A Lesson Learned
indymovieman
Indiana
I went to a club last month. It was a pretty slow night. One dancer came over and sat with me and we talked. We went to the back and did some dances…then she came over and sat with me and talked some more. We seemed to really hit it off. At the end of the night, she asked if I wanted to exchange numbers and hang out some time. I’m single. No girlfriend. No kids. So, why not? We exchanged numbers, said our goodbyes, and I left.
On the way home, I shot her a text and told her it was nice meeting her and I had a good time and to be safe. She responds with the same thing pretty much….and she’s hoping to hang out sometime soon. Shortly after the club closed (3am) I get a text from her. She said she lives at a hotel and her rent is due tomorrow…and she’s $80 short. Could I lend her the $80? She promised to pay it back. She said normally Saturday’s are busy nights…but this Saturday was pretty slow (it was slow in there…due to a UFC fight if I remember correctly) I thought about it…and thought about it…and decided it’s only $80. If she is telling the truth, I’d be doing a good thing by helping her out.
We meet in a public parking lot of a grocery store. I kind of scope things out first…there seemed to be no one else there. I see her car and she is alone. I leave my wallet in my car and just take the $80 cash with me. We talk for maybe 10 minutes…and she tells me how much she hates stripping and wants to get a “real job.” She starts to tear up and tells me I’m her “angel sent from heaven.” She said she’s had a rough life and is trying to turn things around and just needs a “real job.” By coincidence, I know the store manager of a retail store just a couple of blocks from where she lives. I told her I’d contact the store manager and see if they were hiring. She responds, “You’d do that for me? Yes. Please help me out if you can. I want to get out of stripping…I hate it.” By this time she has tears rolling down her cheeks. She gives me a big hug, a kiss on the cheek, and asks if I want to “hang out” the next day. By this time it’s going on 4am…I told her I’d have to play it by ear…I have a few things I wanted to get done that day…but I’d let her know.
We decided not to hang out the next day…but we make plans for a few days later. We decided to do the dinner and a movie thing. We live about 1.5 hours apart…so we make plans to meet in the middle. Then she texts and says she’s had a bad day and doesn’t really feel like driving that far…would I be up for meeting her closer to where she lives? She said she didn’t want to do the movie…but wanted to do dinner and talk and get to know me. No problem. She said she has to stop by Wal-Mart first to pick up a few things for her baby first…would I want to meet her at Wal-Mart? No problem. It’s a public place.
We meet at Wal-Mart and she goes shopping….picks up diapers, baby wipes, a new diaper bag, a new car seat because she said hers just broke a couple days ago. The cashier rings up everything and the total bill is $206 and change. She goes to pay…and (I’m sure most of you figured it out by now) her card was declined. She turns to me and says, “Babe, can you help me out on this? I promise I’ll pay you back this weekend.” I go ahead and pick up the $200+ bill. At first I was a little upset at myself for doing that…but the more I thought about it…the more I was “okay” with it. Everything she bought was for her daughter. So, if nothing else, her daughter was set on diapers and wipes for a while (she bought the biggest pack of both she could find) and she has a new car seat. Yeah…it sucked I was out $200…but hopefully that good karma will come in handy down the road.
We leave Wal-Mart and I ask her where she wants to eat…she suggests Taco Bell or White Castle. I laugh. I say, seriously…where would you like to eat? She says she loves those places. I suggest Chili’s…and she agrees to that. We go to Chili’s and we have a good time. We have great conversation…and, once again, seem to hit it off. She starts telling me some personal info and she gets all misty eyed again. Toward the end of the meal she looks at me and points back and forth between her and me and says, “This right here….I like this. This is good. I feel a connection. I like this. What do you think?” I respond, “Well, I thought we had good conversation. I really don’t know you that well. I’d like to go out a few more times and just see what happens.” I pick up the bill for dinner and we call it a night.
On my way home my phone starts blowing up. She sends me pics of her baby…telling me this is her daughter who I bought all that stuff for…and if it wasn’t for me they would both be out on the streets. She said she has every Wednesday off…and by coincidence so do I…and she wanted to get together every Wednesday and hang out. She said she never goes out with anyone…she said her daughter and I are the only ones she has in her life. Then she asked what my thoughts were about dating her. I told her the same thing I told her at dinner…I just wanted to see what happens.
I should mention this entire time my brain and my gut are having a battle. My brain is saying RUN AWAY…she just wants $$$. My gut, on the other hand, is saying maybe she is telling the truth. She’s had a rough life…she just needs someone to give her a chance.
We text back and forth every day…then it happens all over again. Saturday night I get a text “I’m $80 short on rent. I need you to let me borrow $80 so me and my daughter aren’t homeless.” I refuse. I tell her I’m tapped out and have bills of my own to pay. She begs and begs…I stand my ground and say no. She says she’ll figure something out and tells me I’ve helped her so much for buying her that stuff at Wal-Mart and she doesn’t know what she’d do without me.
We continue to text back and forth every day. We make plans to meet for dinner on Wednesday again. She texts Wednesday morning and says she’ll have to cancel because she’s sick…but she’s really upset because she wanted me to meet her baby that night. So I could see who I bought the stuff for (REALLY pulling at the ol’ heart strings) I tell her it’s no problem…we can just meet up the next Wednesday and I can meet her daughter then. A couple hours later I get another text saying her phone bill is due…and she can’t pay it because her daughter had to have her shots that week and she is short on cash…and could I lend her $80 to pay her phone bill. We text back and forth…and I reluctantly agree to let her borrow the $80. She promises to pay me back that weekend.
By this point, I’m 100% confident she’s just using me for $$$. Side note, this is the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. So, I decided to kind of call her bluff. We agree to meet at a half way point…and she says she’ll bring her daughter so I can see her. We meet in a public parking lot and talk for a good 30 minutes or so. She once again tells me some very personal stuff and she gets all teary eyed yet again. She once again says the only people she has in her life are me and her daughter. I decided to kind of call her on her bluff. I ask her what her plans were for the next day (Thanksgiving.) She said she usually goes to her aunt’s house…but that’s not usually until later in the day. So, I invite her to my Thanksgiving…to meet my sister and parents. And to my surprise, her response was, “I’d love to. But can you pick me up…because I’m not familiar with where we are going.” That was shocking. I had not expected that at all. She said she’d be awake after 9am…text her after that and we can make plans. She said text her when I get home so she knows I made it home safe.
I get home and shoot her a text letting her know I made it home safe. She says she just got home herself and to have a good night. And that was the last I ever heard from her. I sent her a text Thanksgiving morning as she asked….no response. I sent her another text that afternoon just wishing her a Happy Thanksgiving. No response. She has vanished. Along with my $367.
She really pulled at the heart strings with her sob stories…and I fell for it all…hook, line, and sinker. She had me pegged as a good guy with a good heart…and she took advantage of it. I’m chalking it up to a hard, and kind of expensive, lesson learned. I also feel like I can NEVER go back to the club she works at. If I show up there, she might think I came for my money…and who knows what she will tell the bouncer. My safety is more important than a few hundred bucks.
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53 comments
Lesson learned, we've probably all been there before, I know I have been. Man up next time.
The fact is, until you end up a hard-hearted grizzled veteran -- which you should be in no rush to become -- these things can be tough. That's why it's a good idea to follow some rules, and really stick to them no matter what. One of the rules many of us on tuscl follow: she doesn't get any free rides, if she needs money, I'll be available OTC and she can earn it. Not wavering from that rule, you'd be $367 richer, because she would have balked immediately ... or alternatively, you'd at least have been getting something out of it. In addition, you're now aware of this hustle, and how the girls use it.
Have a read of this if you want to see what you avoided
https://www.tuscl.net/postread.php?PID=4…
Lesson learned, pick yourself up, dust yourself down, move on and put it in the past but don't ever get angry. Anger eats away at ones sole.
1. The invite to Thanksgiving made it too real too fast
2. She or her baby got real sick
3. He Ex had her locked up so he could take the baby
You have figured this out by now but for those that haven't. Never meet a dancer at a store.
Sex tourism is a bad deal. You can work it better close to home or work.
It is not just strippers and hookers who are like that. It is women.
SJG
It wasn't your $367 - once you give $$$ to a stripper either ITC or OTC it's hers and consider it gone - there are no such things as "stripper loans" nor refunds
Grow a fucking pair - it was her who did you wrong; not you doing her wrong - in all my years on this board I've never heard anyone getting assaulted b/c a dancer told the bounder to do so - most likely if you run into her she'll either avoid you or as Timbuck said she may see you as such an easy-mark that she may be bold enough to either pretend nothing happened or make up some excuse and try to get more $$$ out of you.
Money aint got no owners, only spenders...
That's were you actually fucked up
maybe this will work out nicely. but if it doesn't it is a experience in life. :)
My favorite words of wisdom from the above comments:
"strippers are lying cheating whores"
"trying to be a stripper-savior has a higher failure-rate than intervening in the Middle-East"
"Money aint got no owners, only spenders..."
As for going back to the club where she works: I just discovered this week the 2 other dancers I enjoyed getting dances from at her club...they both quit and are now working at a different club...which I frequent. But who knows....I might stop in one Friday or Saturday night with some friends and just see what happens.
Never ever ever date a stripper or try to get her out of the game.
Surely these are lessons for guys like me.
I have never experienced such a long con. The ROBs in Texas make it kinda obvious. There are too many holes in their stories and can't even say it with a straight face.
Also, in Texas - I'd say 20-30% of the strippers take up this job, not because they want to - but because they can't get any other job. No other job. So there is a good portion of disorganized, scatter brained, young and restless girls. Mom's are even more desperate. They can't even keep a date or a simple commitment. Just surviving through one over-due bill to the next. Only thing keeping them afloat are good looks and a banging body.
I still think when you provided the first $200 "Benefit" at Walmart - a bit of leadership from you to show her "Friendliness" for an hour at a hotel right then - she would have said yes.
I understand not everyone is comfortable with unexpected and unplanned encounters.
Some of us that suffer from NGS (nice guy syndrome) think/feel that is wrong/cruel to put a damsel in that situation of "you want $$$ give me sex" - but it seems more often than not, if not maybe 99% of the time, being a nice guy in a SC and a stripper-savior often just serves to get taken - any stripper that gives a sob story and says she needs $$$ w/o her offering anything in exchange should be a very red flag.
Plus physical attributes and the looser tie on interracial relationships helps. Girls just want to be seen is all. And since black men are stereotyped to be aggressive, that basic instinct of alpha male nonsense.
Some of us have played Captain Save-a-Hoe and have paid WAYYYYYY more than that. Trust me.
I too have been snookered a time or two this way myself - but by women IRW! Turns out, some women learn early they can hoodwink nice guys just by sharing sob stories and implying a growing emotional closeness. They play on the nice guy's fantasy that he really is special in a sea of PL buttholes.
And these women ARE hard-luck cases, although usually of their own doing. As a result, you likely really did help her through her paying of the rent, baby items, etc., but if you hadn't, she would've found someone else. She had no intention, however, of being your girlfriend in any kind of real, equal-footing, way.
So I'd suggest, just go back to the club. If she's there, she'll come over and likely be apologetic, but with no real remorse. Sort of a live-and-let-live attitude, and she may try to reconnect for more "loans." Of course, you'll have to use every ounce of resolve to remember what's really going on, and then either return to simply getting LDs, etc., with her in the club like any other PL, or stopping interaction entirely. If the latter, it won't take long for her to remove you from her social circle in the club and then everything will be as though nothing ever happened in the first place.
I got it back at auction, and her shitstorm of trouble was a hell of a lot worse than mine. And not my problem.
Not all these kinds of women end up as strippers. But it just seems like it is a profession that is a form of flypaper for them.