tuscl

Do strippers ever get emotionally invested in a customer?

Sunday, March 10, 2019 11:49 PM
I mean, I suppose they can. Anything is possible. I ask this because i assume I'll get a response like "they're human too. They have feelings and emotions like everyone else" and while that is very questionable, i think about my job and other jobs I've had where ive had regular customers, and I can not think of a single one that i care about in any form or fashion. If it's a job like anything else, how is it possible to develop an emotional connection

47 comments

  • JohnTitor
    •
    5 years ago
    Emotionally invested in customers' $$$$$$$, and that is it. Period.
  • kingcripple
    •
    5 years ago
    As i thought lol
  • JohnTitor
    •
    5 years ago
    Trust me, bro. Wish it weren't so. As you stated, it's a job. I too don't give a single fuck about the custy. I just need the paycheck & dogshit insurance offered and no drama while pretending (really well) that I do care about them. Strippers are no different in their job capacity. They offer up an illusion & fantasy (or are supposed to yet too many suck at even that lol), charge us too fucking much, and forget anything & everything about us except those Benjamins & twenties the second they pop their stripper heels & bikini tops back on.
  • Virgo62
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    5 years ago
    Besides, as many a monger can tell you, if you do have a stripper who may develop some type of feelings for you, it opens up at Pandora’s box of nightmares (drugs, poverty, kids, mental illness and more). Once again, all of these issues are mentally and financially soul sucking. It’s best to keep all of these women at arms length regardless.
  • NJBalla
    •
    5 years ago
    Yeah its all fake and its best that way. I had a few fall in love with me. One hoped to get a greencard through marriage and the other stalked me. It made for an akward time
  • Call.Me.Ishmael
    •
    5 years ago
    Sure... it's possible. But it's also very, very unlikely. Generally speaking, everyone is better off that way.
  • gawker
    •
    5 years ago
    I’ve seen it happen and as Virgo62 stated, it’s usually not a good outcome. At my favorite club there was a dancer who at age 23 could easily pass for 15. She developed a “special” friendship with a deep pocketed guy in his early 60’s. They developed very strong feelings for each other. Jump ahead 8 or 9 years and she had stopped dancing, was married, an Uber driver, and waitress.She was Dating age appropriate guys and he slowly backed away to let her go, but kept sending her money. I knew him and about a year ago he told me he had esophageal cancer. He died abou a month ago and I called her to tell her of his passing. She wailed, cried, and interestingly asked me to send her a copy of his obituary “so I can show my father”. I’ve since seen a public FB post that she wrote about how his passing left a void in her heart. Now this guy once had a stripper GF who went to drug rehab and when she came out, she went to live with him (and his wife and children). I have no idea how he pulled that off, but he had a way of going overboard.
  • Virgo62
    •
    5 years ago
    Wow! Interesting story gawker. I have yet to see anyone have a “happily ever after” ending to any stripper relationship. Sure the dancers view it as a job, and will rarely become involves, but in small occasions, they will develop strong feelings for you. However, unless you love being a human atm, of which I’m not, then it’s simply not worth it, unless you have money to burn. Most of us have been in some type of “relationship” with a dancer at some point, and rarely look back on it fondly.
  • lurkingdog
    •
    5 years ago
    I guess you’d need to define “happily ever after”. Obviously the man in gawker’s story was getting “something” that he felt was worth his time/effort/money. And the stripper’s response after his death suggests an emotional attachment of some type, too. Humans are complex (obviously) and the spectrum of emotions and attachments that may or may not occur in this potentially very intimate hobby runs the gamut. I think it is best not to be too judgmental on what someone chooses to do or not do. Always be wary and suspicious or never be wary and suspicious — these extremes seem fraught with missed opportunity or profound disappointment
  • JamesSD
    •
    5 years ago
    There's a dude at my work who looks about 70. I'll be a little bummed when he dies. Am I emotionally invested in him? Because I imagine strippers have some fondness for their regulars. There are girls I'm casually friendly with and girls who take care of me in the back and it's often best if those don't overlap. Also strippers do sometimes date and fuck customers. But they are the same kind of guy they would date or fuck if they were a waitress and met him on the job.
  • Warrenboy75
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    5 years ago
    They do get attached......I can relate first hand to that......although like in any situation the variables depend on a lot of different factors. I would say the chances are almost non-existent if you first met her in a club it's going to work out. If you met her outside of being a strip club regular your odds improve but it isn't going to be easy.....and happily ever after is still a fairy tale......
  • mark94
    •
    5 years ago
    A lot of strippers have made bad life choices, including their attraction to boyfriends who treat them badly. When they encounter an older, generous customer who treats them with respect, an emotional attachment can occur. It can give them a feeling of self worth that they haven’t gotten from other men in their life. It’s not love and it’s not attraction. It’s probably closer to friendship than anything else.
  • twentyfive
    •
    5 years ago
    I’m sure some do, going back to the earlier times in the American West, saloon girls were mainly prostitutes and history is full of examples of them marrying their customers.
  • jackslash
    •
    5 years ago
    So you guys are saying I should marry my ATF?
  • kingcripple
    •
    5 years ago
    I wanna hear a strippers perspective on this
  • CJKent (Banned)
    •
    5 years ago
    @kingcripple; to answer your questions; Q - Do strippers ever get emotionally invested in a customer? A - Yes it happens; life is all about connection. Connecting with her and creating a bond that nobody else has is possible. It requires to invest time and effort as well as money, like in any modern human relationship. Q - How is it possible to develop an emotional connection? A - If you mean an emotional connection “a bundle of subjective feelings that come together to create a bond between two people.” Emotional means to arouse strong emotions and/or feelings. The feelings may be joy, love, sorrow, anger or any of thousands of emotions that humans experience. It takes two to tango; initially there should be some kind of interest and attraction, physical, intellectual, emotional, social, economic etc. Is kind of friendly relationship that begins to evolve towards an emotional connection and what is called “love”. If you judge someone by their job then you're looking for the wrong thing; One should never be concerned with a person's job so long as they had a worth ethic and are a good person. If a person is intelligent, honest, kind, giving, fun, caring, etc., in my experience with them; the status (in society's eyes) of their profession should irrelevant to you, but we know that is never the case. If what they do as a job is something I found morally wrong, however, there's no way I'd consider dating them. A healthy emotional connection in a couple is mandatory if the relationship is going to be able survive the rigors of modern life.
  • GoVikings
    •
    5 years ago
    yes it’s possible, but not likely personally, I think most strippers don’t carry a high opinion of strip club goers and are highly unlikely to date them or see them as a potential boyfriend or lover or fuck buddy or husband or anything along those lines
  • nicespice
    •
    5 years ago
    Absolutely, especially if newer. And customers like to take advantage of that and not compensate/underpay dancers for their time as a result. For me personally, I still haven’t been able to shake that quality in myself entirely. And the biggest reason why I don’t care to cultivate regulars.
  • nicespice
    •
    5 years ago
    A good related thread [view link]
  • Cristobal
    •
    5 years ago
    While I think a few do, most PLs might confuse a dancer doing her job expertly to being emotionally invested.
  • Subraman
    •
    5 years ago
    Do they "ever" get emotionally invested? Sure, if you want to include the "same chance of lightning striking" experiences. I've said here many times, I've been FWB with a strippers -- you think she was fucking an old guy for free, staying over, calling and texting, instead of pulling me into the club to ask for $, with no emotional investment at all? If so, it was a crazy business plan! The thing is,like many of the others, I think it doesn't happen often. And much worse yet, you (as the customer) are not capable of identifying it. If you're fucking her for free, that's probably a good indication that she's invested. If you're not, then I can almost guarantee she's better at ACTING invested, than you are at identifying it -- I personally believe, right down to my bones, no matter how smart I think I am, that even a 21-year-old stripper can fool me into thinking she's invested, and so it doesn't pay to make guesses. The mere fact that you're asking about this may be a little bit of a warning sign.
  • IceyLoco
    •
    5 years ago
    This is a tough one. From the strippers I've dated, not a single one ever talked about customers when talking about their day at work. They'd talk about club drama, about their friends, the manager, how drunk everyone got, etc but never anything like "hey so and so came by and it was so great to see him again." The most I ever heard was bragging about how guys came in asking for her when she wasn't in and everyone told her. That said, I know dancers who ended up marrying guys they met as customers.Most were older women. But still. If you do date a dancer you meet at the club, its coz you're her type and with that it doesn't matter where you meet her. Other than that, she may like what you do for her and feelings can grow from that. But that's with any woman...its not specific to dancers. But relationships with dancers aren't easy. They often don't make the best life choices...sometimes they're really afraid of what they feel. They want this hard exterior and want to be hustlers and think they finesse everyone, but when they feel something they realize they're not and they don't always handle it well. They're the types who do crazy shit when they love you. Pain, pleasure, love hate....it all gets blurred.
  • nicespice
    •
    5 years ago
    Huh. It seems like I misread the question. I assumed this discussion was “do dancers care about my feelings and see me as a person”—rather than having to do with sexual/romantic attraction. Oops
  • nicespice
    •
    5 years ago
    ^Does txtittyfag get emotionally invested with his troll targets, not only on his own account but also on his other handles?
  • Call.Me.Ishmael
    •
    5 years ago
    I think either interpretation is valid.
  • kingcripple
    •
    5 years ago
    @nicespice, i mean either one honestly. But you kinda had it right the first time
  • Papi_Chulo
    •
    5 years ago
    In the simplest of terms - if you gotta ask, then no, it's fake
  • Subraman
    •
    5 years ago
    -->"Huh. It seems like I misread the question. I assumed this discussion was “do dancers care about my feelings and see me as a person”—rather than having to do with sexual/romantic attraction. " I think everyone else (including me) misread the question -- emotional entanglement does not have to imply sexual attraction.
  • jsully63
    •
    5 years ago
    Ive had one dancer that I’ve known for many years that I would consider a friend and she’d say the same about me. She’s older , in her early 40’s and still dances but never had kids doesn’t do drugs and takes care of herself overall. We’ve hung out OTC on several occasions but it’s akways been plutonic. We’ve had dinner, drinks, seen a movie and she always offers to pay her way. She’s married and tells me she doesn’t have many friends lbecause she’s been a stripper for 20 plus years and it turns people away. I think she’s just wants someone to socialize with in a non club setting. So I suppose on rare occasions they make come to like a customer but for the most not really.
  • DeclineToState
    •
    5 years ago
    For those of us who've had an RIL experience, that's the nexus. Sexual attraction +Emotional Entanglement = RIL vulnerability.
  • IceyLoco
    •
    5 years ago
    You know what a person really feels for you when you're vulnerable with them. I guess when it comes to just caring about customers though, I don't think dancers care....never knew one who did. Its like in any service sector job...
  • MackTruck
    •
    5 years ago
    Nicespice said... "^Does txtittyfag get emotionally invested with his troll targets, not only on his own account but also on his other handles?" Lmfao... is tittyfag really gay? I think he has a boner for you... Awwwww
  • CC99
    •
    5 years ago
    You don't care because most businesses are, by nature, impersonal. How much attachment are you gonna have to some random fucker who walked in and bought a coffee mug from you? The point of sex work is to sell intimacy. Its not exactly surprising that some strippers might grow emotionally attached to a guy they rub up on and cuddle with every week.
  • IceyLoco
    •
    5 years ago
    It sells the illusion of intimacy.
  • san_jose_guy
    •
    5 years ago
    Depends on how you talk to her, on how open with her you are, and if she is made to believe that you will be seeing her outside. Strippers are no different from other women and it is always a mistake to forget this. SJG Led Zeppelin - Achilles Last Stand (Live Knebworth 1979) [view link]
  • Papi_Chulo
    •
    5 years ago
    A good salesperson knows how to butter-up a customer to get the mo$t out that customer. A good/valid rule-of-thumb is if you can't score similar civilian-girls' affections, unlikely you've "struck gold" inside the strip-club - PLs thinking they've found genuine "love" in a strip-club are a dime-a-dozen and 9 times out of 10 these guys are played and clueless. Many of these girls already have S.O.s, they don't go to the club looking for "love/Mr-Right" - they go to the club looking to better their situation and that is mostly making as much $$$ as possible by any means possible including manipulating/puppeteering PLs - and it is often the PLs that gotta ask if it's real or are in awe of it happening to them, that are usually being played. A dancer genuinely liking a PL and it not be about the $$$ is about as common as a dancer genuinely liking to suck your dick ITC b/c "your dick is so awesome and it's not about the $$$" - everything is about the $$$ when dealing w/ strippers w/ few exceptions - not that there's anything wrong w/ that - just don't look at it w/ rose-colored RIL-glasses. PLs and dancers are at the club for opposite reasons - the PL is there to have a good time, enjoy himself, and for many b/c of loneliness or lack of (hot) female-attention - the dancer is there to pay her bills - it's business for her and pleasure for the PL and why the PL gets confused b/c his need is being artificially-fulfilled - it's a mirage and like a mirage it looks and feels real but it's not - her needs/wants for being in the club are different than the PL's.
  • Papi_Chulo
    •
    5 years ago
    It's safer to assume it's SS and be proven o/w - if it's genuine you really shouldn't have to ask - as posted previously, if you gotta ask then likely it's not real.
  • CC99
    •
    5 years ago
    No that's just not how biology works. If you fuck somebody enough and don't despise every second you spend with them, you're bound to have some kind of feelings for them. Love, probably not. Feelings though, almost certainly. There's a big difference between the two.
  • Papi_Chulo
    •
    5 years ago
    Strip clubs are bizarro world - IMO 99% of the time the longer a stripper is fucking and sucking the more she despises it - thinking o/w is trying to extrapolate the normal-world to strip-club bizarro-world which is usually the opposite of the real-world. If dancers developed this "bond" with custies they fucked, they wouldn't be so flaky which is basically avoidance until she has no choice (broke and need$ to deal w/ the PL) - and if dancers developed this "bond" they would not drop out of sight and cease all contact w/ PLs once they leave dancing (w/ few exceptions)
  • Liwet
    •
    5 years ago
    I work in the service industry and I have fond memories and happy feelings around those customers that tip me well.
  • dr_lee
    •
    5 years ago
    No, it's all a smoke screen.
  • reverendhornibastard
    •
    5 years ago
    Yes. It happens but in my experience it’s rare. I recall one dancer with whom I had a very nice heart-to-heart chat. I never had her dance for me but I did give her a nice tip after our chat. I should probably add that our chat was all about her. The next time I returned I looked for her but didn’t see her. I eventually accepted the company of another dancer. When the young lady I had chatted with last time came in and saw me with another dancer she reacted like a wife would upon seeing her husband getting frisky with another woman. I remember the look of shock on her face and how she turned abruptly & headed back into the drsssing room. I certainly did not expect that reaction from her. Never ran into her again.
  • rickdugan
    •
    5 years ago
    It happens, It's only human. When I was 32 I briefly dated a 26 year old dancer. We met at the club, but something just clicked when we were chatting at the bar. After two hours of getting to know each other, she stopped taking money from me, told me not to come to the stage and later asked me not to come to the club again. Then we spent the next two weeks doing normal boy/girl stuff. But ultimately I had to put the brakes on because I just couldn't handle her job. Anyone who has romantic ideas about what it's like to date a dancer should think again. If you have any genuine feelings for her, it sucks. Not only because of what she told me about her night, but worse, because of what I could sense she was holding back. It was a Catch 22 in that she had a young boy to support and couldn't afford to quit, but the relationship was nowhere near far enough along for something like moving in together, especially with a child in the picture. So I walked away before I caused her or myself any more misery. You'll also read plenty of girls on SW who meet guys in clubs, so it happens. But we are normally talking about age appropriate stuff. Any 60-70 year old guy who thinks that a 25 year old girl is getting overly emotional about him in a romantic way is kidding himself. Stories like gawker's and others are SD arrangements, pure and simple. Sure a girl might care about the old goat on some level, but viewing it as something romantic on her end is kinda' silly.
  • skibum609
    •
    5 years ago
    This is the way I look at it. I had a semi-bizarre relationship with my former ATF for over 10 years. Bizarre in the way that it just never matched any other relationship with a professional in over 40 years and it also had weird emotions. We became "friends". On fact, in November, she told me face to face that she considered me a "true" friend. Of course, we were not, she was just great at her job. Now we don't even speak at all. A true friend is what I call the people I have been friends with since high school. A true friend to her is something else.
  • future POTUS and Senator in training
    •
    5 years ago
    Stop criticizing strippers 4 not being into u...they're not obligated to.
  • IceyLoco
    •
    5 years ago
    Nicole is right. THe strippers aren't the problem, you [view link] don't have problems with strippers, you have problems with women.
  • larryfisherman
    •
    5 years ago
    It happens. Emotionally invested doesn’t necessarily mean they want to date you.
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