discussion comment
7 years ago
cash: besides general safety, here are some incredibly easy conversations I've had with my ATATF, because we're both open about our love lives.
Her: I'm going on vacation with my boyfriend, please don't text me for the next 4 days, I'll text you when I'm back.
Me: Okay
Me: I'll be on a date tonight, you can text me but my notifications are off. Talk to you tomorrow.
Her: Okay
Me: (following her directions that when I get to her house, park a block away and text her) I'm here
Her: My bf got a late start, he's still here, I'll text you in about 15 minutes when he's gone, then you can pick me up and we'll go to dinner
Me: Okay
Me: I've always wanted to go to Fogo de Chao, let's go there
Her: I'd love to, but this is a small town and lots of my friends go there, and if I'm seen with you there it will get back to my boyfriend
Me: Okay, let's head over to Krung Thai and eat there instead
Those are all paraphrases of actual conversations. The nice thing about not hiding any of this is that we don't have to bend over backwards to make up weird lies and cover stories about why we can't do X or Y. I can't, I'm on a date, don't text me, etc. It just makes things so much easier, and it's just somehow refreshing that everything is in the open.
discussion comment
7 years ago
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Cashman1234He/Him - He’s a filthy pig. That’s him in VIP with another whore.
A lot of SW girls have at least peeked over here... at least, if their expressions of disgust about the attitudes here isn't just made up. From what I can tell, they're too busy being disgusted of our talk about OTC, extras, touching the girls, and basically discussing ways not to get ripped off, to develop any sense of humor about the trolling. also, I'm not sure many of those women have senses of humor, they seem very angry :)
discussion comment
7 years ago
Agree with Warrenboy... if it's something that can affect 1. my safety, 2. her ability to schedule meetings with me and/or receive text messages, it's worth knowing, and whether she has a boyfriend solidly hits both points. I neither have a need to pry into her personal life, nor try to prove I'm above it all by pretending she might not have outside relationships. I'm up front about where I am, and a simple "Do you have a bf? I don't care at all, but do want to know if I need to be sensitive about where and how I text you, whether we'll have to schedule around your time with him, etc." It's just a good thing to know, particularly if she's hiding this from him.
discussion comment
7 years ago
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LiwetIf she walks away smiling, you spent too much.
LOL it's a term that's so corny it's cringeworthy, at least to my ears. I don't know what the current state of PCness says, but for me, fuck-to-the-no, I'm not saying that word to a black woman. Hell, I'm not using it in my private life to describe a black women, either, unless maybe as self-aware corniness
discussion comment
7 years ago
I've never gotten jealous about an SA girl or ATF OTC girl having a boyfriend. In the case of some of those girls, they were so hot, and so wild, that I convinced myself that her having a boyfriend was a good thing -- otherwise, she might be fucking different guys every weekend, and for safety reason I preferred she fuck as few guys as possible (her bf, me, and any other customers, at most). The main drag is that the bf can get in the way of setting up dates
discussion comment
7 years ago
-->"Yes, like 99% certain"
RM has massively under-stated the probability, LOL.
discussion comment
7 years ago
-->"There absolutely are guys rich enough and weird enough that they would pay just to hang out with hot girls. How many is another question. Hopefully it's not many, but they definitely exist"
Agree, but to hear the girls tell it, it's exceedingly rare. Maybe some really skilled girls can pull it off again and again, but as the last girl I met said, "I can't even get guys to pay for the first (no-sex) meeting". I have a feeling it's like financial domination -- yes, the girls dream of getting money just for being hot, and I believe it happens, but I think beyond a few girls who are really good at pulling it off, it's not really a factor. I continue to think orion might have over-summarized what he's reading on those girls' profiles -- around here they are almost never indicating platonic-only, but rather that there's a chemistry hurdle and they want a respectful interaction.
Interestingly, and probably not surprisingly, many of the conversations about "sugaring" on StripperWeb are the girls absolutely convincing each other that sex is not a required part of an SD/SB relationship and claiming they never had sex with their SDs.
discussion comment
7 years ago
-->"I saw several girls who said if you want sex look elsewhere."
Orion, they may not mean what you think they mean. In my area, at least, there are VERY few women who outright say "no sex, platonic only" .. 1% at most? Whereas a good number of women say things like, "if you're only looking for sex, look elsewhere". Why do they say that? Because a lot of men on the site are basically using SA as an alternative to BP, and they send messages to the women that simply read things like, "how about $300 for an hour?". Of course, there are a LOT of escorts on SA, and they are very receptive to such straightforward messages. But to the "regular girls", who would not otherwise be part of the sex industry and need the justification of a multi-faceted arrangement to participate, they find it incredibly vulgar and demeaning. So they try to weed out the johns by making sure the guys know there is a "chemistry" hurdle.
My experience with such girls is that in the end, it's really all about respect. Don't send them "how about $300 for an hour?", send them a respectful introduction. When I get to the point where we meet in person, they are just as likely as any other girl on SA to have sex on the first or second date.
So, anyway, long way of saying: I take "I am not here for sex" seriously, and I avoid such girls. But "if you're only looking for sex, move along", is just a girl who is feeling demeaned and frustrated, trying to tell you to put up a little charade of courting.
discussion comment
7 years ago
OMG the whole interaction sounds cringeworthy! I might have to do some research to see it in action :)
discussion comment
7 years ago
No that was the site that marketed that it catered to married people having affairs, ashleymadison.com Remarkably, I believe it's still up and running
discussion comment
7 years ago
Among the little solace I can take over our sorry strip clubs here, is the fact that I am not faced with conundrums such as shot girls, "dancer drinks", dancers having drink quotas, etc. It makes the whole alcohol-based interaction much simpler and more fun
Am I correct in thinking the shot girl is a waitress, not a stripper who they press into sexy shot service?
discussion comment
7 years ago
RM: I don't have any basis to judge what percent overall on the site are strippers,of course. But among the women who are attractive enough that I reach out to them, and eventually meet (that is, the self-selected group that make it to a meeting with me), a pretty good number are strippers or ex-strippers, way more than 5%. There's any number of cases where I would not have known they were strippers (or ex-) if I hadn't asked the right questions. Could be there's multiple factors going on here, from different areas getting different women, to you and I consciously or subconsciously pursuing different types of women and so ending up in first meetings with different types, and me specifically asking the right questions to get her to volunteer that she's a stripper...
On pics, my experience is pretty consistent across SA, sex ad media (e.g., for FBSM providers), and even sites like Match (which I use for my civilian dating life): everyone uses their best pics, often somewhat older pics, and don't update those pics if they gain weight (for example)... to me, it's just become a universal truth about picture-based media used to sell yourself
discussion comment
7 years ago
I've gotten the flu once in the past 20 years, not from the strip club. The flu is contagious even the day before symptoms appear, according to the internet which of course knows everything, so it's at least something to be aware of I suppose.
discussion comment
7 years ago
There would be virtually no one on SA if it were anything like civilian dating, I'd bet! I agree that civilian dating isn't exactly fun, no guy is looking to pay big bucks for that
discussion comment
7 years ago
-->"I'm worried that it might be too much like regular civilian dating."
I think the good thing about SA is: it's going to be like whatever you want it to be like. I have found everything on SA from "arrangements" that are really no different from seeing an escort (meet for an hour or two, have sex, don't talk to each other again until next time) to classic arrangements, to everything in between. The old timers say SA at one time was mostly populated by women who wanted classic arrangements, but these days, for nearly any kind of situation you want, there's people who will accommodate. I haven't found anything that's remotely close to civilian dating; and if you think about it, why in the world would anyone who is on SA want anything remotely close to that?
For me personally, OTCing is a better match for the experience I'm looking for. But SA doesn't suffer from some of the worries people have had in this thread; if you don't want to have it feel like dating, or want to pay by the date instead of by the month, or want a girl who does or does not look like a stripper, or whatever else, there's zillions of girls who'll play along with that. It's worth at least exploring on SA a bit; taken as a group, I find the women on SA excruciatingly flakey, and like BP hookers or even civilians on Match they are reliably less attractive than their pics, those have been the most challenging aspects for me on SA. But no challenges at all about per-date payments, arrangements that feel like dating, etc.
discussion comment
7 years ago
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Papi_ChuloMiami, FL (or the nearest big-booty club)
BJ: that wasn't me. If the girl doesn't want to drink with me, I ask her to move on, she doesn't get a choice into how I spend my money, just whether or not she'd prefer to move on. I'm pretty focused on the experience I'm looking for: we'll be hanging out for a few hours, I'll be buying us both lunch, we'll be doing a LOT of drinks, and some VIPs. With occasional exceptions, if there's any deviation I politely send her on her way.
Like I said, I feel like buying a stripper drinks is the 2nd best deal in the club. Best deal is buying her food.
discussion comment
7 years ago
-->"So at First glance it looks like most of the girls are looking for a long term “commitment” is that not so?"
Absolutely, positively not so. Or rather, they may be looking for a long-term arrangement, but in the year+ I've been on, the number of women who didn't go along with "I'm looking for a long-term arrangement, but I think we should go per-meeting allowance for a while until we're both sure we want to commit" is exactly zero. Every single woman has been fine with starting per-date, as long as I paid lip service to wanting to go longer-term eventually. In my case, it wasn't really lip service, I'd like to find one great long-term arrangement, so it was sincere, but in any case -- no, no need for starting off long term.
discussion comment
7 years ago
-->"I like girls who look like strippers."
I don't know what it's like where juice is looking, but in my area, a huge % of the girls on SA are strippers or ex-strippers. The last date I was on, last weekend, turned out to be a stripper. Good news is, strippers and ex-stripper, look like strippers and are fun like strippers. Bad news, they're as reliable as strippers :) There are plenty of non-strippers out on SA too, obviously, but if you're looking for a stripper type, they're very easy to find
discussion comment
7 years ago
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Papi_ChuloMiami, FL (or the nearest big-booty club)
^^^ Agree. At the clubs I go to, it's an unwritten rule that if you buy a dancer a drink, she stays with you AT LEAST until it's gone. That's one reason why buying dancers drinks is, IMO, the 2nd best deal in the club ... lots of groping time at the table, for little $.
discussion comment
7 years ago
To me, the girl is a picture perfect StripperWeb girl, from beginning to end she took that all straight out of the SW playbook (hook them fast, deliver lowest possible value, ask for a tip afterwards). And, the SW girls talk about "training their regulars to tip", which -- no insult intended, really -- it feels like DB999's girl has done to him, totally trained him, SW-style. Obviously enough, this all depends on shift, club culture, etc., but rather than tip to touch a reasonable amount, I move on to the next girl, at what passes for the high-end clubs here, and I'm much happier than if I'd tipped, I think I just find higher-value girls that way. I also think the "she gave me poor service but I tipped her anyway because of X, Y, and Z" is just rationalizing for breaking my rule #2 in my beginner's advice!
discussion comment
7 years ago
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Papi_ChuloMiami, FL (or the nearest big-booty club)
->"It may come across a petty but I don't like over-paying for stuff and don't like a dancer IDK from a hole in the wall taking advantage of my generosity; it's not like I'm dating the chick or trying to - if I enjoyed sitting and drinking w/ dancers then I may not mind as much, but in my case it's usually the dancer just asking to buy her a drink and if I do it's not necessarily to kick it w/ her but more to do her a favor."
I DO enjoy sitting and drinking with the dancers, but it still doesn't come across to me as petty that you'd not want to pay for a super expensive drink. Your fucking money, if you want to spend it on dances instead of drinks, that's your call ... and, in fact, even as a "sit all afternoon and buy the dancers drinks" guy, I make sure I'm not buying expensive drinks.
Given how everyone in the club is trying to fleece you, I think the ONLY sane thing is to take control of the drink order somehow -- whether it's constraining her choices to cheap drinks from the get-go (like I do) or asking her "how much does that drink cost" like you do, the only bad choice is just letting her order whatever she wants and hoping for the best
discussion comment
7 years ago
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Papi_ChuloMiami, FL (or the nearest big-booty club)
Papi,
For many years I used to panic over what she was going to say when she ordered her drink. Over the past 10 years, I've made this a non-issue by taking complete control over the drink order. She doesn't get to say shit to the waitress, unless it's to answer the question of what she wants as her back. What I do:
1. Ask her what she wants, before the waitress gets there (if we'll be ordering from the waitress). Often, I'll start constraining her choices right there: We're doing shots, what do you like, vodka or tequila? I'll give her a little wiggle room, but not much. She asks for Kettle1, I tell her "I can buy $20 shots and only do 1 VIP with you today, or buy cheap shots and do 2 or 3 VIPs", and that conversation is now over.
2. Go to the bar and order her drink for her, if I'm ordering at the bar. Same if it's a waitress: I order both of our drinks, very specifically mentioning "well shots" or "Svedka and soda" or some other less-expensive alcohol.
If the waitress gets to us before I've had a chance to have "the talk" with her, I'll tell the waitress to come back in a few minutes, or in my home club where I"m most comfortable, I'll have that discussion with the waitress right there (the waitresses all know I'm a cheap fuck when it comes to drinks anyway).
In short, caveat emptor, if you didn't take control of the order, there's an extent to which I think you're reaping what you've sewn.
discussion comment
7 years ago
0% chance anyone is leaving LOL
discussion comment
7 years ago
-->"if I do enjoy their time w/ me I don't have an issue buying them a drink(s) or tipping them if I don't decide to get dances from them - but tipping or buying drinks just b/c she asks/approaches, "hell to the PL no"."
Papi and I have different styles in the club, but overall, I agree with this. No tipping or drinks as a "reward" for her coming over uninvited to hustle me, no exceptions. If she sits with me a long time, because I wanted her to (or I didn't indicate to her I wasn't buying dances, which I'll always do once I"ve made up my mind), I'll compensate her in some way I think is fair, buying dances, a tip, etc.
discussion comment
7 years ago
Following my usual M.O.:
- Just say what you want, don't be intimidated by the girls
- Be fair and have some basic empathy for the girls
By the time a stripper has been at my table for a minute or two, I'll pretty much know if I'm definitely not getting dances from her. And if that's the case, I just tell her. She does NOT get a tip just for coming by uninvited and hustling me for 2 minutes. But, I do think I owe it to her to let her know I"m not doing dances (if I like her company, I may tell her that I"m not doing dances with her, but would be happy to buy her a drink if she'd like to hang out). ***Thus endeth any obligations I have towards her. If she chooses to sit there and keep selling me anyway despite my clear statement that I'm not buying dances from her, that's on her. ***
If I'm not sure whether or not I'd like to do dances with her, and after those first few minutes I do not give her the "I'm not doing dances, thanks anyway", I feel that's on me. There's no universal "etiquette" on this, it's just the way I personally feel is fair to both of us, and a different person might come to other conclusions. If, 20 minutes later I finally decide I'm not doing dances with her, I'll give her a small tip and send her on her way.
In any case, I'll always buy a drink for a girl who is sitting with me for a long time.
In short, once I know I'm not doing dances with her, I use my words. Once I do that, I have no obligations towards her. Until I do that, I'm mindful of her time ... first few minutes of initial hustle is on her, but if I let her sit there for 30 minutes without clearly communicating to her that I don't want a dance, I owe her a little something.