No matter how many girls I sleep with, how many strip clubs I got to, the truth is and I'll have to just accept, is that I'll never truly top the legendary Rick Dugan. Your work your whole life to try to be somebody but at the end I'm just the knock off brand. The stunt double. Splenda. Pepsi, in fact, Diet Pepsi. Burger King. Greg Norman. Dan Marino.
My white suit is always sort of off white when you look at up close. Almost Egg white dare I say. When I bust down a door into a room and start break dancing there's always one lady who's just not that impressed with the whole thing. (Rick Dugan, always unanimous, always) When I strut down the street to the bee gees, I'm usually slightly out of step.
I'll go to my grave knowing that I'll just never be Rick Dugan. I always wanted to bitches flock to me whenever I step in room, 😿 sniff, excuse me...I'm sorry....sorry everyone.... it always my dream. But just know....just know that I gave it my all.


Muddy ape, if you think you’re qualified to be the dugan’s stunt double you’re sorely mistaken.
Lemme tell you somethin’ muddy ape. There is a reason why there is no muddy the lion. No self-respecting lion would ever call himself muddy. Muddy just ain’t cool enough to be a lion name.
You know what name is cool enough for the coolest lion? That’s right…rick! As the coolest lion on the planet - and therefore the coolest non-barnacle organism - yours truly gets to go by rick. Since the dugan is the coolest hairless ape on the planet he goes by rick as well. See how that works?