Reviews

117 reviews by reverendhornibastard

The St. James

Houston, TX

Thanks for the Mammaries!

Woke up last week with a desperate desire to be desplooginated by a gorgeous young woman I’ve never even met. From force of habit, I made a beeline to the ATM and then drove to…

4 wks ago1

Chicas Cabaret

Houston, TX

How Do You Say “Yuck” in Armenian?

★★★★★★1.0/10

Although I am fortunate to always have more than enough bucks to burn, I don’t have as many opportunities as I would like to go out looking for new and delightful dens of desploogination. Before…

5 mos ago2

Cover Girls

Houston, TX

Can One Ever Choose Where the Pecker Leads?

★★★★★★★★★★8.7/10

Cover Girls was never one of my favorite Houston area strip clubs, at least not since the late 1980s when a strip club operated at the same location but under a different name. In its…

6 mos ago1

Centerfolds Houston

Houston, TX

It Was Oxytocin at First Sight!

★★★★★★★★★★9.7/10

WARNING! This post contains numerous polysyllabic words. I had another meeting scheduled with clients on the far side of town. Because my last visit to Centerfolds was such a phenomenal success, I took the opportunity to…

7 mos ago3

Centerfolds Houston

Houston, TX

Bad Habits Are Hard to Break

★★★★★★★★★7.7/10

Yesterday I had a meeting not far from that infamously dirty den of depravities known as Centerfolds. I don’t often have to travel to that part of Houston, but when I do, I usually make…

9 mos ago4

Baby Dolls

Dallas, TX

Like Being Desplooginated at Buc-ees

★★★★★★★★★7.0/10

I visited Baby Dolls about two years ago. I was expecting a lot but, as a result of my poor health on that particular evening, I didn’t really get to enjoy myself. I recently had another…

9 mos ago11

The St. James

Houston, TX

Spanky Goes to Church

★★★★★★★★★★10.0/10

My close friend, “Spanky,” rarely has much to say. But when he talks, I listen! Yesterday, it being Hump Day, Spanky said he desperately wanted to be desplooginated, preferably by a gorgeous young woman he’s never…

10 mos ago10

Centerfolds Houston

Houston, TX

It’s Smelly and Grimy, But It’s Still Heaven on Earth!

★★★★★★★★★7.0/10

Even though Centrrfolds was a reliably high mileage club, I don’t go there as often as I did in years passed. Houston is so damn big and the traffic is worse than ever. Although you…

1 yr ago4

The St. James

Houston, TX

My Faith Has Been Restored!

★★★★★★★★★8.0/10

My last two visits to The St. James (a.k.a. “The Church”) were both a total waste of time. Although I had long said that the Church featured the best looking dancers in metro Houston, my…

1 yr ago8

Baby Dolls

Dallas, TX

The Spirit Was Willing But The Flesh Was Weak!

★★★★★★★★★7.7/10

I had read great things about Baby Dolls in Dallas. I had been to this club decades ago (at its former location on NW Highway) but had not ventured into it since it relocated to…

1 yr ago3

Sugar's

San Antonio, TX

Soured on Sugar’s

★★★★★★★2.7/10

I came to San Antonio recently and decided to try to cum in some of the Alamo City’s strip clubs. Sugar’s was the first of my three stops in San Antonio’s dens of depravity. It…

1 yr ago1

Perfect Ten

San Antonio, TX

Terrible at Math

★★★★★★★3.0/10

I was in San Antonio recently and decided to try out some of the Alamo City’s strip clubs. My second stop was at “Perfect Ten.” Whoever named this place was obviously terrible at math. While the…

1 yr ago6

Tiffany's Cabaret

San Antonio, TX

The Tiffany’s Cabaret Stink Fest

★★★★★★1.7/10

Tiffany’s Cabaret was my third and final strip club stop in San Antonio during my recent weekend visit. Look for my other recent reviews of “Perfect Ten” and “Sugar’s.” The prettiest female in Tiffany’s Cabaret was…

1 yr ago

Diosa Gentlemen's Club

Houston, TX

She Swallows But Only After Gargling With It!

★★★★★★★★6.0/10

It has been a while since I’ve been back to Diosas (which means “goddesses” in Spanish). I’m not entirely sure why I went back. Diosas is a thoroughly grungy dive and my very few visits…

1 yr ago3

The St. James

Houston, TX

Dental Floss

★★★★★★★★★★8.7/10

Once again, I awoke with a burning desire to be desplooginated by a woman of questionable morals whom I had never met before. I am unsure why I so often awake with this strange fixation…

1 yr ago9

Centerfolds Houston

Houston, TX

Not That Desperate!

★★★★★★★2.7/10

It’s been quite a while since I’ve been in this west side dive. But had to be in the area anyway so I thought I would give Centerfolds a try. This is one of Houston’s…

1 yr ago2

The St. James

Houston, TX

Julius Caesar Couldn’t Have Said It Better!

★★★★★★★★★★9.0/10

I have reviewed St. James (AKA “the Church”) so many times, it seems rather absurd to go through the details yet again, but here we go (just to keep those mongers out there who are…

1 yr ago9

Centerfolds Houston

Houston, TX

Been There, Done That (again and again)!

★★★★★★★★★8.0/10

It’s been a long time since I’ve been out mongering in Houston’s strip clubs. There is no particular reason for my recent outbreak of good behavior other than a bad case of “been there, done…

2 yrs ago6

Centerfolds Houston

Houston, TX

At Some Places Your Mileage Hardly Varies

★★★★★★★★★6.3/10

Let’s not mince words here. Centerfolds is a pestiferous dive. I’ve previously pointed out that there are subway stations in New York City that have a fresher, more tolerable stench than the one you will…

2 yrs ago2

The St. James

Houston, TX

My Favorite Octoroon

★★★★★★★★★7.0/10

I went back to the St. James (aka the “Church”) for the first time in about 6 months. Not much has changed. All the dancers were new and unknown to me, but their appeal and…

2 yrs ago2

Centerfolds Houston

Houston, TX

Return to Centerfolds

★★★★★★★★5.3/10

I previously wrote that I would never return to Centerfolds because it was too dirty, smelly and the dancers were too unappealing to warrant a return visit. If I recall, l suggested in my last…

3 yrs ago1

The St. James

Houston, TX

Going to Church on “Sinday”

★★★★★★★★5.3/10

I got into “one of those moods” last Sunday. You know what I mean … one of those moods when I absolutely, positively had to be desplooginated by a good looking woman I’ve never met…

3 yrs ago5

The Vault Gentlemen’s Club

Houston, TX

There’s Not Enough Beer in This World

★★★★★★★3.3/10

After I stopped off at Centerfolds and was thoroughly disgusted, I stopped in at Vivid Live. I remember when this place was called Caligula XXI. Cover charge was $7. I think the $7 would have…

3 yrs ago5

Centerfolds Houston

Houston, TX

Don’t Waste Your Time or Money

★★★★★★★2.7/10

Centerfolds was once my “go to club.” It was a reliably high mileage club with a nice assortment of pink meat on the buffet. Not any more. The club is drab, dreary and dirty. I’ve…

3 yrs ago7

Diosa Gentlemen's Club

Houston, TX

Second Chance at Diosas

★★★★★★★★★6.7/10

It’s been more than a year since I dropped in at Diosas. I said I wouldn’t be back after my first visit but it seems the depths I am capable of reaching are limitless. Diosas…

3 yrs ago4