Ghosting - WTF???
azdd
On the prowl in Tucson and Phoenix
I’ve just about had it with dancers that are great in the club, and tell you to text them anytime. You get the number, promise yourself to not be a pest or a dick, and you eventually reach out with a clever text to say hello and maybe start a nice little convo. Then....crickets. Nothing. Even more annoying, you get a response a few days later, which you immediately respond to, and again.....crickets. You resist texting again cuz it looks desperate. This behavior is becoming more and more common. WTF?
67 comments
"to you they're like a special person, but to them you're 1/100th of their work shift."
They already think you're desperate because you're in the hobby to begin with. Even the dancers who like you. Until they know enough to think differently, you're just a customer who may or may not have enough money to rate their time. We all are.
Don't worry about it and just write again if you're really trying to link up with the dancer. If you're a new customer for them, you may need to show your face another time if she's local. Sometimes it's just to get another transaction under your belt, and sometimes it's because they forgot who you are. A busy club means you could be one of dozens she noticed enough to work a lead on.
For me if it's a dancer I might want to know better who just gave a number, I'll write them a quick message with a name and something random about the visit. Also helps me remember who they were.
"have a good day" or "hey beautiful i want to suck your tits" will get no response. "i just got paid and want a lap dance from you. When are you working" will get a response.
Now grasshopper try this again the right way.
This is a business relationship, not a personal one. It might seem personal to you, after you’ve had you dick in her mouth. To her, it’s business.
When you message her saying “What’s up Sugar Tits?”, she’s thinking “Do I need anything from AZDD?” If that answer is no - there’s no need for her to reply.
If she’s in the club, and it’s just her and a few crickets, that’s when you might get a reply. But, remember, you are on a list of horny old perverts, and you might not be at the top. There might few a few whales at the top, and then there’s a huge drop down to the regular perverts.
Don’t take it personally - it’s business.
Besides, why were you texting her anyway? IME most of these girls are more likely to respond to a text if they have specific reasons to do so, like a follow-up to a planned activity or you're trying to figure out when to visit a club. Many girls countless texts from needy guys who think they're being clever and just want attention and IMHO very few of these girls want to deal with that in their free time.
When I text a girl out of the blue, which is rare since I usually either wait for them to initiate or lay the groundwork ITC before texting, it has a purpose and it's brief. Either she responds or she doesn't and if not, I forget her and move on.
I hope it doesn’t sound like I’m throwing shade. I guess just a good lesson that some things are pretty universal, whether a “newbie” or not
Were you doing that when you were in middle school?
dude you signed up on this site the year 2005. that means you've been been at the hobby for a pretty long time. by now you should be be able to better handle that bullshit than posting here and complaining. here's some advice in dealing with the experience of feeling like shit after such a disappointment if you want:
be prepared in advance: fully expect her to not respond. that way when she doesn't your reaction is simply say "figures" and just move on to another girl that you may have been targeting for some time. the feeling of disappointment won't sting as much.
if she does reply then hey you get to enjoy that rare holy shit moment, "wow, she actually texted back. yay."
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hi
Wanna fuck?
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
That’s usually just the 1st day but wait until you get till 17th day oh boy does it start to get even more exciting.
From now on I only communicate with strippers through smoke signals if it’s not face to face at the club.
In 30 days she'll have lost that phone and gotten a new number. I don't know what these girls do to their phones ...
"Guess whose got a bunch of extra fun money because he just...
(A) Closed a big deal?
(B) Got a bonus?
(C) Won big at the casino?
(D) [You get the idea]
Are you around to help me with the 'fun' part of fun money?"
And if you're trying to be more clever than that, then you're wasting your time. And if she doesn't reply, then either she's already helping some other guys blow through his fun money, or she doesn't check her burner phone. Which is why you should have more than one stripper phone number.
Like most people, most of these girls don't wanna "deal w/ work when not on the clock" - many of these girls likely can't stand being in the club or just tolerate it and thus less-so dealing w/ PLs when not in the club.
Then factor in the flakiness of strippers and your have a formula for ghosting.
When I was mongering I had plenty of DS and BGs try to contact me to visit them, claiming they lost their phones, deleted their contacts, reset thiet WhatsApp, and host of many more reasons for losing touch.
It happens, no big loss because the one great thing about this hobby (lifestyle) is there are plenty of girls willing to take your money.
In most cases I don't even have to even ask,
I often get texts like the following, during the week.
"Hey, baby, you coming in this weekend?"
or
"Letting you know, I am not going to be working this weekend."
Then when she's working.
"Hey, baby. It's boring here. Are you coming in?"
"I miss you."
"I am horny, lets have some fun."
And intermixed during both times stuff like.
"I have a new outfit I would like to show you."
"I learned a new dance move."
I know for a fact who the stripper is to whom he is referring, and this woman, aside from being one of the hottest strippers in this or any other town, is also apparently a supremely gifted actress. I went back and forth with the same gal for months, with incredible promises inside the club, followed by breathless texts of "I can't wait to see you, what time are we meeting" followed by complete ghosting. Lather, rinse, repeat. No that COVID is, for all intents and purposes, over, I stopped my pursuit of her and am enjoying the target rich environment of freshly re-opened clubs and the dancers there-in, none of whom are nearly as vexing as this one.
The real question is, what is her end game? She gives INCREDIBLE lap dances--I mean, complete GFE, and as much 2-way contact as you can do in a club. No matter how much she pisses me off outside, if she is working, I will gladly hand over a ton of cash to partake in her dances. So there's no reason to dangle a carrot because she's gonna get my money (and azdd's) regardless, and she knows it. Just say, "I don't see customers outside the club" and be rid of this situation. It makes no sense, which is why she is a dancer, I guess.
Chili Palmer offers useful background as well. His description of the ghosting dancer provides insight to fill in some gaps. Based on his description - the dancer is all about ITC experiences - and making the customers feel like kings inside the club. She will lead guys on a bit when ITC - so they aren’t disappointed. She’s not going to say no to anything ITC, and guys love it. Her energy is focused on the complete ITC GFE - and she’s great at it.
Maybe it’s best to just leave it at that? I doubt guys will change her.
For a long time member - isn’t there a saying about not confusing experiences inside the club with what might happen outside the club?
As double-D ape, you sound like that Wile E. Coyote fellow from the documentaries when something goes wrong with his Acme products. I mean really, why doesn’t that damn coyote just buy his rocket bike from another company? As a rick I suggest that he chase that asshole roadrunner in a frickin’ Tesla.
If that roadrunner fucked with me I’d whip out my drivin’ whiskey and go after him full speed ahead. And when my Tesla took him out I’d be all “fuck you wildebeest woooo!”
Anyhoo, to return to the original topic my advice is listen tot he dugan and check whether you are using an Acme phone to text her. If you are using an Acme phone your texts may not be getting through. Hope this helps. ROAR!!!
Do dancers owe not even the basic human decency to answer a text? I think it's reasonable to interpret giving out a phone number as a willingness to communicate. Of course I don't mean if it reaches the level of nagging, but if it's just once in a while (I don't know, 1/week max maybe?) then yeah I think it's just basic human decency to answer.
Or is ghosting the actual answer? Is it one of those passive-aggressive "signals" we're supposed to understand to mean "go away and don't text me again until I text you"?
I have no doubt that azdd is all that and a bag of chips, which if anything makes his initial post even more surprising. I don't mean any offense to him, but he should be seasoned enough by now to know that this stuff comes with the turf and to handle it with equanimity.
In fact, if anything, how she behaves ITC when offering it up should have been an even bigger warning sign that she's just running a stringalong hustle. In the countless times I've done this dance over the years, almost every girl who was seriously considering (or making) an OTC offer went through a sudden demeanor change from the chirpy ITC fun gal to quieter and more matter of fact. Conversely, the ones that are overselling it with passion are almost always making empty offers that will never come to fruition.
Don't get me wrong, it doesn't cost anything but a few seconds to to shoot a gal a quick follow-up text the next day and sometimes I am surprised by a girl who I did not expect to respond. But IME the probability that any girl who went over the top selling it ITC will actually respond is very low, while it is much higher with the quieter and seemingly more serious ones. So I have no expectations with the hustle-ish gals and if one actually comes through then it's a bonus.
Anyway just my two cents fwiw.
No they do not. Nobody is obligated to interact with someone who he/she does not wish to, whether it's by text or any other means. Any feeling to the contrary by someone who tries to initiate the interaction is the ultimate form of self entitlement.
Well we disagree on that. If you open the door by giving someone your number, then decide you don't want to talk after all, then in my opinion you need to SAY SO, not ghost. I find your characterization as "the ultimate form of self entitlement" to be outrageously hyperbolic. Really, the ultimate? There is nothing worse in your mind?
Yes, the ultimate. There are few things as precious as one's emotional energy. When one feels entitled to a girl's attention just because she gave him a phone number, it's barely a half step above that guy who thinks that he's entitled to approach people in public or on the subway (by way of two examples) and then gets mad when they don't want to talk to him.
For strippers, many of whom already expend a ton of emotional energy just dealing with us ITC, this is even more true. I'm not going to blame a girl for not wanting to engage with customers off the clock if she doesn't want to, especially since all too often we contact them because we ultimately want to get in their pants.
But to be clear, my harsh judgment wasn't directed at the OP, but rather at one guy who framed his view of a dancer's obligation to give him attention as a matter of "basic human decency." Seriously now.
Also to be clear, I don't hold any grudges against dancers who work part time or don't approach me - I simply said that I use these issues as a screening filter. And DISCOUNT OTC? I'll have you know that I pay full freight for my fun. 😉
Pretty-much what I think – many of these girls have S.O.s (husbands; BFs) and/or kids they have to tend to in their off-time, or w/e other obligations or problems they may have IRL – may not apply to all dancers but a good # - as I’ve posted in the past, PLs and dancers have different needs and motivations w.r.t. SCing (obviously) – for a PL it’s all about fun and entertainment; for dancers it’s work and like most people they may not like their job and/or just tolerate it (of course there are exceptions) – most dancers deal w/ most PL$ b/c they have to, not b/c they want to (harsh but probably the truth in most cases) – so it should be obvious that most would not want to deal w/ PLs during non-working-hours and PLs should understand this – I’m sure it’s not uncommon for PLs to blow-off dancers contacting him when he doesn’t wanna be contacted.
Strip-club-world being bizarro-world means there are a lot of “unwritten rules” one leanrs w/ experience as a PL – the reality is that dancers can’t afford to be in the habit of saying no and saying no it’s often not good for busine$$ – and this is why many dancers may not say no to communicating OTC when they rather not b/c they are afraid of saying no and hurting the PL’s ego to where he may not wanna deal w/ her going-forward (this does not apply to all PLs but def many if not most).
Sometimes OTC takes a lot of planning. Being ghosted at that step would be an agitation.
OP was simply trying to close a business deal not looking casual banter.
Jeez.
"My texts are fairly simple. "Hi, going to be in this weekend?" And I usually get an answer back in 30 minutes.
In most cases I don't even have to even ask,
I often get texts like the following, during the week.
"Hey, baby, you coming in this weekend?"
or
"Letting you know, I am not going to be working this weekend."
Then when she's working.
"Hey, baby. It's boring here. Are you coming in?"
"I miss you."
"I am horny, lets have some fun."
And intermixed during both times stuff like.
"I have a new outfit I would like to show you."
"I learned a new dance move."
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all of these can be sent mass text and often are. if the text doesn't read "hi PL-NAME", when are you coming in?, assume it's a mass text she's sending to find out who will respond.
I always send a short message right after leaving the club so that she knows that's my number. I'll usually get a response either quickly, or soon after the club closes that night. (no response, forget about her).
Anyone who has been doing this as long as he has should understand the unreliable nature of dancers by now. Getting agitated about it is a pointless waste of emotional energy.
For this reason, even when I have a confirmed OTC outing, I don't start driving until I have same day confirmation. I also never prepay anything anymore unless I have history with the gal and always have a backup plan, even if it's just clubbing instead of an OTC outing. I suspect that many others here do the same.