Comments by DoctorPhil. (page 4)

Now these are great stories. Despite its weirdness, Mr. Orange’s has the ring of truth. OTOH, “Doc” Savage’s sound like he was talking to a tap dancing blue jay named Frederick that is only visible to him. Well, Frederick is also visible to Mr. Anderson, but that is only because “Doc” Savage and Mr. Anderson inhabit the same body. Sort of a Jekyll-Hyde thing.

^ Sez your buddy, the tap-dancing, monocle-wearing blue jay named Frederick.

^ “Doc” Savage, did the same tap-dancing blue jay that spends most of his time explaining shit to Mr. Anderson explain that to you? If he wears a monocle 🧐 and orders pizza 🍕 on your credit card it’s the same bird that spends its time chatting with Mr. Anderson about Russophobia. Don’t listen to that bird. Seek help for a qualified psychiatrist. You’re welcome!

I mean really, Mr. Omega is right. He’s right for the wrong reason, but he’s still right in terms of what you should do. I mean really, the whole world shut down to varying degrees but Mr. Omega and all the other dingi (the appropriate plural of dingus) think they’re smarter than, while, everybody who had actual responsibility for policy decisions. Must be nice to have that kind of self confidence. Almost makes you wonder why the dingi aren’t in positions with, you know, actual responsibility… But at this point is that the crowd has made their decision. Policymakers are going to go along because that’s the only option available. So live your life. If Deltacron is actually worse than previous variants you’ll find out soon enough. Then take precautions, if you can. If you can’t realistically take precautions you’re fucked. But you can’t change things so accept it. You’re welcome once again.

Mr. Anderson, I don’t know if your posts are the real you or if you’re playing a conspiracy wacko for shits and giggles, but I’m going to give you some 100% genuine advice for your mental health: You need to relax. Just go to a strip club and enjoy the pretty naked girls. Here is some reality for you: We’ve done as good as we’re going to do when it comes to mitigating the impact of covid. At this point, the die is cast. Even if Deltacron is 10x more fatal that previous variants we’re just going to go on like we are right now. The reality is that we’ve been on this trajectory for more than a year, and the properties of new covid variants haven’t changed the policy trajectory in any substantive way and they aren’t going to do so in the future. I’ve enjoyed making fun of Mr. Mark and Mr. Dugan because they think they’re experts on everything, but anybody with some sense could see the trajectory we were on a year ago. And, like it or not, we were going to open things up, return to normal, and tolerate pretty much any rate of deaths and any impact on hospitals. Hell, some morons will think of that as a good thing. Right now, I’m behaving pretty much normally. I’ve actually been doing so for a while. I mean really, I wear a mask if I go to the grocery store because I’d prefer not to pick up anything while shopping for the broccoli rabe, but I’ll probably continue doing that moving forward. Especially during future flu and covid seasons. I mean really, it is one thing to get sick having fun, but its just stupid to get sick buying the listerine. Even a tiny reduction in the probability of getting sick is worth it in the context of purely utilitarian activities is worth it. So here is my genuine, 100% sincere advice: stop being a paranoid dingus, get vaccinated, and live your life. Hell, live a better life. There ain’t shit you can do about covid or much of anything for that matter, so just focus on the fact that having actual fun will do you good. You’re welcome!

Well, I am a space genius, I gave Prince his first pair of assless purple pants, and I am destined to save American and help install the best President we will ever have: Jennifer Lawrence. You’re welcome!

Well, I guess I have a few other questions. Specifically, do you know that hating America makes little baby Jesus cry? So, Mr. Gamma, do you want to make baby Jesus cry? Never worry, Mr. Gamma, even though you hate America 🇺🇸 and hate baby Jesus I want to let you know that Phil has enough love for his country to save freedom for all Americans, including your America-hating ass. For I have known for some time that Phil shall play a pivotal role during the climactic battle for control of the United States 🇺🇸 after it slips into a dystopian hellscape. Yes, in the climactic battle our Franco-German liberators will need one more pilot. Despite having no experience my space genius nature will allow me to jump into the cockpit of a Rafale, where I will earn the name “le fantôme de Cleveland” by shooting down 12 F-35s in a pitched dogfight. While trying to make it a baker’s dozen I am hit and forced to eject. But not until I put my trusty Rafale on course to impact the future US dictator, who has been running the government from the Rock and Roll Hall of fame for some inexplicable reason. I will of course be awarded the Presidential Medal off Freedom for my bravery. Future President Jennifer Lawrence, who will lead our great country out of those dystopian days, will give me the very first redesigned medal, now shaped like a buttplug. But I did not become a hero to receive a medal, even one that was up the sexy sexy butthole of future President JLaw. No, I did it so I could say two words: YOU’RE WELCOME!

Wow Mr. Gamma, you believe some dark dystopian shit about America. The government lying about a pandemic to control the population, stolen elections, and other shit like that. Add to that the fact that you consider most of your fellow citizens “shitheads and losers”. Well…I only have one question for you: why do you hate American?

Okay Mr. Gamma, I’m going to flip the question on you: why would you fight for America? Now, in the highly unlikely scenario where America was invaded I’d fight. Assuming that America is the way it is now I’d say it has its flaws, but on balance it is a pretty good country. But imagine this scenario: America becomes a shithole corrupt dictatorship. If that happened, why the fuck would I fight. Hell, let’s imagine some fantasy scenario where America becomes a 1984 style dictatorship and the French and Germans, scared by these changes, remain democracies that respect human rights but build up their armed forces. Then a Franco-German invasion fleet lands in America to liberate us. Why the fuck would you fight them Frenchies and Germans? They’re the good guys in this fantasy scenario. I’d be all waving the white flag yelling “je m'abandonne à toi” to the first Frenchies I see (substitute something appropriate for the Germans). So, now that we’ve established that whether or not fighting makes sense depends on the state of the country, let’s analyze some of the crazy shit posted by the political whiners on TUSCL: 1. The US government lied about a pandemic to control the population. 2. The US government is attempting to mandate a dangerous drug. 3. Our military is run a bunch of woke idiots. 4. Anybody with an unpopular opinion is canceled so there is no real free speech. 5. Rioting in the streets is viewed as a good thing. 6. Our last Presidential election was stolen. 7. The guy who actually won the last election was such an idiot he couldn’t hold on to the Presidency despite, you know, being President and running the fucking government. 8. A large proportion of the population is selfish assholes who would rather sponge than work. Now, I don’t know how much of that you believe, though I’m betting I could find support for some of those statements if I had the energy to comb through your posts. Well, maybe not #7 because, for some weird reason, people who believe #6 seem to have a hard on for the guy who (in their mind) won the election but wasn’t smart enough figure out a way to stay President. Of course, that guy also let his underlings lie about the pandemic so I guess they’re just kind of forgiving. Now, I don’t believe that shit is true, so I can be a patriot. But if you believe even a few of those 8 points are true then America is seriously fucked up. Why would you fight for that country? Seems kind of stupid to me.

I dunno Mr. Dixie/Cacaplop. The shit you say is exactly what a dick that got fragged in Nam would say. I smell spirt that won’t move from the world of the living on because he’s too much of a dick to enter the afterlife. I’m going to send a transcript of your posts to Mr. Jack Joseph “Crazy Train Junior” Osbourne. #OsbournesBelieve #MrCrowley

Mr. Dixie/Cacaplop why the fuck do you have such a hard on for “Crooked Hillary”? I understand the other guys on here since they were alive when Hillary was Sec’y of State. But you said you died for your country in Nam. Of course, we all know you irritated you platoon and they fragged you, but still…the point is that your dead need communicating with the TUSCL board via medium. Why aren’t you bitching about LBJ or Nixon? It was one of those guys that sent you to your death.

This has happened to me the first time I went skiing. It is a common problem for those with a enormous penis. I quickly learned the solution of a heated sock penis warmer. Big problem was finding something that fits. I eventually found this device that they use to keep elephant feet warm. I’d say “you’re welcome” just to let you know that I have dispensed helpful advice but I doubt you will need this.

Whenever you give a piece of helpful advice you should end the post with a hearty “You’re welcome!” Or “Your welcome!” if you’re feeling saucy and want to flout “the rulez”. Also, you forgot to mention chopping off toes as an alternative to expanding the shoe. That works too. Your welcome! (I’m feeling saucy today)

Mr. Mark, you’re memory is flawed. That is what happens when you present a disjointed, illogical, and completely comical argument. But I guess they didn’t teach you that on the Trump University debatey-debates team because they were too busy focusing on ways to mock disabled opponents and then claim you did not mock said disabled opponents in the debatey-debates. I can understand your confusion. Nobody likes getting their ass kicked. And, boy howdy, I kicked your ass nine ways ‘til Sunday. Now give me my fucking trophy!

Seriously though, I was simply asking because this Dixie guy, regardless of whether or not he’s actually this Cacaplop fellow, is clearly just a weirdo blowing off steam by joking around on a titty bar web site. I get that you don’t like the guy and I sure as fuck am not defending him, but as anti-social behaviors go posting crap on TUSCL for shits and giggles is hardly the Tate-LaBianca murders. It just seems like everybody is a fucking expert about fucking everything on here. We have fucking experts on economics, sociology, epidemiology, virology, and international relations on here. Some guys who couldn’t pick out Xinjiang on a fucking map are all presenting to be a bunch a fucking human rights lawyers. Yeah, there is a lot of shit in the world, but none of y’all are going to fix it. And if you actually want to try that’s cool. I’d find that admirable, regardless of whether I think you’re totally wrong or totally right in the way you want to solve those problems. However, I do know that bitching about shit on a titty club web site ain’t gonna fix shit. I just saying that folks need to blow off some steam sometimes and they probably shouldn’t take themselves too seriously. I don’t know if Dixie/Cacaplop is in that boat or not, but if he is I hope he finds some degree of solace. As I hope others do. And if that don’t work, there is always fucking a melon with Miss Greta Tintin Eleonora Ernman “I am not jailbait” Thunberg’s face on it. It gives Mr. Skibum an enormous sense of well being and I hear that here boyfriend Sven does not travel internationally so it’s not like he’s gonna kick your ass for it. Just don’t post any videos of your activities with Greta Melon on PornHub. Nobody wants to see that shit.

^ Aw snap, as the kids we’re saying like some time in the past.

Two things: First, I think Mr. Fox has to increase his budget. But Phil, you may say, that is easier said than done. Au contraire mon frère. The trick is not for Mr. Fox to increase his income. The trick is for Mr. Fox to decrease his expenses. Think about it. All you really need in life is a place to sleep, a place to eat, and a place to shit and piss. I think Mr. Fox can find a cardboard box and a hibachi and he’s got the first two covered. Hibachi means mmm mmm good hot meals. As for a place to piss and shit I think the answer to that is simple: at a safe distance from the cardboard box and hibachi. Now all of Mr. Fox’s income can be spent on strippers. Well, maybe a little on actual food for the hibachi. You know, when the dumpster diving doesn’t turn up anything scrum-dilly-icious. And perhaps he should get some pots to collect rainwater for showers. But still, virtually all of his income can be for strippers. Second, I didn’t think Mr. San Jose wanted to enslave pretty girls. I thought he just figured they’d wanna hang with him once the organization was humming along. You know…for all the treats he cook on his hibachi.

Why the fuck is this thread shifting topic again? Now you’re talking about Russian trolls and Mr. San Jose. WTF? Let’s return to the important topic: the way I totally kicked Mr. Mark’s ass in the debatey-debates game. He fucking owes me a trophy! WHERE IS MY TROPHY MR. MARK? I bet Mr. Mark learned how to play debatey-debates at Trump University and lesson one was how to weasel out of your obligations. Well…TUSCL isn’t going to let you out of your obligations Mr. Mark. I kicked your ass in the debatey-debates game and you owe me a fucking trophy!

Wow Mr. Dixie, I didn’t know that you fought and died for this country. So…how did ya die? I bet you bugged the folks in your platoon when you were fighting in Nam and they fragged ya. Also…how exactly are you posting on a titty club web site? Is Mr. Jack “Curly” Osbourne communicating with you by Ouija board and then posting your thoughts? If so, I’d like to tell Jack that I dig his dad’s music. Mr. Crowley 🎶

Seriously Mr. Yahtzee, stop being such a snowflake. I mean really. Miss Gu is a fucking skier and model. Her competing for China versus the US is not going to change the international balance of power or any shit like that. She apparently has 200 million yuan (over US$30 million) in endorsement deals. If the Chinese told me, “hey Phil, come work in China and we’ll pay you 200 million yuan” I’d be on the next flight to Beijing ready to report for work as soon as my covid quarantine ended. Or the next flight to Shanghai. For 200 million yuan I’m not picky! Although maybe they could get me a job in Haikou. Nice beaches. Tropical climate. I bet 200 million yuan goes a long way in Hainan province. Tell the truth: you’d do exactly the same.

Too true Mr. 25. Mr. Mark has indeed jumped the shark. You see, Mr. Mark was trained in rhetoric, debate, logic, and I can’t remember the rest. It was probably something useful like going to a bakery and jizzing on the cupcakes. Anyway, it means that Mr. Mark is really bothered when he plays debatey-debates and loses, like he did with yours truly. Therefore, rather than being an honorable debate partner and sending me my fucking trophy he changes the subject from covid to Canada. Where is my trophy Mr. Mark?

Also, should I feel guilty that Mr. Scrub seems to be 2 seconds away from an aneurysm on this thread? Most of the time he seems to be between 5 and 10 seconds away from an aneurysm so it sort of feels like discussing Miss Gǔ Àilíng has pushed him closer to the edge. Perhaps we should avoid mentioning her medals. And the 200 million yuan in endorsement deals.

“This is absolutely a club ad.” I didn’t think this thread could get funnier than Miss Nina dunking on Mr. Scrub, but…okay, okay… Mr. Heaving has won this thread

Mind you, I was simply playing debatey-debates by taking your assertion of lying to its logical conclusion. I don’t think Trump lied. I think he is an egomaniacal blowhard that thought shoving a UV bulb up yer keister would cure covid. He was less Benito Amilcare Andrea “Il Duce Dude” Mussolini and more Inspector Clouseau. But imagine Clouseau with lights up the ass and bleach injections. That’s your hero. Hopefully the scales have fallen from your eyes and you have had your road to Damascus moment regarding the Orange Man. You’re welcome!

Mr. Mark, I’d like to, as Mr. Ricky Ricardo, splain somethin to you. People don’t want play debatey-debates with you because you cheat. If we focus on debates conducted for educational and recreational purposes, put an emphasis upon logical consistency, factual accuracy, and some emotional appeal to an audience. But of course you know that because you claim to have trained in debate, logic, and rhetoric during you education. (Or something like that, I’m not interested enough to track down your exact quote…) Anyway, most of the posts on this thread are irrelevant because the important point is to understand the logical consequences of your assertion that “Everything we’ve been told about CoVid over the last 2 years has been based on lies.” LIES. Your word. Not mine. You may not realize this, but the word “lie” has a specific meaning: A lie is an assertion that is believed to be false, typically used with the purpose of deceiving someone.[1][2][3][4] The practice of communicating lies is called lying. A person who communicates a lie may be termed a liar. Lies may serve a variety of instrumental, interpersonal, or psychological functions for the individuals who use them. (From https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lie) You didn’t say that everything we were told about covid was based on mistakes. You said they were lies. I replied with the logical consequence of your assertion that everything we’ve been told about covid is a lie: former President Donald John “Yumpin Yimminy” Trump (who I believe to be your man-crush) is ultimately responsible for those lies (at least in the United States of America). You grudgingly conceded the following: “Sure, Trump was President for some of the lying. So, he gets some of the blame.” And followed it up with: “Most of the blame goes to that skunk Fauci and about 100 other bureaucrats in the Government. Plus plenty of blame to Governors and bureaucrats at the state level.” And how did the lying skunk Dr. Fauci and the 100 other bureaucrats get their power? It may have been challenging or even impossible for Orange Man to oust Dr. Fauci from his position at NIAID, but NIAID director has no actual power except over anybody, except those at NIAID. And even then there are limits on his power. Do you work at NIAID? I don’t think so. Anyway, Trump wasn’t required to put Dr. Fauci on the covid task force. And he could have removed him, as soon as he detected the lying. Some with governors and state bureaucrats. As soon as your hero Mr. Donald John “Hittin’ Them Pipes” Trump sniffed out a lie he could have called a press conference and called ‘em out on their lies. Hell, he could have tweeted about it. Orange Man liked to tweet. So, if we follow the logic implicit in your assertion that everything about covid was a lie, the person responsible for the lies is the loser of the 2020 Presidential election, Mr. Donald John “mmm…Pipes” Trump. Now why did Orange Man lie? I suppose it could have been for shits and giggles. That’s what I would have done. But my lie would have been creative, like “the way to avoid covid is to wear a rubber glove over your head, a la mid-80s Howie Mandel”. But I suspect our government was doing something more sinister, like attempting to control the population. Do you agree with that? I suspect you do, but feel that Dr. Fauci was the fascist mastermind. But I’ve just proven that the real fascist was Orange Pipehittin’ wannabe Mussolini. Now that I have won the debate with my impeccable logic, following your own statements to their logical conclusions, I will PM an address to send my trophy. As an honest debater I am certain that you will concede defeat and reward me. Thank you!