last month. It was a pretty slow night. One dancer came over and sat with me and we talked. We went to the back and did some dances…then she came over and sat with me and talked some more. We seemed to really hit it off. At the end of the night, she asked if I wanted to exchange numbers and hang out some time. I’m single. No girlfriend. No kids. So, why not? We exchanged numbers, said our goodbyes, and I left.

On the way home, I shot her a text and told her it was nice meeting her and I had a good time and to be safe. She responds with the same thing pretty much….and she’s hoping to hang out sometime soon. Shortly after the club closed (3am) I get a text from her. She said she lives at a hotel and her rent is due tomorrow…and she’s $80 short. Could I lend her the $80? She promised to pay it back. She said normally Saturday’s are busy nights…but this Saturday was pretty slow (it was slow in there…due to a UFC fight if I remember correctly) I thought about it…and thought about it…and decided it’s only $80. If she is telling the truth, I’d be doing a good thing by helping her out.

We meet in a public parking lot of a grocery store. I kind of scope things out first…there seemed to be no one else there. I see her car and she is alone. I leave my wallet in my car and just take the $80 cash with me. We talk for maybe 10 minutes…and she tells me how much she hates stripping and wants to get a “real job.” She starts to tear up and tells me I’m her “angel sent from heaven.” She said she’s had a rough life and is trying to turn things around and just needs a “real job.” By coincidence, I know the store manager of a retail store just a couple of blocks from where she lives. I told her I’d contact the store manager and see if they were hiring. She responds, “You’d do that for me? Yes. Please help me out if you can. I want to get out of stripping…I hate it.” By this time she has tears rolling down her cheeks. She gives me a big hug, a kiss on the cheek, and asks if I want to “hang out” the next day. By this time it’s going on 4am…I told her I’d have to play it by ear…I have a few things I wanted to get done that day…but I’d let her know.

We decided not to hang out the next day…but we make plans for a few days later. We decided to do the dinner and a movie thing. We live about 1.5 hours apart…so we make plans to meet in the middle. Then she texts and says she’s had a bad day and doesn’t really feel like driving that far…would I be up for meeting her closer to where she lives? She said she didn’t want to do the movie…but wanted to do dinner and talk and get to know me. No problem. She said she has to stop by Wal-Mart first to pick up a few things for her baby first…would I want to meet her at Wal-Mart? No problem. It’s a public place.

We meet at Wal-Mart and she goes shopping….picks up diapers, baby wipes, a new diaper bag, a new car seat because she said hers just broke a couple days ago. The cashier rings up everything and the total bill is $206 and change. She goes to pay…and (I’m sure most of you figured it out by now) her card was declined. She turns to me and says, “Babe, can you help me out on this? I promise I’ll pay you back this weekend.” I go ahead and pick up the $200+ bill. At first I was a little upset at myself for doing that…but the more I thought about it…the more I was “okay” with it. Everything she bought was for her daughter. So, if nothing else, her daughter was set on diapers and wipes for a while (she bought the biggest pack of both she could find) and she has a new car seat. Yeah…it sucked I was out $200…but hopefully that good karma will come in handy down the road.

We leave Wal-Mart and I ask her where she wants to eat…she suggests Taco Bell or White Castle. I laugh. I say, seriously…where would you like to eat? She says she loves those places. I suggest Chili’s…and she agrees to that. We go to Chili’s and we have a good time. We have great conversation…and, once again, seem to hit it off. She starts telling me some personal info and she gets all misty eyed again. Toward the end of the meal she looks at me and points back and forth between her and me and says, “This right here….I like this. This is good. I feel a connection. I like this. What do you think?” I respond, “Well, I thought we had good conversation. I really don’t know you that well. I’d like to go out a few more times and just see what happens.” I pick up the bill for dinner and we call it a night.

On my way home my phone starts blowing up. She sends me pics of her baby…telling me this is her daughter who I bought all that stuff for…and if it wasn’t for me they would both be out on the streets. She said she has every Wednesday off…and by coincidence so do I…and she wanted to get together every Wednesday and hang out. She said she never goes out with anyone…she said her daughter and I are the only ones she has in her life. Then she asked what my thoughts were about dating her. I told her the same thing I told her at dinner…I just wanted to see what happens.

I should mention this entire time my brain and my gut are having a battle. My brain is saying RUN AWAY…she just wants $$$. My gut, on the other hand, is saying maybe she is telling the truth. She’s had a rough life…she just needs someone to give her a chance.
We text back and forth every day…then it happens all over again. Saturday night I get a text “I’m $80 short on rent. I need you to let me borrow $80 so me and my daughter aren’t homeless.” I refuse. I tell her I’m tapped out and have bills of my own to pay. She begs and begs…I stand my ground and say no. She says she’ll figure something out and tells me I’ve helped her so much for buying her that stuff at Wal-Mart and she doesn’t know what she’d do without me.

We continue to text back and forth every day. We make plans to meet for dinner on Wednesday again. She texts Wednesday morning and says she’ll have to cancel because she’s sick…but she’s really upset because she wanted me to meet her baby that night. So I could see who I bought the stuff for (REALLY pulling at the ol’ heart strings) I tell her it’s no problem…we can just meet up the next Wednesday and I can meet her daughter then. A couple hours later I get another text saying her phone bill is due…and she can’t pay it because her daughter had to have her shots that week and she is short on cash…and could I lend her $80 to pay her phone bill. We text back and forth…and I reluctantly agree to let her borrow the $80. She promises to pay me back that weekend.

By this point, I’m 100% confident she’s just using me for $$$. Side note, this is the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. So, I decided to kind of call her bluff. We agree to meet at a half way point…and she says she’ll bring her daughter so I can see her. We meet in a public parking lot and talk for a good 30 minutes or so. She once again tells me some very personal stuff and she gets all teary eyed yet again. She once again says the only people she has in her life are me and her daughter. I decided to kind of call her on her bluff. I ask her what her plans were for the next day (Thanksgiving.) She said she usually goes to her aunt’s house…but that’s not usually until later in the day. So, I invite her to my Thanksgiving…to meet my sister and parents. And to my surprise, her response was, “I’d love to. But can you pick me up…because I’m not familiar with where we are going.” That was shocking. I had not expected that at all. She said she’d be awake after 9am…text her after that and we can make plans. She said text her when I get home so she knows I made it home safe.

I get home and shoot her a text letting her know I made it home safe. She says she just got home herself and to have a good night. And that was the last I ever heard from her. I sent her a text Thanksgiving morning as she asked….no response. I sent her another text that afternoon just wishing her a Happy Thanksgiving. No response. She has vanished. Along with my $367.

She really pulled at the heart strings with her sob stories…and I fell for it all…hook, line, and sinker. She had me pegged as a good guy with a good heart…and she took advantage of it. I’m chalking it up to a hard, and kind of expensive, lesson learned. I also feel like I can NEVER go back to the club she works at. If I show up there, she might think I came for my money…and who knows what she will tell the bouncer. My safety is more important than a few hundred bucks.

53 comments

Jump to latest
avatar for BigPoppa99
BigPoppa99
8 years ago
(( been there. It's the emotional and damsel in distress thing... Women love to manipulate guys and take advantage. That's why, whenever you go clubbing you need to be and act selfishly, because all girls, especially strippers run the hustle hard.
avatar for larryfisherman
larryfisherman
8 years ago
Thankfully you were only out a few hundred, it seems like she could have taken a lot more from you.
avatar for Corvus
Corvus
8 years ago
At least you saw her tits during the first night's dances at the club. Hope they were nice tits? At what point did you ever think you might tell her you wanted to fuck her? I would have taken her to the car immediately after the $200 Walmart purchase and at least gotten a BJ while parked in the far corner of the lot.

Lesson learned, we've probably all been there before, I know I have been. Man up next time.
avatar for Subraman
Subraman
8 years ago
$367, you learned this lesson cheap, son! Seriously, dirt cheap compared to most of us.

The fact is, until you end up a hard-hearted grizzled veteran -- which you should be in no rush to become -- these things can be tough. That's why it's a good idea to follow some rules, and really stick to them no matter what. One of the rules many of us on tuscl follow: she doesn't get any free rides, if she needs money, I'll be available OTC and she can earn it. Not wavering from that rule, you'd be $367 richer, because she would have balked immediately ... or alternatively, you'd at least have been getting something out of it. In addition, you're now aware of this hustle, and how the girls use it.
avatar for jackslash
jackslash
8 years ago
You got off cheap at $367, and you learned the valuable lesson that strippers are lying, cheating whores. It could be worse. Her boyfriend/pimp might have shot you in the parking lot and stolen your car.
avatar for vincemichaels
vincemichaels
8 years ago
Yeah, ditto with jackslash. I'll never forget one dancer I knew, it became obvious she'd never do OTC and kept wanting me to pay for shit. I blew her out of the water one day, I'm glad I did,
avatar for sclvr5005
sclvr5005
8 years ago
Thanks for a very well written article. Yes you got off easy with only a $367 loss, and it's probably of little consolation but others have lost so much more because they refuse to see the red flags and they want to believe that it's true love. Thanks for sharing.
avatar for Daddillac
Daddillac
8 years ago
Lesson learned quickly and cheap...

Have a read of this if you want to see what you avoided

https://www.tuscl.net/postread.php?PID=4…
avatar for MrDeuce
MrDeuce
8 years ago
Calling her bluff and inviting her to Thanksgiving dinner was brilliant. You got off cheap at $367. My damsel in distress earlier this year cost me considerably more before I realized that *nobody* has as many rent, phone, food, and medical crises as she did. Be glad that you learned your lesson for a few hundred rather than over a thousand.
avatar for londonguy
londonguy
8 years ago
You're not the first and you won't be the last in a steady stream of guys that fall for this kind of thing. As others have said you got off fairly lightly. Girls like this are lower than pond life.

Lesson learned, pick yourself up, dust yourself down, move on and put it in the past but don't ever get angry. Anger eats away at ones sole.
avatar for s88
s88
8 years ago
I'll cover free food and free bus taps (yeah, the bus, dont like it girl? theres more girls out there) on no sex dates, just like civie girls. I've never had a "pay it back" type scenario done to me. Just future, please come to the club requests with no commitment from me. I think all my strippers know I'm too smart to fall for a pay it back/borrow scheme, or I'll immediately P4P them.
avatar for K
K
8 years ago
Expect a text or call that she is sorry but...
1. The invite to Thanksgiving made it too real too fast
2. She or her baby got real sick
3. He Ex had her locked up so he could take the baby

You have figured this out by now but for those that haven't. Never meet a dancer at a store.
avatar for Lone_Wolf
Lone_Wolf
8 years ago
Good article. A very cheap education if you learn from it. We all have to spend some cash to find out if they'll do p4p OTC. Going forward, just be true to your intentions. You want to fuck and she needs money. Be tactful but candid.
avatar for san_jose_guy
san_jose_guy
8 years ago
Women are like that. Best is just to start pumping her, or to just cut it off.

Sex tourism is a bad deal. You can work it better close to home or work.

It is not just strippers and hookers who are like that. It is women.

SJG
avatar for mjx01
mjx01
8 years ago
What jackslash said
avatar for gawker
gawker
8 years ago
Maybe she didn't respond to your texts cuz her phone got shut off cuz you didn't lend her the $80. It's all your fault.
avatar for Papi_Chulo
Papi_Chulo
8 years ago
One of the most dangerous things a PL can do is try to be a stripper-savior - your heart was in the right place but when it comes to strippers it's dangerous to follow your heart - history says trying to be a stripper-savior has a higher failure-rate than intervening in the Middle-East
avatar for Papi_Chulo
Papi_Chulo
8 years ago
Strip-clubs are bizarro-world, the opposite of the real-world, so IMO one can't act like one would in the real-world, i.e. in the real world one often gives people the benefit of the doubt - in strip-club bizarro-world one is better served not giving any stripper the benefit of the doubt unless proven otherwise
avatar for WetWilly
WetWilly
8 years ago
No offense, but i don't think I learned anything from reading this I didn't know when I was 15 years old. Pretty simple solution, really. I've danced with so many strippers I can't come close to counting them all, but this didn't " happen " to this guy, he actively pursued it.
avatar for mmdv26
mmdv26
8 years ago
There is no return on an emotional Investment with a stripper. Invest in real-time sex acts only. No futures, and no derivatives.
avatar for Timbuck12
Timbuck12
8 years ago
Classic story, but at least you learned your lesson relatively quickly. No reason to fear going back to the club though. If anything, when she sees you she will try to work you for more $$.
avatar for Papi_Chulo
Papi_Chulo
8 years ago
"... She has vanished. Along with my $367 ..."

It wasn't your $367 - once you give $$$ to a stripper either ITC or OTC it's hers and consider it gone - there are no such things as "stripper loans" nor refunds
avatar for Papi_Chulo
Papi_Chulo
8 years ago
"... I also feel like I can NEVER go back to the club she works at. If I show up there, she might think I came for my money…and who knows what she will tell the bouncer ..."

Grow a fucking pair - it was her who did you wrong; not you doing her wrong - in all my years on this board I've never heard anyone getting assaulted b/c a dancer told the bounder to do so - most likely if you run into her she'll either avoid you or as Timbuck said she may see you as such an easy-mark that she may be bold enough to either pretend nothing happened or make up some excuse and try to get more $$$ out of you.
avatar for Papi_Chulo
Papi_Chulo
8 years ago
If she has a very young daughter then she must have someone else in her life - who takes care of the baby when she's working or being w/ you on a date - good chance she's (stripper) w/ the baby-daddy - lots of these chicks have good-for-nothing baby-daddies that live off what the stripper is able to make.
avatar for stripfighter
stripfighter
8 years ago
"It wasn't your $367 - once you give $$$ to a stripper either ITC or OTC it's hers"---papi

Money aint got no owners, only spenders...
avatar for stripfighter
stripfighter
8 years ago
The lesson is don't use money to get her to like you. Money is used for it's intended purpose, payment. Now she can still enjoy you and even like you, but that is for other things. IE treat her well, respect her, don't be an ass etc.
avatar for JuiceBox69
JuiceBox69
8 years ago
went to a club last month.

That's were you actually fucked up
avatar for JuiceBox69
JuiceBox69
8 years ago
Want Out? National Free Help hotline 24/7: 1-800-551-1300
avatar for Jascoi
Jascoi
8 years ago
indymovieman. you are a nice guy. in the meantime enjoy the club as if nothing has happened. the ball is in her court.
maybe this will work out nicely. but if it doesn't it is a experience in life. :)
avatar for jestrite50
jestrite50
8 years ago
I've heard this one a hundred times. Or More ! The first one that told me that, I told her get in were going to go see your landlord. I did that and she soon changed her tune. Turned out the rent wasn't even due yet. It's just a game. I check to see out thoroughly before I give them the money. Also no money without reciprocation !
avatar for indymovieman
indymovieman
8 years ago
Thanks for all the feedback and comments. Like most of you said - I got off fairly cheap...it could have been a lot worse.

My favorite words of wisdom from the above comments:
"strippers are lying cheating whores"
"trying to be a stripper-savior has a higher failure-rate than intervening in the Middle-East"
"Money aint got no owners, only spenders..."

As for going back to the club where she works: I just discovered this week the 2 other dancers I enjoyed getting dances from at her club...they both quit and are now working at a different club...which I frequent. But who knows....I might stop in one Friday or Saturday night with some friends and just see what happens.
avatar for afroking72
afroking72
8 years ago
Rules #1
Never ever ever date a stripper or try to get her out of the game.
avatar for Eagle1191
Eagle1191
8 years ago
The moment she started asking for $80s for rent is when you cut them off immediately, that is the red flag that tells you she is willing to take you for a ride(in a bad way) and you just say "no". Did not even have to read past the "can I borrow $80's for rent" cause thats the moment they are looking to just squeeze you for extra money/rip you off.
avatar for rogertex
rogertex
8 years ago
Thanks for sharing - I'd like more such real stories.
Surely these are lessons for guys like me.

I have never experienced such a long con. The ROBs in Texas make it kinda obvious. There are too many holes in their stories and can't even say it with a straight face.

Also, in Texas - I'd say 20-30% of the strippers take up this job, not because they want to - but because they can't get any other job. No other job. So there is a good portion of disorganized, scatter brained, young and restless girls. Mom's are even more desperate. They can't even keep a date or a simple commitment. Just surviving through one over-due bill to the next. Only thing keeping them afloat are good looks and a banging body.

I still think when you provided the first $200 "Benefit" at Walmart - a bit of leadership from you to show her "Friendliness" for an hour at a hotel right then - she would have said yes.
I understand not everyone is comfortable with unexpected and unplanned encounters.
avatar for PuffieLvr
PuffieLvr
8 years ago
Going to agree with everyone else. In my entire life, I have never seen an OTC meet turn into a relationship worth pursuing. Anytime a stripper starts pumping you for money like that, you're being played. At least you figured it out only $367 in. I've seen guys get take for far worse, not just money but major scams that fucked up their lives.
avatar for carolinaclubman
carolinaclubman
8 years ago
Just…..and I mean in the last month had one try to play me like that. Was in a club and saw a girl I had never seen before, really liked her look so I tipped her on stage which led to some very good lap dances. She came to sit with me after the dances and we started shooting the shit and kind of connected. Went to see her again a week later, did some more lap dances and she was talking about "when we hook up and fuck outside the club". I made the mistake of giving her my number. The next night she texts me and wants me to come to the club, I told her no. The next night she texts me and says she will be out on the street with her daughter if I don't come spend some money on her, I tell her no way, she texts back asking me to wire her some money. No way. I might hand her some more money in the future, but it will be after I am satisfied and only then. Still wanting on that next text and wondering if I can block her….I need to get a burner phone.
avatar for Papi_Chulo
Papi_Chulo
8 years ago
Many of the hardcore vets here often say $$$ *only* for services rendered - if she needs $$$ then she needs to "bring something to the table" sorta speak - or more plainly, give up the pussy.

Some of us that suffer from NGS (nice guy syndrome) think/feel that is wrong/cruel to put a damsel in that situation of "you want $$$ give me sex" - but it seems more often than not, if not maybe 99% of the time, being a nice guy in a SC and a stripper-savior often just serves to get taken - any stripper that gives a sob story and says she needs $$$ w/o her offering anything in exchange should be a very red flag.
avatar for lopaw
lopaw
8 years ago
^Strippers generally are lazy and want to do as little as possible for the most gain. I would have been very surprised to hear that she would have volunteered pussy as a compensation. That's just not how strippers are wired. But FWIW the OP did indeed get away with minimal damages.
avatar for JohnBuford
JohnBuford
8 years ago
$367 isn't an expense, it's a lesson learned.
avatar for georgmicrodong
georgmicrodong
8 years ago
Tuition. Been there, done that. Fortunately long enough ago that I don't remember the details, only the lesson. :)
avatar for Estafador
Estafador
8 years ago
This is why women don't bother with black men. We don't have enough fucks to give for bullshit
avatar for dynamicreno
dynamicreno
8 years ago
Estafador...good point. It does seem like most of the PL stories come from us white guys. LOL...that is so fucking true now that I think of it. In the all the years I have fallen for stripper shit stories and given in, I can't once remember hearing about a stripper telling me she had to pay back a black guy. Usually I just see the the girls hanging out with the blacks and not even getting dances from them. Had never really thought about it before, but you guys are kind of rock stars in the more white clubs I frequent. Now that you mention it...Whats up with that????lol..I even know a few girls who got pimped out , beaten, fucked over, shown no love, and still hung with the pimp daddy. Trust me I don't say this in disrespect at all. More like how the fuck does that work. It can't be all about the dick.
avatar for larryfisherman
larryfisherman
8 years ago
^^^Lol
avatar for motownkid
motownkid
8 years ago
Dude - you can take this to the bank - she will be back with an outlandish story again... She sees you as a mark - these hoes are so greedy - she will not be able to resist playing you again to see if she can score again. Be ready this time...
avatar for motownkid
motownkid
8 years ago
As far as returning to that club - man up - I would not let that con artist keep me from going back to the club - she is the guilty party.
avatar for Estafador
Estafador
8 years ago
It's because of our stereotyped aggressiveness. And blacks are currently the biggest stars on the media. We dominate it as the actual stars. From sports, to acting and now that selling drugs is cool (real drug dealers actually don't like selling drugs believe it or not), we control a wider selection of media now. Black men beating women is far less common than romanticized in the media.

Plus physical attributes and the looser tie on interracial relationships helps. Girls just want to be seen is all. And since black men are stereotyped to be aggressive, that basic instinct of alpha male nonsense.
avatar for warhawks
warhawks
8 years ago
Like others have said, you got off cheap.

Some of us have played Captain Save-a-Hoe and have paid WAYYYYYY more than that. Trust me.
avatar for Rod8432
Rod8432
8 years ago
Agree with others here - $367 was relatively cheap tuition for what you learned.

I too have been snookered a time or two this way myself - but by women IRW! Turns out, some women learn early they can hoodwink nice guys just by sharing sob stories and implying a growing emotional closeness. They play on the nice guy's fantasy that he really is special in a sea of PL buttholes.

And these women ARE hard-luck cases, although usually of their own doing. As a result, you likely really did help her through her paying of the rent, baby items, etc., but if you hadn't, she would've found someone else. She had no intention, however, of being your girlfriend in any kind of real, equal-footing, way.

So I'd suggest, just go back to the club. If she's there, she'll come over and likely be apologetic, but with no real remorse. Sort of a live-and-let-live attitude, and she may try to reconnect for more "loans." Of course, you'll have to use every ounce of resolve to remember what's really going on, and then either return to simply getting LDs, etc., with her in the club like any other PL, or stopping interaction entirely. If the latter, it won't take long for her to remove you from her social circle in the club and then everything will be as though nothing ever happened in the first place.
avatar for Lanechange
Lanechange
8 years ago
Worst part of my story... loaned her an extra car, i kept it insured figuring worst case is the car gets stolen or totalled. I was wrong. She got arrested with drugs, car got forfeited.

I got it back at auction, and her shitstorm of trouble was a hell of a lot worse than mine. And not my problem.
avatar for Jell69
Jell69
8 years ago
That's how they roll. The pussy is a very powerful tool for manipulating men. If you ever find yourself in that situation again. Tell her that she needs to pay back the first loan, before she can get another. That is actually a good practice to follow even when lending to friends and family. You didn't get off cheap. You got conned. My ex wife ( 7yr marraige ) took me for a $475000 house, $163000 in cash, a new $45000 truck, half of my retirement, and $750 per week for child support. ( one child ) she was 5 when the divorce happened. These days you pay until the age of 23. Now that is some painful math. And an expensive lesson. Oh the power of pussy. LOL
avatar for Lurker_X
Lurker_X
7 years ago
Just an observation comment to add, it is a certain personality type that drifts into stripping - women who are incoherent, cannot plan ahead, always looking for the next guy to pitch in and solve their problems. My mother has several stories related to me about relatives-of-friends who drift from job to job, always in debt, leeching of a new guy.

Not all these kinds of women end up as strippers. But it just seems like it is a profession that is a form of flypaper for them.
avatar for Cashman1234
Cashman1234
7 years ago
Thanks for the reminder. We definitely look like ATM's to some strippers. I'm glad you got off with only about $360 in damages. She should have gotten into acting with her skills and ability to cry on cue. You played your hand when the time was right - and she knew the gig was up.
avatar for Jascoi
Jascoi
6 years ago
i loaned a striper $3500 for a boob job after she blew out her dd boltons in a rollover accident. she still owes me 3000. will she finish paying it? idk.
You must be a member to leave a comment.Join Now

Want 4 weeks free VIP to tuscl?

Write an article