Regretting the truth

I've been somewhat truthful most of the time. There was one dancer I went out with a few times and never gave her my full name or phone number. When I decided to break things off with her (forget why), I knew she wasn't going to be calling me up. She probably could have found me if she hunted for me in strip clubs immediately afterwards.

One dancer did know my name and phone number. She called me up multiple times. She got a bit ticked off at me one night. No good reason. Her threat to me at one point was she was going to call up all my friends and family (maybe even stop by where I worked at) and tell everyone I was seeing her. I believe I had let it slip at an earlier time that I hadn't told any of my friends or family that she was a exotic dancer. I hadn't even told anyone about her at all. She thought that was a valid threat to me. I laughed at her. I didn't know why she thought that was a threat. She looked hot. I just didn't want to give everybody I knew one more reason to talk about what I was up to. The guys at work would be asking when she was coming by again. My father would probably tell me way to go. My mother might not have approved but would have blown it off as a temporary girlfriend. No big deal.

However I never considered someone causing trouble with a SO or running for office one day. If you wait 10 years, most dancers will have forgotten you I believe. I seem to be a bit strong in some dancers memories, I'm not sure why.

I would never divulge any kind of "real" info to a stripper - I put them in the same category as escorts in that regard. I can't recall ever telling a stripper my last name, for example.

It's not her calling the office or SO that would worry me - it would be her junkie boyfriend and her robbing my house lol.

These girls, fun as they are in the club or OTC in a hotel bed, are trash, and it's wise not to forget that!

O.

I tend to be too honest sometimes. I have given out a lot of personal info to a few of my favs and ATFs. I've never really been too concerned about that, mainly because if they wanted to make trouble, I have just as much - if not more - of THEIR info that could be used against them. The exchange of that data has led to closer bonds between us, and on several occasions it has led to relationships. (of course, one never knows how real those relationships are, but they certainly seem real, which I guess is all that matters)

The danger is thinking you can trust her with your personal info when all you really know is her stripper persona. Or being too horny to take common sense precautions. That's where those horror stories come from. There's no need to make up fake stuff if you limit it to first name, hometown and occupation, as you should with any woman you've just met in a bar. If you want to pick her up, you might have to reveal more. You'll need to trust your instincts and take your chances.

My only cause for regret, and it's been minor, has been an occasional annoying or embarrassing voice mail message. I'd regret it more if I were married. I've probably been luckier than I deserve.

Actually I made one exception to my rule, and it's a case-in-point.

There used to be a girl who danced at Pink Pony in ATL (a little asian spinner) who I got to know very, very well - not "OTC" or whatever but much more friendly. Over a couple of years we hung out a lot as "buds", I knew her best friends, her brother, her parents. She was lazy and just sort of danced on and off, and after knowing her awhile I ONLY knew her outside, ie. I never went to see her dance, and so on.

Well one day she was riding with me in my car and mentioned she needed to pay a cell phone bill and would I take her by the Cingular place on the way back to her apartment. I didn't feel like it so I just had her give me the cash, and I said she could just pay it online with my Amex (she didn't have any credit cards) - now this was someone I'd been through a lot with, someone very close to me by now, so I just gave her my card number etc. so she could pay it. Needless to say, the stripper in her took over and she couldn't resist then buying a bunch of Von Dutch apparel online using my card.

Naturally I disputed the charges. I considered having her arrested - wirefraud and interstate theft would have made some nice felonies - but settled with just removing her from my contact list.

The very act of saying "hey, I'll strip for a living" indicates that a woman has zero self-esteem... and if someone doesn't respect herself, she won't respect you, either. Get a nice grind out of them and fuck them, but that's about it.

O

i am honest in the generalities, very cautious with the details

I think the movie Transformers had a line "never give your credit card to a woman". If it wasn't in that movie, it was in another. There were a couple of times when I got talked into letting a dancer I knew outside the clubs into driving my car. They liked the car I had at that time. They didn't leave my sight but letting a dancer drive your car requires some trust along with some personal information on their behalf. In hind site, I probably should have bargained some kind of deal out of it. Hopefully I won't be in that situation again. That feels like real risk taking even if you know the dancers name and you're at her house and know that she has a car that she drives ok. I don't remember how I got talked into that. Twice by two different dancers on two different occasions. I think it did 0 to 60 in about 7 or 8 seconds. I don't remember but my brother was in the car with me and he did the timing. I didn't do anything special to the car to try to improve that. I liked that car so letting an unknown driver take over seemed risky. I never did take it to a race track like someone suggested. My risk limit is over when you have to sign an insurance waiver so you're out of luck if the engine blows or any other problem.

I've always been pretty open and honest with strippers. I've never had a problem with it.

I'm pretty open and truthful with dancers, as I don't have an S.O. to worry about finding out what I do for erotic entertainment. But, for fun, I will go on a lying spree with dancers, making up all kind of BS about me, for laughs and giggles. But, I only do this in clubs I figure I'll never return to.

However, before my wife passed on, there was one time I got some "private lap dances" from a Memphis PP club dancer, in her motel suite, that she live in with her b/f. He said it was OK for her to do it. The problem was that, while he waited in the bedroom for her to finish dancing for me in the living room, she ended up giving me a BBBJ with CIM. Couple of days later, she calls me and told me she felt she guilty about it and told him about it! He was pissed. He threatened to come to where I worked and tell my S.O. I knew they were headed to Texas in a few days, so to prevent any trouble coming my way, I treated them to a free overnight stay at where we worked, while me and my S.O. would be home. I guess it worked out. That was a lesson learned and if I ever get an S.O again, will remember this incident.

Bones: Geesh, definitely a scary situation. That brings up another issue. I feel comfortable with my ATF, in that I know she isn't going to do anything crazy and get me in trouble... it's been almost a year, so track records prove that I'm pretty safe with her. However, suppose I finally convince her to take the next steps (been working on that for some time), and she gives in. Knowing the type of person that she is, I can certainly see her feeling guilty and coming clean (err...no pun intended), which could make things very ugly - potentially for me, too. I hadn't considered that as a possibility. hmmm....

As with any woman, the more intimate you get (emotionally or sexually) the greater the risk that she might do something crazy should things turn sour. The problem is that in order to get intimate, you usually have to reveal personal info that she could use to make the ugly stuff hit harder and closer to home. Trust can be a real bitch.

Chandler: I've definitely thought about the trouble that can be caused by a pissed-off, vindictive dancer, however the scenario that Bones mentioned had nothing to do with a dancer retaliating or anything like that. Things could be going along TOO good in this case, and due to guilt she 'fesses up to her SO, then all hell breaks loose. I think THAT situation is more likely to do me in, than a dancer scorned getting revenge, because I've never given my girls reason to be pissed at me - yet.

Doug, I would include 'fessing up to her SO as doing something crazy that could have ugly consequences, even if she didn't do it out of spite. Sometimes you don't have to give them a reason. Sex raises the stakes regardless.

Due to being married, I have always been very circumspect about giving personal information to dancers. For a while, I even used a different first name, which I wish I had kept doing. I turn down requests for business cards. I now realize that customers are entitled to craft their own persona, just as dancers do, and I wish that I had taken more advantage of that at my beginning of this peculiar hobby.

As far as I know, only one dancer has ever known my last name. I was having an OTC with a dancer from whom I had regular OTCs for a couple of years. In my presence, she called the front desk of the hotel, from the room in which we were staying, and asked the name of the person registered for that room. I was shocked and surprised that they told her. However, she is someone who is now trying to ease back into a "normal" life, and if worse came to worst, we are in a "mutually assured destruction" situation. Besides, for all my paranoia following that incident, I found out that she is actually a very nice girl who I truly believe has no inclination to play the "other woman."

By the way, I thought about complaining to the hotel chain about the unprofessional conduct on the part of their front-desk staff, but I realized that I would rather not write a letter starting out something along the lines of, "I am writing to complain about a recent incident that occurred when I, a married man, was using a room in your hotel to stage an adulterous incident with a young stripper."

To quote a line from one of my favorite movies, "My Father's Glory", "we are never so weak as when we are wrong."

As DougS explained, my situation was that the stripper's SO was pissed and started the threatening, due to his dancer girlfriend fessing up to her infidelity to him.

I have an unusual first name, which makes me one of only two in my town. I go with a club name closest to my real name for pronunciation purposes, as well as anonymity. I'm amazed that in an industry where the dancer's anonymity is maintained - How often they want to know your story! I've never asked a dancer for her personal info, but have discussed general family matters when the topic been raised by them. People will do strange things with peoples info in the wrong circumstance! I don't wish that on any dancer, or myself.