tuscl

Is Couples Counseling a Trap?

WILLYSGOTAWOMAN
New Jersey
Wednesday, August 18, 2021 3:03 PM
Has anyone ever been in a couples counseling? Did it go well or do you regret going?

33 comments

  • Cashman1234
    3 years ago
    It depends on what led you to the counseling sessions. It can be healthy - and it can help. But, it is a challenge as a guy, as it may require you to confront different emotions. Remember, when a woman says “You can tell me anything” - it’s a trap. Don’t mention that you want to taste the ass of a sexy Brazilian dancer who you’ve been seeing OTC recently. Don’t open up about your newly discovered enjoyment of rough sex and fist fucking. It’s not easy. After I went, I still got divorced. I tried a therapist - and that was a waste too. The first thing the guy said was “I don’t understand why guys go to strip clubs. The plastic tits and tight bodies do nothing for me.” I was thinking this guy isn’t on the same page as my perverted mind.
  • herbtcat
    3 years ago
    Why would I allow someone to charge me money so they can tell me I'm the asshole in the relationship. She will do that - continuously - for free! :p
  • CJKent_band
    3 years ago
    @WILLYSGOTAWOMAN I will play along and answer your questions: Q: Is Couples Counseling a Trap? A: Yes, It is a Trap, their main goal is maximizing income and minimizing overhead. Q: Has anyone ever been in a couples counseling? Did it go well or do you regret going? A: I would guess that a small percentage of TUSCL members have fallen into the Couples Counseling Trap and most would regret it, because the difference in values and most counselors have no business giving relationship advice. Most purveyors of marriage advice have no business giving relationship advice, but make a profit of their business counseling...and of course they have their own baggage... Remember a business is stablished for profit and the “counselor” will want to see you as long as possible to maximize his/her profit... Marriage counseling is going to hurt—your wallet....
  • shailynn
    3 years ago
    Hahaha CJKent is giving his take on couples therapy. I think you have to be in a relationship first to be able to comment on this which clearly you never have been.
  • Icee Loco (asshole)
    3 years ago
    Therapy in general is a trap.
  • gSteph
    3 years ago
    Is the therapist a babe? If not, and you can pay attention, you might learn something. Why you asking?
  • drewcareypnw
    3 years ago
    I did it, and it saved my marriage of 20 years. It created a space where neither of us would try our usual bullshit, because there was another person there who wouldn't buy it. We also were able to talk at length through a lot of shit in session that would have just blown up into a fight 30 seconds in if there wasn't an impartial 3rd person there. We both made concessions, though she had to make a lot more than me. Therapy did not get me any more sex from the waning libido of Mrs Carey, that particular part can't get talked to a better spot, and was basically a waste of time. If you are a Neanderthal and can't express yourself, live life on the basis of "ain't nobody gonna tell me nothin", or think that counseling is "a bunch of faggoty bullshit", you should save your money and get the divorce. If you've never had a relationship that didn't involve a VIP area, I don't know why you are posting in this thread! HAHAHA
  • drewcareypnw
    3 years ago
    ...and per @Cashman1234, of course, just because you are in counseling, that doesn't mean that you should start sharing shit that is going to irreparably ruin the relationship. E.g. sexy OTC Brazilians, etc. Counseling is a tool to get people who love each other to communicate, not a confessional!
  • ilbbaicnl
    3 years ago
    Only if the counselor has a gun and you don't. The couple has to work out some compromises, nobody can do that for them. Counseling is just something to try, to see if it helps. No reason to hate on the counselor, if they don't help, stop going. It's like eating at restaurant the first time, and you find you don't like the food. Unless the food actually makes you physically sick, you don't hate on the restaurant, you just don't go back. Usually people who hate couples counselors are domineering/abusive. If your spouse thinks the counselor's opinions are valid, and you don't, you just have to break up. You only hate on the counselor if you feel like you own your spouse, they are required to do what you want.
  • shailynn
    3 years ago
    I’ve always said successful relationships are all about compromise whether personal or business. I was about to go into counseling and then my wife and I had an apiffany due to me doing some bad shit and her realizing her behavior led me to said bad shit. So thankful we worked that out.
  • Mate27
    3 years ago
    Not judging anyone who has been cheating on their spouse, because if I had the time, $$, and inclination I probably would, too. My mind goes there all the time, yet thankfully I have no guilt other than the occasional strip club visit. My question is, did couples therapy ever lead to a more monogamous relationship ship with your wife/SO? Maybe I’m too sheltered to believe you can’t be in a happy relationship if your sharing your efforts with other women. Again, no judgement here in just curious. You know how many times a day I want to tell my wife to go fuck off? I refrain for the better of the relationship, because there’s still more good in it than those annoying moments that are inevitable each day you live life. I think a person has to believe happiness is a choice, and their partner needs to have similar views as their partner. TLDR?? Sometimes you got to grow up and get over yourself.
  • WILLYSGOTAWOMAN
    3 years ago
    I think avoiding intercourse is manageable. I'm not sure if complete pure monogamy is
  • ilbbaicnl
    3 years ago
    Supposedly strippers ruin marriages. But lots of marriages work in every way but sexual, and strippers save those marriages.
  • JamesSD
    3 years ago
    Couples counseling can work in some scenarios. One is helping a couple dissolve a failing marriage amicably. Sometimes killing the marriage is the best outcome, but talking through why it failed can help the parties hate each other less. People can grow apart and change and neither be "wrong". Counseling also can help some couples work through other issues, but this is also where most counselors have their own biases. Non monogamy can be an answer to mismatched libidos but a lot of counselors won't suggest that path. On a final note good therapists are rare. I've been to four therapists on my own in my life. One was good but we had a specific goal (dealing with the grief of my father dying when I was in my 20s). The rest have been between mediocre and bad. A friend of mine had the worst therapist who clearly was stringing him along to keep getting paid rather than helping. It's worth a shot to try a session.
  • san_jose_guy
    3 years ago
    I have been through two complete courses of Marriage Counseling. It did not work, it always turned into a session of intense rage from my wife, which would go on for 3 days. The first marriage counselor was not properly licensed and she was just trying to show of in how she could solve other people's problems. She had no such ability, she was aggravating great danger. The second marriage councilor was much better. But finally as the rage was still building, she insisted on seeing us separately. Then after seeing my wife, she did the only responsible thing anyone could, she refused to see us anymore. What I did not do, but should have done, was to have a divorce lawyer ready. I was not ready to do that. And I should have sued that first marriage councilor, she was creating unreasonable danger, just to try and show off. She did not understand what she was dealing with. So yes, if you need a marriage counselor, you may well be needing a divorce lawyer. So as negative as it was, I must say that without at least attempting marriage counseling and seeing it fail, I don't think I could have brought myself to invoke the final solution of separation and divorce. And even today many years later, I still cite those failed attempts at marriage counseling as the justification for imposing separation and divorce. So yes, marriage counseling might have a low yield, but it seem like it is only responsible to try it. But then you also have to be ready with the next option. SJG Humble Pie - I Don't Need No Doctor (Live LA Forum 1973) [view link]
  • nicespice
    3 years ago
    I should find the thread, but I believe Willy was the one who wanted recognition for not ever slapping his wife? I guess just be careful of talk like that because if a therapist suspects there can be immediate harm to either the self or others, he/she is legally obligated to report. 🤷🏻‍♀️
  • san_jose_guy
    3 years ago
    I don't go along with psychotherapy. But couples therapy I think is good, because it can achieve some good. Seems like you need to at least try before dissolving a marriage. But no, you cannot violate laws, like domestic violence or abuse, not ever. SJG
  • Call.Me.Ishmael
    3 years ago
    Here's the thread nicespice referred to: [view link] The outcome of couples therapy depends on the couple and the therapist they choose. So, whether or not it's a "trap" or any sort of bad experience is going to be largely up to you as a couple. But, if you're a guy who wants a extra credit or a star on his forehead for not hitting his wife, then the therapist has their work cut out for them...
  • WILLYSGOTAWOMAN
    3 years ago
    I never asked for credit for not hitting my wife.
  • Call.Me.Ishmael
    3 years ago
    Well, I guess everyone can go read what you posted to that thread and decide for themselves.
  • shailynn
    3 years ago
    Two things I learned today: 1. There is marriage counseling for people and goats. 2. I didn't realize someone could get divorced from a goat.
  • Uprightcitizen
    3 years ago
    Willy Nice is pinging you on the old no-win therapy question of "Have stopped beating your wife?"
  • Uprightcitizen
    3 years ago
    Have you...
  • ilbbaicnl
    3 years ago
    If I made a list of the people I feel I deserve credit for not slapping, it would be longer than an SJG post.
  • ilbbaicnl
    3 years ago
    Somebody should report nicespice for using a boobatar that risks making us go blind from staring so much.
  • drewcareypnw
    3 years ago
    “Non monogamy can be an answer to mismatched libidos but a lot of counselors won't suggest that path.” @jamessd… I’ve had two counselors in the last 10 years, and both suggested non monogamy. I passed both times. Having done it for 15 years, I have strong options about the practice, and have come to the conclusion that it’s not for me. Secret Wednesday night hjs from strippers? Hell yes. Getting ready for date night with girl #2 while Mrs Carey contemplates a night at home with the kids? Not worth it.
  • san_jose_guy
    3 years ago
    If you have reached the point that you need Marriage Counseling, then you are probably at the point where you will also need a Divorce Lawyer. And I don't think Marriage Counseling is likely to work. But as divorce is such a big step, I think you owe it to both yourself and your partner to give Marriage Counseling a try. Then if you do need to divorce, you can do it with a cleaner conscience. SJG
  • san_jose_guy
    3 years ago
    Lloyd, you have Ignore and you have Thread Ignore, so you don't have to see anything you don't want to see. SJG
  • Mate27
    3 years ago
    Couple counseling needs to be done prior to getting married, and proactively as life continues because circumstances always change. If people aren’t accustomed to communicating when needs change, they’ll be stuck in the past and unable to grow. Speaking of being stuck in the past, it looks like SJG is still stuck in the 1970’s cult scene where free love and communal living was an idealistic notion. We all know how much BS that was when Ashbury/Haight went down in the Bay Area. Somehow I think SJG’s wants to be a black panther. He’s inconsolable, playing the chumps game trying to start his own organization, which still sits at one person (himself). What a loser!
  • san_jose_guy
    3 years ago
    Black Panther, you've got it! SJG
  • san_jose_guy
    3 years ago
    James Brown there was a time 1968 [view link] SJG
  • WILLYSGOTAWOMAN
    3 years ago
    It went well. I took the advice that this is not a confessional
  • san_jose_guy
    3 years ago
    Not to cast aspersions, but has anything really changed? SJG Viva Maria Soundtrack [view link]
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