Sugar Daddies and Jealousy

i knew that was coming. lol believe it or not i actually know more than one current or former dancer. no, i was chatting with another girl earlier tonight, and she mentioned something that reminded me that things that I take for granted others probably don't. anyway, i don't usually ask direct questions. i ask indirect questions because i find i get better results that way.

I've never gotten jealous about an SA girl or ATF OTC girl having a boyfriend. In the case of some of those girls, they were so hot, and so wild, that I convinced myself that her having a boyfriend was a good thing -- otherwise, she might be fucking different guys every weekend, and for safety reason I preferred she fuck as few guys as possible (her bf, me, and any other customers, at most). The main drag is that the bf can get in the way of setting up dates

also, you may have forgotten, but i did say she had a boyfriend. i've met her boyfriend, she's met my girlfriend, there are no secrets there

le sigh, this is why we can't have nice discussions... actually, now that i think about it, you've answered my question after all

okay, fine, if i ever go the sugar baby route, i'll make sure she signs a contract stating no outside fucking allowed. happy now? i'll write a chastity belt into the contract...

You're worried about her having a boyfriend?

Q. What does a sugar baby say after having sex with you?
A. "Next!"

Boyfriend, no go for me !!!
Hubby, as long as I get all I want from her....No deal breaker until she doesn't know her priority.
Lies to me about either......she hits the bricks !!!!

I ask, why I don't know. I'm presuming they're lying anyway but I do ask.

You can't expect a college girl in her prime to be committed to some SD decades older. It's don't ask, don't tell and vanilla BFs are fine. I would prefer that she does not have other SDs -- but impossible to enforce. So why worry about it?

I don’t ask. I have a few otc girls - and I’m not a SD. I understand our relationship is only otc sex - and I prefer to leave our personal lives out of the discussion. Small talk is good - but intimate details - and relationships aren’t discussed.

I've been using the site for over five years now. With one notable exception I never asked nor did I care.

But.......there are reasons to know and to care, not the least if the dude is jealous and he knows about you. Or the level of attachment and expectation the girl has of you.

Agree with Warrenboy... if it's something that can affect 1. my safety, 2. her ability to schedule meetings with me and/or receive text messages, it's worth knowing, and whether she has a boyfriend solidly hits both points. I neither have a need to pry into her personal life, nor try to prove I'm above it all by pretending she might not have outside relationships. I'm up front about where I am, and a simple "Do you have a bf? I don't care at all, but do want to know if I need to be sensitive about where and how I text you, whether we'll have to schedule around your time with him, etc." It's just a good thing to know, particularly if she's hiding this from him.

In general I greatly prefer my OTC girls to be unattached. Besides not wanting to support *two* people's drug habits, there is the safety issue. When I figured out that the "brother" who dropped OTC girl #2 off at my hotel was actually her husband (!), we were done.

The exception was OTC girl #3, my ATF, who acquired a boyfriend after we had seen each other several times. By then I was hooked! He was on home detention, so safety wasn't an issue.

@WarrenBoy75 - Could you explain level of attachment and expectation?

My OTC was unique, every time she got in a fight with her boyfriend she would come stay with me. Never asked for money. He followed her to my place once and confronted me me but I knew he was on probation and if he fucked with me I would have him back in jail and she would move in with me full time. Never bothered me again

Good point warrenboy. I’ve never had an issue with a dancers jealous bf. I’m sure it happens often, and I will think about it in the future.

cash: besides general safety, here are some incredibly easy conversations I've had with my ATATF, because we're both open about our love lives.

Her: I'm going on vacation with my boyfriend, please don't text me for the next 4 days, I'll text you when I'm back.
Me: Okay

Me: I'll be on a date tonight, you can text me but my notifications are off. Talk to you tomorrow.
Her: Okay

Me: (following her directions that when I get to her house, park a block away and text her) I'm here
Her: My bf got a late start, he's still here, I'll text you in about 15 minutes when he's gone, then you can pick me up and we'll go to dinner
Me: Okay

Me: I've always wanted to go to Fogo de Chao, let's go there
Her: I'd love to, but this is a small town and lots of my friends go there, and if I'm seen with you there it will get back to my boyfriend
Me: Okay, let's head over to Krung Thai and eat there instead


Those are all paraphrases of actual conversations. The nice thing about not hiding any of this is that we don't have to bend over backwards to make up weird lies and cover stories about why we can't do X or Y. I can't, I'm on a date, don't text me, etc. It just makes things so much easier, and it's just somehow refreshing that everything is in the open.

... It's also a pretty good gut-check on where you are emotionally and whether you're really feeling any jealousy or not.

anonlvone4 Hours Ago
@WarrenBoy75 - Could you explain level of attachment and expectation?

I recently ended a long running off and on saga with a girl I met on SA who after we met became a stripper. I need to watch what I say on here because I have a feeling a few people "could" have a good idea of who I mean since where she danced and her M.O are somewhat unique. Whenever she had a real boyfriend although she considered me her boyfriend as well I could tell. Things were never quite right--call it spidey sense or whatever you want to call it I knew and it threw everything off.

Finally after about the third time of this happening and me leaving, her chasing after me to come back, I did make it part of the arrangement --it might seem unfair but the difference another guy caused and the issues it raised were far beyond what I ever thought they should. So I'm not sure I would call it jealousy but I would say for a lot of reasons I preferred she didn't see anyone else--which of course caused a different set of issues.

The jealousy although she would deny it came more from her--the expectations from me. ( I'll own it)

And yes, I am glossing over a lot of the details but it's the type of story guys only discuss in a bar--drinking a good glass of something with a smooth kick.

@Warrenboy75 You need to get the fact that these girls are extremely manipulative I had a GF that told me after she started stripping after my warning that I don’t share well that I was trying to control her with my money my reply was simple I love strippers but my GF is not going to be a stripper and my GF at the same time needless to say there was a lot of drama but I ended it

-->"Obviously you're into this girl. Obviously you haven't been with her yet. Obviously you're conflicted both about having to pay for it and about the fact that she's got a boyfriend who doesn't have to pay for it. And she's 19. So ask yourself this, when was the last time you were with a 19 year old? And when do you next envision yourself being with a 19 year old?"

You two have some inside argument going on that the rest of us don't quite understand, but I'll say that that sort of feeling -- being resentful that you have to pay, but her 19 year old boyfriend does not -- is purely toxic. Best to find ways to move past those feelings... and again, for me, one of the positive things that open discussion of our love lives with my ATATF has done, is basically put things all out in the open... no dontask/donttell or other techniques that basically just hide what your relationship with her is. Anyway, that's what turned out to work best for me -- that, an spending more time enjoying my interactions with her, than being envious about others' interactions with her.

twentyfive I agree. And although I met this girl before she started stripping I never lost sight of the fact she had the right attitude to be one, except she never could make a go of it for some reason. ( and looks and body are not the reasons)

The majority of the time we were together she was not an active stripper and although there are a lot of things and times I realized she wasn't straight with me I would say this is one of the few things I believed for the same reason I knew when another guy was in the mixture.

I haven't spoke to her for the better part of two months now although she has reached out to me a few times--I've gone no contact and it would take something monumental for me to ever consider going back again.

I ended it because of the drama and because of her dishonesty.

From what I know she moved cross country and I suspect will be dancing again if she isn't already.

I don't care and never have. I don't go to strip clubs looking for a future ex, so her relationship status is meaningless to me. Once she leaves my hotel room, I don't care who or what she spends the money on. I pay her for entertainment and sex and as soon as my fun is over, her obligation to me is fulfilled.

There are a lot of you who probe on that topic and who force these girls to lie, because of course almost sll of them have SOs. Seriously now, how many young hot women with emotional issues, often including co-dependency stemming from abandonment or neglect, do you think stay alone for very long? Duh.

But fear not guys, I'm not going to call you pathetic morons for needing to believe that these girls are single, but rather I'm just going to say thank you. Because between this shit, the need to probe them over how they are going to spend their money, and the other mix of whiny, needy and judgmental stuff guys like you often bring to the table, you make what I do a breeze. So again, thank you and keep up the good work. ;)

Now my one exception is the married girl who parades her status, because these types are often doing so for specific reasons that don't bode well for a monger. But otherwise, married or single is all the same to me.

And I'll add I agree with Subraman 100%. With every girl I met on SA I strived for the type of open discussion he references. Most times I had it and the reason for moving on had more to do with changes to life styles or mutual understanding we just didn't click--no bad leftover baggage.

This last one is the oddity. But after sitting out the holidays and giving it some thought I am back on the site meeting women again.

Absolutely not. In fact the girls I have been with I encourage them not to change her life while she is seeing me. Its not really cool to expect her to not seeing anyone else unless I suppose she becomes your girlfriend (kind of a big difference). Another thing is I dont want her falling for me and thinking this is going somewhere which is a risk (especially for an inexperienced SB).

Why is this soo different than a dancer or any other p2p experience?

Now if there is some kind of risk she is exposing you to danger by a stalking bf then thats another matter. But again not much different than a stripper.

i've been pleasantly surprised at the number of people who have made some really good comments here, I want to especially acknowledge rickdugan, for pointing out why it's unlikely these pretty young things would ever be alone for long, and subraman for realizing that their having a bf might actually be a good thing, and like warrenboy says, your spidey sense will often tell you when that's the case just because planning things suddenly becomes complicated and there's no obvious reason why

and in response to taxi driver, i don't have the option of hitting it and quitting it. you're forgetting i've known her for a year and a half going on two years now, i also still haven't gotten to the point where i'm willing to pay for OTC, nor do i think it's necessary in this case. i think it's far more likely what will eventually happen is that i'll end up having "really amazing angry passionate esoteric fulfilling" sex with her partly because she's happy with me and partly because she's unhappy with him. but that probably won't be for awhile. like several people have stated, including yourself, i prefer to keep my relationships simple and i don't have any desire to get into the middle of a situation with her and her current boyfriend

"i think it's far more likely what will eventually happen is that...

...she'll find that I'm a fucking nutcase that spews wild conspiracy theories and leave in fear."
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FTFY, @Analvone.

@random nonsense - we all know that strippers are just ordinary girls with conventional ideas who like vanilla sex with accountants, right? if i was half as stupid as you seem to be i'd be too ashamed to ever post on this board again.

"strippers are just ordinary girls"
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No, most often desperate girls from dysfunctional families who fail to understand that you're fucking psychotic. But please continue to brag about dating strippers.

Subraman - those are useful examples. It’s smart to be “on the same page” as it makes those texts easier and more direct.

I’m very low key, and I’m not jealous, so I’m fine if a dancer tells me she’s got a bf - or if she can’t meet otc because of her bf situation.

@Random Loser - desperate girls from dysfunctional families who you're happy to exploit both ITC and OTC, that makes you a stud right random loser? But someone like me who refuses to exploit these girls, I'm the one who's doing it wrong? How much of a loser do you have to be that you have nothing better to do than troll strangers on a forum? And how much of a loser do you have to be that you don't have the slightest idea what these girls really think and say about faggots like you?

^^^Wow self aware much. LOL

@Analvone: "desperate girls from dysfunctional families who you're happy to exploit both ITC and OTC, that makes you a stud right random loser?"
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Exploiting girls from dysfunctional families? Are you sure you're not talking to @Dugan?

Anyway, @Analvone, you're missing the whole point: *Any* girl who stays with you would have to be dumb as a fucking brick to put up with your nutty conspiracy theories
and gibberish. She's far more likely to be a 19-yr-old stripper than a ivy-league college girl. Right?

LOL!

an ivy-league*