Need a vax card but don’t want the vax? Phil is here to help!

You can use a little known Phil Phact(tm) to get the vax card without having the icky vax curdling your precious bodily fluids.

What you do is this:

1) Get the vax. This will get you the card. Now you need to purge your body of the vax.

2) Prepare Phil’s Phabulous Phluid. If you use this fluid it will remove any magnetic microchips or genetically modified mRNA from your system. What is this phabulous phluid? Simply purée 3-4 habaneros with some horseradish and mix with vinegar and mustard.

3) Use the phabulous phluid as an enema. If it stings it means it is destroying the Bill Gates tracking chips, so just keep using the phluid ‘til it stops stinging.

You can substitute scotch bonnets for the habaneros. Ideally you would use Dijon mustard, but yellow mustard is fine in a pinch. Avoid rice vinegar.

You’re welcome.