Yelled at by doorman/bouncer
indymovieman
Indiana
A few facts. I was not drunk. I literally had 1 beer that night. The dancer and I talked for a good 30 minutes before we opted for private dances. We were laughing and joking around...it was an enjoyable conversation.
Normally, this place has a rule of you can touch the uncovered areas: boobs and butt. I've NEVER pushed those limits. Also, if a dancer feels uncomfortable with touching, I can pretty much tell and I don't touch. I've had a couple dancers that were that way. If I touch their tits, they would immediately adjust how they were dancing or sitting or move so I couldn't touch them....if that is the case, I get 1 dance and then stop.
Anyway, last night, maybe 30-45 seconds in to the 3rd dance, one of the doormen/bouncer comes back to the private area. Not uncommon. They do walk thru's all the time in the private area. I've NEVER had anything said to me. Tonight, this guy stops right in front of our booth and says, loudly, "HEY! WATCH YOUR HANDS!"
When he said that, the dancer was sitting on my lap facing me and my hands were on her waist. Seriously. So, I take my hands off of her waist. The guy walks away. The dancer says, "Wow! That was RUDE! You're not doing anything wrong. I don't know what his problem is." The guy returns like 10 seconds later and just stands there and watches us for about 30 seconds.
The bouncers/doormen at this club are older guys. I'm guessing in their 50s. The dancer said, "I'm sorry we were rudely interrupted like that. You were NOT doing anything wrong." The bouncer/doorman was standing right at the door to the private dance area as I was leaving. I saw the dancer stop and talk to him. I went back to my table and sat down. About 2-3 minutes later, she came out of the room and I kind of flagged her down and asked, "What did he say? What did I do wrong?" She said, "You did nothing wrong. The rules must have changed...I'm going to go find out." The dancer headed to the back...I stuck around 10 more minutes then I left.
This is a no extras club. In the past, I've had several dancers take my hands and put them on their tits or ass...so respectful touching is allowed. Has anyone had any similar experiences?
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Or find another club. Or stop doing LDS in that club and move the action OTC. This last option is my general preference and goofy BS like what you experienced is one of many reasons why I normaally skip the LD room.
I just took it as the bouncer was either uptight, dating the dancer I was groping, having a bad day, or just plain bored.
a) don't let it bother me, let it go in one ear and out the other since I accept it's part of the seedy SC environment
b) leave the club since just like I don't have a fave dancer I don't have a fave club that I stick to
c) let the manager know - this is a crapshoot bc many a "manager" are douches also so I don't necessarily expect anything positive to come from it, but at least it puts the ahole bouncer on the manager's radar in case others also complain and in case the manager gives a shit
Anyway, at a club I'm not a regular at, I mostly follow Papi's options; in particular, "don't let it bother me", it's part of the game. At my regular club, the bouncers don't bug me, and give me far more leeway than most guys, period. The last time a new bouncer got overzealous, about 3-4 years ago, I went straight to the manager, who gave him a talking to, and the behavior stopped. If you're going to be a regular somewhere, strongly suggest putting in that little bit of effort to reap all of the rewards
Subraman - very good advice...and I have done this at this exact club. One of the bouncers has season tickets for football and basketball to the college I attended. We briefly shoot the shit about the latest game...how bad/good they look, etc. A couple years ago this club was notorious for scanning everyone's ID. As I started talking to the doorman, he quit scanning my ID. At another club, I've shot the shit with the doorman and manager before....they've let me in without paying cover on more than one occasion.
Jeff, "befriend" is a bit strong lol... we're not sucking each others dicks (no homo). I have to admit typical male bonding stuff isn't something that takes a lot of effort for me, and typically, most bouncers are into sports, MMA, working out, etc. And I'm into all that crap, too.
-->" I don't know how many of us go to the same clubs over & over to the point where this would actually work."
I think many, if not most, PLs here have a home club where they're a regular. If you don't, then no big deal. But in thinking of terms of "work", it might just be that this isn't for you... There's no "work" or effort really, I just do typical guy talk as I'm walking by, and done. And frankly, if my CF goes on stage, I welcome the chance to have some testosterone-driven guy talk with someone. If you have trouble interacting with other guys, then maybe not worth the stress. No insult intended here ... I just don't think of this as taking any real effort, but I realize some people do.
No homo
No fruitcup
;-)
Well fuck you.
The problem with not really having an interest in those topics is that even having a general conversation eventually the topics go there. Although I'm sure intelligent people can carry conversations in these topics as much as anyone else, the more low brow crowd doesn't deviate from such topics very much. I'm sure as much as I can't have much of a conversation about sports teams or MMa fighting, NASCAR, varieties of beers or any number of "manly" topics, the same people who can only gravitate to those topics probably can't discuss network programming or datacenter system maintenance or or an interesting new comic book artist.
I can find a way to have decent conversations with just about anyone but going to a specific club constantly and long term enough to start to really know management and staff just seems overboard. Yeah, getting a perk here & there sounds cool, but how much of a grind and cost over a long time did that perk really cost? It's like buying $20 of lottery tickets every week and being elated when after a year you get a $100 winner. Besides, the clubs I have been visiting so far I never see any hint of the manager being around and the bar staff are hustling too much to make any real conversation over the loud music.
I think you have this a bit backwards. The reason I -- and, I imagine, most of the other guys here who have a regular or home club -- go to that club, is because that's where we have the best time. Some guys like to club hop instead, and that's fine, too, not saying there's a right or wrong way. But it's pretty natural to keep going back to the club where you have the best time.
So, given that I'll be going back to that club anyway, it is pretty effortless (for me) to say a few words the the bouncer or manager or bartender, and in just a few trips, now we all know each other . Again, I realize that for you, that might feel like work; or, like your lottery metaphor, some kind of long term investment you otherwise wouldn't make. But for anyone for whom it's not hard to do a little male bonding (in my case, like I said, I actually enjoy interacting with some guys in between breaks from the CF), it's not a big deal.
-->"Yeah, getting a perk here & there sounds cool, but how much of a grind and cost over a long time did that perk really cost? It's like buying $20 of lottery tickets every week and being elated when after a year you get a $100 winner."
Like I said, I'm not making an investment here, or doing something that stresses me... I'm going to my favorite club, which is something I'd do anyway, and talking some shit with the bouncers. The cost is literally 0, and I enjoy it. It's a bonus that: I haven't paid the entrance fee in years, except when there's a new person at the register. The bouncers, who usually make a pass through the VIP every song, don't walk through the VIP at all when I'm back there (this is not an exaggeration; I haven't had a bouncer walk through a VIP of mine in years). Which all leads to waaaaay higher mileage for me.
The thing is, even if none of that happened, I'd still be happy to talk to the bouncer about what he thinks about Gastelum vs Whittaker, how bad the 9ers suck this year, or whatever. It's 0 effort, 0 cost, for what usually turns out to be pretty significant benefits.
Some of the most brilliant people I know are also avid baseball and football fans. It sounds like you're just socially awkward, which is probably what led you to a job in IT to begin with. I'd further hazard a guess that dealing with strip club bouncers is far from your only challenge. People with your issues often give off a weird, creepy and/or intense vibe.
If I had made the effort in my first post to give real advice rather than bust your balls, I'd have said much the same thing as subraman and others have. I have yet to meet a bouncer or club manager who isn't a football fan and a few casual comments can go a long way to building rapport. I do still try to stay UTR and avoid club staff whenever possible, understanding that many of them would not appreciate my efforts to take their best girls OTC, but now that I'm a regular in a few local clubs it's not always possible.
But obviously this advice is wasted on you as your issues run deeper. You might even fall on the autism scale, idk. But as you continue to comfort yourself with delusions of grandeur, including the notion that working as a back office IT flunky means that you're smarter than others that you deal with, consider that your boss and your boss' boss probably got to their positions because they could deal with people better than you can.